Is chastity necessary in an FLR?

Probably not for everyone but it is for me. My wife doesn’t want me to touch myself when she isn’t around and I have to ask her for permission to orgasm. I don’t have much self control so the cage really is necessary. It’s not 100% secure but it’s enough if a deterrent that it does stop me from touching myself.

 

As our relationship is based on her being in control as opposed to my submission. Yes it is necessary.

 

My wife knew that I masturbated, obviously, but as you say it was an elephant in the room. When we first talked about it I think she was surprised at how often I did it but she also told me that it didn’t bother her at all. This was over a year ago and now she admits that it does bother her but she felt like it would be uncool to admit that she was bothered by it.

Now, if I masturbate or play with myself without her permission she seems to be legitimately upset. She seems indifferent to the cage itself but she wants all of my sexual energy to be focused on her and she loves how being denied makes me really sexually aggressive.

 

I answered no, because I think we're talking about two different things. You can have a FLR with no kinks at all. You just agree when decisions in the relationship need to be made she has the final say.

In addition to practicing a FLR we as a couple do add chastity and some light BDSM, which we enjoyed before practicing a FLR.

Being chaste does increase my focus and attentiveness, which my Goddess really likes. If unlocked I'd still be expected to abide by her decisions.

 

I think it's best because chastity can change (improve) male behaviour but I don't think it's essential. There can still be an exchange of power without it.

 

I would say yes.. once it is she who holds major decision making, priorities n direction of d relationship.. she shal b emancipated, acorded d riteful freedom of her decisions, leanings n thoughts on al aspects of d household.. incldg timing, manner, permisibility or even necesity of d male sexual requirement.. no more male whinings such as “tis dish is too sweet..”… “yr dres shows too much skin”… “y cant u stop grimacing n enjoy d act now”…

 

I don't think so. I think the key word here is "leadership". I wouldn't hesitate to say that my own marriage is "Female Led", but sex isn't the focus of her leadership. There are so many other aspects of our marriage in which you can see evidence of her leadership. I think message boards like this see a focus on sexual leadership because sex is fun and exciting compared the more mundane aspects of a relationship. Sex is wired into our brains and a dominant, sexual woman is an exciting idea. I think that sex and submission are the wrong reasons to enter into any relationship, much less a FLR, but they can certainly enhance a love relationship. I don't think that any relationship can be healthy and thrive when one individual doesn't prioritize their own happiness. I think both people have to be equally concerned and invested in the other's happiness and personal satisfaction with the relationship. I think that the best leadership takes everyone's needs into consideration when making decisions. Chastity play can be a fun, reinforce the power dynamic, and add a level of excitement but without the fundamental components of respect and a desire to serve each other, FLR is just going through the motions. The best leaders are servants first. The best dommes are also servants because they are fulfilling a need in their subs. There's plenty of "so called dommes" who have no interest in leading. There are subs who have no interest in being led. Chastity is just another tool in the toybox. People are what matter, and are why I lurk around boards like this.

 

No.

Is a woman in chastity in a male led relationship? No, of course not.

Plus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge's_law_of_headlines

 

Male chastity is not strictly necessary for an FLR to be effective.
You can easily have an FLR without chastity, chastity is just one tool in the box that can be used.
However, if male chastity is imposed by the female, then that chastity is a form of FLR.

 

An FLR / MLR is not about whether one person is in chastity.

It's about whether one person is making the decisions and imposing them on the other, which of course may, or may not, include keeping the other person in chastity.

 

The obvious answer is no, it's not "necessary", but I think it makes a strong statement about who is in charge and should be at least part of the dynamic. Frequency and duration is obviously up to her.

 

I'm definitely in the no camp. Although we do both I don't think that being chaste is necessary. FLR are all about the women making decisions and not about orgasms or lack of them. However is does seem a logical extension to express their control and dominance
A

 

Madame doesn't need me caged to be in charge. She chooses when I am caged. She chooses how and when my body, her property, is used to entertain her bidding.

 

i think it is for a lot of men cos some men am always fiddle with there willys and some as well make mess a lot of times. some have tell me that they make mess 2 times a day and if they dose thingys like that they not gonna do what they am told by there Lady and they will be a nuisance as well.

 

Being caged does not prevent me from "fiddling with my willie". I tend to think about it even more when caged. The end results are different of course. Caged or uncaged, you still have to make a concerted effort to keep the hands off the toy, if that's the expectation.

 

My chastity puts Her in full control and me in a submissive role and tghat is what makes our FLR work, IMHO.

 

yes but cos it is cage it wont be able to go big and hard will it. and after a bit you wont kepp fiddle with it.

 

I don't think chastity is necessary in a FLR, but sure can help!

 

I disagree that a leader is imposing decisions on a follower. Leaders are not in control, but instead are servants first and foremost. Most often their leadership is only possible because the follower trusts them to make decisions that are in the best interests of the unit and of the individuals. Once that trust breaks down or is abused, the relationship becomes dysfunctional and the leadership role dissolves.

 

In BDSM there is no one Twueeee way. So no it’s not necessary
That said, it’s become so common as it’s a very effective tool and something that works well.

So it’s like power windows, AC and automatic transmissions. They’re not needed to make a car run but most people feel they are things that should be standard. Hence you’d be hard pressed to find a car without them. (And yes the manual transmission is available on some cars but they’re so rare now that you’d be hard pressed to name more than a few). Likewise you’ll find most FLRs at some point include chastity