Kink or orientation?

I think it may start out as kink, but I think in the lifestyle it becomes to me more of a tool and a commitment. Starting out with fetishes like bondage I can see the coralation, For us it started that way and over time became part of our everyday lives. The way it works is still a mystery to us. I have no doubt it can stand on its own without any other kinks.

 

I agree .. we’ll sort of

My mom was in charge and very dominant at home. I suspect my folks have a FLR but nothing’s ever been said. So I’ve always been attracted to strong women, occasionally seeing images of Bettie Paige when young only added to it and plant a seed for a curiosity in kink.

So I guess in some ways kink could be considered the gateway drug to lifestyle FLRs.

 

I agree that this is an orientation. My key-holding wife has recently said that “chastity has become an integral part of you” and I agreed that I’ve been wanting this for a long time. I’m not sure if we can go back to how we were before.

It’s not just the female-led D/s aspect. Though that’s very well ingrained, before I gained knowledge of male chastity.

Giving up control over my masturbation and orgasms is far more than just scratching my itch for the kink. It’s been something I’ve dreamed about for 20, perhaps 25, years since I first realized male chastity was a thing.

I’m grateful for the last 6 years since I had the revelation to actually go down this path, instead of wanking alone over unrealistic fantasies.

I wish I could turn back time and start when I was a young man. I was always “built” for being female led. I am wistful for a past that never existed.

It’s part of why I’m motivated to support men who stand by the edge nervous to dive in.

This is who I am. I’m just grateful to have a partner who’s supportive and encourages me to relax, let go, and just be.

 

Seems like you are splitting hairs.

Could you be in a D/s relationship without kinks? One might call such a thing the "hen-pecked husband" or the "pussy-whipped" guy.

I have seen a number of non kinky women who want slaves over the years, and most end up disappointed and projecting negatively about men.

I am a sex positive person. If the relationship isn't sexy and alluring, I don't want it.

To me making dinner, running a household, doing tasks -- none of this is kinky. Its just the normal, dry, meat-and-potatoes shit guys do. Some folks try to dress this up as "service," but to me, that's a fools description.

And yes -- to me -- kinks are a sexual orientation. Its just important that the kinks braid a connection between two people, binding them together. That's the trick.

 

If you tend to believe wikipeda, kink is defined as: "kinkiness is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a "bend" (cf. a "kink") in one's sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with "straight" or "vanilla" sexual mores and proclivities. It is thus a colloquial term for non-normative sexual behaviour..."
So the term doesn't judge the liking or disliking, the seriousity or playfulness - it just defines different behaviour.

 

I’m not practicing anymore.
And it’s not a concept or fantasy.
It’s splitting “something you do” apart from “someone you are”.

 

I can't say. I've never had the opportunity to truly submit to someone. I enjoy the thought of it but never lived it.

I have been in the dominant role and did enjoy that.

 

Very well said Tomf

 

Thank you for sharing, Our Journey in Kink is so alike and so different, but we all take the same path.

 

Its a kink if you require a sexual element or some form of gratification/thrill from it. FLR is an orientation if a woman gives you a list of groceries and errands to do for her and you get nothing in return but the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing what you are told in order for her and in return your lives to go well.

 

I've generally considered bdsm an orientation, in the sense that I respond more, sexually to bdsm (whatever part of that umbrella you find yourself of course) than I do to vanilla sex. BDSM is the primary motivator to arousal for me, over gender in some cases.

 

I think it’s an orientation.
As is my wont I’ll take a detour: the other day I came across some thinking about how to prevent runaway super intelligent AI which basically works off the idea of setting up the AI to be orientated from the get go to maximise the realised preferences of its owner. This sounds like a service submission orientation to me!

extract here:

. The machine’s purpose is to maximize the realization of human values. In particular, it has no purpose of its own and no innate desire to protect itself. 2. The machine is initially uncertain about what those human values are. This turns out to be crucial, and in a way it sidesteps Wiener’s problem. The machine may learn more about human values as it goes along, of course, but it may never achieve complete certainty.
3. Machines can learn about human values by observing the choices that we humans make.


Full paper here https://people.eecs.berkeley.edu/~russell/papers/russell-bbvabook17-pbai.pdf

 

I think it may just be semantics. Most people I know into kink aren't dilettantes playing games. It's part of who they are.

 

I know at least some of my gay friends disagree with me, but my feeling is, What's the difference? You can't separate the man(or woman) from their actions. I enjoy being locked in chastity, as do many here, for reasons that most of the public at large can't understand. So, I am locked and will continue to be for the foreseeable future. BUT, I just found out about the pleasures of chastity at age 58, so is it really an "orientation?"

Another example: If you prefer to have sex with people of your own gender, but are also celibate, are you really gay? I would say no, because homosexuality is, by definition of the word, a behavior. If you dont behave in that fashion, are you really gay? As I said, I know some of my gay friends disagree, and I'm fine with that-far be it from me to judge anybody's sexuality as I sit here with my cock locked in a cage wearing purple panties, LOL. But I think it's simply an issue of semantics.

 

So many thoughtful comments on the subject! It does get you thinking! From my own perspective our sex life was a bit "stale" for want of a better term! Now when I discovered chastity (I've posted the details on here before), I was really intrigued and became positively infatuated by it! I just had to bring it up with Mrs Chaste. The rest is history! Now, kink or orientation? Well we still refer to it as a kink and are happy with that. But it is definitely a lifestyle and does go a long way in defining our relationship both sexually and in our normal everyday life. As we are all aware people and couples are different and their relationships are vastly different! So whether you regard it as "kink" or "orientation" it doesn't matter as long as it works! And myself and Mrs Chaste couldn't give a fig what others might think! Mind you, we haven't told anyone!

 

My lingerie fetish, that I've had since childhood, would be described as a kink. After submitting to my Mistress and being feminized and having evolved into chastity and now an FLR, it would now classify as an orientation, I think.

 

I would vote for the term "lifestyle" over "orientation". I would certainly agree that calling it a "kink" does a disservice to something more serious and profound. I think for some chastity can be a kink. That is what it was for us when we started. Still I think the difference between a lifestyle and an orientation centers around choice. If my wife decides she doesn't want chastity (as it appears she has) I'm not going to leave her for a woman that will. If chastity and FLR were my orientation that would matter more than her. I suppose for some it could get to that point, but I see that as more of the rare outlier.

 

Thank you for your post. For me I too have had similar leanings for most of my life. Chastity was a welcome discovery and is more than just a kink. I dont see it as a solution to chronic masterbation or cheating, for me its about control and submission. I do struggle with how this relates to my vanilla life. I would not say I am submissive in other aspects of life, quite the opposite. I am not likely to bow down to Alpha male types (that's not me either) they dont bother me at all. I just cant reconcile why I am submissive in a sexual sense which feels natural but not so much outside of this.

 

W/we call it being "hardwired." W/we both had these same Femdom / Lady in Charge thoughts really early on.

 

I think it is internal and hard wired too. I remember being 13 and watching a Star Trek (classic) episode where one of the character's wife was controlling him with drugs to make him compliant. I got disproportionally excited by that. Other episodes (Trek Classic is actually a rich vein of Female Domination) and what ever fiction I could find in the library.

I cannot turn it off and sex without some component of it is just not interesting over the long term. I can for a session or two take the dominant role, but that's mostly to give my wife a break, because the simple reality is that it's much more work to be the dom and much more fun to be the sub. And, I appreciate all she does in that regard. Sometimes she needs the favour repaid.

 

Very well stated because We all feel this way in our FLR