How to bring out more Dominance?

It's a tall order that requires a mixture of creativity and understanding. It depends a bit on the natural desire to be Dominant that she has. I am converting my Goddess into a Dominant and it comes and goes in waves. She has the natural tendency, but really never had the desire nor the knowledge of things like chastity, FLRs, D&S type stuff til meeting me. We are 3.5 years together, and I imagine it will always be a challenge of this nature, mostly because I was born with my desires, and she is incorporating them into her sexuality. It's just not the same level.

As a sub, you do have to be careful not to put all of the work on her. Think up ways to stimulate her imagination and creativity through games, fun activities, gestures that play in. Be very open about your desires and what you want and need from her. Good luck. .

M.

 

Awesome advice!

 

I also use the porn I like in healthy doses and She created a alt-email where I can send pics and links. We have a Dropbox file that is full of images of bondage, sissies, chastity, Mistresses in action, stuff like that. It's a good way to open up what you specifically desire (I am selective in the images I send so that they depict things I would like to do) and helps bring your ideas into the light in a healthy way. I can tell you that most women are quite uncomfortable with their SO watching porn, but if included can warm up to it quite nicely. It's the hiding out and being secretive that they hate.

I suppose I should have included it in my initial comment, because videos and images help paint the picture. Again, as subs we all have the desire to have things done to us, but it presents a problem for the Domme to have to envision, create, set up, and execute the scene. Be aware of how much effort you are putting in to make it fun and easy for her.

M.

 

I just started a new thread that touches exactly on this. A willing and interested wife but she just doesn't have the time to learn and teach her self how to be a dominant persona.

What I just started, and is working so far a couple of days in, is writing little snipits of a real scene we are in, either just did or will do soon. Almost all of the dialog is in her voice, taking a controlling voice of the scene.

What I like is its a slow feed to her that she can manage (along with career, kids, family, house etc) and directly relatable.

Its also a chance to help her. For example I struggle eating my cum after I ejaculate. (big surprise) My wife never holds me to it though, I complain or beg off and thats that. In my first little story i sent her, I have her say to tell me to put a condom on my cage and anything that leaks out or if i cum to catch it all to clean up my mess (i can cum in my cage)

Today before she left for work she laughed and said I'm not going to do that, I never do that etc and I firmly said no, that is where I need her to be the dominant one and insist. I might work on a script for her there too but it was a big step to push her past this and the earlier failures and say NO, you are holding both sets of keys, you can control all of this. Even with out the cage on I want to be better at this but she has to realize its her decision.

All in time

 

I think the podcast posted earlier makes some good points.
Building your partner's confidence seems to be a key part in your partner's ability to assert dominance. Built confidence and take a backseat and see if things naturally progress more to a FLR.

I also think if someone is truly submissive, it is not about you and your desires, but it is all about your partner and their desires. In a way that also means that if your partner is not feeling the dominance, for whatever reasons, you should not force them into that role against their own inclinations.

 

I thought I would share one way I believe I have found to enhance my wife's dominance.

A bit of background: We have been doing chastity off and on for a couple of years. My wife's role is a bit sporadic. She will forget about chastity for a couple of weeks, and then all of a sudden we will have some "activities." For the past year I have been trying to wear a cage full time. But my wife rarely checks, so she doesn't know if I am caged or not. And after an orgasm I get the well known sub-drop and leave the cage in a drawer.

Well, a couple of weeks ago my wife gave me an orgasm. The next day I had little desire to wear a cage. Later that night my wife accidentally noticed I was not caged. She asked me why I wasn't wearing my cage? I gave some half-hearted response about losing desire after an orgasm. She responded with either real indignation or fake indignation and told me to go put my cage on.

The next morning I brought my wife her coffee in bed (I do that every morning). I gave her a cup of coffee, stood in front of her, and lowered my pants and underwear to show my wife that I was caged. She glanced over and nodded approvingly. I have been performing this ritual now for about two weeks. I believe I am seeing a more assertive approach from my wife during these "morning showings." I have made the morning reveal a bit more structured and now stand there exposed until I get the official nod of approval from my wife.

I am wondering now what will happen if I skip this morning ritual. Will my wife assert her dominance and say, "Drop your pants and show me the cage?" I have not tried this yet. I am thinking I will give the ritual a few more weeks so it is firmly ingrained in our relationship. Then I may try to skip it and see what happens.

I have learned a lot lurking on CM. So maybe my story will be of assistance to others.

 

Sounds like what you have is working.

I would not tempt fate with testing Her limits.

Instead talk to her about how everything is going. The Pros and Cons of the new phase of your relationship. Think of it as a check in.

Just stopping what you are doing, stopping what is currently working seems extremely counter productive.

You have worked hard to get your relationship to where it is now. If it were me, I would not do anything to screw that up.

My 2cents.

Iso.

 

I was thinking of "accidentally" forgetting to do the morning reveal. But you make a good point about not stopping what is working. I will have to think about that.

 

Simple... Stop topping from the bottom!
If you occupy the confident, dominant and powerful space in your dynamic, she can't move into it, so make and give her the space to do that.
Never tell her what you want, if you have to, just ask her if it's something she'd like to do.
Be more submissive, even when you think she's not even paying attention.
Don't wait for her to tell you to do that chore, just do it for her anyway.
Even if you're unhappy with how she does things, think of it as her imposing her will, her way of working on you. She's not wrong, you are. It's your attitude and behaviour that needs to change, she's the most important one in the relationship, not you. Otherwise, if you impose your will on her, you're the one being confidently dominant and powerful.

90% of being dominated is.... being submissive.

 

I agree! Just let time take it’s corse and see how you go, it might be slow, but better that than pushing it and it all go wrong! Good luck on your journey!

 

OK. I am convinced. I will stick with what is working and not try to be manipulative. Thanks for the feedback.

 

I think its an evolution and driven by outside influence and time. When we were raising our kids, there was not enough time for the daily things, never mind sex and kink. In the beginning we were swingers before kids and after they were over 2 we went back for about 2 years. We ended up stopping for a few reasons including getting time away and becoming wary of some of the people and even our own behavior. Our business were growing and there was not enough time in the day with our work and their activities and sports. As the kids grew up and they were doing more on their own we had time for our fun. It came in waves and we experimented more and more with BDSM and eventually chastity.

Once time became available, my wife was more receptive to trying new things and once mastered her confidence grew. She was the one who decided when it was her time, nothing I could have done differently or even tried to change her mind. In fact, if I had she would have resisted and stopped altogether.

 

I do think it is a process more than flipping a switch. Women are not encouraged to be assertive and openly demanding. Learning to do that and that it is a positive behavior and not a negative one, will likely take time. Show her your willingness to submit but let her take the lead in the way that suits her. That should be a good way to start. Good luck and enjoy,

 

Krystine Kellogg make a podcast about my cock cage guide. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/krystines-flr-podcast/id1529833492?i=1000571210960

The guide is posted here:
https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...for-24-7-cock-cage-wearing.45079/#post-509577

 

Yes, I agree. Thanks for sharing.

 

Its money power.. mr iso-me..
If you have to ask her for gym membership fees, gas money for bike, groceries budget.. if she is the one pulling the purse strings, you will treat her like a queen and she will behave like one.
I do.

 

submissive; ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive.
being dominant is a personality trait of having a decisive role in the relationship.
it seems to me that if you are doing everything you can to serve you spouse so that she will evolve into the person you need to cater to your sexual and lifestyle desires you have assumed the dominant role and your spouse is becoming more submissive by accommodating your fantasy.
if you really want her to be the dominant one would you accept her rules regardless of what they are? lets say she gives you a list of daily chores and a list of weekly chores. she sets down the rules; no tv, radio, internet, alcohol, masturbating or complaining. you can hang your key on the frig i don't want to keep track of it.
if you do not fully comply she will assume you no longer want a flr and will go back to the way it is now.
on top of that she will open up a new bank account in her name only and and transfer all funds to it. placing you on a small allowance. then a power of attorney allowing her to make all financial and medical decisions for you.
......... too much????...... not the flr you imagined????.................
oooohhhhh you wanted a very different kind of flr? yes, i see, the kind where you have a say in the rules and life's direction. control over your health and financial decisions. you mean you want to be the dominant one?

dominance comes from self confidence and self esteem. for me it came from weight lifting, running, martial art, archery and guns. basically self improvement. then i organize and cleaned my house from top to bottom all the while planning out my new flr lifestyle. so by the time it happen there was no chance of pom topping from the bottom,
you want your wife more dominant? have her work on her self confidence. things she is sure to improve in. the more success the more she will feel like being dominant.