What puts your wife off of joining Chastity Mansion?

My Mistress is one of those ladies. And in her words " why would I want to waste my time doing that. I have more important things to do " when I asked her what she didn't like she said " Everyone's thinks their an expert and I'm sure a lot of them have spent almost no time actually living the life style. "

I asked her this about two months ago

 

Ill have to ask her why she doesnt log in.

 

My women like every female fetish partner I have ever had, are not interesting in hanging out with whip wielding leather wearing women.Men have more to share with those on the receiving end of the whip than that of the woman wielding it. There is also a tendency in all submissive type forums for dominant women to jockey for control, not so much from the men but from each other. It is the female equivalent of the male playing my penis is bigger than yours. Then you have some who think they are the arbiters of how a sub or locked male should act as they would have it and not the guy's wife or lover. I am not talking about this place as most of my interactions here are with men to answer their questions because as a male I can best know learn what to do as a locked up and denied male than a KH.

I also notice here that men tend to ask technical questions about wearing a device, sleeping with one and how to deal with orgasm denial. The women here cannot experience what the men do so they only can ask questions asking for information and not share the same experience as the men do. Basically the warden's experience is different than the prisoner's even though they both work in the same prison.

I love talking to women. I am more at ease with women and would welcome more here. I do not play well with men and have a lot of respect for women. The respect has to be earned and not demanded though. In all of my years since before the graphical internet running sex BBS, there will always be more men in sex forums than women and I do not see that changing anymore than I see porn focusing more on women than men. I also dislike women who expect me to address them by self appointed titles. I never ask anyone to address me as Your Highness because I made myself King. I like to treat and be treated as equals but on Fetlife for example, the women tend to demand my submission.

My first time entering the chat section, a Mistress sent me a message asking me what I was looking for and when I responded that I was just looking for conversation, she was gone. I want more women here but not the kind that prey on desperate men. I got enough of that on Fetlife. Can't a man relate to a women without being treated as they view their subs? There are real people behind the cage and the Key. I like intelligent conversation and debate and have had that from some of the women here. I like this place and would like more women but porn is a man's world because there are a lot more men asking then women offering. In my gun forums there are some good women but the are greatly outnumbered despite being the single largest growing, market.

Do not misunderstand me. I am a partner in an international business with more female executives, than male. They get paid the same as the men they replaced. I personally mentored two women working under less educated and intelligent men. They are now both VPs. There are now more female executives than men in our company. In my last company I hired the first women, black women, gay man, lesbian and Transgender. I shocked the owner but as soon as I left he fired all but his submissive white bookkeeper. I really love women in and out of the bedroom but not those who do not want equality but rather superiority. So bring on more key holders. Perhaps if they are vetted to be real women I can talk my wife into joining, but not under current conditions because she does not want to identify with black leather wearing Mistresses, but rather housewifes like her. Nothing more to say and I am only talking about what I have seen in my 47 years of computer and internet experience. In 1970 there were only males going for compute science degrees and now I subcontract an IT company run by women. I am all in favor of equality and have used many unisex restrooms in both Asia and Italy. Does not bother me who is in there with me. Just do not expect met to treat a woman as more than a woman.

Leave your whips and leather outfits at home and you will attract the bull of women into fetish sex, housewives who see sex play as two hours out of 168 hours in the week with bigger issues to spend their time on.

 

My Wife is enjoying doing what she is doing, she isn't interested in writing or reading in a forum about what others do. She has read books about keyholding, male chastity and FLR then taken the ideas and made this experience her own. She doesn't want to ask what other people do, what excites them does nothing for her.

I am trying to encourage Elle to discuss her use of chastity because she is so good at it. I am not sure that she would be interested in a forum setting but a more private environment might be more palatable. I would love her to talk to Jane @keephimcaged as I think they see this chastity thing very similarly. That is that they have a lot of fun with it, but keep an element of seriousness embedded in what they do as well. She is planning on doing so once our private lives have fully calmed down after a year from hell.

I agree with one point raised by @Vinny. The technical side of chastity, device, sizing, sleeping, the best way to ruin an orgasm, are utterly uninteresting for her. Also to take a point from another recent thread about the female experience of the Mansion, she is wary of opening herself up to hordes of horny men who want her to lock their penis up and then expect her to want to watch them masturbating.

 

My wife just doesn't need to discuss all this with other people!

Once she has her head around the idea, chastity where the woman is actually in charge can be pretty simple from the her point of view: She's in charge. If she needs advice on making BDSM activities work, she just tasks her submissive partner: "I want X, make it happen."

It's much more complicated from the chastity wearer's point of view. It opens a can of worms about masculinity, relationships and self image. There's also lots of technical stuff that it's our job to handle.

Hence the gender disparity.

 

It is a good question. Since I was the one that initiated all of this into our previously vanilla relationship I have always been the driving force of learning new was for both of us to have more fun and me to get my fetish needs met. It is a difficulty balance and to throw in that she was pregnant with our first child while I and then she joined. She just hasn't been in the mindset she says so I don't badger her about it. She had a few nice conversations with some girls here she said and that a few guys asked her to hold their key. She wasn't put off by that though. I guess its just more interesting to be "in" the scene so to speak to me than to her.

Now our baby is almost 3 months old and we are starting to get back to normal sexually and she has stared making comments that she might ask me to lock back up again. So maybe there is a chance she comes back in here and has a little fun but I doubt it. Which is fine with me and if she asks me to stop coming in I will but she knows it gets me going and I love her so me viewing the topics here.

It would be nice because Im kind of jealous of how LadyS and SteveO as well as other couples have a little banter and identity here and it seems to really take their relationships to another level.

Maybe one day.....

 

That, at the end there, is an EXCELLENT observation. One of the few concrete, and, mercifully, neutral explanations for the lower level of female membership / engagement that I’ve seen. And it makes a lot of sense. @Thatgirl and I just had a talk about the fact that the cage requires a huge amount of effort - requiring I change the way I sleep, use the bathroom, the clothes I wear, and all to say nothing of the emotional changes that can be unnerving. That they experience chastity in the absence of any of that does represent a significant difference. It makes sense that chastity would be ever present on the minds of the cage wearer, while the KH could theoretically not think about chastity for solid chunks of time.


As far as the ladies who are put off by the Mansion, I’ve got to assume the vast majority of them are those who’s interest in chastity is entirely, or nearly so, at the behest of their man. “Tolerating”, or “allowing” their man to lock himself up because he wants to, isn’t the same thing as having an innate interest of their own. Even for those “willing” wives who make some effort to get into it; it’s sfill essential to placate their man. And so, it makes sense that for those women - the majority of women involved in chastity unfortunately, humoring their spouse’s kink is one thing, but to then be expected to spend time online reading about their spouse’s kink, talking about their spouse’s kink, joining groups with other women that revolve around their husband’s kink, etc. etc. would understandably be totally unappealing. If they’re not actually into it it’s not exactly a surprise they’re not interested in a place like this.

Disclaimer: I don’t say any of that from personal experience, as my KH happens to be the driving force behind our chastity. But I know that’s rare. And rarer still that my own interest in wearing a device is lackluster enough that my KH must take insights from CM and elswhere to help keep me tolerant of the chastity that she loves. So I may well be off base here with my response.

But being a member here for a few years you can’t avoid observing the very clear reality that the majority of wives, even those who take part actively or semi-actively in chastity with their men, are doing so reluctantly or with minimal actual internal interest at best. So though the man’s goal may be to expose his wife to ideas (that HE likes) and other women involved in the kink (whom HE would like his wife to emulate), I think it is nonetheless a bridge too far to expect anyone with only a superficial interest, based mostly on placating HIS deeper interest, to spend any meaningful amount of time at a place like this.

This, I believe, is why all the talk of attracting more women is sometimes missing the point. The women needs to be attracted to the site more than the other way around. When they are, then there is little issue with the site itself, other than the occasional sour tenor perhaps.

(Please excuse spelling and grammar - no time to polish - sorry)

 

I think a lot of partners like the chastity, but don't want to have to own it because what they enjoy is mostly an absence - no cock, no messy finish to bedroom activity, no masturbating husband leaving spent tissues everywhere - and a more control over boring domestic things. Both of these benefits sound a bit cold and selfish, so it's easier to just let the kinky partner take the moral responsibility. And of course, being selfish, neither benefit is about tease and denial or cum eating or dripping cocks!

 

My wife just isn't interested in fora. She can't even be bothered with them on topics that are far more important to her than chastity.

 

Other respondents have offered some long and complicated explanations to this question. But in my opinion what puts wives off visiting this website is that most of them do not exist. "They" are frequently just a fantasy which the authors try to describe as reality. But there are some genuine real life wives, and some single ladies who are undoubtedly genuine, who are therefore all the more welcome.

 

If I have misunderstood something here I apologise now but it looks to me that we lack a a Forum specifically for Women that are predominently Key Holders be they wives girlfriends or whatever...

Not the easiest thing to arrange but it needs to be exclusively for women.

The majority of male written posts particularly OPs are has been already mentioned are primarily directed at other males and as again already mentioned not the most condusive towards (female) newcomers wishing to learn about the role of KH and most predominently male chastity from a woman's point of view.
Im sure that the more experienced and/or long standing female members of CM would be both welcoming and informative for other women logging into that forum.
Personally I have never noticed any of the female members of this site being over the top haircut with a knife and fork, tampons for earings dungaree wearing man haters nor do I percieve any of them striving to be Top Bitch.. I think our female members are more than up to the challenge of supporting even nurturing new female interest.

I don't imagine there is a man on this site that can reasonably justify any objections towards the formation of a female only forum.

 

Errr, sort of I was in a way making the opposite point. That because so many females that visit, many perhaps attached to existing male members, seem to not have a natural attraction toward chastity, but rather have a willingness to play along. Being willing is quite different than being naturally interested in AND attracted to this lifestyle. Those loving, willing, and understanding women I’d imagine swing by CM to gain some insight into what their CO is into with all this chastity stuff. Maybe they poke around enough to gather some tidbits to better play along. All perfectly fine. But this group of ladies aren’t going to be doing much posting, commenting, or even reading outside of whatever they’re looking for. In short they were never going to participate much, if at all. I think they’re just not that into it in the first place, so time spent here would be limited, and fairly utilitarian in nature. Fact finding missions.

For those women who are turned on and fascinated by the lifestyle, will stick around, interact, and take an interest. They’ll bypass those topics that don’t sit right with them easily enough, just like anyone else. We see plenty of women here doing just that. Just not as many as we may like.

But i’s not the site, or the topics that keep the others away - it’s their interest level. If they were truly excited and intrigued by the lifestyle then I’m sure they’d be quite capable of not letting threads they find off-putting run them off.


@filltee, you mentioned a KHs only section. That’s been talked about for as long as I’ve been around. I’ve no idea the logistics entailed but I think it’s a perfect idea, and would be more pmeffectice than than anything else I’ve heard in encouraging the active participation of a broader spectrum of females, both seasoned members, and “just walked in the doors. AND it would make it easier to avoid the topics some find most irritating, as mentioned above.

Beyond that you said:

Just want to say that this is seriously the best thing I’ve read all week. Positively Shakespearean.

 

Without a doubt it would most certainly help.... especially if you added and here's how to get yours doing the same and more.

or

Want your guy to do stuff?... any stuff....read on.
Want your guy to not do stuff? ... read this.

and why not if it works?

 

My husband joined this site nearly six months prior I. Apparently it took some convincing for me to open up to the idea. I wasn't sure what to anticipate but I knew to proceed with an open mind. With that being said being on here has had many ups and downs. There are a LOT of men on here so us ladies are outnumbered. Speaking to a few of the men on here it makes it feel welcoming and accepting of being a KH. They appreciate my progress as KH and seem to enjoy having real conversations. I like talking to others to feel like I am not on some isolated KH island. On the downside there are some weirdos out there and hearing their stories and photos it is like a car accident there it is appalling and revolting but I can't look away.

Overall I have enjoyed talking to people on here.

 

Lots of women (and men) have joined sites like this and then not continued. It's no big deal and not unique to CM. We also have a good number of F (and M) members who DO like CM and do continue. And the numbers are going up.

 

My wife quite often reads the forums with me, I did say it might be worth making herself an account but there wasn't a great deal of enthusiasm.
Personally I don't really care what I read, but quite often just the topic title will get a "Yuck" or "Eww" from my wife so maybe that is one reason.

We are very new to the lifestyle and read quite a lot of material from the kindle store with regards to FLR and chastity, it seems she will forge her own way / rules for the time being.

 

There already is such a section.
It's only visible in the forum section if you have been added to it by Admin.
There are a handful of members.
It fell out of use sometime ago, shortly after male moderators were given access to it.

 

If my wife needed or wanted advice she probably would join in, but she's in charge and really doesn't care what others do. She knows what she wants and doesn't need help with that.

 

My husband just got me on this site.. the only site I've seen so far, and I really like it! I've just been exploring and the more I learn about this lifestyle, the more I enjoy it and think more women should be on here... Granted, whips and chains may come out sometimes. But usually not... It's about love and trust and respect on both ends... And when I see other woman think like I do, it sells me right away!

 

@MadamBelle please Mistress it nice that You has come here and i hope that You like it here, curtsy.

 

Maybe it needs revived. I never had sight of it, even when you and I were Mods both. I suspect it was so hidden most F members could not find out even about its existence!