My Story So Far

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Sop, Jul 10, 2020.

  1. Sop
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    Sop New member

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    Hi Everyone, I've been a long term browser of the site but things have finally built to the point where I felt the need to write down what's in my head. Apologies, it's an extremely long read. Possibly too long for anyone on here, but for my own sanity I feel like I have to tell someone.

    I adore my wife, she's my world and an incredible woman. I fell in love with her for her kindness, selflessness and beauty, inside and out.

    My wife is definitely pretty vanilla but is fairly open minded. We have experimented a fair bit with some things and have a toy collection worthy of opening a store. I've always liked playing with power and leaned towards the submissive side, but other than the odd night here and there, we've not played too much with that side of things.

    As seems to be so often the case, I'm coming into this with years of a fantasy and desire building that she will have no idea about. I've resisted things so far because I don't want to be rejected if I tell her what I want, I'm scared that what I'm asking isn't her. Selfish I know, but right now I at least have a glimpse of the fantasy from some of the things we enjoy, to lose that hope would be so sad, but I realise it's not fair and I need to be open.

    Additionally, from a purely practical point of view, we're both in our early 30s, have busy work lives and we have 2 kids under 7, I'm not sure how feasible this lifestyle is. Time is a struggle given our busy lives but I do believe there's ways around that, more so the device itself and keeping that to ourselves.

    This started, in someway for me around 6 years ago albeit at the time I had no idea about chastity itself, Female Led Relationships or the fact I wanted both in my life. This may sound like the introduction to a cliche fantasy, but it started when my wife found out one night I had been watching porn whilst she was at work. She was so hurt, so upset and angry with me. I felt so ashamed, so horrible I'd made her feel that way. She had a point too, she was hurt that she felt she was always there for me sexually and didn't see why I'd turn to that instead of her. I was so apologetic and to this day, feel bad for the way I made her feel. I know this is not an unknown, I know the majority of men do and a lot of women may be ok with it (or tolerate it), but it didn't matter, I'd hurt my wife and felt awful for it. So I stopped an didn't want to do that to her again.

    The next key event was shortly after our daughter was born. She was horny but due to her soreness couldn't really do anything about it. So out of solidarity more than anything, I made a pact with her that I'd wait until she could orgasm again, it was only fair. And that was it, the most amazing few weeks, I'd discovered tease and denial and loved it.

    Since then, it's been a loose theme of our sex lives. We use an app called Desire to send each other dares, you can either pick from a category or write your own. Mine started taking the format of revolving around her sexual pleasure more than my own. I've told her how much I like her selfishness in bed and like to focus on her, but equally, she's such a nice person and whilst she will tease me in the moment will usually make me orgasm, she says no matter how many times I say I like it, she feels guilty.

    A couple of particular occasions that have been incredible do stick out though. Once after we had been out for a lovely meal and were a bit drunk, we got home and she just turned into something I'd never seen before. So confident, commanding, in control completely and it was the most amazing night. After that I told her I really liked submitting to her sexually. Since then, our sex usually involves her bringing me to the edge once or twice, her always getting her orgasm first before we finish with PIV.

    Then more recently, I suggested a dare to her. She rolled a dice, the number rolled would be the number of weeks til my next orgasm, but only she would know that. I told her how much pleasing her, making her life better and easier made me happy. I wanted her to have free reign to ask for what she wanted, be it sexual or not. Of course, I didn't realise at the time she'd rolled a 6... But we had the most amazing few weeks of teasing and me making sure I focused my sexual attention on her. Outside of that, well she would now occasionally ask for a massage but didn't really take the initiative with that, and I'm not sure it's in her nature. But I was a better person for those 6 weeks. I was more focused at work, at home, on her. We kissed more, we cuddled more, I felt so close to this amazing woman. The 6 weeks came to an end, in an amazing way. I also saw glimpses of the most gentle domination from her, these may not rank that highly to some on here but me making her orgasm as I was still in my boxers and other than her accidentally brushing against me, me not getting anything, realising she wasn't duty bound to tease me sexually every time I pleased her was a rush. Equally I do rather miss our Friday night ritual of me getting her a glass of wine as she sits on the sofa and I give her oral.

    I love my wife dearly and her kindness and selflessness is the whole reason I want this with her. I feel I can be better for her and I really want her to expect a bit more of me and not be afraid to get more out of me too. It's made me realise that I would love her to be my keyholder and for us to be in an FLR. My wife is wonderfully gentle and loving, and I want nothing more, I just want a slight bias to her and her to enjoy that.

    I've asked her if she enjoys what we do and she does, but equally, and she'd be the first to admit, she's not that creative with ideas on how to keep things fresh, so even when it's devoted to her, the initiation tends to come from me.

    This post feels pretty self indulgent to me. I feel guilty about this, scared of me admitting how I feel I need this in some capacity if it's just not for her, at least right now I have the glimpses and idea it's a possibility. But you never know until you ask, I guess. Equally, I feel bad, if I want to be a better husband, why should this make me better?

    We've built and built and she knows my general preference, but it still seems a huge leap to say I would be honoured and love it if our dynamic changed ever so slightly. I've written a long letter explaining my feelings which I'm scared to give, considered grand gestures as well as giving her reading material, I've even devised a game to give her ideas and it progressively builds from stuff we've done a hundred times to stuff we haven't broached, but that feels like the definition of topping from the bottom.

    It's built to a point where I have to tell her how I feel, it's just a question of how. Recently, we were having some drinks with friends and playing a game, a question came up for the boys if they had masturbated in the last 3 months. Everyone admitted to, leading to bravado from the men and jokes amongst us all. To my shame, I said I had as well to avoid the inevitable questions from everyone else even though I hadn't. I told my wife after I hadn't and promised I hadn't, but then a thought just entered my head, imagine if she had me locked and knew I hadn't and could smirk as she watched me squirm. If there was even a remote chance of that I had to tell her.

    If anyone has made it this far, well done, and thank you. One question I had was about genuine resources out there to help a woman at least wrap their heads around this bizarre request and bomb shell. I have read a number of books and articles but worry at some point, they all seem to take a turn to something a little more extreme that I know my wife and I wouldn't be interested in.

    A lot of my interest is undoubtedly built on fantasy, as I wouldn't mind betting the majority of men have done going into this. I know in reality it would be very different with our busy lives and in no way do I want to lose the amazing loving woman I have, I just want her to love me by being a bit selfish at points too. But not at the expense of her doing it purely to satisfy me, I want her to believe that it is also better that way and tilt things in her favour, even when that may be things I don't like as much. I know I can't guarantee that and will never know until I'm more explicit with my kinks to her than this gradual subtle build up and a wishful expectation of her just switching into something else one day.

    One thing I am sure on is when I do tell her, I want to give her a lot of time, back right off and not feel it is something I need an imminent answer to. I only want her consideration.

    Does anyone else have any advice? Anyone see any parallels in terms of the fear of telling their significant other? Would be really keen to hear from keyholders who perhaps felt they were pretty vanilla before in hindsight and didn't see this coming in any way. How did you react when you probably didn't even know what a chastity device was.

    Anyway, a long hello from me!
     
    Jblocked, fkfk, Rectrix and 3 others like this.
  2. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Welcome to our community. I'm sure you'll benefit from being part of it and I have to say I think you and wife have the potential for chastity play and likely FLR. But as you know, taking a slow approach with lots of conversation will give you a much better chance for success. I'm sure other, more experienced members will give you excellent how-to advice, so good luck and enjoy.
     
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  3. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Welcome to The Mansion, hope to see you in the chatroom sometime!
     
  4. madams-sissysub
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    Hi there and welcome to the mansion!
     
  5. Neo in Neo
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    Neo in Neo Member

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    Wow, there is so much of what you wrote that I can relate to. My keyholder and I are now 2 years into a journey and building momentum. Our biggest challenge mirrored yours, my amazing wife is also an incredibly selfless individual. To her, she couldn’t imagine receiving without giving. And it has took along time for her to embrace that her receiving is actually giving me what I truly want.

    To your question, what truly put us in gear on our journey was the book by Sarah Jameson ‘Be careful what you wish for’. I purchased the audio book for her to listen to on her commute to work. It might be the most comprehensive book on ‘why’ this fantasy is so important to you, and how it will ultimately benefit her and you both as a couple. When my wife embraced the concept on an emotional level, the clutch was dropped and we were on our way.

    I wish you luck, be patient! And enjoy every amazing step on your journey together!!

    welcome to the mansion!
     
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  6. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    I think you are overthinking it. First, find a quality device that you can wear 24/7 so you don’t get started then risk things cooling off because you have to take it off to heal.

    Then introduce her to it as a part time game (not a lifestyle). Maybe Saturday morning you put it on and tell her you have to earn the key for the weekend by being romantic, massages, chores, etc.. tell her it should stay on all weekend unless she wants it off and it goes back on when she is done. Let it evolve from there. Maybe agree to a 4 day weekend, a week and let it evolve from there. She doesn’t need a book at this point because it will just overload her and make her think she has to do certain things to “do it right”.

    Be patient and keep it simple. If it’s for her, she will take the reigns and you will lose control. Be careful what you wish for!

    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/male-chastity-device-healthy-marriage_n_570d34cae4b0836057a2895a
     
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  7. Neo in Neo
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    Neo in Neo Member

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    Good points Jess!
     
  8. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    As usual, Jessica makes some excellent points. You have something very special going here, so relax into it and enjoy your life. Let it evolve. Good luck and welcome
     
  9. elias
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    elias Active member

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    First, a very warm welcome here. From your story I can read that there is a "fundament" present to move on with. Move patient and gradually, this will bring the best.

    I was triggered to one of your questions:
    Just recently an interesting topic started about this captioned subject. See the topic "How have you improved as a man/person?". This might be worthwhile to read.

    All the best and enjoy your new life!
     
  10. binhoni93
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    binhoni93 Member

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    You identified a big challenge,how to have satisfying intimacy while also having a busy family life with children. I'm curious how others deal with this.
     
  11. Eve
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    Eve Active member

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    Welcome to CM
     
  12. billzboats
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    At your stage in life it is hard for her to focus on her needs or yours. The kids come first! Be patient with her and shower her with love. Be her knight in shining armor.
     
  13. MouseTee
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    MouseTee Active member

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    Welcome to the mansion and I think that your feelings and experiences are very recognizable for a lot of us here. Have a great time and I hope (and expect) that you'll find the information and support over here for your journey. :)
     
  14. Sop
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    Sop New member

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    Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome and great advice. You are right, where we are now is beyond where I imagined would be possible when I first realised this is what I wanted, but I probably need to be more honest about how big this is for me so I don't feel I'm tricking her along on one constant dare.
     
  15. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    it alwasy best to be honest cos Ladys always find out if you are not.
     
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