Telling my best friend?

Threads such as this always ignite the "Sex Toy or Body Jewellery" debate. The idealists say, "Why can't my kink just be accepted and, therefore, cease to be seen as a kink?". The realists say, "That can never be the case, because the real world just isn't like that".

It is traditional to be naked in "Adult Only" saunas, but "Adult Only" doesn't mean that sexual activity is acceptable. I know there are some saunas where their only purpose is for sexual activity, but I don't that is the type of sauna we are discussing here.

As @Nicoftime said above, it is a simple choice. Take the cage off and be considered "normal", or wear it and be considered "weird" and accept the consequences.

Also, as the title of this thread is "Telling my best friend", if personal sexual preferences and practices have never been a topic of conversation with this friend before, why start now?

 

While I didn’t tell my best friend, I did tell a former coworker/friend who is female. We’ve shared a lot of intimate details over the years, and it felt good to be able to tell her.

 

If this is just about wanting to tell their friend about being locked in a chastity device, I would think there would be a better way to tell norm than showing them a visual demonstration.

 

One thing nobody seems to have thought of is that metal gets very hot in a sauna!

 

I'm with @DonnaSue and @JaySaysYes (and @Muppet !):

There is a difference between telling in a private discussion, maybe cautiously, and showing sex toys publicly and forcing your kinks on others. The latter would not be limited to your friend, btw. You might intimidate him a lot depending on his personality and views.

There are dedicated places and occasions to show publicly.

 

Seriously, I have been in a sauna with a cage on and had to leave very promptly indeed! And I’m someone with a thing for CBT. But I believe CBT and barbecue are two quite separate things.

 

On the other hand it WOULD be a way of letting people know you’re in chastity….

 

Nothing like grill marks on your privates

 

It looks to me as if there are two separate decisions here: The first is whether to wear the cage to the sauna, and the second is whether to reveal the cage to your friends.

Wearing the cage to the sauna: In my view, wearing a cage is just like any other habit; you have to be consistent, or you'll start slipping. For example, it's very easy to tell yourself that you're too tired to visit the gym today, or that you don't need to brush your teeth this morning because you haven't eaten. And before you know it, you're going to the gym less and less, and you've forgotten to brush your teeth entirely. The cage is the same way. It's easy to say, "I have an important meeting today, so I'll take it off," or "We'll be away from home for the weekend, so I'll take it off." If you really want chastity to be a normal part of everything you do, then these are the moments when it's most crucial to keep it on. That being said, you still have to remember that your well-being (physical, mental, social, financial, etc.) is more important than a kink, and even a lifestyle. If you feel that "getting caught" could have significant social ramifications for you, be honest with yourself about the risk and make your choice accordingly.

What I consider more concerning, however (as some members above me have already mentioned) is the physical risk of wearing the cage in sauna temperatures. I have been to the sauna many times, and I would not personally feel comfortable wearing such a large piece of metal locked on my genitals in such heat. Stainless steel is quite sensitive to temperatures, so if you do decide to wear the cage, be very conscientious and keep your health a top priority. You don't want your member to become a panini.

Revealing the cage to your friends: An important lesson I've learned is that it's far better to listen to what reality is, rather than try to tell reality what it ought to be. We may wish that we could be open about our lifestyles and not be judged for it, but that's not the world we live in. I've known friends of mine who have stopped associating with some of their other friends after discovering that they were swingers, for example. You know your friends, so you're ultimately the best authority on how they'll react; but to be blunt, I don't think revealing the cage to them is a good idea. If you do wish to reveal the cage to them, it shouldn't be by casually wearing it to a sauna. It should be gradually, over the course of many intimate conversations during which you grow more comfortable discussing each other's sexuality. You need to feel them out very slowly and carefully, and make nearly certain that they will react positively and are prepared for the topic. Otherwise, you needlessly jeopardize the relationship.

But this is just my opinion, so take it for what you will. I'd like to hear what you decide, and how it goes.

 

I'd take it off for the sauna - no way it isn't at least 'awkward' for one or more participants

If she wants you to keep it on, don't sauna

You've already said your buddy isn't into the D/s thing at all - best case here is that they're embarrassed & you're paranoid before, during & after IMO

 

It doesn't if in close contact with skin.

 

Nor what I found. Both with a cage and with a cross on a neck chain I found the metal conducts and absorbs heat far more than skin leading to considerable discomfort.

 

Neck chain is different. My Miss also takes off her key necklace because in an instant she leans forward it gets so hot that burns her when she leans back again.
But it is different with metal that always stays in contact with the skin. Just check how many people wear rings on their fingers in saunas.

 

You make a good point! The thing on my penis that got hot was a heavy gauge ring, most of which was not in close proximity to flesh, so maybe you’re right and what happened was that the part of the ring not in contact transferred heat back to the rest.
If you are correct that would be great because I am permanently caged with no possibility of removal and I really like saunas but had assumed they were now off limits. So this is a rare example of me thinking “hey, I hope I’ve been talking crap!”

 

There is one man with whom I have a very close friendship. I've told him almost everything about my kinky self and he has told me about his very kinky past activities and his current kinky desires.

I'm very fortunate to have such a friend and he is too. There's no one else I've told so much to and he's told me that I am the same for him.

 

As I also posted in another thread I accidentally outed myself last weekend to friends.

Last weekend it was warm enough to go to the beach by a lake not far from where I live. We went with three other couples and two lady friends. As hard-core nudist since my childhood we obviously went to a nudist beach. I always go there uncaged not to confrontothers with our life style.

When we got to the beach I realised that I didn't take my cage of, there I was without a key. I kept my shorts on but after a while this raised questions by our friends. At last I took the shorts of and sat there caged. I explained our lifestyle and answered some questions. I explained why I choose for abstinence. Everybody was perfectly OK with the cage and we had a great afternoon. We went to get a drink at the stand on the beach and off course some people stared and a few people asked me about the cage.

My friends were absolutely OK and told me not to hide it anymore and people on the beach just didn't care. We set a date for our next joined activity again in a nudist setting.

 

Out of curiosity... have you gone to the sauna already? What was you final decision?

regards

 

I recently wore my steel cage in a (private, just the two of us) sauna that was full heat for an hour (with a couple of quick exits to submerge in the bay right outside) with no problem. As someone else said, I think as long as the metal is against skin the whole time, the heat diffuses and it doesn't get too hot. Have never had a problem with my nipple barbells either