Like many locked guys, i find that the time period of being locked for about 1-3 weeks the hardest time. I have to put considerably more effort into being submissive, watching what I do and what I say. The first week is normally easy, and after 3 weeks in I tend to kind of 'hit my groove.' So my question to those or you who are locked is this: do you like to struggle? or do you like it when you have reached the point where being submissive almost becomes second nature? Similarly, to those of you that hold a key, do you prefer that your locked guy (or gal) struggle and have to make a conscious effort to be submissive, or do you prefer the point where it has become second nature?
I am truly a submissive fetishist. I do struggle with my wife for power, however. Sometimes she chews me out so badly for nothing! Last week I told her that if she had said the exact same words to me, but with Dom/slave overtones and a sexual glint in her eye I would be happy to agree with her stern critique of me and I would not argue back. About an hour later she told me to take off my pants and lay across the bed. She belted my ass as she sternly recited her displeasure and her opinion of my arrogance. I held position. When she had finished fully she asked whether I had a hard-on. I said, “No. maam.” She told me to kneel in the corner of our bedrooom until I had one for her. No sooner had I knelt than I had what she requested. Real life is stranger than fiction! SS
I'm natural submissive, but it is a struggle to be accepted as that because I'm male. Sometimes, even if we prefer not to take the lead, society seems to expect it. Still I try.
There is so much social baggage with being a male submissive. I am naturally submissive too. I was terrified sharing this with my now wife because I knew there was a risk that she would not like it and maybe be turned off by it. Sometimes, the switch is flipped naturally dominant in a woman. The weekend she collared me we were at the Pacific Coast. We had discussed the cage that we had ordered and were walking to the beach when she offered that she was really excited and that she wondered if women who were active in this lifestyle become "ravenous" They are out there. Rare. But they are.
That being said, I think the number one lesson about women is that they really do not want to be bored. This needs to be fun for them too.
I am naturally dominant, but I submit to Amanda. It isn't always easy, and she says I am a bratty sub sometimes, but I do not want to live any other way.
i'm a dominant for all except in bed or/and when i love also, no effort to wear a cage : i do it for Her and i love it
I struggle reconciling my submissive nature with my vanilla life. I don't want to change either role. When my wife orders me to lockup, I become aroused quite involuntary. When she is controlling me in a sexual way, this is what turns me on. My main fear is that we go down a path where my submissiveness makes her lose respect for me. Outside of our relationship I feel that I am quite confortable and prefer to be the one in charge.
I don't think there is any problem with being submissive to your wife, and being dominant in all other respects. Even when you are with your wife, there may be times when she expects you to take the lead. I don't think there is any risk of her losing respect for you.
You don't give the option I think I would like to explore the concept of both developing my submission towards my Lady to the point where it would become second nature. I would though initially want to keep a back out of that option.
Easy vote for me, I voted for preferring it when my submission is 2nd nature. My reasons have nothing to do with myself. They have to do with my wife/kh/mistress. When she is engaged and enjoying the lifestyle my submission is second nature. When she is disengaged and disinterested I struggle. Other than the first 48-72 hours after an orgasm the lock-up time has less impact on me than her attitude.
Thanks, it's reassuring for me to read your comments. I'm quite happy to take the lead when required. I don't like the thought that I am not being my authentic self. Its good to know I can be both.
I’m submissive for the main part sexually but rest of the time I’m fairly dominant (bit of a contradiction). I find being submissive easy but at times it’s a struggle (but one I enjoy).
I picked “struggle”. If I were going strictly by how I feel inside, I would have picked second nature. But the feedback I get from my Wife is that I do a lot of struggling, so I have to go with that.