Telling your post menopausal partner you love chastity.

I'll leave it to the women to give advice as it will be better than anything I can offer but good luck.

Not sure this is the best forum for asking the question though. I suspect this forum is visited mostly by the male members.

 

Tread lightly, menopausal women can be dangerous.

 

Hopeless optimism might be a goog point to start at.
You want to be in chastity and she does not want sex. Doesn't tat fit well?
You could sacrifice your traditional part of having sex to her by handing over the keys.

 

I feel your pain, I have the same situation and I dont know how to solve it so it suits us both, I wont push anything, my wife was more than willing before the menopause now it is a different story, if she could just get an interest in sex again I would give up the chastity play, because as i think you know chastity is pointless without a superior as your KH.

 

Tread very carefully. It's hard to say without knowing a lot more, but there are so many ways this could go wrong.

Have you and your wife revisited the sex discussion recently, or is it completely off the table forever? Does your wife know you masturbate? How does she feel about that? Do you still love each other? Do you think she initially felt some guilt over the "no sex" decision? How did she resolve that internally? Does she live in denial pretending that it doesn't affect you?

Asking her to be your key holder is giving her a new chore (never a great thing) that also reminds her that she's refusing to have sex with you. That's going to smash right into any unresolved guilt, anger, resentment, etc. I just can't see it going well unless you first get to the point where you can talk about the lack of sex, agree that the current situation is unsustainable, and both want to find a compromise solution.

 

The worst thing that can happen is that your where you are at now. Since she knows about chastity then at least that bridge is already crossed.

Maybe say something at the appropriate time:

I know your not really interested in sex, but you know I still have some interest in such things, there is a game you might find fun if you can indulge me a little which doesn't involve your bits, and there might even be something in it for you.......

Id like you to be in control of when I have access to my key, and id be willing to work for it, even if you wanted to set targets for me to reach.

See where it goes from there....of course I dont know your partner and everyone is different....good luck

 

That's a long time with no sex. Before that time, did you have a healthy sex life?

 

I've been thinking a little more about your situation.

It seems likely that there's a bunch of emotional baggage here. Good relationships involve compromise, and I don't see a healthy sex life suddenly turning into zero sex without some other underlying issue. I'll give an example. Let's say she lost her interest in sex quite a while before 2007, but kept going in order to please you. Then menopause hit, made sex even less desirable (perhaps uncomfortable), and she decided "I'm done". She felt she had done it your way for however many years, and now it was her turn. If I was in that position I could see myself really digging in my heels and pushing back at any notion of compromise because I felt I had already compromised all those years ago. Again, I'm not saying this is what happened. It's just an illustration. There are a hundred other possible scenarios. But the answer for pretty much all of them is the same: you have to talk about it and clear the air. You have to help her deal with that old baggage first, and only then will you be able to tackle the present situation together.

Tell her you want to understand her feelings. Try to be patient and not get upset. Be a good listener. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. "I'd like to better understand your feelings about sex", not "why did you stop having sex with me".

It's hard. It's not fair. If you want to vent, do it here. This is a supportive community.

Maybe you've already done this, and there isn't any baggage. If that's the case then you can proceed to step two. That's where you sit down and explain that you'd like her assistance in solving a problem. But I really think you should spend a least a little time on step one and make sure the baggage is truly gone.

(Please don't take any of this advice as condescending... maybe you know all of this already and are a great listener... I'm just trying to throw out anything that might be helpful)

 

It seems like you’ve been hiding this from her, what would happen if you just started letting her see what you are doing and not involve her? You could be locked up and it wouldn’t impact her at all. At some point she might even get curious enough to want to get involved. It definitely depends on where she’s at mentally of course - as @MsPamela said.

I think the biggest risk you run is trying to get her to tease you - that is an extra chore for her if she doesn’t get any benefit from it (eg devilish joy).

 

Her position is unacceptable. Don't be be afraid of your passions, don't be expected to hide them. Do whatever you can to show you still have desires, whether she's onboard or not. If she feels uncomfortable with that she should be, totally unreasonable to enter into a relationship and think its acceptable to have no intimacy at some point.

 

Totally wrong. Of course she can choose to have no intimacy, that's what consent means.

 

Don’t blame it on the hormones. Hormones don’t cause a lack of desire to be intimate - maybe lack of interest in PIV. Human bonding isn’t based on estrogen levels and people have a deep desire to connect that doesn’t go away with age. Something else is going on.

 

I do not understand not being able to openly discuss the current state of a sexual relationship or individual sexual desires or needs with any long term partner or spouse. I’m totally baffled by the concept. It’s as foreign as not being able to discuss household finances or where you want to live.

 

I can understand it, from experience. My wife doesn't want to talk about sex. She loves sex, but talking about it makes her uncomfortable, for any of a number of reasons (some of which I probably am not aware of). It's worse than neutral; it's a turn-off for her.

People are complex. And differ greatly from one another. Sure we all have a lot in common, but when it comes to sex, everyone seems broken in their own unique ways. (Queue Tolstoy.)

 

My wife is 72 and 12 years ago I told her that I understand that her interest in sex is not what it used to be and I had a solution. I then explained chastity and told her that it would make me feel good about not having sex rather than resent her. I also said that I needed sex and if not her I would find someone else to have it with as I need it. So she agreed and we started and stopped a few times to adjust to both of our needs.

What happens now is that she keeps me locked up and horny. I demonstrate how horny I am to her all the time plus I do more chores around the house which she likes. I also said we do not have to have sex like we used to and she can use her vibrator which I learned from previous discussions she used frequently. I told her that she could keep me locked up and let me touch and kiss her while she used her vibrator. When she was done she could leave or let me masturbate or give me an orgasm with her hand. I also explained about ruined orgasms.

We also messed around with me wearing a hood with a built in gag and blindfold plus handcuffs so I could lay next to her and she did not need to see me or feel me. I could hear her and I enjoyed listening to her orgasm. Then I got her into putting nipple clips on me so I would moan in pain which over time resulted in her having quick orgasms. My moans became necessary for her to cum. I

I then explained that even a finger flick against my balls will make me moan in pain as the pain is way out of proportion to any damage done to my balls. So now she squeezes them hard, slaps or punches the to get me to moan in pain so she can cum and she cums in a matter of seconds when I moan in pain now.

So now chastity is our sex lifestyle. My wife likes that she does not have to get penetrated or perform oral. She basically just masturbates as she did anyway but had me to sexually torture with nipple clips and CBT. I get to cum when she is happy with me and the more I do for her, the happier she is. After all, she is not giving me sex, she is just unlocking me so I could jerk off most time.

I had it worse than most. My wife is bi and had a steady girlfriend for 30 years that I had full access to with or without my wife taking part. Luckily they were a year and a half apart in age so while my wife was going through menopause, our girlfriend was not and she took up the slack. Then we moved and were just a couple for two years before we got me a chastity cage as the solution to our problem. I also lost 90 lbs so I look good again which my wife now finds attractive.

We had a lot of false starts and tweaking things to cater to both our needs. Just explain that it is a good solution for your problem as she simply needs to keep you locked up and let you free periodically to masturbate and then lock up again. Explain that keeping you horny will make you more submissive to her needs and will make you happy with the current sexual situation because you need more than just jerking off alone to be happy in life. Worked for us.

 

I’m genuinely happy that it has worked out for you. I dated a few similar women, but I couldn’t have married anyone who; a) couldn’t talk comfortably about sex and/or, b) was not willing to explore “the wild world of Kink”.