Hi all, I must admit that a sexual fantasy has brought me here but i also realise i have a real masturbation issue so it comes to my mind that chastity can help with both. I live in a vanilla relationship for about 5 years with my fiance but the sexuality between us decreased as we rarely have sex now and when we do i cannot even complete the task. I know its because of too much porn from my side but i cant help it. So i want to persuade her somehow to cage me and take the key. The thing is that she's not really dominant and kinda innocent. But one thing i did today was talk to her about my this. She was supportive, but is somehow dissapointed that she's not good enough for me. I tried to tell her somehow that i would like her to control my orgasms but i didnt pushed the chastity ideea. Needless to say, i couldn't complete my duty today also. So here we are now. Could this bring the spark back to our relationship? The ideea of her controlling my orgasms seems exciting to me but could be shocking to her as she's more orthodox. She would tell me to work on a psychological level rather then physically restrict myself. I hope its not too much information, pardon my ignorance if yes, its just that being anonymus allows me to be sincere and get it off my chest. I can't even think how miserable i would feel if a rl friend would find out about this. Thx @DonnaSue for encouraging me to open myself to her. Was a really warm welcome.
My feeble advice is to stress how much you despise masturbating and you think it's taking your focus away from her. Not sexually but you wank thinking about her. You're willing to let her decide when and if it happens on her timetable not yours. My two cents.
Welcome to the Mansion. It is definitely not TMI. We are all here to help and encourage. I too had a porn addiction. I self locked for a while to curb this and it works! My wife is SUPER vanilla and found one of my old cages in my bathroom one day. When she asked me about it I told her why and asked if she would be willing to play and hold the keys? NO that is just weird. Was her reply. Luckily I found my @MistressS here who now holds my virtual keys and I am now her property. I said all this to let you know as vanilla as you thought your fiancé is, at least she didn't freak out about it. This is a good thing! You probably don't realize what a huge step you have made. The hardest part of chastity, from the male who wants to be or needs to be in chastity, is broaching the subject to start with with their SO. You now have it out in the open and possibly planted a seed. Give her some time to think on it now. I would suggest now buying yourself a cage and try it out yourself. MAKE SURE this is something you can get into possibly long term. Use the cage as a way of self control, to at the very least to remind you of why it is there. RESIST the urge to unlock! During this time go out of your way to dote on her as much as you can. Wash dishes after dinner or put them away in the dishwasher. Sweep and clean the house while she is out and you are home. Go down on her out of the blue and tell her reciprocation is not necessary. (Do this as often as you can without being pushy) Tell her you love it and ask her point blank is there anything in particular she likes about it and what could you do to make it better. Do it slowly and sensually! Don't just dive in and "attack" her. If she is receptive to this, let her know that anytime she desires this to just ask or make some gesture to let you know. Practice what she (hopefully) has told you she likes. Ask her to guide you, to tell you what she wants as you are doing so. If all goes well for a few days, a week ect ect. Then if she hasn't already commented on how you have changed and hopefully loves the change, ask her if she has enjoyed the last few days/weeks? If you get a smile and hopefully an enthusiastic yes, tell her there is a secret to your success. Then show her your cage. Let her know how long you have been wearing it for, and that it has taken away from your porn time and you have taken that time to do the extra house work and concentrate on your desire for her. Tell her you would like her to hold the keys and take control of when you get to orgasm. Try to reassure her that you LOVE her unconditionally and that you will do anything it takes to make her happy. If this seems too far out there then copy and save others positive experiences from here and let her read them. Tell her it could be good for BOTH of you. Good luck and please keep us posted. WLC
You know, this is a good ideea, i will look for a cage and try to be better with her and spend longer time with her as she's saying we dont spend enough time together. This could work as we dont have much things in common but this could be our thing, hopefully. What you said make sense in my situation, thanks you! I'm starting to look for cages, there are many different types some with urethral canal, some just simple cages. Also my measurements cannot be completely accurate because even a slightest of horniess affects the size of my penis.
Again, welcome to CM, @blowsissy . Congratulations on having that initial conversation today. Please don't take it too fast and impose your will on her as that might be too strong. You will also learn that wearing a cage is , in my opinion, much more a psychological issue than it is a physical one. Over time, you will get accustomed to wearing a cage and even to not being permitted to orgasm, but you will always find wearing the cage to provide a submissive linkage to your KH on a very personal and emotional level.
Do spend more time with her by all means. Just wait to go "all in" with your improvements till you have a cage that will fit. You really want her to see a change after you are locked. The cage will most likely cause you to become aroused quite frequently. ( I did at first) It is an awesome feeling knowing you can't get hard and can't masturbate. The main measurement is the one around your ball sack and penis. This measurement is for the base ring. Once you get that you can just estimate the cage size. Go slightly smaller than you measure in length. The diameter is pretty important but you can probably get in the cage that would fit your length. This usually depends on who makes it. You can find some cages that come with multiple size base rings. I personally like the metal cage, but a lot of folks here are very happy with the plastic types. I do believe most of the plastic cages come with a variety of base rings standard. This could be a good first option. They are usually inexpensive so once you find that this size or that size did or didn't work you can get a better one using the first as a model. Good luck. Hope this helps.
I eventually took a different approach and had a conversation with her again regarding my masturbation issues. There i expressed myself that this the main cause that is afecting our relationship because i dont need her if i jack myself off. So i made a commitment that i will no longer masturbate and asked her if she can control my sex life because i cannot control it myself. She said she agrees to control sex life but nothing more. That is good enough for me and basically from now on she will decide when we have sex or if any at all. I hope i dont let her down but im willing to do this, i love her.