Newbie here! Have words of wisdom for me?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by wifey7717, Dec 24, 2018.

Random Thread
  1. wifey7717
    Offline

    wifey7717 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM
    Hi all!

    So quick background: My husband and I have been having a lot of marital problems and are currently in counseling trying to avoid divorce. In the past week, we've both decided to try to look at this as a fresh start and try to rekindle things with as much effort as we can. In doing this, we were discussing ways to rebuild trust and intimacy, as thats been a huge issue in the decline of our relationship, and my husband brought the idea of male chastity to me over dinner and a glass of wine. I am quite "vanilla" in the bedroom department, but this idea intrigued me, mostly because he has been quite demanding and possessive with the sexual aspect of our relationship, and often times I felt like I was being treated as a walking vagina. I agreed to give this a go, and he bought a cage. We've only been playing a few days, but so far, I have to say it has DRASTICALLY improved our situation. I am much more comfortable bringing physical things back to our relationship knowing it is ONLY about me, and he cant actually penetrate me unless I say so.

    So... my question is: what advice do you have for a vanilla girl like myself who is new to chastity in a marriage? Denial scenarios? Other play ideas? General wisdom?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Finn-egan
    Offline

    Finn-egan Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Messages:
    435
    Likes Received:
    721
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    9:45 PM
    Keep in mind that this tuff tends to make guys extra horny, and there may be some demands, disguised as submission. Explore it for a while, then have an honest conversation about what he (says he) wants from this, and what you want from this. Explore that for a while, then see how reality for each of you matches up with fantasy and want. Be honest, and adjust as you go. Be flexible in the learning stages. Aside from that, there''s often lots of experimenting with different devices and comfort levels. Usually you end up trying several devices, and styles of chastity before settling on anything long term.
     
    Tom Allen, wifey7717 and Unlucky like this.
  3. Wonderwomanssub
    Offline

    Wonderwomanssub Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2,744
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Goldsmith
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Nampa, Idaho
    Local Time:
    7:45 PM
    I hope chastity helps rekindle your intimacy between you and your husband. Although my Miss and I have always had a great relationship I felt like our intimacy was dwindling and chastity has really brought our passion for each other back to a full roar. Don’t worry about being vanilla or having to make big leaps in kink. Do what makes you feel comfortable and test your limits when you feel ready. Test his limits too and make him try things he never thought he’d do, that’s a lot of the fun in my opinion.

    If you really wanted to make him understand how you felt like a “walking vagina” you could always introduce him to strap on play and make him your walking vagina. I realize that’s a big step from vanilla but imagine the power shift in your relationship if it was you giving it to him a couple times a week while he hoped you’ll allow him an orgasm sometime in the next month lol. You can see how this could really work to your advantage ... have fun with it and do what you want :) and welcome to CM :)
     
  4. Mash2214
    Offline

    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Messages:
    3,697
    Likes Received:
    9,305
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Business Owner, servant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    7:45 PM
    Enjoy the Journey. And give him what he wants. That’s what he wants and needs not what he asks for. He wants Chastity and you to control when he has an orgasm again than take control. When he asked to be released it’s only the start when he begs iChastity is just starting. An Orgasm should be seen as a great privilege that you control and he isn’t allowed very often and only when he has earned it. You desire. Their will be a time of growing pains but if you do something he enjoys to make him wet, no cumming, he’ll adjust to the new way of life and your relationship can definitely improve.

    Also have him treat you like the Queen you are to earn his release. Enjoy his devotion to pleasing you and always remember that he doesn’t have to cum. Cumming is a treat that you control. Good Luck.
     
    wifey7717 and Barburia like this.
  5. Unlucky
    Offline

    Unlucky Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2018
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    1,371
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM
    #5 Unlucky, Dec 25, 2018
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2018
    If you haven't had a conversation regarding expectations, that's something that needs to be done eventually. Periodic ones are even better. I say that because I don't feel that chastity can be all about the woman no matter how many guys profess that that's all they want. Locking up a guy's cock might help prevent negative behavior (masturbation) but it doesn't cause the man's sex drive to instantly disappear until he's unlocked. That energy needs to be channeled and acknowledged.

    If he hasn't entered the clingy stage, he almost certainly will at some point if his lockups become extended. He'll become obsessed with making you orgasm since he can't. I assume you'll want to break him of that. If you do, you'll need to find some way of making chastity "fun" for him. I can't speak to what your husband wants or expects since we all have different needs, but it can be as little as some teasing and grabbing his cage or something like giving him orders around the house. If his expectations are more extreme as you'll see some individuals detailing or practicing on this site, that gets a little more complicated. I can't comment as to what is a "fair" exchange as that depends on every couple. You'll have to figure that out together, but I'd caution you to not feel obligated to do anything that you don't also enjoy on some level.
     
    Tom Allen likes this.
  6. Bonobo
    Offline

    Bonobo Active member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2018
    Messages:
    237
    Likes Received:
    384
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    9:45 PM
    I think you should be very careful bringing a device into the mix right now.

    I do believe that chastity can help rekindle the flames I just believe we need to do it on the honor system while in the rebuild stage. Again just my opinion fwiw.
     
  7. Unlucky
    Offline

    Unlucky Active member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2018
    Messages:
    947
    Likes Received:
    1,371
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM
    What's your thinking?
     
  8. Guest 7393
    Offline

    Guest 7393 New member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2018
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM

    As the husband in the situation, I can endorse the cage 100%. It’s helped her feel safer in this, I have no ill feelings toward her being controlling with this being the dynamic- rather I enjoy it- and it’s generally something I feel zero downside on.
     
  9. cshorts
    Offline

    cshorts Locked in love for SL

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2018
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    655
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Bay Area, California
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM
    @wifey7717 as I was learning about chastity for a mostly vanilla relationship (I'm kinky but my wife is not) I found two books very helpful: "Male Chastity" by Lucy Fairbourne, and "Be Careful What You Wish For" by Sarah Jameson. I've seen a number ofkeyholders (vanilla and otherwise) recommend them too.
     
    wifey7717 likes this.
  10. Rectrix
    Offline

    Rectrix Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,124
    Likes Received:
    4,046
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US East Coast
    Local Time:
    9:45 PM
    This is obviously a serious situation but chastity can be part of the solution. If you're using the D Word you have serious issues -- which of these is he suggesting a chastity cage will help? Seeing you as just a vagina to be penetrated? Masturbator? Lack of intimacy / hidden feelings? Needing to put you first? Disregarding your opinions or leadership? The cage can help here if you're clear-eyed and consistent in your leadership and control. Good luck!

    On the subject of books, we highly recommend two by Georgia Ivey Brown, Becoming a Keyholder and Setting Up An FLR.
     
    LadyBlaze and Unlucky like this.
  11. wifey7717
    Offline

    wifey7717 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    6:45 PM
    Yes, we are coming form a place of serious issues. The majority of the issues have been rooted in him being quite selfish, which is where this has come into play in a big way. The cage has inspired hubby to be a lot more giving with his time and efforts to help me around the house, and both of us are enjoying that new dynamic. It has also taken the pressure of sex off the table for me without him being angry with me. I feel safer to engage in other physical activities knowing I can stop it at any time. We are still doing traditional counseling of course to develop proper tools for daily life, but this has changed the dynamic drastically in a positive way for both of us.

    I will check into those books, thank you!
     
    jim48, Barburia, spider203 and 2 others like this.
  12. Rectrix
    Offline

    Rectrix Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,124
    Likes Received:
    4,046
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    US East Coast
    Local Time:
    9:45 PM
    Many have observed that a key effect of the cage is to restore courting behavior, to cause a husband to re-win his wife every day, as he had to do when the relationship was new and her sex was a goal to be achieved and not conquered booty to be plundered.
     
    LadyBlaze likes this.
  13. StainlessLock
    Offline

    StainlessLock New member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2018
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    2:45 AM
    I've found a good read is Male castity
    A Guide for Keyholders by Lucy Fairboume and Practical FLR: Lessons For A Female Led Relationship. Communication is key make time to chat about your feelings both ways take things slow. This forum has great advice and information I've found on our journey. Enjoy your journey hope things work out for you both best of luck :)
     
    LadyBlaze likes this.
  14. LadyBlaze
    Offline

    LadyBlaze Queen of Everything
    Verified Female

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2016
    Messages:
    165
    Likes Received:
    1,006
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Digital Nomad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Turkey
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    4:45 AM
    I would recommend you to read "Around her finger " and Uniquely Rika, they helped me a lot to move from vanilla to kink. It is all about mindset, never forget once you control a man's orgasms you control the man. But once he has a release that's when his behavior will fall back into his old tracks for a couple of days. Don't let that discourage you, you are the CEO now in your relationship. ;) Enjoy it!
     
    Ma’ams Slut likes this.
  15. Mr. Toots
    Offline

    Mr. Toots Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2018
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    75
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    8:45 PM
    Welcome to the group, my wife and I are both relatively new to the group, but not to chastity. We were in a tough spot in our marriage some years ago as well. Between chastity and some therapy, I would say those were the best things that we could have ever done and has made our lives better on a daily basis. Good luck to you two!
     
  16. spider203
    Offline

    spider203 Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2014
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    267
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    2:45 AM
    Hi @wifey7717 and welcome to this website for I glad that you and your hubby have tried male chastity to reconnect with each other, My own believe in male chastity can help with that.
    I like male chastity for the reason of that it can put the woman at ease Comes to sex that when he Wants something the woman thinks that he is only looking for sex. But what I find is that what I am looking for is just intimacy and that sex is the result of getting turned on and fulfilling my wife's thought that all he wants is sex.
     
  17. Jblocked
    Offline

    Jblocked Active member

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2015
    Messages:
    665
    Likes Received:
    470
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Buffalo NY US
    Local Time:
    9:45 PM
    Go slow try alsort of things keep doing what fun get rid of that don't work .
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice