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Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by GoddessB, Aug 21, 2019.

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  1. GoddessB
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    GoddessB Dominant women, key holder

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    #1 GoddessB, Aug 21, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2019
    Hey, me and my partner class ourselves as ‘vanilla’ as we don’t do chastity 24/7, only for fun every now and again. so been reading other forums about chastity and pleasuring your dom’s.
    I wanted to know if dom’s or key holders are still having sex?
    As we don’t necessarily have sex unless it’s spontaneous or something, and when he is locked his rewards are oral/hand/foot related, as he prefers cause that day is about his pleasure.
    Just wanted to know what others do and how i can add sex as such, both have a low drive and chastity spices it up but for him not so much me.
    Thank you in advance!!x
     
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  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    #2 Nicoftime, Aug 22, 2019
    Howdy! We have been doing this for a little over three years now, and we have plenty of sex...but our definition of sex may be different than others.

    One thing that has helped is our willingness to incorporate toys. Her favorite is the Doxy wand(like a hitachi but with a softer top). She adores it. A few times a week I hand her the wand and watch as she gets herself off, I caress her and use my fingers as well. We have an assortment of penis type of toys as well. I try to go down on her in the morning when we have the time too.

    It’s not elaborate or weird, it’s still spontaneous, it just doesn’t involve my penis. She has evolved to the point now where she just says “ya know what would be nice? A little Doxy time” and I’ll hand her the wand that is always plugged in and ready, and I begin my role as helper. Most of that role is me just watching or caressing her inner thighs, but we share intimacy.

    Hope this helps a little, good luck!
     
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  3. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    #3 ChasteCel, Aug 22, 2019
    My KH (wife) and I still have sex (penal-vaginal intercourse), somewhat often. The trick is that we only have sex now when she wants it. My wife still wants my penis inside her, so that's what she gets. And I only really get unlocked when she wants it. If all she wants is to cum using oral or toys or otherwise, I don't get unlocked.
     
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  4. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    #4 coffee2sugars, Aug 22, 2019
    What does turn you on?

    Maybe you could use the time whilst he is locked to find out what does it for you and use chastity to make sure that it gets imcorporated into your lovemaking,

    Our example would be that the wife likes to touched all over her body. She sugested that if I wanted to be unlocked I should try to do this more and so I changed my tactics when trying to get her in the mood from feeling her privates to gently rubbing and carressing her arms, legs neck ect.

    It worked great.

    This lifestyle gives you chance to think about what turns on and what you want. Guess what, It's okay to be a little selfish because thats what turns us on too lol.
     
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  5. amareine
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    amareine Long term member

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    #5 amareine, Aug 22, 2019
    is it sex doms or KH ?
    of course yes
    when They want, as They want
    every day or every year or n...ever
     
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  6. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    #6 locked_top, Aug 22, 2019
    That's exactly right. You can have as much PIV sex as you want, when you want it, the way you want it. Or you can have as much stroking as you want.
     
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  7. Manto2021
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    Manto2021 Member

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    #7 Manto2021, Aug 22, 2019
    Little experience but i think the whole point is that you should find out what YOU want. All is good if it's what you want and need to be satisfied. At least for me the really turning on is she that takes what she need from me.
     
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  8. b_quark
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    b_quark Long term member

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    #8 b_quark, Aug 22, 2019
    I have a little counter app on my phone that counts down vacations and things, and I also watch how long I've been in chastity and the last time my wife and I had sex. My wife was looking at it the other day and said, "What do you mean the last time we had sex was 380 days ago?? We had sex yesterday." Of course, I meant the last time my penis was in her vagina, which I am told is the last time my penis will ever be in her vagina.

    For a very very long time now "sex" for us has consisted of me pleasing her orally and then continuing to lick her while I use my hands to control a large dildo; once she is satisfied we are done having sex, no matter whether I am in chastity or not, whether I am able to ejaculate or not after, etc. I am not allowed to even touch my penis while we have sex, and even though her face is usually only inches away from it and I sometimes get to feel a hot breath or a stray hair against it, she will never deliberately touch my penis during sex either. In other words, my penis is completely removed from the equation when we have sex, and she has come to view sex in a completely different way than probably most married women would.
     
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  9. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    #9 Xileh, Aug 23, 2019
    I've been locked up 24x7 for about two years, and we are beginning to develop an FLR. We now have way more sex than ever before - on her terms. Except, I don't get to climax very often. She went from almost no sex drive to over-drive as soon as she took control. It has surprised both of us.

    I define sex as any intimate activity such as fingering, a strapon that I wear, toys, and even long massages. Even a little bondage and discipline. Sex can be much more than intercourse.

    I feel like we are just beginning to explore our new relationship. We have gotten over the initial reluctance to embracing a new enthusiasm.

    So to answer your question, yes, a lot of sex, just not many climaxes for me.
     
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  10. Drews
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    Drews Long term member

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    #10 Drews, Aug 23, 2019
    Also in a very vanilla relationship where my sex drive is much stronger and the cage keeps me ready for when she is ready. We still have sex but as others have said only when she is ready. That has really added an extra spark to our relationship. There were times she unlocked me and we had sex because she was trying to please me. I could tell what she was doing and it was a disappointment because she really was not into it. Be a little selfish and wait until you really want it, he will be able to tell how much you are enjoying him which he will love. It will be worth the wait.
     
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  11. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Disciplined Boyfriend discbf

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    #11 Disciplined Boyfriend, Aug 23, 2019
    It's not that we have a lot of sex but more both get lots of orgasms. She prefers my tongue and fingers a lot more than my penis. However she likes playing with it and wants me to ejaculate on her.

    But like @ChasteCel it's when she wantsand nothing is guaranteed. But pleasuring your woman when caged is great and such a turn on for me and makes me a bit eager too please her.

    Of course a foot massage can be a good start to put her in the mood
     
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  12. Mr.CagedSkittles
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    Mr.CagedSkittles Member

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    #12 Mr.CagedSkittles, Aug 23, 2019
    I find that chasity makes me want to serve my Mistress both physically and sexually. When she wants sex she let's me out. And It feels like a privilege to be out and to have sex with her. All that I focus on is her pleasure, not mine. Chastity is amazing, it makes it more about her and less about me
     
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  13. GoddessB
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    GoddessB Dominant women, key holder

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    #13 GoddessB, Aug 23, 2019
    Thank you all for your replies!!
    I have taken what you have all said in!
    I think he needs to be caged more and trained/told its about my pleasure before his. As when he is caged all he wants is his pleasure, slowly giving me mine but he isn’t a fan of foreplay when he has to preform it on me
    so cage it is until he learns!! ahaha! i think as well i need to enforce sex more, with my low drive is hard but once i’m in the mood i’m fine! lol
    Thank you all again!!
     
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  14. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Disciplined Boyfriend discbf

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    #14 Disciplined Boyfriend, Aug 23, 2019
    It's all about you. Go for it
     
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  15. Manto2021
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    Manto2021 Member

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    #15 Manto2021, Aug 24, 2019
    If you want the point is really easy: caged till he learns how to please you. In my experience a denied man can find a way to put a woman in a good mood too :)
     
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  16. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    #16 El Guapo, Aug 24, 2019
    Yes, sex.
    No, not traditional.
    She never really liked PIV - and to be honest, neither have I.
    Toys & tongues.

    As my tag line says: Ladies first.
    Then, if I am extra lucky, maybe me.
     
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  17. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Disciplined Boyfriend discbf

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    #17 Disciplined Boyfriend, Aug 25, 2019
    But wearing a cage is foreplay, so he's being kept in a constant state of arousal. Which should mean there's a lot of sexual energy on tap that is waiting for you.
     
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  18. GoddessB
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    GoddessB Dominant women, key holder

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    #18 GoddessB, Aug 25, 2019
    it should mean that your right! but only after a few days maybe even a week will he then turn his sexual energy onto me
     
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  19. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    #19 El Guapo, Aug 25, 2019
    Pavlovian Training.
    The more he is denied _____ the more his attention will go to you in hopes of permission to _____.

    You decide on what fills in the blank: O's, hands -on playtime, release from lockup, etc ...

    You decide on the denial reason: manners, discipline, didn't complete chores on time, didn't win the required number of games, hasn't waited long enough, pleasing you was only mediocre not stellar (not saying it wasn't stellar just that you can say it was only okay - believe me, he will try harder) ...

    You decide when the rules change.
    For me, the unknown helps keep me from being able to predict what she will do..

    Of course, like everything in life, there is a balance to be found.
    For me, hope dies hard but there has to be hope.
    (the carrot has to be dangled within reach)
     
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  20. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Disciplined Boyfriend discbf

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    #20 Disciplined Boyfriend, Aug 25, 2019
    Sounds like he needs to be caged more then
     
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  21. Manto2021
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    Manto2021 Member

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    #21 Manto2021, Aug 25, 2019
    Take all the time that is needed
     
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  22. sissy_connie
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    sissy_connie Long term member

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    #22 sissy_connie, Aug 25, 2019
    He will. Be sure to have him read your last post !!! :)
     
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  23. b2please
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    b2please A fun and powerful game!

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    #23 b2please, Aug 25, 2019
    Hi,
    You say when he’s locked up, all he wants is ......
    Well, chastity is intense and can make men horny and want SOMETHING desperately.

    How about if you can sort of retrain him to desperately want to PLEASE YOU when he’s in chastity.

    Just a hunch, but if he is a submissive male, he would probably really be turned on by having to serve you in very specific ways that You value most when he’s in chastity.

    My wife & I are really enjoying the book “uniquely Dominant”, where you would start from scratch and really do the work to define what you would want as a dominant- doesn’t have to be Bdsm stuff.

    Best!
     
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  24. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    #24 LesterBallard, Aug 26, 2019
    sex - that was a long time ago
     
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  25. madams-sissysub
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    madams-sissysub Member

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    #25 madams-sissysub, Aug 26, 2019
    Madam does not allow me to have sex with her anymore. The only sex we have is her using her strap ons on me.
     
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