She asked if I want to be her slave

Go out for a cup of Coffee and talk about it, face to face.

Just be honest and be yourself.

Iso.

 

It's an unusually fast rate of development so I would proceed with caution. Good luck.

 

I think too many people overlook sexual chemistry when they look for a relationship. As you found out in your previous relationship, it’s important.
Congratulations. You’ll be caged again without sight of the keys in no time.

 

She may have meant that you are her slave in bed. My advise, Go slowly and be her slave in bed. Maybe a full on FLR will develop over time

 

I'd say if you're dating make sure to develop other aspects of the relationship as well, not just focusing on sex and being her slave etc ( which would be difficult any guy honestly). Best to be yourself and honest in all aspects. And when the topic comes up be honest, maybe hold back some of your experiences with chastity and the level of your previous experience with kink etc, see how she responds to it. And again if you're lucky enough to have another sexual encounter it may slowly progress. Just as you are learning about her she is learning about you. Like how she has you excited about trying to find out more about her (in and out of the bed room), id say keep it slightly mysterious and let her have fun learning and discovering things about you as well. By no means am I saying lie or be dishonest. Just hold back some of the serious more heavy side of kinks that youre into but once the relationship has developed enough, and you guys communicate well maybe bring up a topic of kink that youre into as a fantasy saying have you ever done x y or z, I have always thought it would be fun or interesting to try it etc. But again that's not a second date topic. Go with the flow be honest, and play your cards close to your chest and keep it some what mysterious, or else she will lose interest if you give it all up too quickly. Unfortunately that's part of the game of dating. Be honest, be yourself, but make sure she puts the same amount of effort into learning about you as you are about her, equals until she says you're not

 

Just go for it and see where it leads, life’s to short!

 

What is sexual chemistry? What does that mean to you?

I don't think I can define it nor recognize it if I saw it.

 

Please if you say yes then cos you are a slave after then you migt be put all in chains and not let to go out and a lot of horribles things done to you.

 

Chemistry is probably incorrect, there’s usually a spark in the early days where it feels great just to be connecting in that way.

I think ‘sexual compatibility’ was more the term I was looking for. How sustainable is a relationship of one side is always going be disappointed by the acts undertaken?

 

Is that bad jem?

 

well i dont want to be put in chains and not let go out again. its like getting put in prison i think.

 

I sent this to my wife 5 days ago. However we have been together 40+ years ago commitment is quite different than what you are being asked to. But I guess the best relationships will be like this from the start:

D - I am yours. I know no other. I willing give myself to you as a bondslave to serve you in the physical world. I have made myself a prisoner to you alone. You are gracious to me (even though because of my past behavior, I don’t deserve it) by treating my physical ailment (low libido & testosterone) to give me emotional & physical energy for life and to give me a burning desire to know you, be seen by you, be near you & please you. I’m like a moth drawn to a flame. Together, we celebrate our love for one another passionately. You are Jesus to me!​

Bondslave - an ancient Roman term for a slave, whether willing or not
Prisoner - obvious reference to chastity
Treatment - frequent physical teasing with orgasm denial
Jesus - He is forgiving and offers His love despite our moral failures; D has forgiven my infidelities of the past and stuck with me; His promise to His followers - "I will never leave you not future you"

All that to say, being someone's slave willingly is not necessarily bad, in fact it's good as long as there isn't any abuse, mistreatment or neglect of basic needs. It's the ultimate demonstration of live and commitment!

 

Same here set the tone for momentum and experimentation from the start. We kind of did that at the start of our relationship and we have a lot fun now and we're very open about our bodies and fetishes, i used to be shy in other relationships. When I had a chance encounter with a shipment of chastity cages in transit I discussed that night with my gf for the first time. She ordered our first one that night before I could change my mind. That was as much planning as brought me to where I am now.

 

I can see where a lot of people think that way, and even I and my wife felt that way about our emotional and intellectual compatibility for a long time. But I can see where that can change over time, especially when you are madly in love with the other person. We each are moving more towards the center of sexual, emotional, and intellectual compatibility.

As a chaste husband, I've not only given up on most of my kinky desires, but I've also given up on my sexual pleasure for the most part, and our physical intimacy has never been more sublime. So there is no disappointment to speak of, certainly nothing substantial, and I would keep it that way if I could have what I have now forever.

 

Is this woman the first woman you've been with or dated since your divorce? If she is the rebound odds are the relationship won't last. Rebounds never typically last ( with normal people and by that I mean people that don't have dom and slave kink, chastity kink, bdsm kink, complete FLR kink lifestyles) not sure if a study was ever done to determine how successful people who date who have those kinks/lifestyles turn into long term relationships in general.

 

Am I the only one here who thinks y’all moving at lightning speed to a crash? I mean, that’s really fast dude. Like, I can’t imagine that I have any idea of how you are feeling after the things you mentioned happened leading to this but it does seem like you’re allowing your kink to become your relationship. What’s her favorite food? Favorite color? Does she know yours? Like have y’all asked ANY of the deal breaker questions? I mean I’m glad to hear you’re happy but I’d like to think you could continue in that happiness and the only way I can see that working is if you both focus on the real stuff before you get to the play stuff. Sorry to be the downer but man, this story, even if it isn’t a rebound, sure has a lot of elements of one and I’d be more careful with my heart if I were you, especially since you’re still likely putting yours back together after what you shared…I’d say slow down a bit and really consider more than just your emotions. Logic and love can walk hand in hand but it takes a lot of work and willingness to sometimes treat your relationship like with a ruthless self-inventory almost like a business meeting and communicate clearly with as little emotional decision making as you can muster when appropriate. That’s my two cents no one asked for and I hope it helps.

 

I’ve been thinking about this since you first asked. I understand your response, in that the other factors of a relationship are of more importance…

However, the more I ponder, (and it has been said that I over think some things) the more I believe that sexual compatibility is almost as vital, if not more so than emotional and intellectually compatibility. It all revolves around how each of you feel in the relationship. For instance, you don’t need to be intellectually on the same level to enjoy the same experiences. In my relationship my wife has more knowledge on some subjects, as I have more on others, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t enjoy things together and get something fruitful out of everything we do together.

Being intimate is the one thing you both need to feel comfortable on, and in tune with to really connect to each other.

Case in point: you are working towards your other levels of compatibility in your relationship, but only after aligning yourself sexually through chastity. You are getting what you want out of your physical connection as you have requested (like most other here) that those kinky desires are restricted to a level you are happy with.
When aspects in your own relationship were at a pivotal moment, it was the sexual aspects that you corrected first and in turn have given you the foundation to build into more profound existence together…

The conundrum in all this would be the question, ‘What would have happened between you and D if she had said no to chastity?’
What would have happened if you were truly not sexually compatible?

 

I think we all find attraction to others based on personalities which are made up of the heart and soul of a person that includes the emotional, intellectual, spiritual & physical components. I think it is the combination of all of these factors.

Our relationship is based on the mutual attractions we felt for one another going back 46 years when we first started dating. But it's also based on the commitment we've held to one another over that time even though it wavered sometimes because we didn't feel compatible on most levels. She was pretty revulsed by chastity when I introduced it, but she went along with it because of the strong emotional experience she saw I was going through. The only reason she continues to be okay with it is because of the strong intellectual case that I have made for it based on what our relationship would be like without it.

Certainly a person with a strong BDSM bent is not going to be attracted to someone who is plain vanilla and only wants a little kissing, groping, and intercourse in the bedroom. But those aren't the first things the vast majority of couples discuss in a relationship. But it can certainly create a positive or negative vibe early on. But the same can be said for someone who is highly intellectual, raised in an academic environment and meets someone raised in a very rural setting who doesn't have a curious mind. Or one person who is very stoic who meets someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve.

Of course, I wasn't raised in an era where people hook up and have sex before they ever get to know each other. The sexual compatibility question is one of the first things they encounter and can be a super strong attraction or have the opposite effect. I think there is a stronger emphasis on sexual compatility in the younger generations now. But have you noticed that the greater emphasis society puts on the sexual component, the rate of divorce + the rate of cohabitation prior to marriage is rising significantly. If sexual compatibility is the #1 factor, why is there so much relational brokenness and lack of trust & commitment?

 

I really don’t think Kink is complicated. It’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Women are much more Kink aware than men. That’s not the common belief, but “50 shades…” sold over 35 Million copies to primarily women and that doesn’t come close to the Billions of BDSM themed romance novels. Similar to every girl I dated since I was 17, I assessed my wife’s willingness to fully explore sex, kink and BDSM on our 3rd, date 40+ years ago. To go past 3 dates would have unfairly wasted both of our time. There was never a time in my life that I didn’t know that my interest in girls and bondage were very strongly related. Vanilla is a wonderful flavor of of cupcakes and ice cream but for me personally it is totally uninteresting sexually. Fortunately, my wife is completely compatible! Life is short and it’s not a dress rehearsal, I would suggest you live your life accordingly.

 

I think that’s fundamental in building longevity within a relationship but you are forgetting the key ingredient in forging a relationship in the first instance.. Learning of someone’s intellect, ambitions, likes and dislikes, personality, quirks… all this comes after an instinctive initial physical attraction.

I think you are probably correct, and I imagine that people lean towards which factor they find more important at different times. I imagine this varies greatly from person to person, as well as changing over time.

All I know is that I would have been really disappointed if I connected with my wife the way I did when we first met… but then the sex was just ‘meh’.

Oh, this is a bigger question than just of sexual compatibility. I feel we may have hijacker’s this thread enough already

 

She seems like quite a catch. Good for you.