Wants the FLR but often forgets his place

Unfortunately it may fall to punishments for those minor infractions. It shouldn't be work to you to keep up with those things, so maybe just immediately sending him to some corner time or organizing your closet might work. If it continues sadly you may just have to break him of it. I'm a big believer in domestic discipline. Even the best sub messes up and it's an opportunity for dommes to do what they do best: dominate.

 

The point is, it is not your place to make the relationship sustainable. It is his. This is what he wanted. It is poor form for him to make your life difficult while you are consenting to provide what he craves.

Your simplest response to this continued nonsense, is to let him know that with no uncertainty, if he continues making your life unpleasant, you are done. No redos. Be prepared to back it up.

Not much different than raising a kid. It sounds like you are an expert. Expectations, and consequences, right?

 

MCD,

sorry to hear Gwen’s giving you some sass—

what I would suggest is if Gwen won’t respect your demands and wishes— given that you already control the favorite playtoy — take away dressing entirely or even some sort of very embarrassing humiliation ? Something that could sound or seem dire entirely until you see improvement. I know it means a bunch to Gwen so if massive weight in her mind is being shifted, you would at least expect the “ oh shit nononono” response.

Play hardball— and maybe also play a mock baseball game with balls in play.

sounds like the brat behavior honestly needs to have some ultimatums attached !
Just my two cents — good luck lady!

 

The word no" is so underused. Should work with the kids too, not just the big one.

A

 

No one wants to babysit but sometimes messing up is part of life, along with the occasional brat behavior and testing your resolve. Brats tend to be bratty

 

Granted. What’s the cure?

 

I think the biggest mistake would be to cut it off.
Have patience, rule with a firm hand.
Don’t ask him, can you get me a cup of tea, Tell him to get you the tea. Don’t thank him when he does it, just say, “good boy (or girl)”.
Your sissy clearly craves to be dominated. Lay down the law and I bet he comes around

 

Like many on here we have been living a flr for years and have found communication is a key in developing the relationship that suits you both and works around busy lifes
I have learned over the years that my wife doesn't take misbehaving or disobedience lightly
Maybe you could try making him
Do lines while sitting on his own
Just send him away bottom of the stairs or utility room
Take away his phone or games console for the evening
A punishment spanking or caning is completely different to a maintenance one
Here there is no warm up, bottoms roughly pulled down and the strokes are delivered full force

 

Was this your idea or his? Personally, I don’t understand the logic of maintenance spankings.
If you want control, throw out every rule he has suggested and come up with your own.
Meet infractions with punishments. Not a weekly fun time. Make them last, make him regret it.

 

Before looking for a solution like writing lines or spankings I would look for the reason first. And especially in the beginning there can be a lot of reasons for problems:
- maybe the FLR is not for him in the first place. A lot of people might fantasy about something like it, but could not stand it
- maybe thinking about a flr he had rather some 24/7 BDSM roleplay session in mind. If that's the case it would be time to put him straight and / or pull the trigger.
- Could be though that he has just problems adapting. Even if he really wants it especially in the beginning it takes time. F.e. having no longer control over your own timemanagement can be a very big step. Even if it is only affected in small amounts from time to time at least for me it was a really big step. Missing a regular training for some reason was in itelf no big deal, but her telling me to cancel it and realizing that I gave gave up control over some most funamental thing.... got some time to get used to...
And this although I was quite aware beforehand that this would happen at times...
- maybe he is just testing limits though...

To cut it short: there can be a lot of different reasons for problems and everyone requires a slightly different answer....

 

At the risk of repeating what has been said by others (and maybe better than i will), i submit (pun intended) that FLR is a process even for those who have lived that lifestyle for some time. Goddess and i have maintained a FLR to some degree for years (even though W/we fluctuate between strict D/s and more vanilla-ish lifestyles). There are times that i will find myself shirking on my duties, or talking back, or acting like i am the one in control. It is not that i do not want to surrender, it is that in my outside life i am in a commanding position and sometimes that attitude just slips out. Initially this caused problems between U/us, but after numerous conversations W/we realized that O/our lives were not a 24/7 bondage porn video where i waited dressed and restrained while Goddess went out, only to come home and abuse me then shove me in my cage. (Although that is SO HOT when it happens)! Rather, W/we are real people and as such sometimes things get messy. W/we just talk about it and that helps get U/us back to where W/we want to be. One thing She implemented was the rule that when one of U/us gets home T/they sit in the car for two minutes, centering T/their minds to focus on each O/other. That way, when W/we get inside W/we are in the headspace W/we want to be in. Obviously, W/we can’t always do that but W/we do it as often as possible and it has helped. That said - Her degrading me and caning my ass and thighs as punishment is also effective - and FUN - at least for Her!

 

There are lots of good observations in this thread. All marriages tend to be a journey for both spouses, as they find ways to enjoy each other and make each other happy.

FLR's are the exact same way, but with the extra spice of finding the right mix of protocols, rituals, discipline, and kink that keeps both parties satisfied. My Dominant is always checking in with me, making sure I'm OK, giving me scenes or experiences that maybe don't excite her the way they do me. But by the same token, she's always ramping up her control and directing the relationship in the way she wants it. After 6 or 7 years we are still evolving at a rapid pace.

This morning she had me hopping around doing all these things and on the drive in to work I'm like.. damn, she's magnificent at bossing me around and I love her so much for doing it.

 

Your husband should NOT complain about the lifestyle he wants? Yes training is beneficial. What is also beneficial is? Ask him if his complaints mean? Is he regretting his lifestyle choice. Does he no longer desire an FLR? If he says he still does! Then challenge him regarding the whining.

 

Well said....

Always alot to learn

I am pursuing a Mistress and my Lover in a very hard time of my life I hope, I can have what u have

Thank you

 

i hope so too. i am very fortunate to have found Her and try to never forget that. Good luck on your journey and i hope your difficult times pass quickly.

 

Dear Mistress Comdom.

I am glad to hear you found yourself in the thought of a FLR and that you are ready to take the power.
Men deserve this. I very often see, that we are mostly the weaker gender and have to give the power to our women.
Just a simple conclusion.

Where this origins from is a question I have some ideas about, but am not so sure about the validity of these thoughts.

My wife and me are now in this lifestyle since 2 1/2 years and I have to say I didnt know what I was sliding inside on the beginning.

I first just had this kink.
Masturbated a lot, started to crossdress and ride dildos on webcam and jerked off very often.
My wife hasnt been interested in sex really much in this tike and also had an below average libido before and I got frustrated, which has been maybe the reason, or the effect of our really bad way of living.
Well maybe I just havent been good on bed and this was the reason why she got a low libido.

We almost quit. Well no. I started an affaire and I quit. We divided in a really good manner without arguing and just feeling, it was the right decision.
So we lived together with the kids and I started to pack my things.

I found my cockcage I bought once in a rage of kinkyness and asked her, what she thought it was.
I KNEW she had found it one day and didnt ask.
And I KNEW i havent been strong enough to tell her about it and my kinks.

I had it with me in the holiday some weeks before, but didnt manage to tell her.
I only arranged to tell her, that I wanted to be her sextoy, when we fucked and she should take herself what she needed.

Well this has been a really really hot evening.

Well back to my question to her. She of course didnt know what the THING has been for. And I introduced her to FLR, where I found out chastity devices found place very often.
I really just thought it might be a nice game to play around kinky a bit. I thought it just was femdom. And kink play.

Long story short I found myself in a revitalized relationship with my wife.
We had sex all day and night. Several times a day in the last day of my holidays.
And she found out, that keeping me orgasmfree increased my libido to a maximum she never knew before.
I have been totally overwhelmed, that has been possible and of course aggreed in an orgasmfree life.
I was too horny and still thought this just would be a game. Femdomgame.

But she completely switched into FLR mode. She adapted into her "new" role of the dominant part and dominated me, which made me completely horny.
My affaire stopped, and we found together like never before.

BUT the old and bad habits are so deeply inside me, and also inside my wifemistress it was and is still really hard to get rid of them.
The everydaylife has been so well established, that especially me went back to my bad habits. Not being gentle and so on. Stressed after work and so on.

So I haven't been ready for FLR, because I didnt know what it was about for her. And what it really meant.

I just had this kinkporn stuff in my mind, which hasnt been what I got.

And I tried to test her, if she really wanted to be the dominant part or just plays the role. Well yeah and to find out if I am really so submissive as I needed to be.

And the thing was, that we both really had to adapt to our roles. She had to be rude to me. Keep me 100 % in chastity. She needs to punish me, if I dont follow her instructions and so on.

The only thing it worked to make me her reallife slave was to break me.
To educate me.

If I havent been nice to her she didnt "punish" me. Because this is my kink. I tested her if she is dominant and found out she was dominant, but not in the way I expected and wanted it.

One step has been to emasculate me. Not by making me a sissy, which again would have been my kink ab bit, but by keeping me chaste. Cage 24 / 7. Teasing, edging, treating me like her playtoy. Making me inferior in all decisions.

Letting me wear nthing or tangas for washing the dishes. Ball busting me while washing and so on. Dominating me in front of her friends. Massaging her feet whenever she wanted me to.

This completely screwed me someday, because it hadnt been a game anymore and became a new reality.
She then someday stopped to use my cock for her pleasure. Told me she didnt want PIV anymore.

And so made me to something male and notmale at the same time.
She spanked me and began pegging me with pleasure.

The endpoint of my transformation to becoming the almost perfect obedient slave has been, when she started to fist me. Caged of course.
She told me that my cock only would be used for milking and edging. Too small and useless. Just a clit. And there would not be a way back anymore.

" Der Zug ist abgefahren. "

Click.

Now i made the short story long. Lol.

Just be strict, as he needs it and dont play his game of trying to top you from the bottom. He WILL do this even if he tells you he wont.

It is all about your pleasure. Not his. This has to be completely clear.
If he wants something, he has to do it for you. Not vice versa.

You are the boss and you are not guilty, if he doesnt feel comfortable. As you are responsible for you 7 people ( 5 kids is really crazy, I havegot two and am completely overburdened with it) he is it the same way. And he is responsoble to do the best possible for you, so he gets the best possible for him.

Just some thoughts.

 

Even when someone wants the lifestyle, it is not easy to consistently meet expectations, especially if that person is busy with work, kids or other things. That is human nature. The reason many of us submissive men need the lifestyle is because we need structure, discipline, and authority to be most productive. My wife also conducts weekly review sessions, and that helps me a lot. What also has helped me is progressive discipline. Any infraction leads to me wearing punishment panties for a day. I wear panties 24/7 so punishments panties are not a reward but rather a gentle reminder to not slack. The next infraction results in punishment panties + corner time, the next infraction a loss of a privilege is added, and so on. The progression resets monthly. Most times the panties are enough to keep me productive. Sometimes I get to corner time and rarely do I lose a privilege. If I ever get past that point, then there is a serious problem. This is all pre-defined so not a lot of work for my wife enforce.

 

I’d like to know if you have set expectations for him as far as chores or behavior, and is this is what he’s falling short at? Or is this just something in general that you feel he’s not meeting a standard of?

 

They may not be something useful for every couple of course, but they definitely can help too.
They’re an important thing for both us, as we’ve done them regularly, my Wife has become more and more comfortable being in charge and knows I’m ok being submissive. And for me, they help keep me in a great subspace, just one piece of the puzzle and not a be all end all of it, but definitely a useful aspect of the chastity “lifestyle” or whatever you want to call it.

 

I get that. If you’ve seen my latest, random, overly written journal thread you’ll have seen I received a spanking without due course. It genuinely reminded me of my place… however…Obligation

Obligation towards sexual acts, in my opinion, is the fundamental principle that a chastity dynamic can destroy. Only when one does not feel obligated can they truly feel free to make their own choices. You cannot give up control until you have reached an understanding that your partner can and will make their own judgements.
The issue was not with the ‘maintenance spankings’ but rather with the ‘weekly maintenance spankings’…

 

Yes, good point. I should’ve probably mentioned that ours are not a set day, length or severity either. My Wife still decides all the aspects to them.

 

24/7 D/s is hard at best. Real life gets in the way of everything not just this lifestyle dynamic. There will be periods of lapse: REFOCUS and move forward. We are going through one of those period now. Selling our home and relocating (building a new) is trying emotionally but we still remind ourselves of, the love for each other first and the desire to Dom and sub

 

Mistress ComDom, with 5 kids, if Gwen doesn't really help out and she becomes your 6th "child", that could be overwhelming. You need to get her firmly uinder control and helping out!