Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

"Do you understand that I can't do that in a vacuum? That I need to be in subspace and I need you to put me there, in a personal and hands-on way?"

This is so crucial and something that can't be faked. It is difficult for the keyholder to grasp the nuances of this especially if they are not naturally dominant.

I'm sure many have felt your struggle at some point. It's tough.
BTW,
I would also fold in a second!

 

It's a struggle to get the balance just right. I love to submit to my wife's control and she likes it too, but I have to keep it exciting and as a sub, we benefit from the creativity and effort that our Dommes put into this whole process. I make sure to vocalize it to her, letting her know how much I appreciate how she does these things for me.

And while it is a bit off of the F/m dynamic, I think keeping her excited and engaged means that I sometimes need to break the character. A Domme is still a woman after all, and sometimes they want you to take the reins. Women are not interested in boring and compliant dogs, they like the challenge of controlling or trying to control an unpredictable and powerful beast.

 

The internet is full of people giving advice they are unqualified to give or could not follow themselves.

 

Oh, man, that's how I feel. If F/m is off the table, if she doesn't like it, if she's just doing it for me, well I can go in a more conventional direction. It's going to be 80% my direction, but she can't have an obedient husband and eat him too, or something to that effect. Just decide! Let me know! Our marriage is paralyzed by the flip flopping of cold feet.

I keep a journal, from my records I know her dom investment pays off. In radically improved attention, harmony and productivity and I make sure that every hour she invests is returned to her at least 4 fold. And she agrees! Doesn't improve her lack of commitment and follow through.

I have a theory. She intensely fears being controlled, that part is not a theory, it's easily demonstrated. It's a good part of the reason she's dominant. But maybe her fear runs so deep that even a modest commitment to ongoing F/m training is enough to make her feel trapped and suffocated. How ironic would that be? And of course I'm not trying to control her—I'm asking for reciprocity, if you can use that word with a straight face for a 4:1 ratio.

BTW I joined CM specifically to respond to your thread... resonated strongly enough to overcome 7 years of lurking. Maybe if I get her to read this discussion it might help. She's volatile and hard to get along with, but there's something about her that makes me ache with desire. She can have me, really have me, not just on paper but heart and soul, and I'll go for cheap with a crazy volume discount.

 

You nailed it. No matter how much we submit, a woman still needs to be "taken" and she needs to be challenged. It's primal.

 

Is it bad of me that I find this hot?

 

Lol, not at all. This is the reason why we are here on this site. We can flap our gums all we want about this and that but at the end of the day, this chastity kink has us by the balls literally, and it's the smart women who know how to use it against us. This site just helps us realise we are not alone.