My March (and hopefully April) Journal

You know exactly how I feel...

 

Week 4 - My session is shifting from thrilling to Burdensome!

Day 22 - I wore my cage without using the key once for 4 days straight, because I've been so horny that I didn't want to take a chance by unlocking myself. I'm going to keep it on as long as I continue to be this horny. All I can think of right now is badly I want to jerk off. It isn't funny! Since I can multi-task, I feel I can still be productive at my PC while being crazy-horny all the time. I just gotta find a rhythm and stick to it... At work at the store is another matter altogether. There's no shortage of lovely ladies at the store and last week really was "Torture Week" for me. Trusting I don't get another such week any time soon, I feel I can withstand whatever lies ahead.

Day 23 - I went to bed last night with the cage on once again & I woke up with a small wet spot in my underwear. I was still feeling super horny, so I watched some porn this morning while having my coffee and I was leaking the entire time. That took away alot of pressure from my pelvis and the horniness seems to have eased off a bit... Or so I thought. Work was pretty uneventful until the second half of my shift when the urges returned. The last hour at work I got hit with a severe urge and thought I was gonna involuntarily blow my load in my work pants. Thankfully, that didn't happen and I took a cold shower the moment I got home. Some friends in World of Warcraft wanted me to host an in-game raid so I did that the rest of the night and it calmed me down enough to allow me to go to sleep.

Day 24 - I woke up leaking again... I was finally able to put on that Vice V2 & chastity strap combo I've been wanting to try. I tried it twice before and it turned me on so much that I ended up giving myself a ruined orgasm in my cage. This time, I swapped cages the moment I got out of bed while I was still in a sleep-daze, so I managed to hold my load. It worked very well and felt amazing, but I couldn't keep it on all day, because as my balls began to retract toward my body after a few hours & the pin in the hinged ring stuck out and dug into me, OUCH!!! So, after giving the combo a test run by watching porn for about 3 hours, I waited to calm down before swapping back to my Cage of Shame. Thankfully I was still able to hold my load. I was VERY horny the rest of the day and I started leaking again in the afternoon. I had another big urge in the evening, but I rode it out... No pun intended.

Day 25 - Woke up wanting to jerk off and get releif but kept my cage on... I took my Key Pod off my desk and locked it away in the safe on the other side of the residence so I cannot cancel the timer on it. I played a video game to help me pass the time before getting ready for work instead of watching porn. It honestly didn't didn't make much difference, as I still wanted to jerk off the whole time. I started getting some serious urges only a couple hours into my shift and got very antsy from it. I was also leaking throughout the day. Things finally calmed down in the evening so I went to bed a little early. I felt exhausted from being so horny all the time and constantly wanting to jerk off. This is starting to feel more like a burden than a thrill at this point... I really need a few days reprieve from this torture.

Day 26 - My balls REALLY ache this morning... I didn't hear my alarm clock go off, but a serious erection woke me up about 15 minutes after it went off, so I kind of owe it for that. Funny how things sometimes work out in a humorous way. I decided that instead of watching porn while having my coffee this morning that I was going to resume an in-game project I started last week. I got that much done, but I still can't take my mind off of how badly I wanna jerk off... I had one hand controlling the gaming mouse and the other hand holding my cage all this morning before going to work. Things seemed to have calmed down in the mid to late afternoon and I can finally relax this evening and get some much needed R&R...

My balls feel very heavy. I can feel them resting on my chair when I sit down and I have to use my off-hand to hold them out of the way just so I can use toilet tissue. I feel them moving about between my legs when I walk around. I almost feel like I need to walk with my legs a little further apart, but I don't want to walk around looking like I shoved something up my ass. That'll draw alot of unwanted attention.

Day 27 - Woke up very horny again... Had nothing better to do so I watched some porn for a half-hour and I've wanted to jerk off the rest of the morning. I went to work feeling heavy & full down there, but the horniness went away the moment I arrived at work and it didn't come back until I got home in the evening. I went to bed late because I was very horny and couldn't stop thinking sexual thoughts.

Day 28 - I went to bed late, woke up twice in the middle of the night, then woke up early because I'm too horny to sleep right now... I can only really focus on 2 things this morning; How badly I wanna jerk off & a new cock cage is arriving today and I gotta be careful when swapping out to give it a try or I'll risk another accidental ruined orgasm. I wonder if another ruined orgasm will either soothe my urge to want to jerk off or make it even worse, but I don't know if it's worth taking a risk. I'm not desperate to be unlocked (yet) and I really don't want to be. I wanna keep going. I told myself No cumming until sometime in May, but I'd like to go further if I can. Honestly, I won't complain if I only last one full month because it's still great progress going from only a couple weeks at a time earlier this year to back-to-back full months.

I'm thinking maybe I can avoid desperation altogether and last even longer if I stop whining about how badly I wanna jerk off and instead focus on how wonderful my balls feel... They're so full & heavy after a whole month of not cumming and I love it! Every now and then they get a slight cramp, particularly when aroused, but it's not painful... I actually enjoy it. Don't know how long it'll last before my body rebels and unloads itself, so I'm enjoying it while I can.

 

Week 5 - I'm leaking every day!

Day 29 - Things seem to finally be calming down... I got up early this morning and watched some porn because being a holiday not going anywhere, I had nothing better to do. It made me wanna jerk off for sure, but it only took me a few minutes to calm down after I stopped watching. I hosted a gaming session online for some friends today. After the session was over, I decided to "customize" one my female characters in the game and that triggered an urge and made me wanna jerk off again. My balls really ache and I'm riding the edge & leaking all this evening.

Day 30 - I woke up with a damp area in my underwear. This is starting to happen frequently, so it's a good thing I stopped wearing white underwear and switched to dark colors. Other than going to work with blue balls as usual, not much happened and the horniness went away as the evening approached. A new cock cage that arrived a couple days ago didn't work out, so I ordered another one that's more similar to the one I'm currently locked in and I'm just waiting for it to ship.

Day 31 - A FULL MONTH WITHOUT RELEASE! The changing weather is really making my system go haywire! I slept in and got up 2 hours later than usual, so it's a good thing I had a late work shift and not an early one. I had a frustrating conversation with the relatives about something pointless and I decided to remedy that with one of my video games instead of watching porn again, because I just wasn't in a teasing mood at the time. About an hour after I got to work, I went to use the restroom and had a semen discharge. That took alot of pressure off pelvis and the horniness decreased for the rest of the day but didn't go away entirely. In the evening I can a couple minor urges, but they were short & tolerable... I actually enjoyed them this time.

Day 32 - Woke up horny again and feeling really full & heavy... I really want to jerk off right now, but I also want to keep my balls full. I was holding them in one hand while drinking my coffee with my other hand at the same time I was watching porn to help me wake up. The weather outside is making me want to call out work and go back to sleep, but I gotta get up. I wonder if my body is playing tricks on me just to get any kind of orgasm at all, because I felt a little irritation between my cock and my balls, so I momentarily unlocked myself to check down there to ensure everything was alright and then while relocking myself, I started throbbing and I tried to fight it off and ended up with an accidental ruined orgasm. So frustrating! I've never been so physically sensitive in my entire life! Several hours later, I had some minor urges... My body wants more, but I ain't giving it what it wants!

Day 33 - Woke up with a serious erection in my cage and leaked ALOT after it went down... I think it was a wet dream and not a typical leakage this time, because not only was it different, but so much came out that it soaked my underwear. I've had 2 ruined orgasms this month a couple weeks apart and still, my body acts like it never got one in the first place. I'm getting minor urges this morning, making me want to jerk off regardless if I watch porn or not. Since they're only minor, I can actually enjoy them on my day off today. Had a whole series of minor urges throughout the day and felt mighty horny the whole time. Going into the evening I had 2 serious urges. Even though I had a ruined orgasm just yesterday, I damn near involuntarily shot my load during one of the severe urges. My balls really ache right now.

Day 34 - Went to bed last night very horny but woke up calm and doing just fine this morning. I watched a few short porn clips to get some screenshots for my chastity caption projects and it made me swell a bit in my cage, but I wasn't on the verge of popping so I really enjoyed it. also sorted through a few of my recent porn downloads to put them in the appropriate folders on my PC. Spent the remaining half hour doing other things to calm down before getting ready for work, since I have a busy weekend ahead of me. Had a severe urge twice while at work and was generally relived that it was gone by the time I got home so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. I really need it!

Day 35 - Woke up rested and had some new ideas for chastity captions. Had to watch some of my porn collection to take screenshots for the images. It really made me leak & swell in my cage and I went to work with blue balls. Work was absolutely crazy! A new sporting good store on the other side of the mall had a celebrity football player for their grand opening and much of the crowd found its way into my store. I was on literally on the run the entire day and was so tired when I got home that I totally forgot how horny I was and just plopped onto the bed and crashed out.

 

2 full months... 3 if I can manage it.

 

Thanks!

 

Week 6 - I'm constantly horny and thinking of sex!

Day 36 - I called out work, because I was physically burned out from the craziness ay my job the past few days... Stayed home, watched some porn in the morning, made a few new chastity captions and played a few video games. Pretty uneventful day but that's a good thing for today because I'm getting some much needed rest. It's been a few days since that ruined orgasm and I already feel like I'm getting full again. Horniness seems to be increasing again. Just looking at one of my female video game characters, or seeing an attractive women on Youtube is making me want to jerk off.

Day 37 - Got up feeling horny but went to work just fine. In the middle of the day I got a series of urges and towards the end of my shift I had a severe urge that made me moan and whimper... It's a good thing nobody was around when it happened because it was very difficult for me to contain myself and keep my voice down to stay descrete. I had more urges as the evening went on, but they stopped about an hour before my usual bedtime, so I was lucky in that regard.

Day 38 - Got up a little later than usual because I was tired from a hectic past-week. I decided to try my "Little Cock Restraint" cage one more time before the new cage comes arrives in a few days. It was very tricky to put on because of its unusual ring shape and that made my balls genuinely hurt the last 2 times I tried it on... This time I shaved my groin first and that made it much easier to put on. So far it hasn't made my balls hurt after about 3 hours, but I'm going to keep it on all day and the key with me to work just in case things change and I have to take it off. Well, it didn't happen and I went through the whole day with no pain. Strange... I tried that cage without shaving my groin and it hurt my balls. I shave my groin and the pain just goes away... I don't know. It's anyones guess.

Day 39 - Tried to sleep with my "Little Cock Retraint" cage on overnight and I couldn't do it... A erection pushed the whole cage forward and it was painful, so I swapped back to my "Cage of Shame" this morning and all is well again. GOD, I'M SO FUCKING HORNY THIS MORNING!!! I can't stop rubbing my crotch and can't get sexual thoughts out of my head! Around this time during my last session I was seriously breaking and in tears, but I'm doing much better this time around. I know I keep saying that like a broken record, but it keeps me going and comforts me so I don't crack again. It seems the longer I go, the more intense this gets and there's just no leveling out in the honrniness or urges.

Day 40 - Woke up with a major boner again but I also had to pee BADLY, so I rushed to the bathroom and used my "hygeine only" key to unlock myself and releive myself, then after the erection went down, I locked myself back up very carefully. I tried to go back to sleep but I was too horny to drift off. Since I couldn't get sexual thoughts off my mind, I watched some porn for a couple hours and it really made my balls ache... I was supposed to go shopping today, but I really wanted to stay at home and watch porn and ache all day today. I had to tell myself to let go of my crotch and drink my coffee before it gets cold. I did my scheduled weekly cleaning as planned and I had to be very careful because I was already very horny and a consistant rub on my cock would've pushed me over the edge made me blow my load. Thankfully, that didn't happen... I managed to hold my load while in the shower and while putting the cage back on. After leaving the bathroom and going back to my room, the horniness took off again and I was on the edge for the entire afternoon. Went to bed in the evening feeling exhausted.

Day 41 - Got a full night's rest without waking up once. Feel much better now! Still very horny, but feel calmer now. I keep telling myself chastity is what I need to improve myself... But GODDAM, I wanna jerk off so badly! I know watching porn doesn't help sooth the frustration, but I really cannot help myself in that matter. I'm very glad I have a busy day ahead of me, so hopefully I can take my mind off of how badly I wanna cum, even if it is only temperarily. The weather has taken a turn for the worse this afternoon and made me physically tired due to atmospheric changes. I was supposed to go shopping since I didn't yesterday, but the weather won't allow it. It's windy AF and it's coming down like a waterfall! Got home, ate dinner and played a video game and a couple hours later I crashed out.

Day 42 - Tied my longest session today! A thunderstorm woke me up about an hour earlier than my usual time and kept me up. It didn't clear out until after I was already wide awake and it's a nice day outside, but colder... Having nothing else to do this morning, I watched some porn and ached & leaked. Interestingly, I don't feel desperate at all. Even though I'm constantly horny and always wanting to jerk off, I feel more like I'm finally gaining control of myself through the horniness and lack of orgasms. I'm giving some serious thought into possibly staying locked up from now on, not permenantly, but going forward I'll save full orgasms out of the cage for very special occassions and If I go a long time (couple months) without any kind of orgasm at all, then I'll give myself either a ruined or caged orgasm just to maintain my desire. I want to make full orgasms out of the cage special, so they would have to be "justified".

Nothing is set in stone, as I know situations change and an emergency can literally come outta nowhere, but I really wanna keep this going for as long as I can and find ways to make it enjoyable to keep my desire up (no pun intended) and get continuous pleasure by means of denial, instead of going back to constantly jerking off for momentary pleasure.

 

Thanks!

 

I took the locked up acrylic lockbox containing my chastity keys off my desk and put them in the safe for 2 reasons; They were becoming a real distraction after 6 weeks without release & I want to stay locked up for a LONG time and I don't want anything to happen to my keys... I live in a shared residence so there's a risk someone could mistakenly misplace them over time. I have a "Hygiene Only" key in the bathroom for routine cleanings and that's enough access for me.

 

Well, Fuck! I forgot I added another month to my Key Pod recently. I'm not gonna get release until sometime in June. Honestly, I'm not scared at all... In fact, I'm more intrigued than nervous about it.

Screenshot taken this morning:



Furthermore, I'm actually turned on by the thought of how swollen and blue my balls are going to be in June. Someone else here in CM (honestly don't remember who) suggested last week that I focus on the positives of being locked for longer and not the negatives and this will be much more bearable. It's worked thus far, so I'll stick to it.

 

Yeah, this is how I am right now. LOL!

 

Hmm... I think I found what made me add another month to my Key Pod.

This here...
Encouraging Chastity Captions!

 

Week 7 - This week started rough, but ended smooth.

Day 43 - New longest session! I Woke up with a major boner in my cage again. I was leaking so much that I had to use a tissue to soak it up. Had a dream that I was massaging a HOT young lady while locked up. Wish I hadn't gotten up because I wanted to continue the dream. LOL! Feeling mighty horny from that dream, I watched some porn and it gave me arousal jitters. I went to work with blue balls again and I had a few urges throughout my shift. It was an unseasonably warm day so the young ladies walked into the store wearing their summer attire. There was no shortage of eye-candy today and I was in frustration heaven. Was horny all day and finally calmed down in the late evening just in time for bed.

Day 44 - Something fell down in my room and woke me up at 3AM. Was conflicted on whether I wanted to go back to sleep or get up early and watch porn because I was having some trouble drifting off back to sleep, But I decided to just stay in bed and about an hour later I drifted off and slept in. It's my day off and I'm still horny AF so I watched some porn in the morning and relished the ache in my balls. As noon approached, I grabbed a bite to eat and fired up my video games. I'm still super horny, so I have one hand on the gaming mouse and the other hand on my crotch. My body REALLY wants to cum, but I won't let it. If I think I'm about to edge myself by accident then I'll let go of myself and keep my hands off my crotch. I know I shouldn't be grabbing it in the first place, but I'm so horny I just can't help myself. At least I'm smiling and not crying like last time, so it's all good.

Day 45 - Woke up horny as always and wanted to jerk off upon getting out of bed... My original goal was to go 2 full months and I'm only 2 weeks away, but I'm also half way to 3 full months and I'm seriously considering going through to there. My balls are getting plump again and my body is starting to scream "I NEED TO CUM!" and I just keep denying myself. I bought a kink clip with 3 of my favorite fetishes combined into a single video. It made me shake with arousal and whimper with frustration. I need to tell myself that once in a while it's Okay to buy a porn video that has material not obtainable by free means, but not regularly I already spent a small fortune on porn over the years and I don't need to go back to that habit.

Day 46 - Got up at my usual time but wanted to sleep in and just couldn't drift back off because I'm too damn horny! Instead of watching porn again this morning, I decided to resume an in-game project I have going. It wasn't easy to stay focused... Images of hot porn kept popping into my head, triggering urges and making me want to jerk off the whole time I was trying to concentrate on what I was doing. I think desperation may slowly be creeping in, as this is starting to feel more and more burdensome. Funny thing is, unlike last time where I literally cried, I'm smiling and enjoying it. However, I wonder if losing focus to constant horniness is causing some harm, because it kind of defeats the purpose of me going into chastity in the first place. That purpose being to allow me to get things done without wasting time. Yes, I solved the jerking off problem, but I'm starting to feel it's coming at a price. I'm gonna try my best to ride out the next 2 weeks and see from there. Maybe I'll give myself release and see if I regain my focus... Maybe I won't and just keep denying myself. Time will tell.

Day 47 - I just looked at the timer on my Key Pod... I forgot I added an additional month to the timer, so it's going to be at least a 3 month lockup! YIKES!!! Honestly, I'm not scared at all. In fact, I'm more intrigued than nervous over how this will end up. Furthermore, I'm actually turned on at how full my balls are going to be after 3 months without release. They're already getting swollen just 2 weeks after that accidental ruined orgasm because I'm constantly aroused and always wanting to jerk off. I've been wanting badly swollen blue balls and to be desperate to get out of the cage, BUT I want to experience it without breaking down in tears like last time. I think I can do that if I focus on how good this feels, instead of how badly I need to cum. That won't be easy, but I'm very determined.

Day 48 - Something very funny happened yesterday... Previously, I bought a t-shirt for work that was on clearance for just three bucks. But it's a slim small, not a regular small like my size and I didn't see that when I bought it. It was tight but not uncomfortable. It made my shoulders stand out and both coworkers and customers seemed very receptive (positive) from it. A bit later, I looked in the mirror and noticed my tight t-shirt wasn't hiding the small bulge in my work jeans from my cock cage. Then I realized that I look like I'm hung! ROFL! Maybe that's why they suddenly got "friendly" upon seeing me. They have no idea the bulge is a cock cage and I'm not actually hung, but they don't need to know. It's my dirty little secret and I think it's hilarious how I can fool people so easily. LOL!

Day 49 - Today is exactly 7 weeks being locked up and I'm doing great! The constant horniness feels wonderful and even though I'm very easily turned on and aroused, I love it! If I'm feeling kind of "down" then all I have to do is think of something sexy and I'm blissfully moaning in frustration. My balls are getting bigger... I just love how full they are and I could hold them all day. Every so often, I get a slight but pleasant burn in my pelvis, similar to after a long workout at the gym. I know it's from having blue balls and full semen glands, but I welcome it. I just hope this lasts all next week and all next month, as I really don't want these feelings to end. If things start fade off at some point, then I'll know what my ideal lockup time will be. Hope it doesn't happen soon though. I'm having way too much fun at this point!

 

I was an emotional mess upon getting up this morning... Work was a constant non-stop grind and I'm pretty sore from it this morning, also feeling depleted and hungry. The weather outside dropped 30 degrees overnight and I'm really feeling it and it's seriously weighing me down. Before chastity, I would've been jerking off non-stop to help me deal with it, but I'm locked up so I don't have my cock to play with. Thb, it's making me feel a little depressed because I don't have a stress reliever that I've counted on for years.

I'm sure it'll pass... I just need time. Things I mentioned above just ain't within my control right now.

 

I just gave myself an accidental ruin while doing my weekly hygiene upkeep... Again!

I guess now I have no excuse not to continue after 2 full months goes by in 11 days.

 

That's kinda what I was getting at when I said there's no excuse for me not going at least until June 1st now. That's a 3-month session, 1 more month than my original plan.

 

The problem is I've become hyper-sensitive since I started chastity about 8 months ago... Before I started, I used to have to watch "Extreme Kink" videos just to get myself to the edge when jerking off to porn. Now, I'm liable to blow my load totally hands-free just from watching Guitarist Nita Strauss rock out to Pandemonium.

One of my favorite performances by her. Check it out on YouTube when you get a few minutes.

 

I'm sorry, but you lost me...