Hey im new to this forum, im semi active in other forums and i fantasize about chastity for a few years now, but have done nothing so far except for self experimenting. my interest is in teasing and denial, cruel denial, being controlled with no effort, nothing of the nature of pain or sissy, just the stuff resulting from chastity. I am 26, my gf is 22, i am considering telling her about chastity and get her in on this, but i have a few withdraws that i would like to hear your advice about, or maybe even experience. My main concern regarding is her character so ill share a little bit: she is the classic "sweet and innocent" type, very gentle, she is very childish in spirit and has no experience neither had a decent exposure to porn at all, she never (but never) masturbate, her sexual experience is very limited, not to say she doesn't like sex, she does, but a lot of basics had to be guided by me, and the bedroom scene is led completely by me, i wish she had took more initiative in bed and we discussed that already but words to wind it's still the same. So in our daily life i set the tone and she submits. needless to say the relationship is vanilla. Im concerned that she is too far away from this world and wouldn't be able to apply the chastity game (not yet a lifestyle) to our life in a way that will be enjoyable to both of us without me topping from the bottom, i think she will get that key and get lost completely with it because of what i've mentioned so far. yet i can see some points of light: she loves to be licked and i mostly avoid going down, i have no real problem im just lazy about it, she's a clit-gasmer. i masturbate to porn sometimes when im home alone, but she feels betrayed every time i do even though im fully open about this, she makes a huge deal out of this and this is the first time i see this type of reaction, i mean cmon... im a guy i jerk off. so maybe she can take advantege of these. my last concern is the catch up she will probably have to go through, she was not exposed to anything fetish like in her life, i don't think she will ran away terrified or something but from this point to understanding the mind games behind chastity, t&d, all of these is a longgg way to go, im afraid it will be to long and ill just be stuck in my cage losing interest... So now, you wise and experienced KHs and lock-ees, after you had some of my point of view, what would you advise? going for it? giving it a try? do you recognize any point of similarity to your relationship? please do share thoughts and ideas. I created a poll for fun =)
Give a go. Try being in Chasity for a bit and then have her measure your behavior. Ask her if she enjoys how you are behaving and treating her as compared to a few weeks ago? If yes then tell her what you are doing and WHY you are doing it. Go slow, you just cannot drop her in the deep end and expect her to swim. Also, don't do this if you are merely playing around with this. Either be committed 100% to this or don't do it. Good luck.
The question isn't really whether or not to try, it is how to try. The question left unasked is worse than the answer you don't want. In my opinion given your situation and your description of her you need to make this as fun and non-threatening as possible. If she is upset with your masturbation ask her if she'd be willing to play a sex-game with you to help you stop. There are tons out there, but don't make the lock-up her call. Make it random and the idea is you get to have sex after a set period of time. Keep this time short and have fun with it. Roll one die to see number of days you stay locked up and porn/masturbation free. At the end you get unlocked and have sex. Pay special attention to her during the lock-up time. This should mainly be non-sexual attention, but also offer her as many orgasms as she wants from oral or toys. Don't make it complicated or creepy. Make it fun and about changing a bad habit. My guess is she'll be game.
It's a long road, probably, but your kink isn't a phase. You have to bring it up some time. With your gf, you should probably take it slowly. Introduce the idea of orgasm control without cages. Whatever you do, don't just show her your junk in a cage out of the blue. She needs some exposure to the idea first. She's young, so she might be up for anything, but it's probably going to be a while before she has the confidence to control you.
If you want this, then this is on you. Just tell her you want to be a better husband for her. Start by abstaining on your own. First try for 24 hours, then double it each time until you are able to completely abstain. Keep a diary, but don’t tell her what you are doing. This diary is for you to put down your thoughts so you are not telling her all about it. I suspect in two weeks you won’t be lazy anymore. after a few months, you can let her in on your secret of how you were trying to become a better husband. Just don’t expect her to leap at a cage. If you have not bought a age already, I suspect you ask her to pick one out for you. It would not be as an enforcement device, but rather as a reminder of your ongoing commitment to her.
Go SLOW. Don’t just dump years of fetish on her. I’d suggest bringing it up as a day of forplay. She gets to take the key on Saturday morning and make it a day of tease and fun. Let it evolve from there.
If she were a little more sassy and you weren't focused on your own wants (see not going down on her that often despite her loving it) rather than her, I'd say your realistic best case scenario would be a D/S scenario with you locked but in charge. You could get tease and denial though not the loss of control to a person as you'd possibly have to have the key somewhere where neither of you have access.
You have to understand that she probably doesn’t even know this is even a fetish. So other members make a good point, play chastity with you not being caged first and stick to it. It will help her realize that she can control you the way she wants. Once you get past that stage work on orgasm denial. Tell her later on that you want her to not let you cum but she can cum all she wants. Once you go past this point tell her about cages and see how she reacts. Baby steps. I did not do this and it has been 5 years for her to agree to try again. also be careful what you wish for, she might lock you for months! Good luck!
I would say that it does not look bad. One thing I did not read thou is wether she likes to try new things or if she does not. If she does (and it does not matter what things we are talking about) give it a try, but do not make it a fetish thing, but rather some kinky gadget to include into your sex play from time to time. Make it some fun thing to do. That's how we started - and it was a good thing to do.
The need in yourself to be chaste that you've already identified never goes away, so at some point you're going to have to tell her. And you're a masturbator and she doesn't like that, so you've got another thing to share. And she likes likes oral, which you're not giving her because you're a lazy masturbator, but locked men thrive on giving oral, so she'll like that too. Don't sell her short, confess to her.
You don't have to turn her into a porno domme, nor educate her in fetish. You just have to give her tool to get things she wants. So you could start by just introducing the device in the bedroom: "Look, I have this new toy, don't give me back the keys until you are satisfied." Then just see where it goes.
I agree will others, go for it! You never know what will happen! I’m sure if you have a search though here, you will find posts from a few KH who just like your girl friend. Good luck on your journey.
I had/have a masturbation problem, so much so it probably contributed to my marriage ending. That said, I found a girl, and little by little we decided to have me only jerk off and cum when she decided. She had a lot of fun with that which was great. I brought up chastity (I had a couple ill-fitting devices from previous experiments) she had never really heard of this. Long story short, she has dived completely into her role as KH and Mistress (@Destiny103181). Like you, I am more into the tease and denial aspect and having her control me, she is petite and I am a big guy, it turns me on so much having this sweet little thing control my most primal urges. However, unlike you, she is very much into control but with females, so it was a bit of a gamble having her control me. She was also very much against teasing me but she absolutely loves everything now! Give it a try but like everyone is saying, go slow. Give her control of your orgasms first, I bet a fire is lit inside her. Good luck
Well the tone of responses is go slow, agreed. Patience and communication is key. Some suggestions regarding avoiding the cage, I also agree. The cage is likely to freek her out. If you can introduce orgasm control in a fun non threatening way so as to spice up your sex life she may enjoy. If it is presented as a game as opposed to a lifestyle it will help with the introduction. She is young and women are born and raised under a rock compared to most of you men. Many women have no knowledge of kink, don't watch porn, we have absolutely no idea that men masturbate as often as they do. Why would they when they have a wife or girlfriend to have sex with. I was this woman, this was my life. I was the good girl, The Good Wife, I grew up. Unfortunately my journey has taken many years but here I am loving and embracing all this life and my husband has gifted me. It is possible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Best wishes
At the beginning of our relationship my wife was very vanilla, and we were both inexperienced -- being each other's first sexual partners. But I learned early on that she is something of a selfish lover: loves receiving oral / hates giving oral, expects sex to be how and when she wants, etc. And it turns out that's fine for me, because it either reinforced the submissive tendencies I had all along or helped give rise to new kinks for me (SPH, denial, etc.). Anyway, as I found a need to explore some of my own kinks and fetishes I approached her cautiously and gradually found ways to introduce them into our relationship. Almost universally she has accepted and embraced my kinks and made them her own. In some cases, such as SPH and chastity and sexual denial/rejection, I don't think I could reverse course if I wanted to.
While I largely agree with this approach, I worry about it backfiring, or at least I think it would have in my case. I am hopelessly addicted to masturbation, and I do not have the willpower to stop that on my own. My wife knows that I masturbate a lot, she knows that it had a negative affect on my ability to achieve both erection and orgasm when were still having PIV sex, and she also knows the impact it has on my attention toward her and her needs. If I had managed to abstain from masturbating I am certain she would have appreciated it, and she would have asked me to continue. But the problem with that is, I need her to be in control of that. I need something stronger than my own willpower to make it happen in the first place and certainly to do it longer term, and I need for her to know that's the case. Otherwise, I think it could cause resentment for my not doing it. What worked in our case, years ago now, was me mentioning chastity as something I had discovered and was interested in. Her reaction, as you can guess, was somewhere between disinterest and dislike toward the idea. I did not push it, but thereafter I mentioned it here and there and especially in situations where it likely would have helped (for example, during a conversation about how I masturbate too much). Then I bought an inexpensive device (CB-6000s) and tried it on while I was at home alone during the day, became accustomed to wearing it, made sure I could do so relatively comfortably, etc. Then I began wearing it continuously, day and night, which I didn't necessarily conceal from her, but she didn't notice because we were not having PIV sex all that often by then. She noticed that I was different before she knew anything about the device. She noticed I spent more time on the couch with her watching shows that she liked. She noticed I gave her back and foot rubs and that I was more romantic, more intimate with her, more involved in our relationship. She noticed all of that to such an extent that she said it was making her really happy and she wanted to know what had caused the change. I delicately revealed -- showing her and telling her simultaneously -- that I had tried on an inexpensive chastity cage and had worn it for a few days and was a little surprised she hadn't seen it on me (letting her know I wasn't hiding it). She took a closer look, observing the padlock on the device, and then asked where was the key. I went and got it and handed it to her, and she said it was hers to keep from then on.
I think you should go for it with an understanding that this is your particular kink that you would like to explore with her. Let her know that you would like to explore her interests as well.. Start off slowly, and learn if she enjoys the same things that you do. If not, it's best to get out of the relationship (for now). Sexual incompatibility is a real issue. You're both young and have plenty of time to explore. You may find someone who is a better match. Also, even if she isn't interested now, that might change after a few years or boyfriends. There's no rule preventing you from dating again. Best of luck!
If she's so against the idea of you masturbating maybe you can offer it as a solution. A vow of your unconditional commitment to be nobody but hers. Maybe it will spark a romantic side. Tell her you want to be committed to nobody but her. Leave it as that. Just plant a seed and see if it grows. Don't mention the kink side of it. Spend the money and choose a custom cage together. Make it fun. Chastity is really about commitment anyway, make it that.