New poll: Is masturbating cheating?

depends what you agreed between you. In most instances, I would have thought yes.

 

When my Wife(KH) allows me to cum, I have to masturbate for her. I started to masturbate when I was 12ish. I did it when I was dating and even after getting married. I always had a great sex life and I'm not sure why I did it, but I did. Since being locked in a cage and having my Wife keep control of all my orgasms, I might only masturbate three or four times a year. Any other orgasms I receive are from a quick blow job or hand job from my Wife. And a quick BJ can be 5-10 seconds(If that) and that might only be a fast suck and a few licks, that's my orgasm until the next time...

 

While I do understand the sentiment I sense behind the poll, I find myself slightly annoyed by the way people are willing to shift meanings of words so language itself would better conform to their world-view. Sure, this forum is not the worst offender. But it is kind of sad to see this trend even here.

As far as I know, cheating in the context of marriage used to involve a third person. Sure, one could talk about masturbation being a breach of trust in some marriages, but calling it cheating feels like another example of diluting meanings of words to me.

The answer "Nope cocks are free spirits" feels too specific to me but if the poll would offer a simple No, I'd click it.

 

Is a woman masturbating cheating? Most men have a higher sex drive than women and a man's masturbation only becomes a serious relationship problem if the woman has trained him to not come to her with his sexual needs, so a woman satisfying her own needs on her own results in a greater loss of sexual intimacy.

 

My Keyholder says frequently touching her penis is cheating anything more than that would be unthinkable she is very adamant it is only a pee hole unless she commands different

 

Yep, when you agree to be chaste masturbation is a breach of trust.

If you did not agree on that , and have no other rules stated, then it's not. Really that simple.

 

Well said!

 

Masturbation is no different than sitting on the furniture. It is inherently neutral unless you consent to making it something else in the terms of your relationship or dynamic.

 

For me? No, masturbation is not cheating, however, the ability do it, is significantly hampered by a very effective chastity device.

 

I agree with the sentiment that it depends on what has been agreed upon. My wife certainly wouldn't tell anyone that I "cheated on her" just because I masturbated behind her back... but it nevertheless remains a betrayal of trust for as long as I've agreed to be chaste and give her absolute control over my orgasms.

 

I didn't check a box on the poll because my thoughts on the subject don't fit those choices.

Masturbation, or any sexual release, is cheating if she feels it is. If she doesn't care, then it probably doesn't matter much. in a coupling in which the partners pledge sexual loyalty to one another, in a state of exclusion to all else, then to act outside of that union would be to compromise one's oath. She has the power to decide, and should she decide that masturbation is outside the bounds of that union, then absolutely it would constitute cheating.

The fantasy is that she cares. I think that in many cases, women don't care much, and in fact just assume that the men are masturbating. I'd like my wife to care. I'd like my wife to consider it cheating. It adds meaning, importance, significance. If my wife doesn't care, it diminishes any release. A sexual release can be mindblowing, or a shrug. It can be deeply satisfying, or entirely unsatisfactory. A release during intercourse is far more satisfying than masturbation. Supervised masturbation is far more valuable than done solo. My wife has told me to masturbate, but go do it in the other room so she doesn't have to see it. That element entirely ruined the event; authorized, but turned into something disgusting, unwanted. The significance with which the event is treated has a large influence in determining what the event really is.

So, the fantasy is that she cares. She cares so much to lock it up, prevent its use, secure what's hers. After all, people lock up what's valuable. Safe deposit boxes. Safes. Cock cages.

The reality is that she didn't lock it up. She didn't think it was important, or feel that it was cheating. She didn't care. I locked it up. I asked her to care. I asked her to take the keys. Like most men. I'm not too proud to do it, either. I'd like her to take it so seriously that she punishes for any violation, that she demands to be worshipped that she's free to do as she wills, that I'm not. The reality is that if I want the fantasy that she'd punish me, I have to ask. if I want her to want to be worshipped, I have to ask. She doesn't care much. She doesn't care if I masturbate.

Having said that, she's a non-denominational Christian, meaning she has no church, but she's well read. She believes in Christ's admonition: a man who looks after a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery with her in his heart, and there's no difference between that, and cheating. Thus, to fantasize about another woman, would be cheating, whether one masturbates or not. To masturbate over another woman, is certainly cheating, and celebrating it with a sexual act. This, whether the wife cares or knows it took place. After all, what one does in one's heart, is no different than having done in act and deed.

The corollary is that if I masturbate with her in mind, I'm celebrating her, as I should. Unless she wants me to experience a release, then to take advantage of that release would be to take what isn't mine, to steal, and that theft is little different than cheating. If I think of another woman, I'm unquestionably cheating. If I think of my wife, I'm certainly guilty of having her in my mind and heart, which is often and constant. If I consummate that lustful thought of my wife with the act of masturbation, unless she knows and approves, for me, it's cheating.

We all want to matter. Considering it cheating adds weight to "matter." If she thinks it's cheating, then it's cheating.

I don't think my wife masturbating is cheating. In my fantasy world, she's at it every day, enjoying. In my fantasy world, she views my masturbation as a crime, worthy of measures to prevent, to discipline. That's arrogance on my part, but it's still a fantasy.

 

My thoughts as well.

If two people are married, partnered, etc. and never came up with any rules about masturbation, then it'd be presumptuous to consider self-stimulation "cheating" unless there was some sub-cultural prohibition about it - religious, cult, intentional community, etc.

In a chastity relationship where there are points where the chastised person is unlocked - cleaning, medical, locker room, etc - and there were no specific negotiations about what could happen during that unlocked time, I'd be surprised at the lack of oversight more than assuming the unlocked person was "cheating".

Cheating involves rules and / or agreements. If there are none, on what basis is there cheating? If there are relevant rules, then yes - it's cheating.

 

Well, even if a person *is* locked 24/7... Some people can get a lot of pleasure even while locked, for example using a vibe, or through anal play, or by mental stimulation alone. Some people can reach a squirting orgasm even without touching their locked-up penis once, simply watching porn or having a vivid enough imagination plus the sensations from a locked-up semi-hard penis can set them off. So I'd say there's little point in arguing about being locked up meaning this or that.

If the people involved can agree on a definition of cheating that applies to their relationship, good. If they can't, they have a problem they better deal with. Anyone else's opinions aren't more than that, i.e. opinions, and while such opinions might constitute an advice, they aren't rules.

So while my own opinion is just that, an opinion, I'll finish by repeating my stance that a breach of trust (which masturbation might mean for some couples) is not the same as cheating. And even if a couple agrees on a non-masturbation rule, going ahead and masturbating is IMHO usually just breaking a rule, not cheating. I've edited this to admit I forgot to allow for things like people trying to "game" the rules, i.e. breaking the spirit of such rules but following the letter of those rules, but I'd guess that's not what the original poll was about.

 

any sexual energy not spent on my sexual pleasure is in some way stealing my sexual gratification. a puck that wants more sex points to a ma'at that has failed to manage puck's sexual energy appropriately.

 

Could you explain how that is supposed to work in cases where one partner is able and willing to provide ten times the amount of sexual pleasure that the other partner is wishing to accept?

 

How does one quantify sexual pleasure?

 

In agreement with @HusbandX on this one- it depends on your individual agreement with your key holder. I hope the 'It should be grounds for divorce!' option was a joke. Anyone who thinks that doesn't understand how powerful a sex drive is and how flawed people are.

 

In relationship with my Wife/KH, any ejaculation unauthorized by Her is considered a serious act bordering on treason and is severely punished.

 

If you are here, there's a certain inference that orgasms are not yours to control....

 

If she has me locked in chastity and I masturbate, that's cheating. And a punishable offense.

If we are having sex, which in our marriage means I am serving her orally and using the dildo to get her off, my own penis is never to be touched by me, not meant to be rubbed against anything, not to receive any physical stimulation whatsoever unless by her (which never happens). I may or may not be in chastity, but I am always in panties, and if I touch myself I will be punished.

If I am not in chastity she may direct me not to masturbate, but she knows I can't follow such an order for very long, so if she really doesn't want me masturbating she will always lock me up.

Otherwise, she knows I masturbate as it is my only means for release (no PIV), and she does not object to it. She even sometimes encourages it, and occasionally she will even watch and laugh or she may allow me to masturbate onto her gorgeous butt or into some kleenex while my tongue is in her butthole or I am kissing her feet.

But it has to be said that I never ever masturbate to the thought or fantasy of having sex with anyone except for my wife, and with my wife it can only be fantasy or past memories since I am not allowed PIV sex anymore. I am not allowed to look at naked female genitalia or anus either, but I am allowed to look at big cocks, so that really means that I masturbate to fantasies of being cuckolded and serving her and some imagined lover of hers.

 

I answered yes, but after reading several of the comments would like to rephrase that: Masturbation is NOT "cheating" in a vanilla husband-wife relationship, as cheating requires a 3rd person.

Masturbation IS cheating when the husband is in chastity and the wife is unaware. If she orders him/allows him to masturbate, it is his responsibility to do so.

 

perfectly put!