Looking for opinions

It took us a long time before my wife really got into it. I would say 3 years. The way I got it to work was first just doing teasing and denial. I do not think showing up with a chastity device is a good idea to start off with unless she is aware of it. We did T&D for a few months and my wife saw the reaction I had when I had an oragsm after a few weeks of denial. I did not bring up a cage until she wanted me to go 3 weeks without an orgasm on the honor system. I told her that I would love to but I could not promise it and showed her a CB6000 online. She said to get it. It was her choice and that helped.

Initially I started off presenting my wife with all the stuff you read about. How I was supposed to do all the housework while she pegged and humiliated me. She needed whips and black boots and all the other stuff we read about that magically happens with the click of a lock. That scared the heck out of her so we stopped. It was after that when I presented just teasing and denial. Showed her some stuff on Kareeza and Tantric sex so that she viewed it as something positive and not something she was taken away from me. Chastity takes away the ejaculation part. My wife called sex without my orgasm, fake sex long before Trump coined the term fake news.

It did take a long time for my wife to accept denying me as pleasing me. Still not 100% in her head but she accepts chastity as a sex game just like all the other fetishes we had. It took us that long and we had not been in a monogamous marriage. We shared a girlfriend and did just about every fetish you can think of but mostly in the BDSM area. Even though my wife was not vanilla, she had problems with embracing chastity so I taught her a little at a time. Slowly she got used to not having to deal with my orgasms anymore and started having some of the best orgasms of her life with her vibrator. Now she prefers chastity but it did take a long time as it should with someone who loves you. It is just a matter of baby steps and viewing it as a game and roles you slip into and out of as the mood strikes you.

When I taught my wife's girlfriend/lover how to be sexually dominant it was baby steps. A blindfold turned into also depriving me of hearing, then touch. A playful spanking became a hard spanking and when her had hurt more than my butt, a paddle was introduced, then whip, cane, etc.. It was a few year process and when she felt confident, I stopped teaching and leading her. However that did not mean she could do as she pleases with me. A good Mistress will not do that. That is stuff you see in porn and never saw anyone be forced to do anything they truly did not want to do. That is what a safe word is for and something you can do to ally your wife's concerns.

Pick a work. We always use RED. My wife knows that I can beg her all I want, tug on her heartstrings and say whatever I think will get her to let me orgasm, but unless I use my safe word, I am not truly having a problem. That will make her feel comfortable since she knows that if you are truly in mental or physical distress, you will use your safe word.

Most women do not understand how often men mastrubate. My wife was shocked. She masturbates but nowhere as much as I used to. So part of chastity was her help in protecting me from me. She also knows that I can mastrubate even when locked but our chastity does not revolve around being locked up but rather the promise I made to her not to masturbate. Chastity does not work unless you have self control. One of the problems guys have is making keyholding to feel like work. They want their wives to be their warden keeping an eye on them 24/7 because they will try to cheat. Unless the wife is into that, and I suspect most are not, it is work for them. We had a contract and rules plus played games but all of that stuff was for my benefit, not my wife's. It was a user manual. If I wanted to be whipped I knew what to do and after I did it, my wife had to whip me. I was in control, not her. That is the problem with many chastity contracts. The guys's actions force the keyholder's reaction.

We ended up with only one rule, my wife makes the rules and does not have to tell me what they are or if they change. I made a promise to remain locked up and not escape plus not masturbate. My wife no longer had to be my warden and all she needed to do was hide the keys, unlock me for sex if she wanted to and that was it. That made it easy on her. Some focus on being locked up more than orgasm denial. You will find many who have regular orgasms or endure 2-3 days without an orgasm but is is mostly about being locked up. I do not think that kind of chastity lasts long because the initial excitement of being locked up fades sooner or later. I am sure it works for some but that is not how we lasted 5 years.

I am a Psychology buff. I wanted to be a Psychologist at one time and instead became a magician which uses a lot of psychology. Instead of being one, I visited one and was diagnosed with a Machiavellian personality so strong that my Psychologist said that even though she knew it, she found herself doing as I wanted her to do. That has been a boon to my professional and sex life. I can usually talk people into doing things. Not in a way that causes them harm but in a way that they benefit but maybe not as much as a do. However small their benefit, it still is more than they would have if they did not do as I wished they would. Everyone got something but most times I got more, but I put in the most effort too. Not many guys have wives that ask their friends to have sex with their husbands to keep up with his libido. My wife did that. She did a lot of things most women would not do in bed. Yet, chastity was the hardest sell.

One more thing you might want to try is to negotiate each year. We would agree on a minimum number of orgasm for me but when and how many, if any, above that minimum was up to my wife. Each year I got less and less orgasms. Now I have no say and am doing fine without any in the last 3+ months. I do not think I even want one. I had a chance last month on our 45th anniversary but opted to perform oral sex on my wife instead. I have been trained.

Also communicate a lot, fine tune things. Get rid of what does not work and don't make your chastity device the focus of your chastity game. Be practical on when you are locked up. I work from home so I can stay locked up almost always. At first I was locked only during the day. Then 24/7 at home and finally even when I went out of the house except when not practical like doctor visits. Make chastity your own and not someone else's idea. That is what we did. Nail the chastity part before introducing a larger fetish or you will overwhelm your wife. She also does not have to be a dominatrix or Mistress. My wife is still my wife outside of the bedroom. Nothing has changed except that she has control over our sex life. For me it is fair since I had 30 years of sharing her girlfriend in threesomes. I probably had more threesomes than many porn stars did over 47 years. I owe my wife big time so want sex to be only about her now. She has shared me with other women for most of our marriage and now it is just about her.

Good luck and find a way to get your wife to realize that by denying you, she is pleasing you. I had a few tricks I used. For instance when I did get to orgasm I acted a little to make it seem even more intense but complained about regretting having it afterwards and how much better I felt when kept orgasm free. After sex I would thank my wife when she denied me an orgasm but never after she gave me one. Subtle things like that. As a former programmer I look at it as programming her brain to think differently and in the end she gets more benefit than me. I would be happy to cum every day like before but happy to not because my wife likes when I don't.

I just do not worship women or any men for that matter. I play at being sexually submissive and am not one naturally. To us it is just another sex game as we have had all through our marriage. We try to keep it contained to our bedroom as much as possible and do not use sex as currency. I cannot do anything to get an orgasm quicker or to delay it significantly either. Our marriage is lived like any other marriage. My wife married an alpha male and does not want a slave as a husband. We did try out domestic discipline and feminization because we try everything. I even had sex with guys to try it out. Life is short so we like to taste as much of it as possible while we can. It is just sex. Good luck.

 

I don't think there is a normal and I don't think you need to weigh your relationship down with being concerned about that. Most important thing is that it is fun for both of you. My wife had marginal interest in the beginning, mainly because she felt she was being "mean". We overcame that by incorporating games into our relationship. It wasn't her picking my lock up time, it was an app on her phone. We also had periodic conversations where we stepped out of our chastity roles and just communicated about what we liked and didn't like. Communication is key, but don't over do it. It just gets annoying to the KH if you do.

 

Totally agree, normal is what you want it to be. My wife showed minimal interest to start with, so we started using a dice game for kick up times. This time SHE asked me to pick up and has yet to roll the dice and it's been a week. She is getting into it more and seems content that she has the willpower to not unlock me. She also thought. She was being mean until I convinced her the tease / denial and uncertainty of my release is the turn on for me.