Excited to find this website. So some back story: My wife and i are in our late 30s turning 40. We have been married for 15 years. 2 kids and always on the go it feels like. I have an extremely high sex drive and honestly watch a good amount of porn. My wife on the other hand does not really pursue sex, i usually have to bring it up. I came across chastity and thought it would really help our relationship. I felt we could both benefit from it. I admit i can be nicer and listen more, but i dont know if its from lack of attention. My wife is pretty vanilla and a "good girl". I have tried introducing toys, anal play (more just touching and finger) and she thinks that is nasty and asks why "the fascination with the butt". So i brought up the idea of chastity and sent her an article about it. She is actually interested in it for the reason of me being more attentive and help out more. What i want to get out of it fully is yes a better husband for her around the house, stop watching porn, allowing her to be center of attention, but i also want her to find her sex drive, want her to have me pleasure her multiple times, find the urge to unlock me and have sex with me. Am i wishful thinking or were some of you in the same boat? I have talked to her and suggestingly commented if i do this lets take advantage of it and really open up. Take a sex survey and really keep an open mind or things that you might be interested in trying atleast once. I have tried to find someplace where there was a list of things that the keyholder has the male do to her to please her besides just eat her out. I want our sexual relationship to go to the next level as well. Please comment and let me know what your thoughts are before i put my cage on in a little over a week.
Women tend to think of romance, hence women read romance novels, whereas men think sex and look at porn. This may be truer of older than younger women; younger women have grown up with the Internet. There are exceptions, but that is the general rule. Some women are into porn and all types of sex, but I don't know the percentage. If your cock is locked up, you can't have "sex," and must be more romantic. Many guys on here seem to try to experience more "sex" via chastity, but that doesn't seem to work, especially with a seemingly vanilla wife. I suspect what you and she want to achieve through chastity are two very different things, and that seems to be a common occurrence shared here. I'm a new guy here, but that is my two-cents worth.
You're doing it for all the right reasons, and yes, I expect it will do your relationship good, especially as you're talking about it and she's aware of the benefits for her.
i spect She will be ever so happy if you are lock up in a cage cos you alwasy wanting ti do sexy things all the time and lots of Ladys dont want it all the time so She be glad when you am locked up and She will feel a lot better then.
Hey Ftank7382, if your main question is "will chastity greatly improve your relationship with your wife" the answer is almost certainly yes. However, if your question is "will chastity increase my wife's sex drive" the answer is probably not. By locking up and giving her the keys, what you are doing is putting her in charge, which takes the pressure off of her. She may have previously felt a certain pressure to have sex with you, even if she didn't really want to, so what you would be saying here is that you are ok with sex on her schedule, even if that means going a month or so without doing anything. Now, having said that, she will love the new you, as you will be trying to please her all the time, and you'll be doing it just to do it, without expectation that it will earn you points towards a blowjob or anything, and if she understands that, she will really appreciate it. You will offer to take over household chores that she does, and she will love that. All of this will put her in a different mindset where, she just might feel inclined to be more attentive towards you. If she knows that it's up to her to decide when you will have sex (in whatever form that takes), she may feel more inclined to do stuff. But there are no guarantees, so you should not do this with that as an expectation, or you will be disappointed. You should learn to take pleasure from being locked in of itself, and I can tell you, having that feeling of a device on your junk all-day/every-day is a nice feeling. You have a low level of arousal all the time, rather than the highs and lows that come with self-gratification. You might also want to introduce your wife to the idea of ruined orgasms, as they are a great way of giving you some relief without bringing on the dreaded "drop" (refractory period). If she does it right, you will stay hard and horny and ready for more.
I'm not sure it will lead to her unlocking you and wanting to have more sex in the traditional manner . My wife who was very vanilla up until now, did go through a stage in the beginning of our chastity relationship. Chastity was such a turn on for her, she let me out often for sex but that quickly ended once she realized the power she now holds. Now, it's mostly oral with vibrators and dildos and me wearing a strap on to pleasure her. Becareful what you wish for. At the end of the day, you really don't know which way things will go with your wife once they have the key and understand the power they have over you. My wife is a good example. She was very vanilla. Some of the things I mentioned , she thought were "nasty" too. Especially butt stuff. Now she loves having me worship her ass and she has no problem shoving a finger in my ass to massage my prostate in order to keep me locked and denied longer.
First, take it slowly. It is not a race, and sometimes if you push like it's a race you will ruin the experience for your wife. Be patient, and take it at her speed, not yours. (Also, be prepared for her to take it at warp speed, if she wants to.) Second, I strongly suggest the book (PDF available for free somewhere) called Real Women Don't Do Housework (RWDDH). My 99% vanilla wife (I'm not complaining!) seemed to enjoy it when I showed it to her, and I seem to be doing more housework now (and I'm not complaining at all about that either!) Third, there's a site with some good ideas: https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/ EDIT: I'd add that you really have to learn a basic thing, and remember it well (repeat it to yourself a few times a day, if it helps): It's all about her. This is not about you. This is all about her. It's easy to mess this part up, because you're excited about the experience ... that you are experiencing. You're excited about what you are feeling.
I think you starting out on a great journey! Your not wishfully thinking, but just like most all of us your expectations are running a bit high. It will likely take many trys to get a workable cage, when you do get a workable cage give your wife the gift of your chastity without her having to learn to be a key holder. I think your looking at many months to arrive to the point where she will want to hold your key. And, do you think you can handle extreme hornyness and take your wifes "I'm tired" as a no?
Here's the website version: http://www.rwddh.com/ And here's the PDF: http://www.rwddh.com/rwddh.pdf That's a good one, just be sure to read it first yourself, we had someone else here who scanned the first page then showed it to his wife, so he was surprised when she got to the part where they recommend locking the man up for a MINIMUM of 90 days as a "break in" period. She saw that and insisted on it as a condition of playing the game.
Maybe it is a little bit wishful. I found we spent a lot more time on intimacy once the expectation of sex was removed, and that's really enjoyable for both of us. I also found I'm doing more chores, though not a massive amount more than I was already doing. I think I'm more attentive. There is an expectation that I do as I'm ordered, but we're also doing a Female Led Relationship as well as chastity. All of this makes her happy, her being happy make me feel good. In terms of sex drive... hers is probably... the same. We have sex only when she feels like it, which is typically every two or three weeks. Though when she's in the mood the sex is amazing. In between being in the mood for sex she does sometimes order me to go down on her as purely self indulgent thing (I stay locked). That's probably around once a week. That might be a slight increase in her desire for sexual activity. One thing that happens a lot more is foot massage, which she demands pretty much every night.
Keep it simple. You wear the cage until she wants to take it off. Don’t push denial because most women will immediately think, ‘he doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore”.
I also love looking at and touching my Queen's butt, however I agree with her on venturing inside it... I suggest trying chastity as a tool to help you stop masturbating. Tell her you want to keep all your sexual energy for her whenever she wants it. Do not encourage her to be a dominatrix tomorrow. Try to make it about service - dishes, vacuuming, bathroom... she will notice your efforts and come to expect them.
The biggest attraction, as I see it, will be that you can both have sex... but when she wants, not you. And if that's not a good thing for a relationship, I don't know what is. A
There is a hope that you being more attentive will lead to more intimacy of one kind or another. But if she has a low sex drive it may just lead to less sex and/or intimacy. You might think she should recognize what you are doing for her, but she may not. She may just be glad that you're not pestering her as much for PIV sex. And it may happen that she might feel manipulated, as in, she's being forced to participate in something of which she has no interest. The best chastity relationships are where both are into it: you, the denial, and she, the teasing, keeping you on edge, and taking her pleasure as she wants and when she wants (with the implication that she'll want to take pleasure more often). Sadly, that's not always the case. Some wives are just "lock it and forget it". You'll never know until you try, so go for it. Communication, as always, is important. Good luck.
Great advice and way to approach it! The opportunity to use it as a tool to help stop masturbating was one of the reasons I offered my keyholder and something she easily comprehended. It was a true statement as well, not like I was bs'ing her. I am working on the latter part of your thoughts to focus more on service to help her see additional benefits that come along with the chastity lifestyle. A new journey for us, but one I'm grateful for her having the open mind to indulge.
Awesome she is open to it. So many seem not to be... i think it shows she wants to hang onto you and improve things if possible. i am still impressed that Queen wanted to lead so many yrs ago. it is know where near 24/7 kink here but it has spiced up our sex.
This is me and my wife to a T and why I bought a HT V3 nub knockoff and handed the keys to my wife just tonight. I'm excited to see where it goes, but I want it on her terms. We are trying to conceive so I know she will initiate atleast once a month when she is fertile, but I'll be lucky if she initiates anytime between fertile days.... she was accepting of the keys but I didn't push any further. I just did some house chores then went about my usual day. Been locked a little over 24 hours now and honestly forget I'm locked most of the time.
Welcom to d journey.. its a long winding road of chastity.. but xciting.. glad yr wife is aceptable to such novel ideas.. we started chastity on d male to improve d sex part of our mariage as we were trying for a baby.. i c so much similiarity with frends here..So i remained cage 3wks str8.. while waiting for her fertile week.. she was like.. r u sure..? But nvr looked bk.. During my caged period i would perform dutiful oral pleasure onto her to xcite her up for my uncaged week.. ok our intention nvr fruitful.. but since then d chastity evolve into flr.. pwr chg n her sexual freedom.. i would say theres female feeling of ownership n entitlement.. wat u hv given up.. u wont get bk.. at least in our case.. u may hv to b ready for more sacrifice n wiling submision.. when caged.. d male mood swings due to lack of orgasm, build up of testosterone or certain sex acts unacomplished.. coming frm our type of maleness with high sex drive.. d total alpha male which i hv discarded..