The winter me.

Before we were even into chastity, I had some gender issues. Physically was born a bit different which I'm sure didn't help on that front. Unlike many here, dressing or appearing more feminine has never been a sexual thrill. Doing so with the presence and encouragement of a partner is very new and somewhat embarrassing.

My whole life I've overcompensated and sometimes I even fool myself. I didn't realize how much I needed to express myself that way to be happy. A few times I looked at myself in the mirror this summer I nearly cried...not much of a crier. One, I was getting ready for work and I looked down and saw my hairy legs. I felt gross and disgusted, I've always had an issue with body hair. The second time was after I had cut my hair after a year of growing it out. I was so far away from looking feminine and knew it would take a year just to get back to where it was.

Don't get me wrong, as a guy I'm fairly attractive, it just feels wrong like a lie.

Due to being summer and wear shorts I don't shave my legs, I had gained about 15 pounds, and with my recent haircut felt about as far away from myself as I ever had. I had made excuses to not do the maid thing for my mistress. The more I stayed in man mode, the more I didn't want to leave it. It's like the lie I show the world is harder and harder to let go of. Same with all the alpha behavioral traits that come with it.

Then a few days ago we were out and she noticed I had a line where hair doesn't grow where my boots have worn it down. She said omg there isn't any hair where your boots go. I said I suppose, I've worn them for 25 years. She said I should just shave them, it looked kinda silly.
She was like tell them it looked silly no hair halfway. I hadn't really noticed it before, I knew it was a bit thinner but not that much.

So the next day I groomed like winter me. It's still the back end of summer, it's 88 degrees and will need to wear shorts again. So that is pretty new. I've never been the winter me this early.

Emotionally I feel better already. I cleaned the house, did all the laundry, washed the dishes and started a plan to lose weight. Just like that I'm looking forward to doting on her and pampering her. I never quite got the connection between how I dress and groom having to do with feeling submissive, especially since it's not a sexual or exciting thing for me, but there is one.

So I'm in winter me mode, wondering if summer me is gone for good.

 

I am a better sub that way, painting her toes, washing her hair in the tub, keeping the house tidy and making sure a nice dinner is ready, followed by snuggling on the couch watching tv.

She doesn't find it a sexual turn on, and frankly either do I, it's just me without the jerk I usually drag with me.

 

Hard? More like impossible! Wearing a nighty etc and chatting about her day while rubbing her feet...doesn't really segue into anything but acceptance on my part, and most of the time I've kept myself the opposite. Perfectionist at work, which can also lead to sarcasm at home, along with some other manly needs that quite frankly don't help me in the relationship area either.

 

For the first time in forever I’m not excited about my winter self...cause there is no winter me anymore. Having been grooming and dressing the same since my last post, through an entire summer, and now fast approaching fall. I find it odd that I am not chomping at the bit to shave down or get to dress a certain way.

In fact it’s almost the opposite, for the first time ever I have a decent tan all the way from toes to bikini line. In fact I have been wearing my two piece enough this summer that I have some cute tan lines that I will miss when they fade. Maybe I’ll go tanning a few times this winter to keep it going.

All in all I feel about as comfortable with myself as I have ever been. I love looking down and seeing my smooth tan legs, my anklet, and painted toes. My breast tissue still seems to be growing, I don’t particularly see them being bigger but they are sore and sensitive still which means it’s an issue. I do need to lose about 15 pounds around my tummy so am hoping I lose some weight up top in the process. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda nice to have them, but they do tend to be noticeable and getting harder to sleep on my stomach.
I ended up cutting my hair for the wedding, I would have had to go another year before it was long enough to really do anything with(which I don’t know how to do), it looks like crap in the mean time, and having hair in my eyes sucked. Short hair will be just fine.

Now if winter me can just go on a diet!!!

 

I have a few epilators, it works but leaves ingrowns, and eventually stubble returns. Shaving seems to be fine plus the ipl treatment every few weeks.

No one actually mentioned my legs being shaved, I even wore shorts at my wedding, I think the tan helped.