This is a question I have pondered over on many occasion ever since my beloved introduced me to it. In the beginning I found it difficult. I found it hard to adjust to what was being asked of me. How can someone willingly ask another person to lock their genitals up so they can no longer find sexual pleasure or release? It did take me a while to understand the benefit and wonderment of being a key holder. It’s so much more than the question above. It’s not all plain sailing, especially as unconventional as our relationship is. There are times when I still find it difficult “to be mean”. These are her words. She likes me being mean. She likes it when I tease and say awful things. A lot of the time I just want to love her. Snuggle her. Be there for her. I’ve realised I can still do all these things but it’s about the balance. For me, the joy of holding her key is that she trusts me implicitly. Trusts me to make decisions that are in our best interests. The pleasure I get from her being locked is almost indescribable. Almost. I had no idea that having this person in my life would complete that missing part of me. That she would open up Pandora’s box. Lead me down this rabbit hole to embark on this relationship. I’m thankful I’ve been introduced to this life choice. This wonderful life of chastity. Of key holding. Of the control. But most of all someone willing to let me control their pleasure in order for me to get my pleasure when and how I chose. On my terms. LP
My kh isn’t really mean, but I’ve asked for total honesty and I’ve gotten it. So when she is talking dirty, telling me she wished I was bigger etc, it is honesty but it’s also honesty because I’ve asked for it. She once told me after..”you do know I can still cum with you?” Which I knew, it’s not the same as with her larger toys, but I know if she finds the right angle she can get her there. She just wanted me to know she wasn’t trying to be mean. She sometimes struggles with the honesty because she doesn’t want to hurt me, but I reassure her that it is a huge turn on. It was a barrier that she has overcome but it wasn’t overnight.
Even now I sometimes think why does she want me to be mean when I’m not there to console or be there for her after role playing as it can get very mean. But you’re right @Nicoftime these things have been a gradual process that we’ve worked on and it doesn’t happen overnight. I’m a lot more at ease with myself and CM has helped with me being able to express that. I still find it easier to communicate through message and if I have an audience compared to if we are alone. I think as we don’t get enough alone time I have to make the most of a bad situation and work with the hand we’ve been dealt. LP
No longer find pleasure? No no no no no! The pleasure is just different. Yes, of course I enjoy an full release - and I desperately look forward to them. But I love not having any idea when they might be. I love not knowing until the last second if it will be full or ruined or cancelled. Being powerless is a pleasure to me that overrides release. I suppose this makes no sense to some people. And if I had to explain it, they probably would not get it anyway. For me, I enjoy the challenge of defeating the naturally increasing desire to give in. One enjoyment is over in a few breaths. The other lasts for weeks ... or months! 'Mean' is relative ... What was the Golden Rule we learned as children: "Treat others the way you want to be treated". Well now ... really? I dont think that anyone I know would want what I want. So maybe a better Rule would be: "Treat others the way they want to be treated"? Well, what if they wanted to be whipped? I dont think I could do that to another even if they wanted me to. Then I have the realization that I have adapted to things I never thought I could. Okay ... a new Rule ... how about: "Talk about things until you both find agreement on what you each want." @DommeLP ... you have the most wonderful life ahead of you. You will figure this out. She too has a most wonderful life ahead. I hope She keeps asking you for what she 'needs' & 'wants'. And I hope you both can find a common ground where you are comfortable. For me, the term that drove my Love to where you might be was 'strict' ... Please be more 'strict'. I've had many a conversation about this with some of the more dominant ladies on CM. I so value the enlightenment they have given me! Volumes could be written about the dynamics involved. Someone who doesn't want to be a Domme will doubtful ever become one. Someone who wants a 75% Domme and has a 50% Domme will want more. Heaven help the one who wants a 75% Domme and has a Domme who wants to be 110%. Frequent, open, honest, constant communication. That is the recipe for success I found for more than just these questions.
You are one lucky lady! Thank heavens you listened to your intuition & tried this. I remember the moments I stood at the crossroads ... No one says it better than Robert Frost: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less travelled by, And that have made all the difference.