Are there also "UnSucess"-stories?

Seems like a great question to me. I suspect my wife likes me to take the lead a lot while remaining equals outside the bedroom. It does make for a challenging dynamic to introduce chastity. However, keep in mind that the male chastity fantasies are just fantasies. Putting chastity into a relationship can take many turns, and it won’t be like the fantasies and stories you have heard.

I don’t know where our story will lead either. I suggest that you don’t do anything on this subject without her consent (In other words, don’t try to trick her or manipulate her into chastity.) Right now, my wife knows about the cage, and has interacted with it, but is not yet interested in taking charge of it. On the other hand, chastity is really about one person surrendering the control of their pleasure to another. Therefore, I can give that to her and wait to see what she does with that gift. She might do nothing with it. Or, she might seize the opportunity to explore something different. Either way is up to her.

While I wait to see what she will do with my gift of chastity, I can take control of my own pleasure and choose to only allow myself pleasure from her (and not from myself). I can also choose to treat her like a Queen, start listening to her ideas more (and not interrupting her), and learn more about her needs, wants, and aspirations.

Sorry, I am too early into this myself to have any deeper advice. For now, have fun with it and play safely with each other.

 

When chastity first came into our lives over 4 years ago I brought up FLR at that time. She was convinced she wanted to try chastity after about two weeks of me trying to explain things but my wife was apprehensive about the idea of being completely in charge. Since the lifestyle was completely new to us there were a lot of ins and outs we both didn’t understand. I was pushing a lot for what I thought a chastity relationship was supposed to be and she was trying to grapple with my topping from the bottom plus trying to find her own ways and methods. I was insecure and not believing that she was very into this lifestyle because I never felt like I got any real feedback from her.

4 years later we very much live in an FLR and I didn’t even realize it until it occurred to me that I was asking her for permission for everything and her word was the final word. I actually get a little nervous asking her for permission to do things.

Basically the best thing you can do is bring up suggestions for things that she might not be familiar with or know about and be supportive in her learning without you being overburdening.

I asked my mistress numerous times if she really liked the lifestyle because I never felt like she was trying to move things forward so I felt like she was just saying yes to appeal to me. In reality she was just on a different level of the lifestyle than I was. She was still on the ground floor and I was already halfway up the building. This is what people here at the mansion are referring too when they talk about patience. A lot of times we’ve fantasized about the lifestyle, our wives or girlfriends becoming dominatrices and we’re way ahead of them. Your partner just needs to feel comfortable in her role before you start to see her bloom into the mistress you’re hoping she’ll be.

There is nothing wrong with politely offering suggestions as well as letting her know what you like too, but the key is to give her time to figure out what she likes and let her feel comfortable with what she is doing.

In my opinion the saying “it’s all about her” is false. It’s all about the two of you creating a successful relationship and lifestyle. So don’t make “it” all about her but show her “you” are all about her. Good luck!

 

This was like reading my wife and I progressing over the past 18 months.
Patience. Sell the idea by serving her ...
Not over the top crap like calling her mistress, but thoughtful stuff you know she will enjoy.
Do the laundry. Wash her car. Clean the house. Give her spontaneous foot massages with NO attempt to initiate anything further than the massage. Same with body massages, not trying to spin it into sex. Leave her notes randomly telling her how much she means to you. Send her flowers at work if she likes flowers. Or send a stuffed animal or whatever she may like. This allows her to brag silently to co workers that her home life is amazing.
Each woman is different. It's YOUR job to find what will make her life more enjoyable, easier, and less stressful. Don't focus on the kink or sex. Focus on her. The rest will fall into place after that.

 

I think that there are a lot of people looking in from the outside. My story is... too soon to judge. There are encouraging signs, but little else. My wife could pull the carpet out from under me at any time. I feel blessed that she has moved as far as she has.

 

Honestly I think 95 percent of us felt like it could go either way at any time especially when first starting out. It takes a lot of effort, patience and maturity to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Some women take to femdom like ducks to water but not as many as people think.

 

Here's a thread I feel qualified to comment on. When our relationship is working for both of us it is magnificent. Unfortunately it is not consistent and the UN-successes of late have far outweighed the successes. Our issue is that I want to be submissive, but I am not naturally submissive. When she is dominant towards me, I am submissive. She wants me to be submissive, but she is not naturally dominant. Sooner or latter this starts to feel like work for one of us instead of fun. So I'm not locked right now and haven't been since Saturday. This is one of our spin outs. They have been more frequent and harder to recover from as we've progressed. So here's your unsuccessful role model.

On the other hand I am in a stable and loving marriage with a couple of mostly great kids. I'd certainly rather have that in a good place then a miserable marriage with a great FLR. If you love her you can try things out, but don't lose sight of what is really important. Communication is key without over communicating. Try games as this makes it fun instead of work.

 

Unsuccess stories - excellent question. Only 4 mos. in and this was GF's idea but we are both starting to get afraid of something: can we go back? We have, and had, a great relationship. But when she unlocks me for any length of time she gets angry. She says "I really liked you before, but you are sooo much nicer in chastity that unlocked you gets me angry". We/she have also noticed that, with her increased power she feels safer ignoring me exactly when I probably need the most attention.

Some would say this is great progress, but we dont want chastity to ruin the wonderful base we started with, so we promised to communicate even more about this. Im really curious if anyone else has had similar issues?

On the fun but scary side she told me last night: "I recognize this (all of above) so I will have to unlock you for at least a few weeks each year and refresh things"... Um, honey, just a clarification question: did you say "per year"?

In my case she is the one half way up the building while I am on floor 1.

 

Wait until she's in the penthouse and you are still on the ground floor!

 

I think I am in the position of your wife. It is good that you worry you are pushing her too hard, it shows you care. My advice would be this :
If you have a suggestion or something you might like to try, suggest it once and move on, don't bring it up again.
Look after her, help her, do things for no reason.
I think it takes time to find the balance. I haven't found it yet so you are not the only one

 

There have been quite a few posts on this subject in the past, have a dig though the older posts and see what comes up.

 

There have been no lack of threads by men unable to get their wife on board and then disappearing without trace. Quite a few marriage break ups too.

 

Like many of the less prominent members I suspect, I’m somewhere along a complicated journey therefore I can’t say it’s been ether successful or otherwise; there have certainly been ups and downs. Currently generally on an up but... Things aren’t settled and robust enough to ride smoothly over me being even a little pushy or other things that would be inappropriate. For example, last night I said something and got a response along the lines of “I thought the whole point is that you can’t say things like that...?”.

It’s all mostly certain that it’s a gross understatement to say that the first time you get a positive response from your partner about trying it, you will end up going to fast for them.

 

My experiences with chastity haven't been a total success, but few processes are a straight line from one point to another. If you've mentioned your desires to your better half, then continue to bring them up, but don't force it. She seems to have enjoyed your attentions and maybe if she sees you are serious about it, she'll consider more actions in the same vein.

 

Great topic to read and learn. Chastity and development of FLR relationships comes with ups and downs....like other relationships also have. This forum is a great way to exchange experieces and provides a lot of help. Recently I've posted my own experieces so far (https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/somewhere-on-my-way.33421/) trying to get some of your feedback about "where we are at our road-trip". This to understand how to work further on this topic in our relationship. By reading the forum now for many months, the key aspect to mee seems "no force" and "be patient".

The best succes we both discovered, is that I was able to "tell her about my feelings and desire", which she picked up realy great. Although she was rather shocked at the beginning, at least we both feel confident now to talk about the subject more frequently. Since my orgasms were denialed by her for periods of 1-4 weeks during the past months, she discovers now my changed behaviour and enjoys them a lot (as I do as well). During that periods of denail she hardly used my cage but my very strong desire is that she will do that more frequent / permanent and develop her KH role. I also do hope that by "Bringing up the issues frequently", "don't push" and "stay patient" will finally open the door to work more deep on my desire. Therefore, I could not claim any "unsuccess stories" yet as my biggest success is now that the topic is at least open to discuss .

 

Learned a lot over the weekend. She really seems to know what she is doing: she deliberately has NOT shared many of her fantasies or goals with me saying "it would ruin things for you baby, because you always over analyze". She communicates with me almost every day but keeps it light and fun and does more listening than talking. All this over the last 4 mos. led ME to believe we were in a short term / fun lockup game. But her head is on a much higher floor (and my little head cant keep up).

Now I find myself in what she calls "stage 2". She is comfortable that she has set the hook and is now focusing on extended lockups and building her strength and skills (i.e. how to have more fun w/o PIV). Even the recent problems when I was unlocked were apparently anticipated by her. Sat. PM she unlocked me w orders not to cum and by morning I was asking to be locked up. Her smile told me everything.

Lessons in this case: she is really going slow for fear of scaring me away. She communicates a lot but doesnt share her big plans or fantasies. She makes it fun. And it is now clear that I AM hooked and it WILL be hard to go back. Her answer is now "why would we ever go back?".

I would say my KH is setting a textbook example of how to reel someone in. Patience and (thoughtful) communication. Forcing someone to commit, or bailing after commitment, sound like recipies for unsuccess.

 

I do believe that "soft chastity" or "soft FLR" does not exist. Despite all kinds of levels in chastity and FLR, both start with a real desire to serve your better half. So, once you conclude for yourselves you will be "on board", then you must let her to decide about the further routing and success. Therefore, I believe strongly in an entire mind switch from yourselves (selfish?) to her. At least I found that my whole chastity experience brought me a lot of focus to her, which she really enjoyed and I loved to do. This brought us closer and closer and allowing us both now to have deeper talks about my desire, which hopefully and finally become our both desire...

 

Yes indeed. In the earlier stages of a relationship, as I am sensing is the case, you do need to be careful. Honesty is best in doses. But it is important to get to the point of some of these issues earlier on I would think. Hints here there, not at all sugestions of your willingness, your more submissive nature, your interest of really putting her on a pedistal could all be little bits of a story she might piece together and at that point, perhaps embrace. It is a very long strategy you'll have to adhere to, but it is easy if you just tell the truth and accept the consequences.
I remember when my wife and I first started dating and we were just messing around and decided we needed to go to a sex shop. We didn't shop for chastity devices( holy crap that'd been awesome!!!)but we did get some s&m toys... anyway one thing leads to another.
As to adressing the fear: one life to live. Don't waste time. Each moment counts. Good luck!!

 

Piet, wishing you all the best in further exploration of your viewpoint and mindset.

At least I experienced that the mindset change was the “easiest” part, as I had simply to give up my habits…In the mean time I consider our road trip as a 3-stage journey. Typically, I also found also three books to guide me, which may also be of help in your case:

Step 1: Work on a change in your relationship. A perfect guide to read is “A married Woman’s Guide to happier more fulfilling relationship”. You may find this book at http://toy4her.wordpress.com. I found even a Dutch translation at https://blijfbeminnen.wordpress.com/de-handleiding/ if this would be of your interest.

Step 2: Work on chastity. Although at page 13 the author asked us males to “wait to read further till it is a proper time to learn what our wives has in store for us”, already the previous pages are great to read. The book I mean is “Male Chastity A guide for Key Holders” written by Lucy Fairborne. I grabbed it somewhere from the internet.

Step 3: Develop FLR. By referring to Georgia Ivey Green the book "How to set up an FLR" contains a great fundament to think about how to set-up such desired realtionship. The book start with some practical tests about in what relationship your are, if you are ready to step into an FLR and is even guiding you to discover your “kinks”. This book goes deeper into FLR and might answer more of your questions. However, I feel step 1 and 2 might be mandatory first before "even think" on FLR. I do not know yet if I may reach this stage ever….

Although my better half should still start to read, already I learned a lot from these books to help our discussions and to learn a lot more about myself.

 

Great progress and good suggestions. Happy for you. May you soon be in the "Be careful what you wish for" club!