We are a married couple who both enjoy chastity but have not been successful. My wife is the domme in our relationship and after we had our son, we enjoyed five months of chastity. She gave me a ruined orgasm every other time we had sex and it worked out. Of course we went from sexually very active to parents of a baby which had an affect too. My wife has told me that two orgasms a year would be her dream. Fair would be Christmas and my birthday, period. We have tried weening into fewer orgasms, quitting cold turkey and now six weeks with hand jobs in the shower as I don't deserve an orgasm inside her. We have great PIV those six weeks and I find myself fairly frustrated as I don't enjoy those orgasms at all. My wife feels sorry for me and suggested we go back to normal sex even though I try not to complain but I know that she wants to deny me and bring me down to two orgasms a year but she cares so much for me. I want to give her that so badly but at the same time, PIV orgasms with my wife are heaven. I suggested today we could try an orgasm a month inside her and only ruined orgasms every other time from now on. She is afraid I will get cranky so she is a bit hesitant. We need advice - both from KH and slaves. How do we make this work? Get rid of her guilt and make me give up my pleasure which I love but at the same time would like to do. Any suggestions and ideas? We have a cage and use it sparingly. Initially, my wife wanted me to wear it every day as it feels better for her, even though she doesn't cheat, but she now never tells me to wear it as the bulge may be visible and I work as a teacher. She loves it when I put it on and just give her the key though.
Welcome to the Mansion and well done for getting on so well with your chastity journey. I certainly don't think you have failed, I think you are doing what all of us here do, finding out what works that makes both of you happy. There is the definite possibility that you are grumpy after a full orgasm whilst making love with your wife. That is such a pain for us females because that is normally when you think we need to hear what could be improved. If you want your wife to not hit you with a frying pan, then I would try to make an agreement that after one of those heavenly orgasms that you will make no suggestions for at least a week after you are re-locked lol. Apart from that, just keep trying and keep making her feel that she is the most wonderful person on earth and I am sure you will do just fine at working out what is best for you both.
long journey. years. don;t give up cause your life gets in the way. Women tend to need less sex ,,, that is nature be understanding and try to give her amazing benefits of chastity. (house cleaning errands roses back rubs...) If she doesn't see a benefit to her then, why would she agree? My experience, if you are trying to top from the bottom, it will prob not work out long term. If you trust her to be the boss, then let her BE the boss and don't "suggest" anything, just agree to her decisions. Its really the only way this life works unless you two are just playing a game.
If you're not willing to give your wife what she wants, then don't bother at all with chastity. If you do want to please your wife, then man up, put on the cage, and accept that two orgasms a year is what your wife wants for you.
To be honest getting started is not usually a easy transition. You need to get used to your device and adjust the fit so you can wear it full time. The bulge is mostly in your mind as a teacher some kids once discerned through my shirt that had only one pocket that my nipple was pierced that caused a little fuss initially.. Noone ever mentioned spotting my cage (wear baggy or loose trousers) and think about it when you walk around a classroom their eyes when seated are at your crotch height. I'd be more worried about them spotting the bulge of an uncaged unexpected erection than I would a chastity device. Though I do say this... be careful where you put pictures or text that can identify you. Kids are heartless and some education authorities and /or schools can be easily upset. Once youcan wear your device full time there are two ways to go both methods are recommended by a number of people but basically its one variation of the two Slow and steady gradually increasing denial time each time you go back in at a pace you are both comfortable with building up to an initial target. OR wear it 24/7 for three months, by all means have time out but no orgasms until the three months is up and no whingeing pleading begging crying balckmail to coerce your lady to let you cum. In the event of the afore mentioned what she ought to do is say if you want out heres the keyand never mention chastity play again. If you are going to make this work for you then you have to put in some effort and as she is the KH she is in charge. Full-time fullstop. (period) By all means have a set time when you sit and freely both discuss progress and ideas. Say once a month but her decision has to be final. The sessions can lose their frequency over time.
Thank you for your input and kind support which is much appreciated. We are on s journey for sure. Getting used to the cage is a challenge for sure.
@JKL Do think it's fair to continue wanting sexual intercourse with her often when you know that she would prefer much it much less often.
I really think if you are serious about having chastity as part of you and your wife's life-style its time you persuaded your lady to speak / chat / pm whatever some of our more experienced Ladies I think she needs some clarification about roles. Then when you have if you do.. and she has been enlightened... get ready.
Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't clear, my apologies. She wants regular intercourrse as much as now with me, but she wants to have me tormented by limiting my orgasms severely.
Things change, evolve, new ideas and revelations arise. It will come with her comfort level and both of your willingness to express yourselves. When we first started she wanted me out of the cage nightly for play. Most nights ending with an O. Then she learned of ruined orgasms and she did those for awhile instead. When we started using the strapon on her and I was still caged is when she flipped the switch. She really enjoyed the size and how long I could last(forever lol). Then with her being serviced almost every night orally and with a wand and weekly strapon, my unlocks grew less and less frequent. Eventually she lost all guilt and found a way to be sexually satisfied, while at the same time keeping me in that zone so I remain a doting partner. She developed some other methods along the way as well...some I don't mind, some I don't like but do it because she wants it. She I am sure will figure what works out best for her, which in general will be best for you. Sometimes the one caged feels they should be locked up for long periods...they forget that sometimes serving her doesn't mean denying yourself, sometimes it's just giving her what she wants and letting her figure out what's best. Good luck