Locked but not submissive

That would be me. I still am the alpha in the house but my genitals are owned by my wife. I dont want to be locked up but she has the keys not me.

 

I've spent years trying to encourage Mrs Edge into more BDSM-ish activities, but without much lasting success. For some reason, though, she kinks on chastity, especially the long term, cage wearing, orgasm denial kind. She loves the idea of me wearing the cage for months or even years. She loves when I wear a strapon and get all worked up, while my cage pushes against her ass. She loves feeling the cage against her ass while I spoon her at night. For us, it's a fun kink, and we've been doing this (on and off) for close to 20 years now.

Currently, I've been locked up for over a year, and can reasonably expect not to have an orgasm for two to five years, possibly ten.

She does not self identify as kinky, and considers herself to be a simple, normal, sexually healthy woman. We have an otherwise vanilla relationship.

I know, right?

 

My submissive wife is my keyholder. She is very persistent about keeping me locked up, including during our honeymoon. I can see that if I encourage her, down the road she could end up taking more control.

 

Yes. The next step for us is getting me a strapon, so I don't have to be unlocked to penetrate her.

 

Not submissive here. Locked because of very different sex drives which contributed to a masturbation habit. I asked her to manage my penis because I was ruining our sex life. It has made a big difference in our relationship and my mood. Nothing else really changed except we are much closer and she never has to feel pressured to have sex . When she does unlock me she loves that I am ready for her when she is in the mood. She said it feels like how it felt when I was in my twenties.

 

I can persuade her to give menses if I please, but I allow her to make her own choices. We have a very good line of communication between us. My charm and charisma can make her melt in my arms, but I know I can't make her orgasm like others can and I respect that. I am locked because she is curious and I have convinced her to see it to the end. I hate quitters...

 

I would try the attention to another aspect, which I consider as fundamental, because it proves even more chastity can really be practiced by all * anyone who practices chastity is a bit submissive, that´s normal, you give part of your freedom into other hands * otherwise, everyone can live on as he & his keyholder would like * chastity can change your life more or less, but You do not have to choose one or the other lifestyle, dom or sub or switch or whatever you are or want be * you can choose * chastity is not necessarily part or condition of a particular lifestyle, it´s a fantastic element that support you in your lifestyle & can help you to fulfill your dreams & specially those of your dear one, your loving keyholder, girlfriend, wife, husband, partner, mistress * it´s shows us that chastity, seriously & respectfully practiced, can be for everyone, even for the totally “normal” life * sure, I still consider chastity is not for everyone, otherwise to be honest also means there is really no excuse for anyone anymore

chris

http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/2012/03/fulfilled-fantasy-male-chastity-device.html

 

Wow, not a single period or paragraph mark, and only one capital letter.

I have no idea what you were trying to write but I applaud the effort you out into it.

 

well, I repeat, I have other priorities, but thank´s for appreciate my enthusiasm

does anyone need a different text form ? Here it is, maybe with some add

Anyone who practices chastity is always a bit submissive, that´s normal, you give part of your freedom into other hands. Otherwise, everyone can live on as he & his keyholder would like. Chastity can change your life more or less, but not necessarily complete. A part from the positive effects for the proper sexual & sentimental life, you can continue your everyday life, if you & your keyholder want it. Basically, you do not have to become someone else, you do not have to choose one or the other lifestyle, you can decide it. Not a chastity device makes you a complete sub or a dom or switch or whatever you are or want to be, but you yourself. The chastity device support & reinforced you in the lifestyle what you choose. Of course, that´s one & not the central aspect of chastity

Consequently, you do not have to be completely different in your everyday life to practice & enjoy chastity. The thought in this logic is that someone don´t have to be or become a sub or other to stay locked in a chastity device. Even if someone don´t want to change completely his entire life, he can still go into chastity & enjoy the positive changes of living in a chastity device. That means too, that nobody has to be afraid & consequently, everyone can try to live in chastity & at least nobody has an excuse not do it

Well, that is maybe a little too exaggerated, but I think to stay locked in a chastity device can be one of the most normal things, besides one of the most joyful

 

I think that is true. We know couples which are not female led, but which use short periods of male chastity as and when they feel like it.

I am sure in some cases this may lead towards FLR, but in many it will just add enhancement to whatever the dynamic of the relationship already is.

 

That's an interesting category. Perhaps there's some truth in that but isn't it just valid to use the normal kink term of being 'switchy' rather than turn it into a niche fetish?

This whole thread is exactly where we're at as those who read our blog know. We were looking for some things to spice up our sex life after the usual dip it gets into having a young family, and a chastity cage was one of the things we thought would be fun to try.

We had no idea just what an impact it would have. Even today, four or so years in, we have periods where we just feel like we're back to our teen years together.

Hubby is still strongly dominant, just how I want him, but he's given me control over his cock and orgasms. It turns me on, it turns him on, and it helps to level our sex drive as his was always higher.

However it's definitely developed the dynamic between us, he adores seeing me step out and take more control, and I feel safe when it's him guiding me into that. I think as we've got older we needed something new to keep it fresh. We'd exhausted a lot of the classic D/s stuff with each other when younger (although all of it pretty low key). Things getting more switchy has just opened up a whole new world of things to explore together.

So I don't feel like it has to be labelled as a niche fetish (remember technically a fetish is something you can't even get aroused without). It's just having fun and being creative, flexible in terms of roles and putting the effort in to find new ways to keep our intimacy and sex life where it can be.

Long may it last!!!

Jane xxx

 

Conversely, some men who do not identify as submissive are focused on serving their spouses

 

This is pretty much how Mrs Edge and I are. I don't identify as sub, but as kinky. Over the years I've found bottoming more enjoyable, but Mrs Edge doesn't enjoy it one bit, so she ended up taking a more dominant in the bedroom (and only when we were playing, which was, sadly, rare).

The only thing she found consistently enjoyable was the chastity devices, and the thought of keeping me locked and under control. I could opine on that for a bit, but the upshot is that we both agreed on it because we both get something enjoyable from it, and that's where we are.

It's been my long time assertion that chastity play could be a very vanilla-ish kink.

 

Whilst I am in total agreement with Lucy I dom think id your are locked and denied for long enough your attitudes can alter as can the dynamic of your relationship.

When my Lady and KH first took over the keys and took control I had never seen anything in myself that made me think I had an ounce of submission in me. 2 years later I acknowledge and feel good about a submissive streak developing .. where that will take us to in time I have no idea but I am enjoying her taking full control even though I don't always like what she does with it.

 

At this moment I could not say that I am the submissive nor are we in any sort of FLR. That being said it is early in the grand scheme of things. We have been “playing” with chastity for the past year or so and just got into heavily in the last few months. I have been locked now for 6 weeks with her still taking out her property from time to time but always placed back in its cage.

She is becoming a bit more controlling and insistent on the device being worn but nothing to any extreme in terms of dominance I have seen displayed by many others here and quite frankly that is her decision and I will respect it.

It did get me thinking though that how many KHs would prefer that their partners were a bit more aggressive or dominant and therefore could have the challenge in a way of taking the power away. It seems to me that there would be more fun in taking something from someone then them just falling over and giving up so easily. I don’t know. Maybe I am over thinking it.

This is why I said before I am not pushing the subject too hard and just letting things take shape. But as to the earlier comment, I could not see myself now as a submissive as defined by many.

 

Thank you for that comment. It fills me confidence to proceed.

 

Agreed.

 

We have some of that dynamic at times.
Even though I'm long term locked, when I give oral she likes to be held down and unable to escape my grip, so while it's me forcing her to have an orgasm, and often a second or third without a pause, it's a lovely combination of me being physically dominant in the short term, while being submissively locked and being denied any orgasm myself in the long term.
I do enjoy being physically dominated and she sometimes likes inflicting a little pain so while both of us are primarily sexually submissive, we can both top to satisfy (or in my case not) the other.

 

I may dare comment that in my opinion,the term submissive,as the term permanent ,and some others are extremely rich as how one can think about them.
I consider the thread very interesting because it has made me think in depth about my submissiveness!?
My personal conclusion is that I'm far away from the theoretical ideal,although chastity has helped me in the long term to tame my character ,be more focused on making my wife happy ,with a better attitude!
Have read it's atributable to chages in the bodie's chemistry, because of the O denial!
And last but not least, my wife's opinion : " the cage stays forever ,because I don't want you to stop being nice..." lol