I'm coming up to 72 hours locked for the first time. My wife and I have never done anything remotely kinky although I always secretly wanted to try so much. Last night was interesting. She can already see how much more i'm approaching her to touch her erotically and how turned on I am, and she enjoys feeling desired like this again, I can tell. She also enjoys saying no. Last night as we lay in the dark I tried again and we kissed and we touched and she said no again and I rolled over and exclaimed OW as my cage hurt and told her I was so turned on my cage was hurting a little ( hurting in that good way of course) and she said "That cage is cruel. It's like masochism". I said "yes" then there was a pause Then I asked "Do you like it if it's masochism?" She said "It's like bondage". I asked "Does it excite you if it's bondage and masochism?" And she turned away with an embarrassed smile and said "Ok, time to sleep now" So I hugged her and playfully asked again "Do you like it if it's bondage and masochism?" and she said "Yes. Now time to go to sleep" She was smiling again but trying to hide her embarrassed face. So I asked "Oh my........Does she have secrets?!" And she again, hid her embarrassed face and quietly said "yes, but I'll tell you later. Now, time to sleep" So the wager is on wether she will be wishing to be restrained/spanked or desiring to do the restraining/spanking. If it's the later then I'll be questioning wether I've actually died and gone to heaven. But we're all going to bet on the former thought, right? Which will be a weird dynamic. Spank me and dominate me and I'll release you from chastity? I guess maybe we could both switch and any BDSM dialogue is wonderful for us to try many things. But yes, tell me she's about to start horsewhipping me too. Just let me have that dream for a little while?
Just go with it. Any kinky exploration will be great for both of you. Remember part of being focused on her pleasure is being focused on what pleases her.
Absolutely. My arousal is unreal right now. I can't imagine a month. I already want to do anything to please her
Congratulations and good for you and your wife! Enjoy your experimentation together. Sounds like you are on for a lot of fun together.
Or it could be "spank me and lick me and I'll keep you locked up for another week." That's pretty much my wife these days. Being spanked turns her on. When she is turned on and satisfied, she enjoys keeping me locked up. It's a virtuous circle.
Both? I think my wife is kind of a switch. She told me a long time ago that she fantasized about being taken by a strong man, ravaged, spanked, etc. I think that's a common enough female fantasy. However, we both found out that I simply can't fill that role. I am naturally submissive in the bedroom, and when I've tried to act otherwise we both ended up laughing. It is quite laughable to think of a man who mostly wears panties and has a very small penis that he can hardly control "taking" a woman and ravaging her, etc. That said, my wife also very much enjoys keeping me in chastity and sometimes in other bondage (ropes, restraints, cuffs). She absolutely loves spanking/whipping/paddling my ass. I mean, she loves it! She loves seeing me squirming and crying out in pain. She loves having that power.
Other than liking me to be in chastity, and some minor stuff, my wife isn't too kinky. My keyholder is completely a Top though. I've generally been a switch, but have become more of a bottom with 24/7 chastity. The thing though, is that my own role is more about the other person than anything else. I don't have a "all women are superior!" mindset. Sadly, I have a friend who I used to Top, but once I commited to chastity and started bottoming more, she can't bottom to me. That's something that's all too common in the kink world unfortunately.
Ive always been Dominant, and could never change.But the world of kink hit Me in 1984 with My second partner.We became a Ds almost instantly,and I insisted on chastity and BDSM.I can't do vanilla sex it bores Me.So he was subjected to all kinds of things non vanilla for 14 years.
Time will tell. One thing is for sure, she certainly won't be letting me out of chastity any time soon. She can't lose. We weren't having lots of sex before so she can only gain more, and when presenting her with the idea of chastity last week she was surprised to hear that I masturbated to porn, so she won't be returning my ability to do that, and loves the idea of me not having any chances to be unfaithful. Also, I've already become so much more attentive and loving and pestering for sex. I was on my knees yesterday, naked but for the cage, massaging her feet, which she found humerous at first but you could see her beginning to realize the cage gave her power. Then I topped it off by begging her to let me give her oral sex. Who knows, with time she may become more comfortable being dominant and I'll keep trying to introduce the idea of some playful flogging
I think we are both interested in the sudden opening up of possibilities this chastity thing has given us. I can all of a sudden start to see little glimmers of her being maybe more comfortable opening up about hidden fantasies and curiosities
No, she wasn't. Our dating and early marriage was very vanilla. However, I would have to say she was always what you might call a selfish lover; from the start sex was what she wanted, when she wanted it, how she wanted it, etc. She was more than happy to have me go down on her, but she would never reciprocate. It took her a long time to admit that my penis was inadequate to satisfy her, which is a whole other story that I've told in these forums before. But, suffice to say, I do think some of that selfishness in bed was an early indicator of her dominance to come.
Some men Ive spoken to, were overly keen to suddenly introduce BDSM and kink to their wives.It ruined their long marriage, and created suspicion and horror in the wives minds.Hiding erotic items from the wives, and secretly meeting Dommes, who charged a pretty penny to abuse the men.I just thank God I didn't have to endure all that.I am proud to be a discerning Domina.And hope never to meet a secretive man. Ps I get so many begging Me to do CBT to them.They don't even know Me, or My tastes or needs.They have no idea what finances are involved.Hotels and dungeons,equipment,travel,food,and drink.Some back off when I explain the costs.Some even ask Me ''what equipment do you have''..They think its all about them, and their own kinks.Not a thought about what I would want.I know its not easy finding a match.I had to go through many dates to find friends who I could trust.Ask the lady what she wants, then see if you can follow her needs.Maybe she will allow some kink into the marriage/relationship. By the way this isn't directed at anyone, just My thoughts. As today has been a day of Desperate men.
. I didn't mean it in a pushy way. Just feel it out and go cautiously. Of course I just want her to do her thing and feel comfortable. But I appreciate your comment as you are totally correct
One thing that is always helpful is to make it clear that you don't want to push - be honest about worrying that you're pushing too hard and you'll hopefully get honesty in return. It will take hard work and practice to get over being embarrassed, feeling shame, when talking about your desires with each other, but it's worth the work. Worth it in other areas besides sex, too!
Exactly! We already feel even stronger bonds forming by opening up. So it isn't that exposing and revealing of fantasies is important for enabling the fantasies themselves, but that the embarrassment, understanding and empathy, laughing together etc deepens our connections