I know in the land of chastity that life revolves around subs and doms. These are just words and word meanings can be spun to fit different ideas and beliefs. Since, I have been on here. Many guys have reached out to see how Dom or Sub I really am. I even think some believe, I am just a figment of their imagination being a female on here. The main question I get is "what is it that YOU really want from this." Right before bed my husband tells me, "You do not need to baby me, I need to baby you." This is a slogan we used when one of us rubs on the other. Because I am touching him does not mean I am his sub. I could not sleep last night so I stayed awake thinking about this. Am I doing it for him or is it what I want. I feel that if he gets rewarded for something I want. Great. Is that not what this game is. He wants to be a sub and I dominate he gets rewarded. If I want to rub on him and enjoy his soft subtle skin on top of hard muscles. That is what I want. If he happens to receive pleasure from it as well. Great. What really is the difference. I think for me the idea of denial is more important to chastity. Not the Sub vs Dom. These mean different things to different people. These things are just opposite ends of a spectrum. Denial is withholding. If I want to withhold him I can do that in nice ways or not so nice ways. I can punish him to deny him or I can just make him wait. Lucky me, I have the best husband. He tries hard to please me. He asks every day if I would like to get off. He takes initiative in things I do not ask for like going to the store if I forgot something, or cleaning the toilet. So shout out to my hubby, When it comes to his denial, I look at it as what is best for us. If he gets off every day he has no energy for me. However, If I deny him really long periods of time, he may become disengaged. I do not want either of these. My weakness, and he will tell you the same, is PIV or his FIV. So, his denial sometimes feels like my denial as well. I could take him everyday. But it is so much more important to me to let him build up to climbing the walls before I let him cum inside me. So far to deny him, It makes him stronger, more sexually aggressive, harder. It just escalates the whole experience. I could just have "Meh" sex everyday. Or deny him and me to have incredible sex a few times a month. My choice will always be incredible sex. Many on here may call me a sub for not always taking what I want when I want it, Or demanding sex when I want it. But, who should really care, except me and Claud. I am enjoying my husband, he pleases me both in and out of the bedroom, and I hope he feels rewarded as well for doing such a good job.
Getting verified would solve the figment of imagination problem. As far as the rest there is no one size fits all way for this dynamic. For example I was hoping to set a record being denied. This morning she started teasing me said take the cage off I want sex. Did I fail my record, no. I did what I was told that's point of whole thing.
After a month of no piv and 15 days in a cage of course I enjoyed it lol. Back in the cage till my planned upon release date now.
Very well said. And frankly you share many of the same views as my wife. PIV is something she loves as well, and we actually do it frequently but without my orgasm…I’d suggest (and maybe you do already) trying this… will build up the desire even more, and train him NOT to cum as much as you want. We’ve also graduated to using a strapon as a replacement for the real thing and she loves that as well. Either way, that denial aspect is what we enjoy the most… being denied orgasm for so long, everytime I’m allowed inside her feels like the first time all over again.
I have not been allowed in my wife since 2021 all of my orgasms must be earned when I do earn my orgasms it doesn't mean I'm allowed one but having the cage on you gave all those rights up to my wife.
To us, its tease, denial, and control. Other than chastity, we live a normal everyday lifestyle. Once we cross the threshold of the playroom, or jointly commit to "play time" our BDSM lifestyle my start or some kind of role playing will start. Chastity does have a large part in BDSM, she will flog me, tease me, peg or milk me, and have me satisy her and leave me caged and denied at the end. The same can be somewhat said when we are having some other playtime, I will be teased and denied while she is pleasured to her hearts content. Now there will be times when nothing is planned like when we are sitting by the pool or in the hot tub. We will enjoy a glass of time and maybe kiss and the next thing you know she is sitting on the edge of the chair or on the top of the hot tub with me between her legs pleasuring her. At the end, I will remain caged and left high and dry. Sometimes I will be rewarded with a turn of the key, removal of the cage, and rewarded with pleasure and release. That part is control and not domination.
I think it's about what you value. I think denial / orgasm control is more important to our relationship. The price of a male orgasm ought to be about 10 orgasms for the female. Chastity is necessary to achieve that appropriate balance in our relationship. Thanks for posting this; it's made me rethink how we should be managing this thing!
I haven't voted because I really want to choose both. My partner rarely denies me when we have sex, but it doesn't come out until she is ready. We always mutually go off at the same time, and it can only be described as explosive. I used to please myself multiple times per day, not being able to do that is definitely beneficial
I’ve voted denial, even though I am in a bdsm relationship, because there are lots of members her who practice chastity but not bdsm.
Isn't there a third, fourth, 100th option? People like to lump life into easily digested chunks and often create a false dichotomy of this or that, when no such limitation of choices naturally exists.
I've voted denial, but at this stage, it's as much me denying release as it is my wife. She is still finding her feet in regards to having sex focused on her pleasure and she still enjoys giving me pleasure (so being caged goes against that). We've been in/out of chastity for a few years, a month or 3 in and then a break. Each time I am caged she is a little more at ease.
chastity is a tool that can facilitate a chosen lifestyle. a tool of equality? probably not. it is also hard to imagine a sub, the key holder of their dominate's chastity cage. i might be going out on a limb here and say chastity is a tool of dominance often accenting a power shift in a relationship. unless, of course, the sub still has the keys, then it is an amusing toy.
I do not think this makes you a sub at all. YOU chose the kind of sex you desire. You are sacrificing daily sex for incredible sex. You are still the one choosing how and when your husband gets to cum. That makes you the dominant in this situation. As to what the most important aspect of chastity is, that will change from person to person. To some it really is the denial they crave. Others love the submission of giving up something precious to the one they serve. The real important thing is that chastity brings the two of you closer together. If it does that then you are succeeding. Don’t worry about what every other wife, domme, and keyholder out there is doing. Take inspiration from the ones that catch your eye, but do not try to imitate them. Make chastity your own. Make it different from all the other examples out there. The more you it is, the more real it will be. And the more he will love you for it.
I chose D/S but it is also a lot of denial also. My K/H gets to chose when we have PIV, if she wants with her cock. Other wise it stays cage. I am not allowed to play with it. She does not want me to be able to get hard with out her permission either, so no morning wood is allowed. It is some of both.