New and not going well...

Get rid of the release dates.
Whatever your favorite way to orgasm Is, use it. Just don't go until he makes it messy.
This is about you taking control, he will be fine without having his own orgasm.

My wife/KH @Queensbitch's queen her favorite and best orgasm comes from having me in her. We have learned that her on top controls the pace and if she uses a wand or vibrator against her clit then she gets multiple powerful orgasms just need to stop before I get off too and make me lock back up.
Previous experience teaches us that sex is both partners getting a release. When we discover chastity it is no longer exactly normal, that is where we must rewire or brains that her orgasm is the one that matters.
He asked to be locked, he thinks he wants this life.
Give it to him, but the next time he is begging to cum. Look him dead in the eye and tell him not a chance tonight, maybe next time and just look your lifelike dildo back away for later use.
Finally just set new records of playing whenever you want to while seeing how long YOU can go before you just got to feel him pulsing and squirting his mess inside you.
Then if your really feeling frisky before anybody has a chance to think about it instead of laying there cuddling. Slide up there onto his face making him lick you to one more orgasm

 

My advice might be pro sub...but tease him. He brought this up because he wants you to TURN HIM ON and say no...not to just say no.

Ever relationship is different but as a guy, I can deal with chastity and long lockups if I am getting a daily fix of her. Make him watch you get yourself off, tell him he's really missing out, touch him through his cage, toys are a great tool as well...have fun to keep him revved up, just control when he spills the beans.

Good luck

 

Leave him simmer a bit. Don't agree any release dates. Just say you want to leave things be a bit and see what it does for you. Let him feel the frustration building up. No hurry. Point is: it's you not he who should call the shots - YOU have the keys!!

 

I forgot to mention, I don't do well with set release dates. Instead of building up, I tend to slack off like a prisoner serving a sentence. If I never know, I don't know if I'm messing up my chances for that night.

 

I have never had a little release date the closes we ever came close was no longer than this amount of weeks but now we have worked out a safe word max time has gone to the waist side. Just remember cold shoulder gets colder. A tender touch can snap any bad day out of you or him.

 

Hi everyone.
Iam miss key holders husband. I thought I would reply to my key holders post.
We have even together for 15 years and our sex life has got pretty bad, so I found my self masturbating a lot to relieve my sexual urges. I wanted to do something about it So I done some reading and found chastity. I brought it up a few times with no real response, but yet I wanted stop maturbating and regain our sex life we used to have. So 2017 arrived and I mentioned it agian and wonted to get the fun back in the bed room, so she started to look into it and we agreed to give it ago. ( I must add she is always saying we need to improve our sex life)
First 2 weeks were great and I was released at the end of the 2 weeks.. amazing nite!
Since then things have got a bit cold. I don't mind being locked up and iam actually enjoying it BUT iam not getting any feed back i.e. Teasing, flirting,messages,any sexual contact at all, despite feeling frustrated iam feeling like iam the only one involved and things seem to be going back to the old ways but yet iam locked up.....
Iam not sure what to do, I've tried talking about it with her but now it's like I pestering. The fun of it is starting to go and iam thinking of nocking it on the head...
iam making a big effort on my part by doing things I wouldn't normally do i.e. Dinner,running her baths with candles and wine, tidying the house... not sure what to do now?
Any advice would help please!

 

Not wanting to get in the middle of an argument, but I'm not sure your both in the right place at the moment to be living the "lifestyle". I personally feel that you should knock it on the head and talk through your issues. I do think your expecting too much. Chastity can be lonely at times, you do feel that your k/h ain't putting in as much effort as you. When I was first locked m I have gone for months at a times and after 3-4 months my K/H turned around and said ooops I forgot you were locked. It's just modern life, there's so much to do and then your tired and it's a sad fact of life that we do t always have time for our partners. I do feel that you have a whole fantasy planned out in your head of what you expect, and you need to share this and meet in the middle somewhere.
Your lucky cause most wives that try it for their bloke, when it does go pear shaped will just stop and never try it again, your lucky that yours is asking for help and it's cause she loves you and wants to do. It for you.
Give and take, if it was easy then everyone would do it.

 

Communication is usually the answer to problems.

 

I do agree with what was stated above that you might want to take a step back and work out some issues you both may have. In my opinion, I can't stress this enough and have said this around here more than once. Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. Set guidelines and boundaries that each of you are willing to abide by and accept. The one thing for @Miss keyholders sub to remember when you are ready, once you hand that key over, she is in charge. You both seem to have a good start to this and I hope it works out for the two of you.

 

Speaking to both: If it isn't fun then you aren't doing it right. You aren't going to find your answers from us. You are going to find them from each other. In fact ignore everything I say beyond this point and look at each other for five minutes then take turns saying one idea/response at a time to each other without interrupting.

To the husband: Honestly think about WHY you want to try chastity. Is it for you, or is it for her? If you thought locking your junk up and asking your willing wife to be your key holder without educating her about your expectations... Man you made this mess by design. You are trying to have her live your fantasy and she has no idea what to do. Holy crap she is willing to try this AND SHE ACTUALLY CARES ENOUGH TO REACH OUT FOR HELP TO FULFILL YOUR FANTASY!

Speaking to the wife: Your husband is giving an honest effort to try something new to fix your broken relationship. Like most men, he thinks more sexual attention is the answer to all problems (notice I did not say more sex cause he isn't gonna be getting any). He is literally giving it 100%. He actually has a lock on his adult pleasure center and handed you the key. YOU NEED A PLAN. Educate yourself.

If you made it here. I believe that it is best that you do not read any further. Please forget that the rest of my idiotic babbling exists. Also,before you read anything below, understand that none of this is going to solve your real problems. Only conversations will do that.

To the wife: You are going to have to be patient, and remind him every day how long it is until he gets his next "O" and tell him that you are proud of him for his efforts. Put an alarm on your smart phone or something. Give him chores around the house when the football game is on, but go give him a reach around to fondle his junk every once in a while. Also, concerning sex: Don't be afraid to make him do something that would normally make you uncomfortable. Like, make him keep going down on you EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FART. Haha. You didn't know he wants that? Well, he wants that, and a lot more. He's been looking at crap like that while surfing for porn for years! Give it to him. In fact make him as uncomfortable as possible as often as possible. I mean what kind of kinky porn do you think he went through before he finally got to male chastity and thought, "We should totally try that!" Oh yeah and YOU DECIDE IF HE CUMS OR NOT. PERIOD (I hate it when people say period.)

To the husband: Get wrapped up in the game man! She can have sex with you but, don't expect it. That will ruin the game. If there is a date ahead for release, expect that you are earning THAT date and nothing more. If she tells you that you have to wait two weeks, then don't be an idiot and ask her if you can get out early. Don't go rubbing all over her pink parts to try to get her turned on. She will tell you if you can do that. If she wants PIV (penis in vagina) sex you need to ask her if you can cum that night or not and just be happy that she let you in her. Oh yeah, and just because you are horny doesn't mean she is horny too. Suck it up. Don't be a big whiny baby. It's OK to cry (and believe me around day 10 you will cry the first time) but if you get mad you are ruining the game. It's supposed to be fun. if it's not, then open a dialogue. Find out where her head is and don't rush her to where you are.

Sit down together with a calendar.
START BY TAKING OFF THE CHASTITY DEVICE and telling him that he has to earn it.
No porn, no masturbation for 2 days. Mark it on the calendar
No porn, no masturbation for 4 days, Mark it on the calendar. Tell him you want him to do the dishes from now on.
No porn, no masturbation for 1 week. Mark it on the calendar. Dishes and Make the bed in the morning before he leaves.
No Porn, no masturbation for 2 weeks. Mark it Dishes, bed made and a nice note from now on(post it)
No porn, no masturbation for ONE MONTH. Mark it.Have a ceremony where you ask him to commit to you and obey every word while in the bedroom. Out in the real world you work as a team.

Now, starting on the first day, both of you spend time on www.aboutflr.com reading about how to set up a Female Led Relationship. Limit your conversations to 30 minutes so it stays fresh. Believe me buddy once she starts calling the shots in the bedroom it's best that she's calling the shots in the boardroom too.

Now make your own schedule and use the device if you want.

My wife and I are basing my schedule around her busy work calendar, her period, and random weekend events that stop us from being together. My main rule is she has to let me "O" at least once per month. Also she can only do that two times in a row (i.e. I only have one scheduled Og on Feb 11, and if March was only 1 time then there would need to be makeup "O"s in April). Also I told her that if she doesn't talk about it (encourage me, say how proud she is of my efforts etc.) or touch me from time to time I will loose interest in the game, so that way I'm not the only one putting in effort.

If you made it to this point. I'm totally sorry for my brutal honesty and suggestions. If you liked my post, then, awesome. If you didn't. Well I told you to stop reading a bunch of times, so it's on you.

 

Thanks for your advice people!
Me and my wife both took your advice and talked and talked and she is well up for the chastity life.
In the bedroom it is normally me leading the way (or was) so I know this is all pretty new to her but in the last few days she has turned a corner and started to stamp her authority down.
Yesterday
I done all the jobs she gave me to do (as you do) then we went to bed. We started kissing then she told me what she wanted (twice!). For some reason I thought I was gunna be let out but ohh no, she just said not tonite. We started chatting about chastity and she mentioned a few kinky things she was gunna make me do, not sure if she was joking but this is the first time iam feeling worried lol and excited.

This is y we joined CM for help and advice.
Iam sure we will keep you posted on how thing progress!

 

Glad things are looking good now and you've worked through the issues.
Best of luck.

 

Glad to hear you two was able to have a serious talk.
Can we ask what the kinky things was she mentioned. To the vanilla our entire life is kinky if not too much

 

Well stated.