Just saying hi

I love you!

 

Welcome to you both

 

Welcome!

 

Welcome. Hope you'll share your views on how chastity has affected your marriage.

 

Welcome. Always want to hear real experiences from chaste husbands about how they have improved their marriages.

 

Hey Rectix!
I made another little post after my fella.
Man, chastity has been a game changer. We've been practicing and experimenting for probably 5 or 6 years now? It's definitely had it's ups and downs. Not many downs when in practice but, the power struggles and him "giving in" with all of the societal pressures... that part has been tricky.
But, these groups, more education and conservation about it pushed us to go full time at the beginning of the year! It's not always rainbows but, it sure is a magical give and take most days. I finally feel "heard" like there is true compassion because, well I think he can understand where I'm coming from and I am doing my best to do the same. That's a big deal for us both. We're very excited to have found a community of like minded folks! We've honestly been starving for it!

 

Hey, @Mr. Toots . You are a very lucky man to have such an open minded and progressive woman!

 

What "societal pressures" that troubled him are you referring to?

Isnt it funny that when you closed off his erection you opened up his ears!

Do you have a wife-led marriage as well, with chastity just being an aspect of it? Or the piece that made it work?

 

Welcome to CM. Nice to hear from you both. Seems to be similar to our experience with chastity! Certainly adds a whole new dimension to a marriage.

 

So well said. It’s a process and a journey that, when taken together and with open communication can be transformative. Please keep sharing your story with us. I really value hearing the accounts from real world couples, especially when the wife is the narrator. Thanks for sharing and welcome, again, to CM.

 

Subiam,
I can't agree more! I'm very excited to share and hear everyone's stories. Especially other men in chastity. I want to be as accommodating as possible for my hubs... it's been a hard thing to fully embrace and I'm so proud of his strength and now meeting all of you kind folks... your strength. It takes a REAL man (or whatever you prefer to be called) to embrace this lifestyle! Good on you all! I'm so impressed by the kindness and support we've received in less than 24hrs for being here! It's truly inspiring!

 

Rectrix,

I would say the societal pressures are spawned from just the overall oppression that comes from toxic masculinity. I mean... just the thought of his friends (real life or facebook) or family finding out? I can see almost shuts him down. We've definitely argued over this... more than once.

I come from a really open minded family, Mr. Toots? Not so much. Our upbringings were like night and day. I'd like to be public with this (at some point) he would not. And, I TOTALLY get it... however I think it sucks how other people make other people who are "different" from them feel... honestly its SO oppressive in my eyes. I could go on and on.
Lots of men out in this would would make him out to be a laughingstock if he came out. I think that in itself is part of what makes this whole ordeal more humbling for him.
As far as a female lead relationship... yes, we're no experts but, that's where all of this has led us so we're here to learn and embrace it more. But, yes mainly I'm "in charge" which has been a struggle for me to truly embrace as well... as even though my mon was a strong female...and raised me to be. This is a new dynamic for me. It makes more sense every day but, it's been a bit difficult to wrap my head around.

 

You're right about the societal pressures of toxic masculinity -- my wife despises all the macho / alpha crap we're brought up with and how it affects men not just in our relationships but in the larger world. I long ago figured out that feminism in its liberation of women also offered the possibility of liberating men. By the way, I don't mind being called a "man" -- and if a "real man" is one who is willing to put aside the privileges of patriarchy and don a chastity device because it will help him control his alpha side and free his submissive side, in order to help him be open to listening to his wife and accepting the intimacy of a marriage and making her his goddess, sign me up for "real man" class.

I've never worried about people in my real world learning, I just don't see that happening. And, at any rate, I'm settled enough and old enough and successful enough and confident enough that I've convinced myself that it wouldn't matter. Let him who is without kink cast the first stone, etc. I think I'd take the other side -- "I'm proud of my chastity, my wife is happy and confident, our sex life is great, she cums hard all the time, and I live to pleasure her. How's your marriage?"

Interesting -- we got to chastity after the FLR started, as a way to deepen it and make my submission easier, to really take masturbation off the table. She still struggles with asserting herself but her confidence grows a little every week we keep at this.

I don't think you or @Mr. Toots have said how you got started with chastity or what his device is, whose idea it was, how it was introduced, etc.

 

I came from the Bible Belt (and that's a whole 'nother story) while my wife was raised in California. The funny thing is that while I was much more reserved growing up, I tend to be more open about our lifestyle than my wife now. However, I totally get @Mr. Toots point of view. The idea that a man would willingly let his wife not only take control of the family but lock his "family jewels" in a device to which only she had the key is counter to every role model we've ever had.

To me...and this may be my problem...but I think others would perceive me as "a lesser man" not just "a man with different tastes." I also get that it means I'm not "my own man" as I must submit to and subjugate my desires to my wife's. In some people's eyes, I might be seen as a "second class citizen" but I know that my wife and are still partners and she still respects and appreciates my point of view and expects me to make decisions. She just has the authority and power to overrule me when necessary or when she thinks it is appropriate.

The funny thing is that I don't see this as that different from my evangelical friends who say "someone has to be the head of the household" and "as the husband I am responsible for the final decisions" or "as the wife I defer to my husband...." Theirs is a biblical context and ours is not but I don't really see that much difference, especially in a marriage that is based on a lifetime commitment and monogamy. As a buddy said shortly after he got married, "I can now have sex anytime she wants." ;-)

So, not sure what all that really means, just thought I'd share.

 

As far as bible stuff goes it says the man is the head of the household but you always see kings putting people in charge of some aspect of the kings kingdom. There are lots of examples of this for instance Joseph and the king of Egypt or the parable of the talents. If someone is in a position of authority it is perfectly acceptable to grant that authority to another. So granting your wife the power over when and if you are allowed to do anything sexually is in line with kings delegating their athority. I am better with money than he is so he tells me about all his purchases. He is better at fixing things so he does all that. He gave me athority over sexual matters and that’s ok. It has made his behavior much better. There is also a verse that says it is ok if someone doesnt want to go free. That they choose to serve. That’s ok. I am pretty sure that it’s ok bible wise for a woman to be in charge of any area that they both agree on. That includes sex.

 

Welcome to both of you. To hear the interaction between two is wonderful.
We usually only see one side, so this shows others how the dynamic works
from both sides. As friends have already shown you we are a community that
enjoys sharing their experiences with others. Hope we can all learn from each
other.

 

It's refreshing to hear a man really embrace this lifestyle. Good on ya! @Mr. Toots is getting there and this formats helping that process for sure.
I think he explained well below how we fell into chastity. Kind of one thing led to another and here we are!
I was ALWAYS taught to run around, be a good girl and take care of others growing up. But, my mother and grandmother were strong willed, hard working women as well. So, rarely did I see them take grief from anyone. That makes for a strange dynamic, for me personally. Women aren't supposed to "tell their husbands what to do".... well, not directly anyway.
We're from the south and I was always running myself ragged trying to be the "perfect southern wife "(cook, clean, emotional support and what not) I also worked a very demanding freelance job with a long hours & commute.
Mr. Toots had a demanding job as well but, had less hours and less of a commute, he did SOME house work but, mainly he had to be told to and I did probably 75 to 80% of it. It wasn't working. I drank too much ( for many reason but exhaustion, frustration and an overall feeling of lacking being good enough were big factors) and he had anger problems. Both fed each other. It sucked but, we love each other and wanted it to work.
So, lots of horrible family stuff went down, we moved states and after another year or two I got sober, we both seeked therapy separately and boom chastity became full time (after some arguing) there's tons more to it but, yeah... We realized I was the bossy one and life was just "more collected" and fair to both of us when I delegate how we get things done. But, that was hard for me to wrap my head around because, initially I didn't want the responsibility on top of all of the rest. Now, I embrace it (mainly) and things run a lot more smoothly.... mainly!

 

Subiam,

That all totally lines up with my thoughts. There was just the power struggle for a while as to "who" is in charge? I didn't know if I wanted the burden. But, now I put some of my "burdens" in his hands and vice versa. He's still my "masculine man" I think we just changed how that is defined while allowing his feminine side out too... but, his penis is "mine" and the respect we both have for each other I feel, has skyrocketed. The more I/we wrap our heads around it all the better and more "fun" it all becomes. Society and especially the bible belt take ALL the dang fun out of sex. Taking your power back there is amazing! For us both I think! !

 

Dogchasecats,

Yes! I 100% agree! There are still aspects to our relationship that he has control over and I feel like most matters are ALWAYS negotiable. Because, for us personally it's all about being happy. Bottom line. Shared power so we can be full and well enough to support each other through life. I feel like if we all look at it open mindedly it can fit into anyone's "belief system"!
It's nice to hear from another women in a similar situation, with a similar perception of it all! Thanks for sharing! <3

 

Yes Allen1987,
I was honestly a little blown away by how lovely everyone has been! Its SO REFRESHING! I can't wait to hear more from everyone... it's already been VERY eye opening. Always, striving to do better!
Thank you for reaching out with your kind words! Means a lot! Xoxoxo