This may be a boring read for many, but just an honest clip of our very Vanilla life using male chastity, hoping it will help other vanilla couples that desire this without all the kink. To each their own without judging anyone, we are all unique and not better than others. Please don't use my words trying to explain our life to judge us. I have in no way tried to pick words to make others feel less than they are and who they want to be. Male Chastity has been a very long process for us. Ann has fought guilt for at least a year maybe 2 years now, but at any rate, it seems like a very long time to me for her to become aware of what I want her to take from me, control over our intimacy. Only for the last few months does it seem she isn't doing this just for me. I am not sure what has changed for her, but she has figured out finally, that she really is in control and I am totally good with it and in fact, it is what I prefer. She has finally found comfort to demand of me when she wants me caged and when she doesn't. Now that she has found this for herself, I will admit, I still want her to take this from me as I have offered and at the same time, part of me is quite nervous, but I am sure this is what is best for both of us. Ann no longer lets me have my nights cage-free when she does have me out for her. Now, she makes sure, the few times she lets me out, that I am locked back afterward as soon as possible. It does take a lot more effort from me now to not move too quickly. I expect her to soon not let me release when I am out, and honestly, that is probably the only way for me to last, to understand that I do not get to release but go back in the cage without release to keep me from ruining the night. Watching Ann make it through this long process, nearly 2 years, makes me think that as slow as this process is for most couples, women/wives that give up on this probably never had enough time to learn what it will likely do for her and the relationship. It is worth the time it takes, it is a journey worth walking. I think the hardest thing for a wife/woman to understand, a man has an adult and a sex addict living inside him wanting what they want, extreme opposites. It is a battle for us. The Adult in men needs the wife/woman to please please please take control and enjoy the intimacy while the sex addict in a man wants to just make men finish it as soon as possible and get that prize of coming as quickly as possible and destroy the needed intimacy. A few days ago Ann told me that she misses spontaneous sex sometimes. I told her that if she wants to quit this I would be ok with it, but she quickly said "NO" because she doesn't want to stop. In fact, right after that she let me out and we had a very sexy time, I assumed she would leave me free allowing me to wake and take her, but she didn't, she made sure I was locked back right after when I went soft after we were done with the physical penetration. Much to my surprise, those feelings that drive me to touch her as she sleeps were nearly as strong as it is when I don't get to have a release. By 2 am, I wanted her badly but nothing I could do about it, Ann saw to that. I apologize if this was a boring update, but I have a feeling there are many vanilla couples in the early stages of this that are curious about the process, not that the process is always the same for every vanilla couple. There have been many times I just wanted to give up, even though I didn't want to go back to our old ways. In most cases if not all, About all there is I could find on male chastity was stuff that is severely kink that scares most vanilla wives away from the time it takes. Male chastity can easily be an act of love the husband gives his wife that he does enjoy making it about his wife, it doesn't have to be what most would just call kink. This really isn't kink between Ann and me. Our relationship is already strong, and this makes it even so much better. I hate mercy sex, and I believe a lot of wives give their husbands mercy sex. I want our sex to be because we both want it, not just me, and when I am made to wait, oh my gosh, it is 10Xs better and so worth the wait and frustration getting there. We are an extremely vanilla couple in our 50s with healthy sex drives. We go to church and have strong faith values, it's who we are with no apologies, this is us. We love each other with all our hearts and rarely ever have a fight. We have known each other since we were 14 years old. We seriously were made for each other. I enjoy seeing other people's journeys too, that have similarities to us. I adore my Ann, whom God has allowed me to have in this life. I have many friends that struggle with their mates. Not us
This is a very touching and encouraging update. Thank you! Sure looks like you are faithful to the Gospel. Beautiful.
@John&Ann , I see no need to apologize for any of it, it's your story, your path and yours to share as you see fit. Sounds wonderful to me and gives me hope as my wife and I work along this path. Similar to you, it's been a journey to this point and are a little over a year into it. Thank you for sharing, congratulations for sticking with it and congrats to her to find her way through all of it as well!
What a wonderful post! I believe I went through something very similar to Ann. Guilt can be a huge obstacle, one which took me years to overcome. Time and patience are the best tools. I don't know of any shortcuts.
What a beautiful relationship. That is a relationship that I'd love to have had with my wife. No kink involved, just the man surrendering control of his sexual desires to his wife. I was going to try to start a similar scenario as John and Ann's, but health issues for both of us raised their ugly heads and now it wouldn't be possible. I was going to buy a cage, give her the keys. I would be locked 24/7 being released only when she wanted PIV sex. She would have complete control of our sexual dynamics. I now keep myself locked not allowing myself any sexual release. I guess it's a way for me to do penance for what a POS I was in my younger years. I 'd try to fuck anything with a skirt. If she were ever to learn of my past transgressions, she'd probably cut it off rather than locking it up. I'm ashamed of many of my behaviors that occurred in my past life. Keeping my cock locked up is my way of making up for my past.
Not boring at all, at least for me quite the opposite! 90 % of your description of you and your relationship could have been said about us as well. Thank you!
What changed it for us was when she learned she wasn't that bothered about piv and got a bigger rush from oral while I'm in extended chastity. That stopped any form of penile sex over a year ago. Before that she was thinking about my releases maybe guilty. After banning me from sex she realised I needed to see her, touch her, serve her more than ever so it evolved into, "a slave should not have sex with his mistress" and that was that. All I did was follow her lead, never suggested anything so extreme but this is where we ended up by playing with chastity.
Pressed Like after reading 1st paragraph Wonderful post - chastity (and this forum) is a very broad ice cream parlor - every flavor, including vanilla.
This is probably the best thing I've ever read on this site, and very encouraging. I have been battling A LOT with figuring out if it's even possible to incorporate chastity into a relationship that has "faith values" as you said. Your post showed me that it is indeed possible. I see a number of similarities, except that we are still younger. I hope I can talk about my wife with as much love as you talk about yours, when we reach our fifties.
It is *definitely* possible to incorporate into a relationship with faith values. We are also younger, and have a similar experience. Be encouraged!
Go with the flow. We are 70, and believe me, it has been a journey. We are pretty kinky now ( I have always been) , but there have literally been years between when she tied me up. So, I understand. Women are just wired differently. Remember the book "Women are form Venus. Men are from Mars"? Well, it's like that. We know a woman in town well who is very rigorous,. gets up at 4 or 5, and listens to Christian music. But she told me one time "Anything a husband and wife chose to do together is just fine". That impressed me. Remember that. Live that. Tell your wife that.
Thank you for this. I have had to do the work for both of us in our sex life; I guess it says something about my oral skills that she never felt like exploring more? For years, my wife was convinced that she could not have multiple orgasms; I had her just hold on and breath after a relatively small one, a moment later, “OHHH!” Now, three is typical. Now, I’m wondering just how long before she even gets comfortable with a cage.
I hope for all of us. While the body definitely slows down with age and creaks more, age is also a function of how old you feel and act. And in that regard, we keep ourselves in better shape than most people 30 years younger, and certainly don't feel like we are 70 mentally
My own wife still has a hard time denying me and it also took years for her to understand that she could have an orgasm without reciprocating. She has a "servant's heart" and always wants everyone else's needs to be handled before her own; the kids, her parents, guests, family, friends and then maybe if there is time she gets to worry about her. Sex for us for decades was always about "making him happy" and then she would see what was left for her. Getting her to let go of this mindset (at least in the bedroom) was a struggle and maybe she has only suppressed it to "make him happy." I'm not entirely sure and she probably couldn't honestly tell me either. There did come a time when I had our third serious chastity discussion when she stopped feeling the need to unlock me because, well it is time to "make him happy." She could have an orgasm, she could go to sleep, she could demand a foot rub, she could ask to cuddle and/or find other forms of intimacy beyond making hubby yell into a pillow. It takes time and encouragement and even permission but many woman have that lightbulb go off. They find the middle ground where their comfortable and maybe a little happier with their spouse chasing them around the house. Their mother never told them that they could make their husband happy saying, "No. Now lick me."
Be patient, my Madame was Vanilla as they came. I now am learning and paying back for my decades of her serving my needs and my ignorance to hers. She is creative in my retraining. Good luck.
Very difficult to overcome centuries of programming, and if you "go off the reservation", there is a hoard of your peers to shame you back into the box they have created. As you said, it takes an "aha, lightbulb " moment , and if she can get there, it should stick forever. My wife' mother was the nicest most unselfish person I ever knew. The simplest example was at the funeral home for her husband. I had my very first scuba diving trip planned as an after business trip to the Philippines. She turned to me and said, "I hope this is not going to ruin your scuba diving trip". This was not crocodile tears, and attempt to fish for sympathy. She was 100 % sincere. She had married at 17, and the only man she ever slept with or would sleep with , was dead . And she is still concerned about other people. So my wife isn't her, but she is cut from the same stock and upbringing . Hope things continue to work out for you.
I'm trying to do the same. Looking back on my marriage over the decades I was very selfish in matters regarding sex and romance.
My wife tells me I always made sure she was pleasured when I made love to her. But when I resorted to pleasuring myself and ignoring her sexually, she went without for many years. She has no guilt now that she has about 10 orgasms for every one of mine. Over the weekend she reminded me I'm paying her back for all of her lost orgasms over the years.
Not me, Unless you count trying to interest her in BDSM, but I did talk to her poorly far to many times, was short-tempered, and generally should have been nicer to her. Is have no issue trading my blowjobs and PIV for licking her instead. Always gone down on her and liked it, but it was a mutual thing. Now, pretty one sided. I'm fine with it. She is my soulmate, mistress, KH, and goddess, and I am so very privileged to have spent 50 years with such an incredible woman. I am truly blessed.