This is Tough....

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by denied_one, Apr 10, 2024.

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  1. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    I fail to see how y'all don't just fall into a state of depression over this shit. It's hard AF
     
  2. Pure Eddie
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    Pure Eddie Member

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    With my current situation at least my balls get some action.
     
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  3. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Mine too but fuxk
     
  4. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Just to be clear this stems from the secret to a Happy Marriage 3 month mental break-in period bullshit.

    I got my busy season coming up at work and my wife wants to do the 3 month thing, and I have an absolute shit storm of a schedule coming up without "our" dick with so much as a light blow on it.

    And let me get something straight here...I am a lock up right back after any knd of play or orgasm, have always made sure my Wife/KH has cum first for our 20.years married. We have been playing with tease and denial for the better part of 15 years, check my profile..member since 2011. But only on again/off again, I cheated on it alot back then! But she has since tightened the reins on masturbatory practices, including getting rid of all my middle of the night or morning masturbating, by virtue of just always, always, always having the cage on at bedtime.

    So the longest I ever went with what y'all call lockdown here with no touching is 10 days, longest streak without an orgasm is 16 days....now we supposed to do 90+. Wtf?!

    Sorry for the rant that likely begins in introductions. Y'all are a cool bunch
     
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  5. Mr_anonymous
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    I read that 90 day stuff when we first started. To me it's too much too fast. I couldn't have done it. We gradually work up seems more reasonable. It does get easier with time. I still have wtf am I doing days but more often then not it's normal and I take for granted being caged is the exception not the rule. Maybe talk with her about a month a start or some of sort of compromise.
     
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  6. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    When I first got into it, there was the kink aspect. Then it got hard (no pun intended) to think of a week or so at a time. Then my wife was on board for the 90-day challenge (no orgasm, at first there was some being let out for play time) so we did that! It was a mindblowing experience and I'm happy to do it again if she wants. You get used to it, craving the denial and delicious accumulated sexual energy...while also craving an orgasm (especially when excruciatingly teased and then it stops when you are oh so close and you know it will be a while until you feel that again). It's so mind bending, and a lot of fun!
     
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  7. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Thanks for the feedback! Yeah I think I will suggest that and then double from there, which is doable, considering my longest is 16 days. Thanks man!
     
  8. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Thanks! Yeah we are about 10 days in and my Wife/KH is ADAMANT about the cage not coming off at all..."like it says", so yeah none of that shit for me
     
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  9. M@rcellus
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    M@rcellus Long term member

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    We did our first 3 months during summer 2023. Then she kept me to 3 months minimum lockup since. I thought we'd go back to 2 or 3 week stints. She never let's me know but has an idea I think. Last 2 lock ups been about 13 or 14 weeks so I think that's 3 months plus a week here and there added for disobedience.
     
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  10. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Figure out what you want to do it for. What's your motivation? Then concentrate on that end game, not the confinement. Good luck
     
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  11. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Idk if this bears mentioning but I am working out new meds, was given Lexapro by my Dr, it's for my anxiety disorder, so I think that is coming into play somewhere
     
  12. Sirtofawn
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    My longest stint was 48 days previously, but suddenly in February we agreed to 5 weeks, then it went to 10, now she's talking about 100 days +.

    Soon after agreeing to staying locked, I agreed to no porn/nudity, and way back she took complete control of my phone and laptop, locking out all porn without her say so via the Salfeld App.

    Staying locked and not being allowed any nude women, other than her, and in the middle of my busiest time of the year, was difficult. Some days I craved porn, other days I wanted an orgasm. It was a lot of back and forth. After 60 days, I've settled in pretty well. The cravings are still there, but nowhere near as bad. Thankfully, life slows down starting this week for a while. I assume the extra time on my hands won't be a problem without porn and sex, but we'll see.

    Good luck, concentrate on her authority and pleasing her, you'll make it through and keep her happy by doing so.
     
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  13. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    For the WIN! :)

    She totally went for the month compromise! She was totally anxious about the complete no-touching part for the 90, just like I was. Wow! :cool:

    So she said since we are on day 8 of non-touching fun, we can simply do a month of orgasm denial, but with regular PIV teasing and edging and back in. :strong:

    She said because I have absolutely no problem going back into the cage even after full O's, she is ok with us taking him out when she is ready!

    I told her if she wants to do long term denial, but with regular teasing and edging at our disposal, I wouldnt mind waiting until our anniversary over Labor Day weekend, and she gave a giggle and a nose tweak and went off to the bath

    Compromise!!
     
  14. Mr_anonymous
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    Glad it worked out. I can see how that's a big commitment on both sides. Your willingness to go back in the cage surely helps, I've never had a problem with that either. Being teased and not locked and forgotten will definitely help. We maybe one's in cages but we have a voice as in any consensual relationship.
     
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  15. Elfman
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    Elfman Gay werewolves & martinis

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    Practice.

    Yes it's hard as fuck. It wouldn't be fun if it wasn't.
     
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  16. Pure Eddie
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    Wait. We are supposed to get hard. I thought this was to prevent being hard.
     
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  17. ballbust
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    ballbust bbust

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    At some point in the future you may find that 90 days is a short period of time. There have been times when I haven’t been released for over 12 months (not even for birthdays or valentines, or anniversaries, etc) and there have been times when I haven’t been granted a full O for over 2 years. I couldn’t have done this before I was 35 but now that I’m in my late 40’s it seems to get easier.
     
  18. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Long term member

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    It was years before I did 120 days, we also started out small. First a few days, then a week, then 2 weeks, and then Locktober and Lent. Even now when I do a 60 or 90 day confinement, she does get me off a few times with a ball rub, milking, or a vibrator on cage orgasm.
     
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  19. herluckyboi
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    herluckyboi Long term member

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    The mental challenge of being locked is huge. In the beginning I really struggled with being locked 24/7. It took months for me to accept the cage, my role of serving my KH and forgetting (learning to live without) about my own pleasure and leaving it all up to Her.

    I liken it to climbing a mountain, long and difficult with many challenges along the way but the view from the top of the mountain is beautiful and makes the climb all worth it. Now being locked for nearly six months (2 full orgasms and 4 caged orgasms during that time), I can tell you learning to overcome the mental side is well worth it. We have never been closer or happier
     
  20. HouseboyForHer
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    HouseboyForHer Long term member

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    Maybe I should keep my mouth shut. Oh well.

    It depends on preference, libido, pride, commitment, and guilt, IMHO.

    We started in earnest for our second go ‘round in October 2020, after a 5 year hiatus from a poor attempt. I’ve had exactly two orgasms since - the first after two months and the last one 2.5 years ago.

    Preference? I’m submissive, and deeply so. If I’m really honest, being denied is what my submissive soul needs. The feeling of being denied is preferable to the fleeting pleasure of an orgasm. Perhaps it’s similar to craving SPH.

    Libido? Meh. I want an orgasm, I guess. I haven’t had PIV in so long that I can’t really get worked up about missing it or “needing” it.

    Pride? I could pull out and beat off, but then I couldn’t type on here “2.5 years ago”.

    Commitment? I owe my Wife A LOT. I’m going to do what we agreed I would do. Or not do.

    Guilt? I owe Her so much. I was a real jerk of a depressed masturbating husband, awful to be around. Chastity is payback as well as part of our FLR.

    Everyone is different, that’s for sure!

    Peace!
     
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  21. M@rcellus
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    M@rcellus Long term member

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    Much of our chastity journey is about me masturbating behind her back. Looking back I don't know how I thought it was ok... until it we realised it was affecting US. It's history now as are my erections and orgasms mostly. There is a serious punishment element to my chastity enforcement. I've had way too many throw-away orgasms before chastity and now they're gone I'm always available to worship my mistress and she's finding that's to her satisfaction. She's continuing to help with my masturbation habit and I get to be her slave. Almost seems fair but she subjects me to other punishments just to get the point home.
     
  22. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Fantastic post! Thank you for sharing! It sounds like you have a real intimate relationship growing on and I dig it. She and i are similarly intimate.

    As a matter of fact, the only real reason I was kind of pissy to start this thread was the thought of no contact period for 3 months. I just don't do well with that much past 14 days, but we are increasing those days slowly. It was so much of a concern that it even concerned her, which I found out by talking about it with her, which resulted in our compromise.

    Congrats on hanging for so long! I hope I can make it there! I know we will if we increase incrementally like we have been.
     
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  23. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    Yes man! This is an awesome thing you two have going. Congrats! We are so very lucky to have partners who are willing to help us rid ourselves of our masturbatory habits! Similarly, my Wife/KH has gotten completely rid of any middle of the night masturbating or early morning masturbating that I used to engage in very frequently, totally away. I could not be happier!
     
  24. MaggotNub
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    MaggotNub Long term member

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    Our experience saw its genesis in my dominant kinks switching to submissive following a period of TRT after my natural levels fell through the floor. Our marriage was failing, intimacy and actual sex was very infrequent and my wife had never been an enthusiastic sub to my Dom desires.

    Once I realised that I had changed I determined that I had to give myself the chance to fulfil my submissive kinks rather than allow them to go unfulfilled the way my dominant ones had for the previous 25+ years.

    I confessed my changes and desires to my wife and made it clear I wanted to stay with her, but would need to find a way to scratch my new itch. It could be with her, with a pro or new partner assuming our marriage ended.

    We talked a lot and my wife, who's mostly vanilla, did her research and agreed that she felt she could make things work, but had no dominant experience or fantasies. What did appeal was the concept of sexual control with no obligation to reciprocate.

    We thought chastity would help, if only symbolically.

    We found cages that could be worn comfortably 24 hours a day. Then we committed to 90 days of absolute orgasm denial for me. That was our trial.

    It gave me the experience of giving up my own control for a length of time that went beyond an extended play session. It gave her the experience of having sex her way, free of any guilt about not reciprocating. With a mutually agreed denial period for me, she was absolved of any guilt about receiving pleasure without consequence and could find out how she felt about being in charge.

    We stuck to that commitment and learned a lot on the day. I went 94 days without any orgasm. Ruined and full. I had none.

    Meanwhile, she had more frequent sexual activity and orgasms than had occurred in a long time. From once a month to 3-5 times a week.

    She gained confidence and overcame her guilt at my denial. At the end of the trial we realised it had saved our marriage and committed to her absolute sexual control for the rest of our lives. I'll never have an orgasm again unless she expressly commands it. I can't ask for one. I don't know when she'll order one. I do know my next will be at least 100 days since my last. At least. Although she change her mind on a whim if she chooses.

    We're amazingly intimate, communicative, kinky and sexually active, like never before. We're both in our 50's and credit this sexual lifestyle with saving our marriage.

    Long term denial worked for both of us for different reasons. It plays to my desires to be submissive and controlled, and it gives her an ability to exercise her own libido in any way she desires without fear of having to do something for me that she just doesn't want to do.

    It worked for us because our needs aligned.
     
  25. denied_one
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    denied_one Long term member

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    What an amazing post!! Congrats on finding chastity and allowing it to "do it's thing" and save your very marriage!! You two sound very intimate!

    My question is during the 94 days of orgasm denial, how much was the cage off for any teasing, edging, supervised masturbation, PIV? Or was it complete lock down, no direct penile stimulation? Thank you for answering!
     
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