Why does everyone try to keep it secret

@Thatgirl delights in telling her friends. And showing them pictures. She even flirted with the idea of bringing one into the festivities with us, though that ever came to fruition.

I've told a handful of close friends. Maybe 3 or so.

It's definitely not something you share often with everyone. But at least for us there's a circle of good friend who know how we play

 

That's awesome

 

Let her tell one of her female friends and see how it works out. Might work out for the best for you

 

If she brings one into the circle might be good for you.
How did you go about telling people?was thinking about telling an close friend

 

Probably for the same reason that I never told anyone that my wife and I share a girlfriend who sexually dominated me. Same reason why I do not tell them how hard I was whipped, kicked you know where or had cigarettes put out on my penis. I can go on and on since we have tried almost every fetish anyone can mention and yet we did not tell anyone.

We have always believed that only those with a need to know should be told of our lifestyle, poly triad and fetish play. As a result no one knows. People are judgemental and you never know how information will be used as leverage or against you. More simply, it is none of their business and we have lived by that for 45 years of marriage.

Not too long ago I posted about my years of chastity play in a non chastity forum. There was not one positive reply. I was told that it was a sign of a marriage in trouble, stupid, perverted, a fool for allowing my wife to control my orgasms and the list goes on and on. I look upon our fetish lifestyle like a Harry Potter book. There are the Muggles and there are the wizards. Best for the wizards not to let the Muggles know that they exist.

I assume that a person into public humiliation would want others to know and that is their business but sometimes business can come back and bit you in the butt in the future. You never know where life will lead you in the future. One thing I have learned in my long life is that the best way to keep a secret is to never tell anyone. We humans cannot keep a secret. We tend to tell someone else after swearing them to secrecy. Then they do the same with someone else and so on and so forth.

If you are into public humiliation that is OK. I like sexual humiliation but only with my sex partners. Just realize that public humiliation is a fetish that is not shared by most other people. It reminds of when guys say that they cannot understand why all men do not worship women as superior being and become their subs. To them it is the natural order of things because they are looking at it from rose colored glasses. I have been sexually humiliated in front of every one of my wife's girlfriends. Once in front of my three guys who worked for me and were also friends. Having your girlfriend ask them to gang bang her seemed like a fun D/s thing to do in her mind. That was 45 years ago and I learned from that experience that people do not think better of you when you reveal your sexual fetishes. That was the end of my public humiliation fetish. Tell others if that is what you want to do but it is very easy to see why most do not.

 

Can't agree more

 

I like the fantasy of it, but life is not a porn video. I wish it were, but people judge and things rarely remain secret. Public knowledge would detrimentally affect my life. I'm sexualy submissive but the complete opposite in real life.

 

I should think that aggressive women are the very ones who would most appreciate a dominant wife keeping her husband submissive.

 

Also with bnsf here. no way any of them will ever know. There are only a few women that work at my yard.


Back on topic... my wife/keyholder has told her closest friend which happens to be the so of my best friend.. granted we have not been in the game long but it has had great improvements on both of us. my kh feels guilty while telling her friend about it. she is sayimg how great things are all while her friend is having a very hard time with her man.
I feel that if they dont like it oh well. Family is different,i would not want them to know about this. They are already questioning the changes and we just avoid it.

 

At this point in life, I don't care who knows, but I don't go around telling people about my being locked.

I mean, it is the same point that they usually dont tell me about the things they do with their partners in bed.

 

The friend of hers she considered bringing in would certainly have been a welcome addition by me. She's beuitiful and a funny chick too. But that's something thatgirl's gotta super comfortable with. That's a Rubicon crossing we both need to be 100% on, so I NEVER push that idea.

As for how I've told my friends; it mostly starts as the standard male conversations bragging about sex. Most of my friends are thoroughly jealous of what I have in Thatgirl. She's an extremely sexual creature. Frankly, before she put the cage on me her sex drive outpaced mine. So when bragging to a select few friend about my good fortune, our sex life, I've simply asked, "have you ever heard of a cock cage?" The response is usually, "oh Jesus. No, what are you two into now?" And from there I share as much as little detail as I think the specific person would be comfortable with. Most of my good friends know I've had a thing for bondage forever. But they're certainly surprised by the chastity thing, especially that it puts her in the lead position.

It's definitely nice to have a couple of good friends to talk about it with. None of them know everything, but a couple of them know enough.

 

The key pendant I'm making her will be normal enough to pass as a fashionable trinket, but odd enough to warrant an occasional "what's that key for", how she responds is up to her.

My friends wouldn't bother asking, and her friends are her business.

 

Well put, Wendy! Some of my best friends have shared many, many very intimate details about their sex lives. Things like: the size, or lack thereof, of their man's penis; his skill, or lack thereof, in bed; details of having sex outside their marriage and comparisons of their lover to their husband; kinks like spanking, and even golden showers; not long ago a woman confided in me that their now grown child was not his and not the first time a friend has confided such to me; we share stuff the husbands would just die if they knew their wives were sharing. And it would surprise you to know how many women share such details among each other. It is the equivalent of male locker room talk, the difference being that it is usually much more intimate and much more detailed and much more truthful. So when you guys get funny little smiles or certain looks from her friends, you now know why. I tell my husband all that I share and that is a lot. I do it because it deepens his submission. But if she is not so open, don't bother asking your wife if she shares such details, just know it is something that happens and don't sweat it. Think about it: how many of you guy's wives know about what you are sharing here?

 

Women also fib, exaggerate, and put on a front to suit the situation.

I remember an ex that would tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue, and brag how lucky I was...lol, I guess if I ever lost my arms and needed a cherry stem tied I was lucky, but she never used that tongue on me!

I also heard her tell another friend that I was almost too big...not even close.

 

I am curious: Did they gang bang her? If not, why not?

 

I think I would be fine talking about it with close friends if it came up somewhat naturally in a conversation. I doubt I would be inclined to bring it up. Certainly, if asked about chastity I would be honest in most cases.

I highly doubt my wife has discussed it with any of her friends. She says she hasn't, and I believe her in part because she doesn't tend to discuss it with me so much as just enjoy it. I have often fantasized about her telling some of her more attractive friends, especially the ones that are bit flirty with me, because I would love to enjoy the teasing and embarrassment from them knowing I'm submissive to my wife. One in particular once made a joke about hitting me with her riding crop (she rides horses), and though I'm certain she has long since forgotten what was probably to her a meaningless comment, I get aroused every time I think of it. And my wife knows this.

However, my wife does frequently make it known via jokes and remarks that I am not well endowed. By now a majority of our friends, family, acquaintances, and even total strangers have heard her joke or comment about my small penis and its inability to satisfy her sexually. I have also, possibly as a result of some of those jokes, talked about my (lack of) size with a couple of friends. In addition to the fact that she genuinely enjoys SPH, she knows that I too enjoy the embarrassment and public humiliation.

 

I hope my wife does tell her friends.This lifestyle has been nothing but great for our relationship.I think a lot of relationships would benefit from flr and chastity

 

I don't think it's just the lack of knowledge of devices. even if everyone knew of them, there would be few that would want to admit to their friends or family that they wore one.

Some women might even be somewhat embarrassed by being dominant. Some take every precaution to send out the look of a typical female and try not to stand out. It's not just about the man being embarrassed or humbled publicly, she would feel the sting of a label as well.

I am conflicted. I am very proud of my service and my devotion, I also do not want to go through my working and public life as a joke. Right or wrong, our society doesn't tolerate gender or role reversals.

 

I wouldn't like my friends knowing that I have to wear high heels and skirts when at home and wear a metal cage on my penis and have to keep painted toes
Oh my if I ever had an accident and ended up in A&E which I did once when I fell of my bike going quite fast.
Lucky I did not injure my legs apart from some scrapes. Injuries were higher up
Its our secret unless I don't comply then mistress says the secret gets out.
So go paint your toes again and put on that nice skirt for me.....

Mich

 

I kept it secret because in my country it's something unnatural.

 

So sorry to hear this. I think it is considered "abnormal" in all countries, but I get where you're are coming from. In some countries, "unnatural" gets you persecuted, arrested, or worse, and for that, I wish you had more freedom than you do. Even in the USA, the "bastion of freedom" you still run into all kinds of prejudice. I'm a Christian, and people think I am "hypocritical" for my involvement in the kink community, due to their incomplete understanding of the religion. Still, I do not suffer true persecution, as some do in other countries. Stay safe, and follow your heart my friend.

 

I understand what you are going through. Heck, I can't even feel good sharing it with the woman I am devoted to. Even she seems to render judgment. Never feel guilty, and lose the feeling of being conflicted. You are of open mind, they are not.

 

Unlike LGBQ , chastity is not something that demands equal rights / treatment. The fact that we are chaste / sub / xdress is not really anyone's business but our own. Not sure why we would want or care to have others know of our proclivities other than for the thrill of it. Would you, outside of normal conversation, tell someone that you do <fill in the blank>? Not bagging on anyone here but, while I understand the question, I don't get it. Seems like a common sense thing to me.