Just reaching out for some advice from chastity veterans. I get a really strong sense of UNEASE after I've been in chastity for more than about 12 hours. I'm trying to understand this feeling better, specifically what it is and means. By way of background, I went through a stage experimenting with chastity about 8 years ago and had largely the wrong style of devices which were unsuitable for long term wear. Hence never really made it more than half a day or so. I back into it and now use Cobra design and these could be worn nearly indefinitely (with me at least). So, I'm ready to make the next step of going a few days or more, but am struggling with the 'unease' feeling. I do have a porn and masturbation 'addiction' and suspect this unease comes from dopamine drop. I have smoked/vaped before, and it is much like the feeling a regular smoker gets after a few hours (or more) of not having a smoke. But this is JUST a guess on my part. I'm reasonably sure the unease is not arousal. And I know I can go more than a couple of days without orgasm, so it's not build up either. So, has anyone else had these sorts of unease feelings after half a day or so? Also, other than just pushing through, does anyone else have any advice?
This is interesting. My understanding is that porn addiction is not really about the porn. It's more about the escape into - call it - noise. Now you've turned off the noise, and you are left in silence to contemplate your life, and just the prospect of that contemplation is enough to make you feel disquiet. So my advice - since you asked for advice - is to set yourself some meaningful short term self-improvement goals that involve physical activity, e.g. exercise or perhaps just deep cleaning your home or decluttering your stuff. Working purposefully on these goals will cushion you from the discomfort of that inescapable contemplation and let you mull over a new direction for your life. After a week or so, you can identify next steps. For example, you don't mention a relationship. If you want a relationship, what are the steps you need to take in that direction? What's the first step on the list? Do that. Or, of that first step is too much, can you break it down into smaller doable steps? And so on. You can use the chastity to help with all this by setting targets you have to reach before you are allowed to unlock. When you do masturbate, do it without porn.
Thank you. It may be that this IS what life feels like without the distraction of porn and orgasm. I'd better get used to it, like sobering up.
I think you are fixated on wearing the cage and not focusing on the daily tasks at hand. When we started, it was short time in the cage starting with an hour and then doubling it every 2 days. You kind of go about your normal activities and your mind is occupied with other things. Only at night when sitting on the couch did I start focusing on the cage and the restrictions that came with it. I started to stress out a little and my wife talked me back down on more than one occasion. It helped pleasing her but that led to frustration knowing I could not cum. She would put on some porn and mat/make me watch it and while that was a distraction, it only hopped me up. When she did let me free, I was allowed to cum twice. Once by pumping my cock a few time and the second was full contact fucking. Then back to weekly lockup and as life threw its normal curves at me, kind of forgot I was locked up.
12 hours is not long enough for dopamine to noticably drop. If you said 12 days then I'd say it was possible, but even then a cage is a sex toy that stimulates you so it's more likely that you are drowning in sex hormones. Things will fluctuate and since we are, more or less, controlled by hormones, then you should expect some headfuckery. I've experienced euphoria through to depression symtoms, and IMO it's to be expected.
This is a good point too. I'm largely using the cage as a method for avoid excessive masturbation, rather than as a fetish (although it is a turn on too). So, I've found it easier when I distract myself by not thinking about the cage. If I'm planning to unlock in two days, then I need to focus on being the best I can in two days, rather than the immediate situation.
I get feelings of unease, anxiety also at times and I believe I know what your feeling. For me its the hopelessness of being kept in chastity. I dont know when I'll be released, I dont know when I'll get to be intimate with my wife again. I have no control at this point. We are new to this lifestyle also, this started out as a little fun game that has blossomed into what looks like is going to be a permanent lifestyle for us. I've never seen my wife take the reins so to speak so seriously. So today, although its November 1st and the end of Loctober is just another Wednesday.
You are struggling with the notion of acceptance, which is very common. The moment you truly accept that you might not have another erection, orgasm, or sexual intimacy via your dick with another human, then you'll soon start to explore other intimate methods. Most of us struggle with accepting the idea that we will die. Sure, we can know it intellectually but there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. When we fully accept that we'll die many of us start to focus more on living. It's the same with losing ready access to your favourite toy
Two days in severe anxiety and I guess you'd say depression set in when I realized she was serious about not letting me out. I mean you spend your whole life doing with your dick what you want, when you want then boom your favorite toy is locked up. I'm at almost a month now full time in chasity now and it passed for me. I get out when she decides I do. Kinda freeing actually.
Good point. I guess if you had a car crash and lost use of your legs, then there would be a simlar 'sinking' feeling as you came to accept your new reality. I think also that many people suffering porn/masturbation/sex addictions use it as an 'outlet' to escape diffcult feelings. When locked, that outlet is taken away.
Good point. The time, and waiting for a set release time is very much the 'elephant in the room'. It's like trying to stop snacking on chocolate by focusing on chocolate. It doesn't work. From the past couple of posts, it seems the solution is to deeply accept that you're locked, for however long it may be, rather than fixating on the loss of access to your bits.
Sometimes life becomes easier when you have nothing to lose. If you ACCEPT you've lost access to your penis, then you don't have to worry about how often you're wanking, if you'll get laid, infidelity, satisfying a woman, getting an erection, cumming too soon or too late. All of those things are moot. They cease to be a going concern. Yes, it's quite liberating actually.