This is Tough....

With my current situation at least my balls get some action.

 

I read that 90 day stuff when we first started. To me it's too much too fast. I couldn't have done it. We gradually work up seems more reasonable. It does get easier with time. I still have wtf am I doing days but more often then not it's normal and I take for granted being caged is the exception not the rule. Maybe talk with her about a month a start or some of sort of compromise.

 

When I first got into it, there was the kink aspect. Then it got hard (no pun intended) to think of a week or so at a time. Then my wife was on board for the 90-day challenge (no orgasm, at first there was some being let out for play time) so we did that! It was a mindblowing experience and I'm happy to do it again if she wants. You get used to it, craving the denial and delicious accumulated sexual energy...while also craving an orgasm (especially when excruciatingly teased and then it stops when you are oh so close and you know it will be a while until you feel that again). It's so mind bending, and a lot of fun!

 

We did our first 3 months during summer 2023. Then she kept me to 3 months minimum lockup since. I thought we'd go back to 2 or 3 week stints. She never let's me know but has an idea I think. Last 2 lock ups been about 13 or 14 weeks so I think that's 3 months plus a week here and there added for disobedience.

 

Figure out what you want to do it for. What's your motivation? Then concentrate on that end game, not the confinement. Good luck

 

My longest stint was 48 days previously, but suddenly in February we agreed to 5 weeks, then it went to 10, now she's talking about 100 days +.

Soon after agreeing to staying locked, I agreed to no porn/nudity, and way back she took complete control of my phone and laptop, locking out all porn without her say so via the Salfeld App.

Staying locked and not being allowed any nude women, other than her, and in the middle of my busiest time of the year, was difficult. Some days I craved porn, other days I wanted an orgasm. It was a lot of back and forth. After 60 days, I've settled in pretty well. The cravings are still there, but nowhere near as bad. Thankfully, life slows down starting this week for a while. I assume the extra time on my hands won't be a problem without porn and sex, but we'll see.

Good luck, concentrate on her authority and pleasing her, you'll make it through and keep her happy by doing so.

 

Glad it worked out. I can see how that's a big commitment on both sides. Your willingness to go back in the cage surely helps, I've never had a problem with that either. Being teased and not locked and forgotten will definitely help. We maybe one's in cages but we have a voice as in any consensual relationship.

 

Practice.

Yes it's hard as fuck. It wouldn't be fun if it wasn't.

 

Wait. We are supposed to get hard. I thought this was to prevent being hard.

 

At some point in the future you may find that 90 days is a short period of time. There have been times when I haven’t been released for over 12 months (not even for birthdays or valentines, or anniversaries, etc) and there have been times when I haven’t been granted a full O for over 2 years. I couldn’t have done this before I was 35 but now that I’m in my late 40’s it seems to get easier.

 

It was years before I did 120 days, we also started out small. First a few days, then a week, then 2 weeks, and then Locktober and Lent. Even now when I do a 60 or 90 day confinement, she does get me off a few times with a ball rub, milking, or a vibrator on cage orgasm.

 

The mental challenge of being locked is huge. In the beginning I really struggled with being locked 24/7. It took months for me to accept the cage, my role of serving my KH and forgetting (learning to live without) about my own pleasure and leaving it all up to Her.

I liken it to climbing a mountain, long and difficult with many challenges along the way but the view from the top of the mountain is beautiful and makes the climb all worth it. Now being locked for nearly six months (2 full orgasms and 4 caged orgasms during that time), I can tell you learning to overcome the mental side is well worth it. We have never been closer or happier

 

Maybe I should keep my mouth shut. Oh well.

It depends on preference, libido, pride, commitment, and guilt, IMHO.

We started in earnest for our second go ‘round in October 2020, after a 5 year hiatus from a poor attempt. I’ve had exactly two orgasms since - the first after two months and the last one 2.5 years ago.

Preference? I’m submissive, and deeply so. If I’m really honest, being denied is what my submissive soul needs. The feeling of being denied is preferable to the fleeting pleasure of an orgasm. Perhaps it’s similar to craving SPH.

Libido? Meh. I want an orgasm, I guess. I haven’t had PIV in so long that I can’t really get worked up about missing it or “needing” it.

Pride? I could pull out and beat off, but then I couldn’t type on here “2.5 years ago”.

Commitment? I owe my Wife A LOT. I’m going to do what we agreed I would do. Or not do.

Guilt? I owe Her so much. I was a real jerk of a depressed masturbating husband, awful to be around. Chastity is payback as well as part of our FLR.

Everyone is different, that’s for sure!

Peace!

 

Much of our chastity journey is about me masturbating behind her back. Looking back I don't know how I thought it was ok... until it we realised it was affecting US. It's history now as are my erections and orgasms mostly. There is a serious punishment element to my chastity enforcement. I've had way too many throw-away orgasms before chastity and now they're gone I'm always available to worship my mistress and she's finding that's to her satisfaction. She's continuing to help with my masturbation habit and I get to be her slave. Almost seems fair but she subjects me to other punishments just to get the point home.

 

Our experience saw its genesis in my dominant kinks switching to submissive following a period of TRT after my natural levels fell through the floor. Our marriage was failing, intimacy and actual sex was very infrequent and my wife had never been an enthusiastic sub to my Dom desires.

Once I realised that I had changed I determined that I had to give myself the chance to fulfil my submissive kinks rather than allow them to go unfulfilled the way my dominant ones had for the previous 25+ years.

I confessed my changes and desires to my wife and made it clear I wanted to stay with her, but would need to find a way to scratch my new itch. It could be with her, with a pro or new partner assuming our marriage ended.

We talked a lot and my wife, who's mostly vanilla, did her research and agreed that she felt she could make things work, but had no dominant experience or fantasies. What did appeal was the concept of sexual control with no obligation to reciprocate.

We thought chastity would help, if only symbolically.

We found cages that could be worn comfortably 24 hours a day. Then we committed to 90 days of absolute orgasm denial for me. That was our trial.

It gave me the experience of giving up my own control for a length of time that went beyond an extended play session. It gave her the experience of having sex her way, free of any guilt about not reciprocating. With a mutually agreed denial period for me, she was absolved of any guilt about receiving pleasure without consequence and could find out how she felt about being in charge.

We stuck to that commitment and learned a lot on the day. I went 94 days without any orgasm. Ruined and full. I had none.

Meanwhile, she had more frequent sexual activity and orgasms than had occurred in a long time. From once a month to 3-5 times a week.

She gained confidence and overcame her guilt at my denial. At the end of the trial we realised it had saved our marriage and committed to her absolute sexual control for the rest of our lives. I'll never have an orgasm again unless she expressly commands it. I can't ask for one. I don't know when she'll order one. I do know my next will be at least 100 days since my last. At least. Although she change her mind on a whim if she chooses.

We're amazingly intimate, communicative, kinky and sexually active, like never before. We're both in our 50's and credit this sexual lifestyle with saving our marriage.

Long term denial worked for both of us for different reasons. It plays to my desires to be submissive and controlled, and it gives her an ability to exercise her own libido in any way she desires without fear of having to do something for me that she just doesn't want to do.

It worked for us because our needs aligned.