Hi. Married male here. Our biggest problem is we both lean toward the submissive side. Idk how to suggest FLR or how to move toward chastity. Please help
Hello, Welcome to this forum (also beeing a newbie ;-). I think you need to ask two questions here and not an OR-question as moving toward chastity can be a part of FLR but you can also practise is without FLR. The question is what it is you are looking for. Starting with FLR can be as simple as beeing very supportive and carrying and then develop a discussion from there, when your partner is recognizing the "benefits". Keep in mind that FLR is not about you (in the 1st place). I am at the same point currently. Regarding Chastity you can just mention that you like the idea beeing exclusive for your partner and how this has changed your mindset and feelings. Then asking what your partner thinks about the idea enforcing this. I would maybe NOT showcase a cage in the first place ;-) Piet
Thanks for your reply. We did dabble in swinging and bondage years ago with both of us leaning toward submissive it didn’t really work. Idk if she has any interests there. So some of this would not be a shock to her. Hard to get a handle on her views at the moment.
You really need to have a heart to heart talk with her and discuss the benefits that would come to her from it. Things like she wouldn't have to cook, clean , shopping , laundry ect... any more. She would be in total control of any type of sex and punishments for no following her rules or not doing what you were told to do . She have to let her see the benefits of a FLR and then let her think about it and you might be very surprised. This is how are marriage became a FLM. GOOD LUCK .
I have lurked for quite a while - but here goes nothing! - fascinating lifestyles/whatever works for you, with lots of good communication a must do for every couple. Having said that, my wife is very vanilla, and accepts that I am kinky to a degree: I wear one of several chastity devices for a few days at a time, and a few ball stretchers for fun, and have always been a bit of an exhibitionist - maybe that helps? So we have some fun, but my wife is not interested in a FLR full time: that is Ok, and I have some fun, and I help/include her in some of the chastity 'games' and give her what she wants sexually - nothing too serious: e.g. I love being led around naked by a leash on my cage. So just be realistic and discuss what you both really want to do for FUN sexually - do NOT make it too serious, keep it fun, always.Wwho knows, one day your wife may take complete control - WOW/ fantastic - but as many have said here before - be careful what you wish for.
As said in previous posts, you need to sit down have have a good long talk about it with your partner, discus how you feel and how she feels, but don’t be pushy on anything. As you have dabbled I’m swinging Maybe mention it could be a good thing as she could find a dominant partner to satisfy her sub needs,
Hello, I not sure, if the best approach is to sit down and talk as the first step. What works for me is, to behave like we are already in a FLR and anticipate a lot what she would like and doing in it in a "cool way" not behaving like a "slave" but like someone who really cares (because I do). Then if she says something which fits into the way how she could communicate in a FLR I give a positive feedback. She is slowly recognizing that I like that, I can see this of I look into our instant messenger history. She's writing something like "I know that you like beeing more under control? right? ". When she tried to give me a call and couldn't reach me, I got a message: "Who are you talking to?" ...I love it. We're making fun about it, that mz new me likes it, if she takes control", but it's very relaxed how it evolves and I am not pushing. If I would bring this topic to a discussing I think that she didn't know what to say and it could be very abstract, now she is already seeing the benefits. I made her a foot massage for 4 days in a row. Day 5: she: "hey, come here and give me my daily treatment. I am waiting!" What also worked very well: she can control where I am located (app: Life360). Officially I installed it, so that she knows when I am home from work, but it is also some kind of dog leash which created some kind of digital bondage. Maybe this will also work for you?
Absolutely a good way to do it. Has a number of advantages... - you're not pleading, whining, demanding,... - you're not "pushing a fetish on her", you're modifying YOUR behaviour. - she doesn't feel under any obligation, you're just doing it. - you're not "topping from the bottom", you're just "bottoming". - you don't feel disappointed or neglected because she's "not doing it" - YOU are doing it. - she'll see the benefit because you are actually doing it, not just asking for it. - when she [eventually!] realises what she's got, then, she'll make sure you don't change back! As always, be careful what you wish for!
Well if you haven’t done anything yet and still looking for advice, I love throwing my two cents around. 1. Don’t go all in with both chastity and FLR. You may have been thinking about this for awhile but she has not, ease into it like a hot bath. 2. I would start with chastity. “You know what I’ve been fantasizing about a lot lately? Chastity cages, all locked up and you holding the key. Do you think we could try it?” Most partners will give almost anything a whirl if asked, they may not be in to it, but will try. 3. Once you start make it easy on her. Don’t make this work, a chore, or something she has to be responsible for. She doesn’t want to be a warden, she wants to be your wife. Don’t complain about the cage, don’t beg to be let out, and when you tell her how you’re doing don’t keep talking about how horny you are. It’s fine to mention, little caresses and intimacy is great, but if you don’t get a response back, don’t keep bringing it up. 4. Once you’re locked, it’s not about your denial, it’s about her control. If she wants to fool around and it’s only been a few days, then that’s what happens. I think one of the things that hurt couples chances in chastity success is forgetting that. Chastity isn’t all tease and denial, if she wants to unlock you all the time, then you need to accept that by giving her control, you gave up those decisions. After awhile, on her own schedule and learning curve, she will figure out what is best for her, for you, and for you both. Trust. 5. I wouldn’t bring up the whole FLR thing until you have her fully on board with chastity. Living the lifestyle kind of has a natural progression towards that if you let it anyway. It’s something you can bring up as fantasy, or share as something you would like to try. Some people are not wired that way so don’t be disheartened if it’s a no go. All in all I think if you have a strong loving relationship, there aren’t many women who wouldn’t give chastity a shot if asked. Once they hold the key, their aren’t many wives that don’t warm up to the idea that they own their hubby’s sex life. Good luck and have fun!
Start slow by playing a game, throw dice to determine your next orgasm. After a week or more with no orgasms, she will notice the change in you. Slowly she will start to take over and there will be no need for the dice anymore. It worked for me.
Fantastic advice, @Nicoftime! Number four is where I really, really struggle. I want to be disappointed and angry with her. It's so easy to forget that she owns it, or she doesn't. I will just keep on trying until we get there...
A sensible enough approach Also consider that as you both lean towards the submissive side that you may choose to alternate your power exchange between the two of you.
As others have said, you need to talk to her and tell her your desires. You can both be submissive and have a FLR, just means one of you is less submissive that the other and makes all the decisions. If you're both labelled yourselves as submissive, then I imagine that you're both into BDSM and not completely vanilla, so discussing chastity shouldn't be a big issue. You could just take the plunge and get yourself a cage and either tell her its on its way or wait till it arrives, put it on and then tell her. Or give her a present of a set of keys and when she asks "WTF?" you can tell her they're the keys that will unlock my chastity cage when I get one
Personally I dont think role play lasts very long,specially the same scenario, it gets boring. I am naturally Domme and find dom males and I won't click,or get on. So a natural submissive suits Me.
Sounds great, the hard part seems to find someone like you. I totally agree, that a FLR is something complete different than a roleplay as it is just not really "real" but as the word includes play(time). Regarding the initial question "FLR HOW DO YOU SUGGEST IT TO SPOUSE" ... This wasn't the hardest part. The thing is, that she is just not picking up, I am not talking about that she must change immediately but more an open minded discussion, how I come across this topic etc. I was thinking how I would react if my girl friend comes arround and mention that she likes the idea of XYZ. Therefore I am somewhat lost, what to do. It's neither satisfying how it is currently (for both of us). While we had sex this morning, I recognized that I don't get anything out of it and that I am role playing myself , which makes her sad, because she always comes and I don't want to/can't. Complicated. So it's more like a decision for me, what to do now. Getting out of an relationship isn't an option with 2 kids, just because I want a certain way of relationship. Piet
The best bet is just to tell your wife what you need. It is scary because you fear rejection. I confessed this to her right after we got married and I realized that steady pussy did not make my desire for FLR go away. She became my dominatrix that day in 1973. Today we didn’t have any grandkids over and I was put through the paces. We both ended up sexually satisfied, the house got swept and well mopped and she didn’t touch the tools. She did some great happy cooking and I ate her food. Don’t forget; that’d are many forms of intimacy. Eating food she cooks using vegetables that I grew is intimate. It all counts toward your experience as a couple. My lower butt is still burning from the paddling I received at 10:00 this morning. Her breasts are o doubt still soft from nursing me for almost an hour this afternoon. I serve her and she serves me. Take courage. Be intimate with your wife. But also remember that a marriage, even with a legal wedding, does not begin until consummation. In other words, while it might work for some couples for the man to be denied all the time, it is not fair and the marriage will not work if the wife is denied sex. If you have a Chastity craving, it might be wise to let her take you out of your cage when she wants. Just the thoughts of a 66 yo husband married since 19 yo. Cherish your wife and see how things work out. Ss
Very well written. It takes time to develop. Even after 6 years, Miss A and I are still evolving, and our FLR grows better all the time. I am at this moment sitting at a railway station 150 miles from home, locked, without an emergency key, and feeling proud to be submissive to my Mistress.
Great advice! Chasity is first. Let her see the improvement in you and how you are towards her being locked up.
On my side I send her a letter on this kink about FLR and chastity, she was even not wanting it or thrust me to follow it, she see it like a new kink and nothing more than more sex work for her. I began alone to do all FLR things, massage, cleaning, stop arguing, cooking and focusing on her only pleasure. She is still vanilla in many ways but I would say that for 50% she has adopted many FLR aspect and she refuse to go back to the ancient life. So do it by yourself and just remind her that you need her help to achieve the goal you desire and she will be the winner but do not expect her to do the first move. Bee proactive and she will see your determination.
Interesting. My wife was also submissive though she was also extremely vanilla. In exploring, I discovered her submissive side and she loved sleeping in handcuffs and being taken in the middle of the night. Time passed, we tried different things. I discovered my submissive side as a side effect of developing a huge foot fetish centered only on her. I talked to her about taking the lead. It was slow going but she gradually became comfortable with taking charge. It was about that time that I discovered male chastity. I still to this day don't know how it happened. It was at this point that I talked to her about a cage. She was pretty mortified at first but agreed to try it. One thing led to another and it turned out that she had a dominant side as well and our lives have changed forever. She's incredibly confident now that she realizes that I really enjoy serving her and her being completely selfish. I think it took her awhile to figure out the I wasn't 'kidding'. Every once in awhile (like 3 times a year) she decides that she wants to be submissive. I'll get a text that says something like 'I left my key in the your sock drawer. Unlock, clean up and head downtown to the hilton. Rent a room and meet me in the bar. Pretend you don't know me, pick me up and use me anyway you want. I guess what it really comes down to is patience and communication.