Finding someone that is into chastity

Getting married first is a bad idea. Maybe try a local Munch, or other kink events in your area. I've always found it best to make friends in the scene without asking for my own personal preferences. Take it slow and make friends, like any other relationship really.

 

This ^ is really the core of it.

Second, think about the reasons why a woman might be interested in chastity, and some of the reasons why not. Identifying and understanding the keyholder's side of the experience may help you understand why many women aren't into chastity and how to identify someone that may be more open to your proposal.

Third, consider your presentation. At what point in a relationship are you bringing this up? Are these women vanilla or kinky (or at least open-minded)? How and when are you asking and what exactly are you asking her to do? If you're getting the same reaction over and over, it sounds like your approach might need some work.

 

The thing is if you are married and bring up the subject with your wife and she's really not interested, then that's an end to it! Marriage is a wonderful thing if you are lucky enough to find the right partner, and can be a nightmare if you don't! The "kink scene" is the best approach for someone like yourself but still requires a careful approach as you need to build up a relationship with a potential key holder.

 

Fellow self-locker here too. I understand what you are saying and I think most of the replies have centered around what you really want - do you want a key holder that you can then have a relationship with or do you want a relationship, then introduce chastity? Your answer to that may help guide you. For me personally, I'm not sure if want to go either of those routes, find a female dom/KH or something else in the near term. I

'm practicing chastity for a variety of reasons that I won't get into here. Relationship wise I'm not dating at the moment because I recently got out of 2 bad relationships right in a row. But that won't be forever and I will start dating in the not too distant future. And I know that my chastity really has nothing to do with how I'm going to approach dating and my romantic life. It's not going to be a driving factor at all, in fact it's not going to be a factor at all. Finding "that person" and real love is hard enough.

Sorry, back to you ... you may want to check out Fetlife, local kink parties etc. Finding a dom, KH or anything like that requires work and a lot of networking. There's been some posts on CM lately about the lack of female doms out there and some advice on how to tackle finding one. I think most were under the chastity & orgasm denial section. Or you can do a search and read them. I found them very informative and have led me to the decision that I'm going to continue self locking for at least the short term. I work a lot, I do things outside of work that I enjoy. I don't really want to give up on anything to put in the work that would be required to find someone.

But I think this shows what is really wonderful about chastity - there are so many avenues, approaches etc. It's not a one-size fits all nor should it be because we're all different!

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

 

My suggestion...date. Be your normal self, have fun and enjoy each other’s company. If you get to a point where you really like her, say a couple months in, pick a point in time where you have a heart to heart. You tell her all about your sexual submissive needs, your feelings towards her, and this is something that is part of who you really are.

If she cares enough, she will give it a try long enough to find out if she is ok with this. She will give you and this a chance. If it wasn’t meant to be, or something she just can’t wrap her head around, she will bolt.

The key is to be honest and not wait too long, don’t wait until you’ve been living together for two years...give her a chance to leave before she feels she was lied to or deceived, but long enough to care for you enough to give it a shot...most women are a lot more game to try new things than you think...they are not so keen on feeling they wasted time or feel you lied to them, or get blasted with a lot of kink within a few days of going out.

 

Basically I just described how all this fit in when I met my kh and now future wife. I really just fell into it by being me and letting them decide if it was worth a shot.

Wishing you the best of luck

 

To be honest, you're asking for the key to eternal happiness with that question. You could turn that into anything. I want to find the person who...

There's really only one way to find somebody, and that is to go out and look for them. Either in real life or virtual, but the task is the same. Out there are millions of people with whom you're not compatible, and a few with whom you are. You just have to seek them out.

If it was easy there would be very little literature, or music, or art, because so much of human intellect is expended on love and the search for it, and the starting point of all of that is compatibility. The hard truth is that there's a huge element of luck involved.

Hope you find someone.