Perhaps a common story

Take responsibility for chastity, don't expect her to engage in it, but do - if you can - make love to her while wearing it.

 

If it was me, I would bin them. Sorry to say, but my relationship with my wife would come before any kink.

 

I wish you good luck. I would not bin them yet. Let her take time to fully digest what she found and what it means. Perhaps, she will do some internet research and show some interest. The fact that all seemed "on an even keel" by the end of the week tells me she might do this. It is hard to not force your kink on her or top from the bottom but give it some time. It may take a long tome but it will be worth it. I look forward to hearing updates from you on this journey.

 

Similarly, my vanilla wife found out about my life-lonmg lingerie fetish when She caught me wearing panties. She was REALLY ANGRY, almost to the point of divorce. I confessed it all to Her and told Her that I wanted to explore my feminine side. Without my knowledge, She sought counseling from a psychologist. After several weeks, She came home one day and dared me to get a professional bra fitting, saying that "if you want to feel like a woman, you will need a good bra!" After some hesitancy on my part, I went for the fitting and, since that day, She has not only been accepting my kink, but has been feminizing and later chastising me.

After many, deep conversations, I realized that She was not nearly as upset that I had the fetish, but was andry because I had been keeping secrets from Her for 30+ years! You might find that your wife is not especially fond of you keeping cage secrets from Her, either.

 

You could wear an appropriately manly pair of boxers over it.

 

I'm not sure you articulated for us (and maybe not her) there answer to her questions? Can you share that with us?

 

rule #1 for many couples is that you do not mention it until she does now.

I agree, and hope it makes you feel better, that it's a very common scenario for the woman to be already maxed-out & 'the cage thing' to be seen negatively as yet another responsibility she doesn't have time for.

• do not try to paint it as something that'll hugely benefit her & miraculously change her life for the better overnight (might be true, but she won't believe you).

• reassure her you in no way want her to transform into a whip-cracking thigh-booted dominatrix (she will remain suspicious, but may eventually believe you).

• if it does come up - see #1 - try to gently share what appeals about it, and say you'd love it if she'd accompany you - or at least tolerate - baby steps along this path together, but that it's only an idea you'd like to explore & you don't ever want it to come between you at any cost. then shut up about it & wait - she'll likely either say flat-out no, or tentatively ask more questions & become a little curious.

Good luck & stay patient.

 

I definitely wouldn't bin them.

This is her chance to step up to the plate. To show that she cares about your happiness, and not just her own comfort. But you have to give her the space.

Right now you have a stable situation. She's okay with you pursuing it without her. Take yes for an answer, and wait to see if she wants to find out more.

 

Completely agree with ManInSteelUK - leave the ball in her court now.

Maybe have a chat and try do some 'honor' chastity for Loctober, skip the cage for now, maybe?

 

I expect she'll raise the subject again. You will be able to gauge from her responses whether she's coming round to the idea or not. If she is, take it steady. If she isn't, bin the cages. Don't initiate the conversation yourself. It has to come from her. Good luck with it.

 

sensible & empathetic responses, I do like this forum

I'd only add don't send her off unescorted into the internet wilds, she'll find endless fantasy nonsense & get put off for life - it's a broad church & there's no "doing it right" in my experience & reading

 

absolutely right about “a broad church”. It’s quite clear to me from reading posts on this forum that there are many overlapping “camps” in the world of chastity: extreme masochists (like me), people mainly into feminisation, female led relationships not focussed on hardcore discipline, a way to control compulsive masturbation, a way to reassure about the possibility of infidelity - and lastly a use of chastity as a way to extend and enhance teasing within an orgasm-focussed sex life. Im sure I’ve left some out!
So to the OP I’d want to ask: what appeals to you? What would be YOUR ideal version of chastity, and why?

 

I agree that some night while you’re locked, don’t make a big deal about it, just make love to her using only your mouth and fingers. When you are done, don’t talk about chastity, just about how much you enjoyed pleasing her. Then cuddle up and sleep together.

 

There's a good chance the reason she was mad at you about it was you didn't tell her, you kept her out of an important area of intimacy and she felt hurt. Cheated on even. The hugs are because she's feeling a better emotional bonding now that you're open with her about it.

Just let her know that you want all of your intimacy to be shared with her. You don't want to put burdens on her, you just want to recapture the early intimacy and maybe this is an opportunity. Let her know you love and respect her enough to share perhaps embarrassing fantasies.

 

One thing that occurred as an afterthought: we tend to think about kink as a “head” thing, which is perhaps strange given that “normal” sex is generally seen as a sensual thing! Many years into a life of BDSM it occurred to me that a big driver for me is that I have an aversion to “soft” touch and like hard impacts, strong sensations and feeling physically contained. So maybe to a large extent my fantasies are a story I build around a need for certain feelings (both emotional and physical).
Again, speaking for myself, I like the smoothness, weight and hardness of steel. Maybe part of what appeals about wearing a cage is just that. How do you feel about piercings, weights and rings? Perhaps a significant part of why you like wearing a chastity device is nothing to do with chastity per se.
When I was a small boy I collected locks and chains. This was before I had any idea about sex whatsoever!
In connection with this I draw your attention to the fact that a disproportionate number of people with fetishes are on the autistic spectrum and what they get from it is the sensory appeal of the clothing and accessories - as well as the very clear cut “rules of engagement” typical of power play.

 

A good summary... CM is a very diverse community.

 

Talking, that's what to do. Tell her how you feel about chastity, her, your sex lives. Be open and frank, then find some common ground.

A

 

This whole thread shows how important good and deep communications is to a relationship. Absent such communications, we are left to attempt to guess "What She is thinking" or "How do I handle this". I suggest that working on the level of communications between you two is far better, long term, than simply worrying about whether or not to bin your cage.