My transition from being a vanilla wife to Keyholder.

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Beautiful and her footman, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    I find this rather interesting. When I first met footman, he had told me that he had read The 5 Love Languages. At the time I felt it to be such a huge coincidence because I already owned the book, but had never read it. Once footman told me he read it and that he thought I would enjoy it, I finally took the time to sit down and read the book.

    I found it to be very insightful. I never thought of relationships in those terms. Footman's Love Language is also physical touch. However, for me, when it comes to footman, I actually feel love from all 5 areas. Since I was not treated well in relationships, in the past, I appreciate all the love languages from footman. So he has his pick/choice. But he does really well with varying it up.

    All he does is greatly appreciated.

    - Beautiful
     
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  2. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much. I'm not sure if you've been following it or not, but footman started a blog for us called:
    Beautiful and her footman in the day to day

    - Beautiful
     
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  3. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't agree more. A little attention from your KH goes a long, long way.

    -the footman
     
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  4. Joan.t
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    Joan.t Well-Known Member

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    I will be following you, it is nice to know about loving couples and how they manage their life.
     
  5. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much. It is nice to feel our posting helps others. I am happy to read that you will be following us. :)

    - Beautiful
     
  6. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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    Hi @Beautiful and her footman
    I read this thread when you first started it and I have been following the blog 'Beautiful and her footman in the day to day.'

    It is amazing how far you guys have come in such a short time this time around. Beautiful you should be very proud of having the courage to suggest re-starting the chastity life and for really developing into your KH role. And I know you are still learning (on-the-job training). We never stop learning.

    I hope the journey that my wife and I have just started on can evolve as successfully as yours has recently. I know there will be ups and downs for all of us along the way. But even though you are still relatively new to this, your story so far is an inspiration to a total rookie like me. Good luck with your journey.
     
  7. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much for your kind words.

    Footman and I have had many discussions about our first MC attempt and our current lifestyle.

    I have always tried to be a fast learner...so hopefully this is a time that I will excel.

    I have taken a new approach this time around. We actually discussed this tonight. Last time I kept asking footman what he liked and what he wanted. He would tell me and two things would happen:
    1. I would do it and it wouldn't be quite like he had fantasized about.
    2. I wasn't really being a KH because I was making him tell me what I was going to do.

    In addition, I wasn't doing things the way I normally would when it comes to doing things for footman that I know he likes. It all felt like work instead of fun and exotic.

    This time, I have a general idea of what he likes. So I know where to start. So this time I do things in a manner that feels natural to me. It no longer feels like work, and it is enjoyable. This alone makes it so much easier for me.

    Also, I said this to footman this evening: now that I have a better handle on how to be the KH in a way that better suits me, I feel more confident. I feel proud of overcoming a weakness I had. And I've noticed an overall improvement in my self worth.

    Had I known then what I know now....

    - Beautiful
     
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  8. Panda2010
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    Panda2010 There's a fine line between pleasure and pain

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  9. Joan.t
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    Joan.t Well-Known Member

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    I love the way you have been so open about your relationship and your approach to be a better KH, as you have learned by now, confidence in your self is magic and can make wonders to the way we feel about ourselves.
     
  10. Love&Passion
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    Love&Passion Well-Known Member

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    hey beautiful and footman.. Awesome story thanks so much for sharing. You both definitely seem to be on the fast lane :) after the reboot. Enjoy and thanks so much for sharing!
     
  11. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    I must say that this go around has been going a lot better. And if I'm not mistaken, footman seems happier as well.

    Thank you for your kind comment.

    - Beautiful
     
  12. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much for your positive comment.
    To be honest, in person, I am not this open about our relationship. I am very private about our relationship when we are around family and friends.
    And you are correct, the additional confidence is magic. Even footman has made comments about how my improved confidence has spilled over into other areas of my life. I hadn't really noticed before he pointed it out.

    - Beautiful
     
  13. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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  14. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    Beautiful - in reading this thread from the beginning I can almost hear my beautiful wife of 26 years writing the exact same things.

    She’s vanilla (and I was as well to a certain extent) and we’ve always been open about trying new things to spice it up.

    However, age, life, pre menopause etc has really stolen her desire for any sexual activity. I brought chastity to her in hopes of rekindling the fire. It hasn’t worked as far as sex but intimacy has reappeared. I’m curious as to what made you understand or accept and embrace chastity?

    We’ve talked a lot. She’s aware that I enjoy being locked up. She’s ok with it. She still struggles to get the “why” part though... It’s that next step that I so want her to take so I’m not locked and forgotten all the time. Thanks in advance!
     
  15. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    As I read this, I must say that I had several thoughts running through my mind. I couldn't wait to respond.

    Up until I met footman, I led a predominately Vanilla life. I had wanted to try things to see what else I might like. But never found a partner that truly cared about me, or that I felt comfortable trying new things with, until footman.

    At one point I had no sex drive. My libido was dead. It sparked a little bit when I first met footman and we became intimate, but as time went by, it died down again. And that is coming from someone that hasn't reached menopause yet. For me, I was unhealthy. I ate poorly, I didn't do much exercise, and I didn't pay attention to my health in other aspects of my life. However, I started becoming aware of those things. So I started eating better, I am slightly more active than before (still not enough), and I do what I can to be healthy with other everyday products I use. Those combined efforts helped with my sex drive. But, there was one other thing that helped with my libido, however, I will get back to that in a minute. Let me answer your chastity question:

    When footman first talked to me about chastity, it was very early on in our relationship. I feel I am not like most women. I was not shocked, or scared by footman's confession about wanting to incorporate male chastity in our relationship. At first, I didn't really know what male chastity was. Once footman explained it to me, I still wasn't freaked out by it, I just wasn't sure how to start learning what my role would be and what I was supposed to do in that role. And in all honesty, I did not do very well the first time. Your fear came true for footman, I had him locked and somewhat forgot about my role and duties; therefor he was locked up but not getting anything out of it. It was not really a question of understanding chastity (I knew what it was once I simply asked). It also wasn't a matter of accepting it, because I did. It was more a matter of not knowing what to do.

    I would ask footman: "What should I be doing?"
    And he would give me plenty of suggestions. We even made up different reward and punishment lists that required dice that would determine what I would do. But in the end, none of that worked.
    Why? Because I wasn't doing it MY way. Footman and some dice were telling me what to do for footman. And that's not what a Keyholder is.

    Struggling with the "why" of it: I still don't fully understand "why" footman enjoys being locked up, doing everything I tell him, having no control. But in all honesty, I don't need to understand his "why" behind it. It is enough for me to know that this is what he wants. That was also how I felt when he first told me. I didn't understand why, but I understood that this was what he wanted. So my thought was: I love my footman. Male Chastity is what wants and what is going to make him happy. So that is what I am going to do. In our everyday life, even before we started MC, footman has always shown me as much love and support than I could ever ask for. He has alway believed in me. He has always been here for me. So why would I NOT do this for him? Later I began enjoying being his KH, and that was just a BONUS. Even though the idea of being a KH was not appalling to me to being with, why wouldn't I do this one IMPORTANT thing for him to reciprocate everything he does for me? For me, there was no question in my mind of if I would or wouldn't do this. The only question for me was: How am I going to do this right?

    This brings me back to libido --> Once I really started embracing being a KH, I began enjoying it. I am a KH my way. And now I thoroughly enjoy it. What does this have to do with my libido? Well, when I really started thriving as a KH, I was remembering everyday to give my footman tasks. That was the first step, remembering to do this. Once I had that down, next was getting creative with rewards and punishments. Once that was second nature, then came spicing it up: photos and videos. Through all of this, I gained control of everything. I never knew I wanted that. I have always been the one under other peoples' thumbs. And to now have control, and to start getting creative in my own way, that was liberating for me. It was invigorating, which in turn turned me on. Not only that, my footman has always told me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. BUT, there is nothing like seeing the LUST he has for me in his eyes when I'm being his KH. Again, spike in sex drive on my end just seeing that. And your wife might have the same reaction.

    I can't say that if your wife decides to try this with you that her sex drive will come back. But I am saying that I discovered some wonderful things about myself, and throughout this whole experience, I have never been more turned on in my ENTIRE life.

    A possible suggestion: since she is unsure, maybe you could ask her if she would be willing to try it for a day, two days, a week. That way if she doesn't like it, maybe try again another time. But if she does like it...even better.

    I hope something in this reply helps. Please feel free to ask more questions.
     
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  16. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    Beautiful - thank you for that thought out and amazing reply! It is unbelievable how much like my beautiful wife you sound. Even the words and thoughts. “KH my way”
    That is my wife!

    Could you share a few ideas that I can bring to her to ease her into this gently? You can pm me if preferred. I’d love to understand from your point of view how to relieve her of worrying about the why and just enjoy the spoils of MC. Thanks
     
  17. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    Robinoh,
    Again, I was very anxious to reply to this. I love to help others, in general, so to help with this pleases me.

    The why: Honestly, you can explain the reason behind why you want to do this. However, that does not mean she will completely understand it. Women and men just think differently. I personally am a more emotional person by nature. Where as my footman has emotion, but is a more physical being. It took a lot for me to understand why he wanted this. And that is simply because I just don't think THAT way. So if she feels she needs to understand why: keep doing your best to try and explain it, but don't become frustrated if it takes a while for her to grasp it.

    Some ideas: I personally don't know the details of your every day life together, so if I mention things you already do, great. These are just suggestions, and I hope they help.

    My first suggestion would be to ask her to lock you in your device for an hour. During that hour, pamper her. And when I say that, I mean, pick things you know she likes. If she likes you making her dinner, rubbing her feet, running her a bath, etc. Pick an area or two that you KNOW she loves, and do those. If there is one of those things you know she doesn't care for, don't waste time on that activity. Move on to one she will extremely enjoy. That is how I started feeling comfortable with this. Footman would get locked up for a designated time, and during that time, he made sure to pamper ME. After that, I would look forward to locking him up because I enjoyed how he treated me during that time. Don't get me wrong: footman has always treated me well. However, during his locked time, he went above and beyond.

    My second suggestion, ask your wife if there is anything you can do for her each day that would take the burden off of her. Don't bring up chastity. Just ask that simple question. Hopefully she will give you a few things. If she mentions things you do, but you just don't do them all the time, maybe make it a daily habit (opening doors for her no matter what- just an example). If she mentions things you don't do, maybe give them a try. And while you are doing these things, you don't have to be caged. Just do them because they make her feel good.

    I would not try to incorporate punishments at this time. I struggled with that one for a long while. And that can be scary. Scary at all is not good, but especially not in the beginning when you're trying to comfort her with the idea of this.

    COMMUNICATION IS KEY. (PUN intended) From both sides. You are asking her to do this for you. So now, you need to be very verbal with her. I'm sure you already know this, but she will not know what exactly you want. So you need to be very specific with her. Even if she decides to try this, you will need to even go as far as to ASK her how whatever you tried made her feel. If she enjoyed it. If she disliked it. And why. The more you both communicate with how all of this makes you feel and why, the better the chances are that you will find things you both enjoy. And that will help with her wanting to continue. I could go all day long about the benefits of communication. But I'm hoping you understand. If not, feel free to ask more questions.

    If I were you, I would ask her if she wouldn't mind getting on CM with you and reading my initial post. I would not suggest having her explore the website at first. But at least if she read my orginial post, it might help her to see that there are women out there that started out very vanilla (me), and were able to try something new, and eventually thrive at it (while enjoying it).

    Patience. Footman and I have been "playing" with this lifestyle for about 2 and a half years, but have been serious with it for about a year an a half. And as I wrote, the first time we had to take a break. But we restarted. So don't be surprised if she needs a break now and then. This is a lot to take in. And I needed to learn piece by piece. It's a whole mindset change from everything we're taught growing up. What I did: I had footman teach me basics first. About the cage, why size DOES matter for a cage, how to put a cage on and take it off, etc. Once I felt knowledgeable and comfortable that I understood those, I had him teach me something new. And I built on that one piece at a time.

    Once we restarted, I took what I already knew, but then I switched it up and made it fit me. I have a busy life, so I made lists (tasks, rewards, punishments, etc), started doing things I felt most comfortable with (then branched out from there). You say you hear her when you read my words. She might be like me: She thrives with what she knows....this she doesn't know, at all.

    Maybe this will help: A to-do list for you

    1. Ask your wife how you can relieve some things off her plate.
    2. Ask her to read my initial post, then ask her what she thinks about it. How does it make her feel to read it?
    3. Ask her if she would be willing to learn how the cage works.

    And you and your wife are more than welcome to message me any time to ask questions. I would love to help more if I can.

    I would also recommend reading The 5 Love Languages, if you haven't already read it. It is amazing and can really help you understand each other better.

    Did this help at all?
     
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  18. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    In a word... YES!!! Thank you so much!
     
  19. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    You’re very welcome.
     
  20. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Member

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    Quick update from last night. I’m headed out of town for the week on business and my beautiful wife wanted to make love last night before I left!!

    While we were kissing and touching she reached down and paused... where’s your cage? She asked!

    My heart stopped with surprise. I said it was off just because. She replied I’m surprised you’re not locked up, because I was expecting to have to get it off you. Wow!!!

    Progress no doubt!

    Now I can’t wait to get home lock up and see where this goes...
     
  21. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    That's great! Definitely progress.

    -Beautiful
     
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  22. Locked Up Tony
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    This is really intriguing @Beautiful and her footman and I love hearing how you have both worked through this. What i would like to know is what is the group you went to? Are there any in the NYC area?

    Thanks also for sharing all of this
     
  23. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Well-Known Member

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    We have a profile on FetLife. On there we were able to find a local Group.
    If you go on there, I am pretty sure there are probably a few Groups on there that you could look in to.

    You're welcome.

    - Beautiful
     
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  24. Andylocked
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    Andylocked Member

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    Great thread!! Thank you! My own wife while not vanilla is new to being dominant as a KH... I had a cage 3 or 4 years ago but she didn’t really get it.. long story short, I have read up on a zillion things chastity related.. so I have been giving her ideas (in a completely subtle manner - I really don’t want to put her off completely... but last night she even warmed to the idea of numbing cream and a condom on me if she needs a good hard shag - I also suggested that if that failed and I still came too soon, there are always hollow strapons (my absolute favourite method of denial) that I could use... she didn’t turn that idea down either!! This could be one amazing journey - I am due to be locked up April 4th.... can’t wait!!! :)
     
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  25. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Well-Known Member

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    I really like the idea of numbing cream and condoms! I've read about it several times and find it quite a frustrating idea! I like the idea of the hollow strap on as well! Its fantastic having sex with Mrs Chaste wearing a normal strap on, but the idea of actually being inside her vagina and still not cumming whilst she does that's another thing altogether.
     
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