Mentoring vs. Keyholding... Where's the line?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Breathe, Apr 17, 2018.

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  1. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    I'm intrigued to hear opinions on this matter...

    Do any of you Keyholders mentor other submissives without establishing a 'firm' D/s and/or chastity dynamic?

    Have any of you locked ones been advised by a Dominant that didn't also hold your key or affections?
     
  2. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Active member

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    Where can I sign up?
     
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  3. thefemdecided
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    thefemdecided Active member

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    We would think twice about mentoring, there is no doubt some professional qualification needed in these #metoo days and we don’t have it! We make comments on here from time to time, but insist readers tick to say they have read and understand our 77,777 page disclaimer!

    J x 2
    X
     
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  4. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    As my mistress and I aren't part of the bdsm community (not that's there's really one in our area) I haven't had a local opportunity to be counseled or advised by another domme. That's a good part of the reason that I am here at the Mansion fairly often. There is a lot of good advice offered by many of the dommes here. A lot of it turns out to be good relationship advice in general and has helped me beyond chastity. I wish my mistress did have another domme to connect with to discuss and help further her inhibitions as a mistress. Perhaps someday...
     
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  5. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    I try to be as helpful as possible in advising on the realities of chastity and what to expect from a female perspective. I certainly don't expect to establish a dynamic, I see this forum as a fetish based community rather than somewhere to play or hold scenes.
     
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  6. LadyMoon
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    Yes, to a certain extent. I will give advice and guidance on occasion if someone has questions on a topic I'm interested in. And if I have time and energy to do so.

    However, I will not do someone else's homework for them. It annoys me when I see guys that are like "I'm totally new to the lifestyle and am looking to submit to a Mistress and have her teach me all about BDSM and what it means to be a sub." There are tons of resources available (including this forum) about the 101-level basics of BDSM, D/s, chastity, and most types of kinky interactions, so I have no interest in writing a personal e-book for any guy who approaches me and doesn't have a clue about safety, his limits, or interacting with dominant women.

    I don't think I'd be interested in a long-term mentoring relationship with someone I had no intention of dominating. Unless they wanted to pay my consultant fee!
     
  7. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    Spoken like a truly dominant woman! Well done! Mentoring blokes in chastity? Quite a new one on me! Its nice of you to pass on advice from a female perspective! I assume that's what mentoring is. Or am I over simplifying things?
     
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  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I have gotten some good advice from a domme that wasn’t mine. I had gotten into an argument with my kh, and was wondering what others do.

    Do you ask for the key back until the fun resumes? Do you cave because unlocking depends on her? When does your chastity game end and D/s relationship begin?

    Well I was wisely advised that me being uncaged had nothing to do with our argument and if I kept on asking for the keys she may not want them back.

    It helped and really changed how I viewed our relationship and my actual ability of giving her control.
     
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  9. Chaste J.
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    Sounds like good advice as well!
     
  10. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    Yes I have recieved some very helpful advice from some lovely ladies on here. I wont say their names so they are not inundated with questions but I have found that if you are polite and respectful most are immensely helpful.
     
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  11. LockedPom
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    I would think there is more male to female mentoring going on in the world of male chastity!
     
  12. LadyMoon
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    For sure, I think it goes both ways! Some guys don't understand what's going on in the ladies' brains and want help; some ladies don't understand what's going on in the guys' brains and want help.
     
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  13. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    And, to be honest, some guys don't know what's going on in guys' brains either...
     
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  14. TheMinistressGrace
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    TheMinistressGrace International key holding services

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    I do mentor my caged ones. It is the main reason why I hold keys.
    Level of xp doesn't matter to me, what does is the psychological level of the relationship.
    I have a deep understanding of male mentality on and off cage and as previously said, I mean to make a difference in their lives, while locked up for me.
    I've attained results so far that I'm very happy with and I'll keep on doing so, for more and better results.
     
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  15. latexbound
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    latexbound Locked

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    This is a really interesting thread and thanks to @Breathe for initiating it.
    I think levels and need for mentorship are all about the two individuals and the dynamic between them, whether they live together or develop an online connection. I have had one strong relationship where the basis of the relationship was control without the need (or interest on her part) for mentorship, another was with a Mistress/partner who wanted to mentor me but I did not feel she had the skills or experience to fulfil such a role that I did not feel I needed. And that one ended prematurely as a result.
    I think mentorship can have a very positive impact on any relationship, but it needs to be "appropriate". What I mean by that, is the degree of mentorship and what the focus areas are. In the latter situation mentioned above, my keyholder wanted to advise me on how to best do my job and define how I priortitise. These are areas in which I believe I am strong and need no help, so I resisted and problems arose. If she had remained focused on emotional mentorship - which was where it started - things could have been much different. I wasn't convinced that I even needed that, but it was the area I was interested in exploring.
    So again, depends on individuals, but also on what mentorship means to those individuals. Mentorship can mean many things to many people, in greatly varying degrees. It's an intriguing subject that can strengthen a relationship - or potentially destroy it.
     
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  16. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    I can assure you that most of the time there is very little going on in my brain!
     
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  17. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    This looks like a very interesting thread @Breathe but since I've only held my own key and that doesn't qualify me as a KeyHolder I'm going to follow it in silence. We all have things that we can learn.
     
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  18. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Great discussion already, everyone. :)

    I've always been happy to help others however I can, and it seems like so many struggle with self-acceptance when it comes to sexual matters. Growing up where I did likely instilled that desire to help others accept themselves and to disregard the negativity that may be associated with a D/s (and/or insert other kink) lifestyle. Friendships can flourish even when sexual topics are the main subject, but obviously lines can get blurry at times. Certain requests just don't settle well with Me, and I was hoping to get feedback on others' experiences - which you guys have provided, yet again. :)

    A very practical approach; I share this mentality in regards to D/s and feel that My chastity experiences are following suit.

    Wish I could 'love' your reply. I agree. This is actually a lot of fun when I'm in the mood for it...

    ... but this. Yeah. Totally different story. I get that interactive learning is great, but educating yourself before you start throwing out statements, offers, and/or 'commitments' that you don't understand typically prevents a lot of wasted time on both sides. Honesty is best, no matter the subject. If you don't know, say so! :)

    I would say you are not over-simplifying, to a degree. I know there are all manner of relationship dynamics out there, but yes - this is what I'm referring to. In the right setting, I think both sides can learn a great deal. Provided each understands the 'relationship' from the beginning.

    I find some exchanges of this nature have been extraordinarily helpful when trying to understand a position you don't 'hold'. That's why this subject intrigues Me.

    Well said. Establishing 'boundaries' and managing expectations are both key to having productive conversation. Straying from those can usually invite trouble.

    So very true, @Mash2214. :)
     
  19. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    And also not much going on in my chastity cage! Its not big enough to get fully hard in!
     
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  20. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Sounds like it's working, @Chaste J. :D
     
  21. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    Yes, all is as it should be in that department! :lockkey: :) :love:
     
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  22. SmartandObedient
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    SmartandObedient New member

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    If someone advises you on how to design your kitchen, it doesn't mean they're gonna be cooking for you everyday. :p
     
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  23. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Not sure how I missed your response before! Thanks for your input.

    I agree, the relationship between My husband/pet and I has always involved a mentoring mentality. It's been amazing watching him grow within our D/s (and now chastity) lifestyle - as I've grown in many ways, Myself. It's indescribably fulfilling to witness your submissive make progress in all areas of life, not just sex. So I'll continue along that route as well, since I've never been happier. :)

    I should clarify My question, I suppose. I completely understand developing a deeply-satisfying psychological bond with your locked one(s) and/or partner(s) but I was asking about more 'platonic' scenarios if you will, where friendship is the main media for discussion and exchanged keys are not actually in the equation.

    Quite right. Any mess made within thereafter is not the designer's concern, either.
     
  24. TheMinistressGrace
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    TheMinistressGrace International key holding services

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    You're welcome and actually, thank you for this interesting thread. Of course a friendship needs to establish, as the sub may not open up immediately: I need them to feel safe and comfortable enough to give me that.
    Discussion is the food of the D/s relationship on a distance.

    Monk aside, I've got a cager who's 38 and still virgin. And another one with identity issues... I wouldn't know if they hadn't opened up to me and let me do something for their improvement, so to say.



     
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