1st time doing chastity as Alpha male...guidance please!

@John brings up a good point. The first time you cum after being locked up for a few days and getting teased is wonderful. And addicting. And you'll probably love ever millisecond of it.

But most (all?) guys go through a little sub-drop immediately afterwards. You're not going to want to necessarily be locked right back up or continue treating your Miss the same. You can try to fight it, but it is like Thanos. Inevitable Therefore, might be worth warning her about it when you get the chance (when you're in a non-sexy situation I'd say).

Hell, it might lead her to keeping you locked up longer, but them's the breaks!

Also, at some point ... have a conversation with her. Where you can both take a step out of the "fantasy" or play and have a serious conversation about what you're both wanting out of this. It'll help TONS to *know* how you both feel and how far you both want to go

 

Hey Joey,

Man, it sounds like you are already there! Awesome! Right now, it sounds like it has been more role play game so far and it is going really well. It also sounds like you want to go longer which I’m a huge fan of. There is a pretty big distinction there. Your first steps were short term and really foreplay building towards sex with you finishing. When you being locked becomes assumed, sex will now mean you going down on her or using toys on her. Then maybe rubbing her feet after. But really, moving from short term chastity to long term chastity is basically extending that short term window of arousal to your entire day – you’re constantly aroused. It’s like an xman power ; ).

Regarding rationalizing the whole “I’m an alpha male am I going to lose that” thing, I think this will make you more of a man and a better man. This started as kink for me that I didn’t understand why I liked it. You see what directions others are going in and wonder, am I supposed to be submissive now? Am I supposed to wear panties or want a dildo up my ass now? It’s whatever you and your fiancé are into. You will take it in whatever direction you want. When I learned the science behind this – the hormones, I totally became more convicted to have it just be part of my life when I felt like I was just playing with it before. Check out this detailed post on the hormone interaction with dopamine, oxytocin and prolactin.
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/hormone.38934/#post-416834

Long story short – men want to chase. Women want to be chased. Men get a rush from that chase and get a rush from the reward. Women get a rush from the man passionately pursuing her. When you are in a committed relationship, what happens to the chase part? Is it possible to bring back those emotions and keep them back? Chastity brings you right back as you constantly chase her. So think of how you were when you were courting your fiancé. How excited you were to see her or the sweet things you would do for her. How she always showed her appreciation as you chased her. Well, that can all come back indefinitely.

When you remain locked up and engage in sexual activity, it will be confusing at first. You have an instinct to make it across the finish line like an alpha man, but you’ll need to let that idea go, at least for a week to start with, then push your limits little by little. This doesn’t mean your not an alpha man. So not finishing will be new for you. Also new, you will ride out a rush of dopamine and oxytocin like you never have before. For me, those hormones are like a drug in itself. Don’t get me wrong, I have a normal orgasm every few weeks. I still crave that and want that and need that. You’ll see people on the boards refer to an orgasm hangover. That is the 3rd hormone in play here – prolactin. After you blow your load, prolactin basically puts the brakes on dopamine and oxytocin and all of that momentum you had built up chasing your fiancé. A woman only has a few day window per month that she can procreate. Men are built to turn things around pretty quick with the ability to procreate several times a day. So the whole hormone thing is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to go find some new pussy to spread your gene pool. In the framework of our society, that doesn’t work and most of us here are in committed relationships. This is hacking Mother Nature’s intention for sex to bring you closer to the person you love vs getting boring and causing tension or resentment because one or the other’s needs aren’t being met etc.

With that said, chastity doesn’t make you submissive unless you already have those tendencies. It just bottles up your sexual energy and points it at [whatever you’re into]. You’ll also find that you can more easily communicate about [whatever your into] and she will as well. Anything that you liked, you will like more. You will be exposed to new things as you look around the internet and here – some you will like and check out, some you will not, but that will be your path. Incidentally, I’d describe myself as an alpha male too, but chastity is just between my wife and I etc; she is on the vanilla side. Now, I say “whatever you’re into.” If you or your fiancé is into the humiliation thing, then her talking about your cage with her friends in front of you could be a thing you do. In general, the concept is that we concede certain things when we go into chastity. Obviously the ability to have an orgasm on our own terms is one of them. Beyond that, it’s whatever you BOTH agree to. So when she brought up the “I’m gonna show your cage to my friends” thing. You should talk to after that and let her know your thoughts. Before going into longer term lock up, you and your fiancé should understand each other’s wants and boundaries. You’ll see the concept of a contract out there and there are tons of examples if you wanted to do that. My wife and I don’t have a contract, but we definitely have a set of rules we follow. They keep us both honest

As many others have said, you will become preoccupied with this more than you can imagine. Your fiancé will not; at least not to the extent you will. That is a challenge for all of us, but frankly with how she is reacting, I don’t think you have much concern there. Also as many others have mentioned, and you have already done, allow that energy you have now to pour into all other areas of your life. That can be your job or working out more too. On the non sexual front, don’t help her with the dishes, ask her to sit down and check on what she wants to drink. When your done, sit on the couch and ask if you can give her a foot massage. Not sure if you’re living together yet, but if you are, do anything random around the house without telling her your going to do it (e.g. laundry or washing her car etc). She will notice and gush on you a bit, say something simple like “of course ma’am, I wanted to make sure you had time for a back massage later” or whatever will work for you guys. Just impress her in little ways and take it wherever it works for you.

With you mentioning you have been into role playing already – I’d say you’re pretty much set man. Just lock up and do your role playing games and work this into it. I do think you need to consider whether you’re looking for wind sprints where it is just part of your foreplay or if you’re looking for more of a marathon – at least a 5k ; ). No right or wrong answer. I’ve blathered on so much here because I’m trying to give you more context on why the marathon could be better, but again whatever works for you guys. As others have mentioned, chastity will take some time for you both to figure out; physically you getting used to a cage, getting that right and then what direction you take it from there. With the healthy sexual relationship you have and your fiancé’s openness, you have no idea how many challenges are already behind you. There are many people here that are jealous of you on that front I’m sure.

On the chastity cage front, I too started wit a cb6000, then went to cb6000s. I’m around 6 inches and found the 6000 fit well, but then also found out the smaller the better to keep the erection down which will avoid pain and discomfort. You really do want to mitigate erections, don’t worry, you will feel the cage tighten when you try to get aroused, you’ll still know you have a cock etc. I then moved on to a simple steel design. There was a lot more hygiene issues when I was wearing a plastic device and your skin can get irritated much easier. I can shower with the metal one with no issues after. I take it off for 2-3 showers a week. Also, plastic devices for me were too light. When I would get erections, it was easier for to lift the cage a bit and once you boner starts to get north it is tough to fight. The slightly heavier weight seems to be enough to help my cock pointing down which mitigates erections trying to get too far along. Here is a picture of the one I’m wearing now - You can get them on amazon for $20-40.


Quick bio on me as I can see you’re also getting more comfortable as you realize chastity goes into all demographics. I’m in software sales, presenting as “thy guy” to important decision-maker audiences 10-15 times a week. As mentioned, I would consider myself an alpha male too. Have been married for 18 years. Have 3 kids 15, 13, 11. Vanilla as far as the rest of the world knows ; ). Btw, that is the hottest and coolest part of chastity imho – you can do it 24/7 in plain sight and the world is none the wiser. Just you and your partner and you can throttle it up at any given moment without anyone knowing a thing. Again you take it where you want it to go.

Have fun! Thanks for sharing your updates, looking forward to more of them

 

Joey G! Your going through all the same mental struggles i went through along with my Goddess. You have the same questions i did along with my Queen worried about loosing the alpha male she married. You cant get anymore alpha in regular life than i was and still in public. You touch my Queen or my kids there is no question on what i will do and my Mistress loves that. I bow only to my Mistress and her needs. Ive been locked up for going on 6 yrs 24/7 and believe me its not been perfect.
We both have evolved into different people but we did it together. Communication is huge every step of the way. We have been together 12 yrs she is my everything. Her pleasures ans satisfaction is now my number one thing in life. Its got to the point of all honesty with everything. I can see and feel her more than ever. I can see my small caged cock doesnt do it for her anymore so im ok if we have a young hung bull come in to pleasure her with me there. We do everything together so why wouldnt i. My point is you both will grow but do it together with communication. At first she had alot of hard limits on things but now she has changed and makes me shave my legs, wear panties and paint my toe nails. Its only for her not anyone else so i do what im told. Mistress even tells me i will become a cock sucker for her but only time will tell. But at the end of the day my Queen knows i will die at the drop of a hat for her and still the same man she married. Good luck and be patent with her she will need your support. Remember communication is the key

 

Well done!!! I thought she’d be back for more and to lock you up again!

I’d love it if my wife told a friend! Or in your case girl friends! But she never will! She is way to shy for that! But, like you said, keep it a thought (fantasy) right now and enjoy the baby steps your taking with you girlfriend! You’ve got some fun times ahead!!! Heck, down the road when her confidence keeps growing and she is keeping you locked longer and she’s out with her girls friends having a drink and getting a little tipsy.... well, let’s just say, according to you she seems to be very close with her girlfriends!!! And girls talk!

On another note: I have a question...
in the beginning, you mentioned she was your fiancé... are you wanting to be locked for your wedding? I love it when my wife locks me up early for special occasions! Just like she did for Valentine’s Day!!! Locked me up 2 weeks earlier so I’d be ready for her! Sometimes she’ll say... you need to cook a little longer! Your not ready to get unlocked yet! Damn it! Then other times she’ll let me out early like she did this time for Valentine’s Day! I never know when I’ll be unlocked! She likes to keep me guessing!

 

I would keep it on as directed otherwise and also show her the new one and ask her which she wants on you

 

I think you are doing it right with your subtle hints. As you prove to her the advantages there’s no way she would like to go back now. Exciting to follow your journey and the growth of your lady. Think she has got it now let her do the decision how far she want to go. It’s okay to come with hint just don’t push own needs too much.

 

Your doing great! I wear mine in small burst! I’m probably locked 50% of the time. But that what’s she wants! That’s all that matters to me! Her happiness!

 

You are at a moment it's important to embrace it not doubt it. Finally you reached a point where your Lady really wants it. Be careful not loosing everything now. She found her natural power and you have craved it. If you stop now she might not gain enough confidence the keep doing it. It natural after you cum to question and doubt that's the crucial moment your lady needs to be hard. To get you over this point 2-3 days after the temptation are there to want to get out then it starts to chill is my experience. Of cause you get horny but it's easier to resist after some time. Gotten used to the emprisonment.

My concern is the spare key I mean it's okay there's a emergency key but shouldn't be accessible without her knowledge. Shouldn't be stored in a way you can get it without being it show you have used to it. Like need to break something or seal it shomehow.

Could it be that you ring is a bit too tight maybe? When you put on the device try to use some sort of location so don't hurt as much. Personally I can't sleep in ball type of cages. Since you managed to sleep in your cage you are at positive point. I noticed how the skin gets irritated around the balls with cage. Getting purple it might be a bit too tight I would assume. Still don't need to be so loose you can take it off. It's normal it hurts when getting arroused.

Hang in there Joey let your Lady get her bossy side to flourish even more. Now it's not the time to give in. Yes when we are non arroused our common sense tells it not to do it and live normally. Your Lady really seems to enjoy the moment. Empower her instead disarming embrace the moment

 

Smaller cage may help reduce the pain of an erection (by reducing your penis' ability to even start pushing back). I think a tighter, not looser, base ring AND gap also help reduce the strain on your nuts when the penis is trying to push things out.

Most of all, secure the spare key. You can't be doing that again without having to ask her 1st, or you risk depowering and demotivating her (who is really in control?!).

Mine is at a point where she says No everytime. She knows I can put a bit of vaseline on or go pee, etc to ease things up and she wants me to have at least a daily reminder of my locked situation.

See how much better "it" works when you know you cannot access the key! Fun times ahead...

 

I’m glad she keep bringing up she wants you locked again it’s a good sign you are starting a real journey with her in this regard.

Really seems like she got it now. Gonna be exciting see where she takes this. It’s natural after a relief we don’t want to do it anymore then a few days later we get excited and want it allover again

 

She is liking her new toy (and chore-man)! Your getting addicted to the cage (like the majority of us on here)!!! I said you’d be wanting it back on within two days and you only lasted a day! If I was in your situation, I would have wanted locked back up in a day too!!!
In an earlier post, you mentioned you wore the cage for 3 days! Didn’t you experience this problem with morning wood? I would say that’s the toughest part for all of us on this site to overcome! The bite of the base ring! What I do is rub some baby oil on the base ring! It helps the ring slide on the skin and not pull skin! Everybody on here has found what’s works for them. Somebody will have your cure on here! Good luck!

 

I love wearing long sweatshirts (winter) or baseball type shirts (summer) around the house with just my cage on! It just makes me fill sexy! Plus my wife gets a little gropie! Gotta love that!

Also, I’m thinking if your girlfriend is intentionally wearing a white see thru shirt while helping you clean.... Then she is probably gonna be looking pretty hot tonight while out for drinks! Who knows, she may even get a little gropie for you! Have Fun and good luck with your base ring bite!!!

 

I’m impressed how fast she got into this she seems like a naturally talented

Maybe something you could discuss that just because it’s a turn-on for you shouldn’t be a turnoff for her. I assume deep down she why and don’t change how she would look at you. As long as you have mutual respect for each other in general when you don’t everything will work fine for both of you.

 

This is a life style that’s not about to start...
It’s already started and you helped her become your key mistress! You did a really good job!!!

It would be a huge turn on if my wife told a girlfriend!!! But I don’t believe she ever would! I believe your girlfriend was teasing and feeling you out for a change! She may not now but down the road I believe she will!

My wife loves keeping me locked but she also likes penetrating sex! So, I at least get a break! But that’s what my wife wants! It’s all about what she wants. Good luck!

 

I hate to rain on your parade, but I would urge caution. I appreciate that you like the idea of the humiliation resulting from her telling a friend, but do you really want the whole world to know about your kinky secret. Once your secret is out.... it's out. You can't expect her friend to keep the secret. She's bound to pass it on. It'll spread like wildfire. How will you feel when all your friends, family, workmates, etc. all know?