Fight over money

I ended up married to two women like that.
I was working 16 0r more hours a day 7 days a week and wondered why we could not seem to get ahead.
I found an excellent strategy that worked out great for me.

So rather than trying to prevent your wife behaving like the way I see it you have two options

1) Put up with it
2) Divorce

Option 2 proved to be the best choice for me in both cases.
Option 2 might cost you a little initially but save you a fortune over time.

Would work for both sexes .....get partners like that out of your life ASAP
they are too shallow /superficial to bother with

 

serving her is helping the family stay fiscally solvent and in a good position in the senior years.
set up a debit card that cant be over spent.

 

I see why many are attracted to FLR but never really gotten the money part. I let say you can't spend without asking her or she would say buy me this. But spending the money isn't too wise since what if "she" doesn't handle money well. Just because being into something doesn't mean the lifestyle written out on paper is the right one. Same like chastity it's like it starts with it and moves into other areas doesn't mean that financial control, FLR, Cuckold, feminization is for everyone. Just think it's the backside of this lifestyle. No reason to go into things you don't appreciate. Do what is the best for both of you.

 

Have to seperate the fansasy, the idylic from reality
In any relationship hopefully all the individuals involved bring things to the table and somethings one will do better or less well than the others.
Play to your strengths.

 

I am blessed with a wonderful wife who is low low maintenance and takes care of all financial stuff including book keeping for our business.
We have the lifetime habit of spending modestly yet we tip well. Habit of spending modestly is key!
One of our daughters spends like a proverbial drunken sailor on shore leave after payday.
We believe she may have great debt but as a 40 yo married woman with kids her business is not our business.
If your spouse is good with money, count your blessings.
I cannot imagine having a FLR with a woman who is a financial liability.
As my late father used to say about impossible situations: It’s like trying to put 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag.
Ss

 

aye except they are trying to take 10 ton of gold out of snuff box.

 

This is a very interesting topic. I'm really big on leveraging the talents my partner has that I don't excel in, to create a powerful and integrated whole.

While I earn a fantastic salary I spend a lot and have never learned to budget. Even when I didn't earn a lot, whenever I needed money for something it would eventually show up at the right time. Probably helps I chose not to have kids which are a huge money sink. When I travelled the world, I freelanced from my laptop while traveling since I didn't have the patience to save up to travel. As a result I'm in my early 40s and don't have assets or properties, but I plan to work on this. I was planning to further educate myself, but I started meeting more and more submissives with a real talent for this and I got excited about applying it to my life. Now one of my highly desired attributes in a partner is one who is not only skilled at budgeting but also has experience successfully investing. Especially if he loves it! Like totally nerdy about it. I think its sexy to watch your partner doing something he's really skilled at and knowing that at the same time he's taking care of my needs. I have an insatiable appetite for learning, especially from a partner who kicks ass at something, so I would probably ask a lot of questions along the way.

So I guess even though I have a pretty heavy mindset about FLR including cuckolding, I would love my partner to take care of the boring finances so I can be freed up to be creative. Of course with some exceptions, like if there is a major goal I want us to achieve that requires a fair bit of money, like relocating, he would need to adjust his plan. But for me personally, FLR is team work. A good leader doesn't do all the work themselves, they delegate to the best person for the job. I think that's the smart thing to do.

So I would caution submissives who have a talent for budgeting to ask these questions early on and not settle unless she happens to be better at it. It's pretty crucial you can retire comfortably together some day.

 

Several years ago I took over the family finances when i discovered we had a credit score under 300. I attempted to open a store card just for the extra discount and was rejected. I knew my wife was having some short term memory problems but I didn't know how bad. She would simply forget to pay the bills.

Today our score stays above 775 with emergency funds in the bank on our joint finances but I still have to worry about her personal spending. Her social security check goes into her own checking account as her spending money. I never question what she does with it. Every few months I still have to add some to cover an overdraw. She keeps saying to give her another month to fix her problems but I am now insisting that she provide me with access to her account. I still don't care what she does with her money but I need to be able to monitor her spending before she goes in the hole.

 

My wife and I have saved and invested all our lives, so now she spends whatever she wants. She has about 70 thousand dollars worth of sewing equipment in our basement and makes presents for family and friends and sews for charity. A lot of her quilts go for over $800 each and it's all for charity.

 

Sounds like you're on the right track. Good leaders recognize talent and delegate. I'm not sure why so many dominants have trouble with that. I've known doms who wouldn't think of opening a door for themselves, but balk at letting their financially secure sub make suggestions on their finances even though they (the doms) haven't managed to put a dime away for retirement and are only making minimum credit card payments. Maybe it seems too much like submission to accept financial discipline .

 

@jmanque but it's not being submissive - it is being able to recognise that running a checkbook is no different to running a vacuum or doing dishes. Perhaps it has to do with the money=power association.

 

Exactly- I couldn't have put it better .

 

Very well said MissyB Thank you

 

Omg, not only can (and probably will) she spend everything.
you won't see it coming as well. Until it's too late and all the funds are spent.
Ask your self (and your wife) how happy you're going to be when all funds are gone?
Do you think your FLR relationship (or even a vanilla one) is going to be strong enough to survive that?
I think you're heading for disaster this way, and fast.
Wake up man, I think there are enough other things you can do to give her power and keep it fun without having to be afraid of losing everything.

Sorry if this sounds too rude.

 

Good to hear man, i was realy concerned.

 

Sorry mate maybe it's not my business but i'd like to share my opinion with you the same.

About me you should talk with your wife underlining that being your Mistress or KH or whatever she is for you does't allow her to do just everything she wants.

Remember the movie "Spiderman" when the old uncle said "from a big power derive big responsibility"? well it's so fucking true.

She should be wise and responsible just because she leads the house and the family.

My wife has a shopping addiction too like every woman i suppose. She loves being spoiled by me. And my way to spoil her goes from a Prada handbag to a simple fragrant candle or flowers.

We don't believe in the financial control and we don't use it although she has free access to the bank account and all cards. But she'd never dream to buy a pair of Jimmy Choo high heel sandals every week or i'd immediately close her account (although last pair of high fashion shoes i gifted drove her totally crazy )
She's enough clever and wise to know it.

So about me you have two choices:
you talk with your wife and try to explain this, hoping she'll understand. If no better you switch to more balance relationship or in this way you'll get nothing but stress and anger (that's not the purpose of a flr).

Sorry if i was so straight and sincere but i think so...

Greetings mate !!!

 

Up until about a year ago I controlled the money in our marriage. I paid fully for our house and had a good sum of the money in the bank before we married. We had many fights about finances over the years. I thought she was spending way too much. It was difficult for me to give up control of the finances. Finally I made the leap. I put the house in both our names and put all my money in a joint bank account. I still pay all the bills and pay her credit cards. I can see how much money we have because it's in a joint bank account but it's now understood that she has final say over what we do with the money. I only make deposits - no withdraws. Funny thing is that she spends much less now that she controls the money. I do have an account for myself so I don't need to ask her for money. 95% of the money is in the joint account.

This was a big step in establishing a real FLR. When I was controlling the money I didn't feel submissive to her for real nor did she think she was really in charge.

 

Funny how being in charge makes one more responsible.

 

If She can't lead properly with the money, you have a problem. You absolutely cannot foul this up, nor can She. Perhaps that should be the one area you DO NOT submit to Her, if She cannot understand the need to save for a good retirement for you both.

 

Well its easy to get the fantasy and reality mixed up when yor particular thing is lifestyle.
There are some true FLRs where she is completely in charge in all matters and that work very well

I would imagine there are far more where compromise is necessary and some equality required in the making of 'familiy' type decisions. .. finance being quite a major topic. one that has broken many relationship but does not need to if youare both rational about it.

 

Normally I would say that the wife should have control over the money, and she should be able to spend it however she wants. But in your situation it sounds like she is going overboard. You guys don't want to resort to eating cat food during your golden years!

A bigger issue than her spending in your case, would be the resentment you would have towards her if she keeps spending like she is spending. So something definitely needs to be done. As another poster mentioned, I would work with her to set up a monthly budget. Make sure all the bills get paid FIRST! and then whatever is left over is hers to spend.

 

Power without responsibility is a dangerous thing. When the empowered are unnable to exercise restraint of their own power, that's when power is typically abused (whether it's in a D/S setting or that of government)

Throughout my life, I have given power to people I should not have. When I sense connection I'll surrender myself to it completely. I feel an obligation to do so I cannot quite understand. So, connection alone is enough to bend me to a submissive state. Even if the person is really dumb, really manipulative, addicted to substances, or bipolar. This has put me in a lot of abuse, including financial abusive situations.

Limited info but, having said what I have, if that resonates at all... Then definitely think you should think this over.

 

If she can't manage the budget she shouldn't be looking after the finances alone.

This is a completely different wheelhouse to your sexual, social, or domestic arrangements in my opinion.