So last week my Mistress assigned me the responsibility of planning an evening out for us. Kids had sleep overs so we were free. Like most things she assigns I took the task to heart. I found a small music club with live music we had never been to. It was one of those fancy dinner service restaurants that was also a music venue. I bought us tickets and on Saturday sent her an e-mail that said as requested I have planned our whole evening. We will start by taking you shopping at Nordstroms for a new dress and shoes, followed by dinner and a concert, followed by returning home for a 30 minute tease and denial session, followed by whatever you want. I realize by announcing my own tease and denial session I am topping from on bottom, but my logic was she did instruct me to plan the evening. Also I've been feeling a little neglected on the T&D front lately. The evening was a huge success. She spent an hour trying on dresses and shoes that I would bring to her, help her zip up and generally provide comments about how beautiful she was. In the end we dropped a big chunk of change, got her two new dresses and a pair of shoes. She wore one of the dresses and the new shoes out of the store. As an added bonus she went bra-less which made my cage extra tight. The food and the music were fabulous. She thought the concert was so good she downloaded the musicians album on to her Itunes account before we left. We had a delightful moonlit stroll after and drove home. She had me strip down to just my cage and put restraints securing my hands and then had me lay down. She broke out the magic wand and begin to play with me and tease me. Telling me it was such a wonderful night that maybe I deserved a reward. But then after only about five minutes of this she stopped, had me unlock and go down on her. Using my mouth and wand I brought her to a tremendous orgasm which I absolutely loved doing. She then offered to try milking me, which we had never done. Again she went about five minutes. We got a thin strand out, but she just decided to stop. Then she said good night and rolled over to go to sleep. I tried to go to sleep, but I was so frustrated. Not sexual frustrated like, man I need to cum. Attention frustrated. I already felt a little neglected before that night, but the short attention I received felt like a real let down. She went to sleep, but I just laid there wide awake. Finally got up and watched some TV, but my mind was spinning down the road of "I deserve more". The next morning I got up early, made sure the room was dark and went downstairs to make her breakfast in bed as I usually do. My mind was still in this low spot and my enthusiasm for the task was not high. I decided that I didn't want to sulk and I still was submissive enough that I couldn't reproach her. I decided to ask for her help to spank me to clear the negativity from my mind. I did this when I served her breakfast and she said that when she was done I could bring her the riding crop. So I did and she had me kneel by the bed while she finished watching her TV show. She asked me what I had done wrong that deserved a spanking. I told her negative thoughts and of course she asked like what. So I said I felt short changed by the meager attention she had given me last night. Holy Crap, apparently she thought she had done great and she was pissed that I would say something like that. She commanded me to bend over and bare my ass with a shout and then she went to town (for her). It was minor compared to stuff I've read on here, but she has never struck me with such force. It was 5 or 6 strong angry hits and then she yelled get the hell out of here you sissy bitch! Yeah, I ran with big red welts on my ass. After she calmed down she said she was still angry with me, but she was mainly sad because she thought it had been a perfect evening. Of course the punishment had cleared my mind of the selfish thoughts and I was in total agreement. She asked if I thought she was doing a bad job last night and I assured her that I loved everything she did and that was why I was disappointed. I wanted it to last longer. This seemed to make her happier. I think in some ways there are some positives that came out of my selfish actions, such as she has learned how to spank, she is stronger in her role as Mistress and I have another experience reinforcing the negativity of thinking about what I deserve. Never the less I will always feel guilty about spoiling her otherwise perfect evening.
So what are you complaining about you got what you wanted. You should have been spanked. When you submit to your Mistress you have to learn to submit to what she says and does to you. Or NOT to you. This takes time sometimes 5 minutes doesn't seem li,e enough but 1 would be worse. You asked for her to take co troll now you need to except it. Good luck
You are totally right Mash, sometimes my old self rears up and I have a hard time controlling it. It's like when I used to masturbate all the time. I would be mad at her for making me masturbate. Wasn't her fault then, isn't her fault now. Still learning.
It's not easy to give up control and except anything and everything your KH tell or does to you. Or doesn't do to you. Especially since this whole Chastity and Teases and Denial was probably your idea right. When Us Men finally submit to our Mistresses that's when the Dom sub relationship starts to happen. Be carefully what you ask for.
You should open up to her about feeling neglected and try not to have any expectations so you wont be disappointed.
I think C-lover is correct. You should open up on your needs and desires and you did. You provided a nice evening and outlined your expectations. Your wife failed you. If she had no intention of honoring your wishes and plans she should have been up front and you would have had the choice as to how the evening would proceed. While I am not locked my wife tried to do a similar behavior so the next am I chose to return the favor and didn't make breakfast, take out the garbage etc. When questioned,I told her I was dissapointed in the previous evening and she said you can't always have everything you want. I said exactly, how does it feel. Again, I am not a submissive but am in what I consider an undersexed marriage. Pouchpanty you have good self control. My wife knows that in our relationship that to hit me would be sign of disrespect and would have consequences. I know I am a wet blanket on this site.
This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. Submit to her desires whatever and whenever they may be. Never top from the bottom, it's not real.
It's a fine line. Of course you may want and expect more, we are human, and we always want more. Communication is key with my arrangement. One of our "rules" is to let her know how I am doing subbie wise. If I am not feeling it, or down, or feeling neglected, it is my job to tell her. That doesn't mean she's going to whip off my cage and give me a long teasing session or whatever else I was missing, it does however mean that she is informed. She will get me in the right frame of mind on her own terms and her own timeline. For me it's not topping from the bottom telling her that I miss something, want something, or that I'm not feeling very subbie because of lack of attention. My subbie brain needs fuel to run, and if I'm running on empty then she needs to know. I gave up control, for us that doesn't mean I don't need her anymore, sex may be different now, and more about her, but as a couple believe it's still important we are intimate.
If you think what you did is meager, what we do in our life is very meager by comparison to the fantasies I read online. I am either caged or not during sex and we just have sex as usual, except that I do not orgasm. We have not had intercourse for a few decades so that is not a problem. Do not see any need to tie me down. I have some self restraint and it is just work for my wife to do all those things we read about. We have been at this a long time and part of the secret is to make it easy and practical. We also can talk about it and make adjustments so it is fun for both. When we tried to make it a D/s thing, I was upset like you and trying to top from the bottom. If you are going to be a sub, your needs are secondary to your domme's. My wife's long time girlfriend sexually dominated me for 30 years. She was in complete control and if she did not want to play with my penis, I had to accept that. Luckily I also have a wife who was not as strict so I got to be a sub with the knowledge that my wife would take care of my sexual needs. Just talk to your wife. If you cannot do that, you have other problems to deal with. Don't you have a safe word or time out where you can speak outside of your D/s roles to resolve issues like this? I was into BDSM for 47 year so I know how to structure it so that I can be totally sub during the session but also call a time out to discuss things as equals. Sex fetishes have to be fun for both parties since we are not slaves even though we play one during sex. Your wife should be receptive to meeting your needs, if they are reasonable and do not go against the fetish you are playing.
thats when you'll know that you've made the turn from enjoying the kinky ness of chastity to being under control. It's not real and it's not easy and it does take time. I'm very happy with the way our life has turned out. This life style may not be for everyone and sometimes people need to except that also
Thank you all for your posts. I love this site. So much great feedback and support from people who walk the walk. I want to assure those of you that have raised concerns about communication and my wife. Trust me we have an abundance of this and do regularly check in with each other to see how we are both doing, what we are liking and what we are not. The reason I titled the thread the way I did is my timing and delivery sucked. My wife was on Cloud 9 and just had a magical evening, woke up to a beautiful breakfast and I brought it crashing down. Had I waited to one of our periodic talks and brought it up in a general way she would have taken it in stride a lot more. I have really enjoyed the transition in our relationship that chastity has brought. We have been closer, more intimate and more loving in the last 4 months than the last 4 years. I love that my dick (tries) to get hard when I make the bed for her. I know how much she loves walking into our room with a made bed. I love preparing a breakfast tray for her on Sunday morning with not only good food, but also nice flowers. I even love when she does punish me as I feel it brings me into focus on all of the good things we have and pushes out the bad or selfish thoughts running through my mind. Last night after the kids went to bed we snuggled on the couch for an hour watching a show. She had me unlock and just played gently with me for a whole hour and then had me lock back up. It was beautiful and tender and I loved it. Her idea, no topping from on bottom. We are both finding our way in this new world and at times both of us stumble, but for the most part we pick each other up and move on. I still feel bad about killing her buzz from a great night, but in the long run it won't compromise all the other great stuff we have experienced and can look forward to.