I cut and pasted this from another thread I wrote in. Thought it deserved it's own thread: I do think topping from the bottom has been somewhat over used and I think the word "kink" is used too much as a dismissive term. I think the KH should know all her subs fantasies and kinks as they are a window into his submission. She will partake in the fantasies that work for her and either put on pause or all together disavow those she has no interest in, but ignoring his fantasies seems silly as it means not understanding who your submissive partner is and what stimulates his submission. Why would a KH practicing Loving Female Authority not want to sexualize her subs submission to her? Wouldn't she want him to feel pleasure every time he serves her, creating a deep submissive bond? I think most of what we call fetishes are tools. A chastity device, called a fetish by many, is really a way to rechannel sexual energy towards their KH. It creates a specific hormonal condition in the male increasing oxytocin and dopamine. If there was a medicine that created that same condition, would we call it a kink? Physical discipline, also a tool. Parents who do use corporal discipline on their children certainly are not practicing a sexual kink, but simply practicing old fashion conditioning....associating a specific behavior to a negative consequence. So if a wife practices corporal discipline....isn't she doing the same? Again a tool to accomplish improved behavior. Strap on pegging, feminisasition, mild humiliation of the submissive all get labeled as kinks, but again these are simply the tools of the trade. All of the above are trying to reverse the years of socialization that create a destructive male ego that interferes with the progress of a FLR. We label these tools as kink because they have erotic connections, but that reflects our culture's dismissive nature towards sex in general as dirty or shameful. At the end of the day, these "kinks" are just tools and any KH in a FLR may or may not use to achieve the goal for her relationship. But any loving KH is going to want to create a submissive who finds himself enraptured in pleasure by being in a submissive state as it reinforces their connection and creates harmony in their relationship, particularly in a FLR.