It'll never work

Having spent a long time away from my blogger journal I thought I might try again on this site, mainly because people here often have some helpful insights and I never really got a lot of feedback on my old blog. (here if you are interested)

Well nothing really has happened since the last time I wrote anything. Things became stagnant as they tend to do and we tried looking for another person to bring into the mix to try to spice things up again. Then Wrath of the Lich King got released so Helene started playing that non stop and stupidly I reopened my old account and got sucked back in.

Anyway cut to three months later and this saturday we are inviting our new part time subbie to play for the first time. My cage is firmly back on and so my excitement levels are quite high. I'll probably write about how it went at some point next week.

Today was our first real foray back into the world of D/s. Well I say we but really it was just me. Helene was at work all day and in that time I was to make the house a bit more presentable for saturday. It was a nice feeling digging out my old sissy maid uniform and butt plug (essential working equipment of course). It took me about five hours to get everything ready (the house not the uniform) but worth it in the end.

Here is a question though. Where we have always fallen down in the past is when I start to become a little disillusioned by the whole thing. It always starts the same; I'll dutifully lock myself up and commit whole heatedly to serving Helene. But after a few weeks I start to feel that it is all too one way. There is not enough Dom coming back to me to equalize my sub. I feel as though there is no real point in doing anything for her, since if I do it well, poorly or even not at all the result will always be the same - nothing will happen. It can feel as though I am doing it just for myself to meet my own fetish for service.

So this is a question mainly for people who do this at home with the partners that they live with full time: Should I expect more or am I whining too much? Should a Dom be expected to at least show a little enthusiasm in actually dominating the sub or is it acceptable that the sub should just get on with it and accept his lot in life? I would occasionally receive a spanking if she was in the right mood, maybe 2 or 3 times a month. But anything more intimate like strap-on play or restraints etc I would generally have to ask for and rarely would this offer by taken up. This all makes being in chastity very difficult as, for me at least, the motivation to remain chaste comes from the domination I receive. When left to my own devices the will to carry on always diminishes over time and we end up abandoning the whole thing for a few months.

Does this story sound similar to anybody? What can we do?

Maybe after saturday things will change for the better. It might be a fresh perspective for to work with another sub, and I know for sure that on days when we have people over, there will always be play.

 

Plug for Victory

Just a quickie before I head to bed.

Thought of a very good motivator that we can use with our chastity that Helene is very keen on implementing.

In the past Helene has always shown an interest in wanting to fist me but so far she has only managed four fingers. This is something I have never experienced before and am more than willing to go along with the idea. The only thing is that every time I try and stretch myself out I always get bored with it and give up after a few days.

So my new idea is this. I have a very large plug that I have never been able to get in. Ok it's not huge but it's big for someone who doesn't get much. Basically I have told Helene that it should be me who decides when I next cum. She had a very bemused look on her face until I said that there would be the condition that the large plug must be fully inserted before I can do it.
It's a shame that it is my idea and not hers, but at the end of the day she has the keys, and it will give me the motivation I need stretch myself out a bit.

Anyone having troubles with anal stretching should try this!

 

Communication. I really wish that it was something we hadn't tried yet. But it seems that it's all we ever do these days. We talk and discuss where we think we are going wrong, work out some problem factors then...fail to do anything about it.

The other sad truth is that this has been constant for over a year. It never used to be like this, we used to be all over each other pretty much all of the time. It all changed soon after she came to live with me and without going into immense detail we are pretty sure that the root of the problem is depression.

Helene has found it very difficult to make friends in England, and since living with her I have lost touch with most of my friends and don't really see them that much anymore.

The good news is that now we are getting serious about meeting people to come over and play it is an easy way to socialise and that once we become happier then things should pick up a bit.

What you said is very true newsub, she just isn't as into this as me. It's usually me that comes up with the new ideas, suggests the routines etc and her that gives the OK or not. Call it topping from the bottom or whatever is the latest stupid fashion, but it's really the only thing that can work for us at the moment. I think maybe if she started posting on something like this then she would get more interested and creative, but she just isnt interested enough to make the first step. I do tell her that there are loads of people going through the same thing as her all talking through their problems and she agrees that it might be a good idea. I guess we will see how it goes after we have branched out a bit more.

Oh, and hey Kris No, being a dom isnt easy I have no idea where you got that idea from! maybe it would be easy if they didn't have to deal with subs all the time...

Anyway thanks all for the words of support and encouragement. I'm sure my pessimistic attitude is one of the main killers of our lifestyle, afterall I am already predicting it to fail after one day!

 

While a lot of what is in that article is true, I think they are going a bit too far with the whole male fantasy thing. I know many women, Helene very much included, for whom it is a huge turn on to deny their partners of sexual relief via chastity.

Sure it was me who introduced her to the idea, but it was another dom woman who first introduced me to chastity. Since that day we have never looked back, we are both much happier when I am in the belt and Helene is always a lot more turned on and has much more powerful orgasms when she knows that I can't get any.

That aside yes it's true that while far from being completely one sided, the fantasy for this lifestyle mostly lies with me. She does enjoy it immensely, much more than when we were vanilla, but just isn't prepared to put in as much effort as me, since as I mentioned before, she isn't as into it as me.

We are definitely going to be doing this more often. We tried it a few times in the past but are both pretty shy and breaking into the cliques is very difficult and more often than not we ended up leaving early. Anyway things might be better if we attend along with our new friends as that is another person who can help mingle.

 

Thanks for all the replies it's great to have a sounding board rather than just putting my thoughts up on the internet without any idea if anyone is reading it or not.

Kris - Yes there are some places nearby. There are some fetish clubs in Manchester and Preston which are part dancey/dressup and part dungeon, as well as some more serious play orientated clubs. There is a club called Selecta which we are looking into in Bolton. It is predominantly a swingers club and they cater a lot to the transgender and BDSM scene on certain nights.

Anyway I have read yours and your Master's posts off and on and always felt like we were all going through a very similar process so I would be very interested in getting to know you guys more and maybe meeting up at either a club or dungeon or just at a pub somewhere.

Mistress Watchful - Thanks for that I do feel a bit more validated to hear it from another dominant. I think where a lot of people get the wrong impression about me is that they assume I am expecting daily punishments and micro-management, constant teasing and a full on fantasy lifestyle. In reality all I am requesting is a little bit of dommy attention every once in a while to help keep me in a submissive mindset.

Anyway that is more negative ranting and I want to steer away from that a bit more, try and concentrate more on what is good. So I am very excited about tomorrow, I came back from work today and Helene asked me to go and check out the play room. Wow. For the first time I feel justified in referring to it as a play room rather than a spare room. All the makeup is lovingly arranged on the boudoir, the toys have been threateningly displayed nearby on a small table and two uniforms are hanging up in the corner ready and waiting to be filled. I can't wait to see his face when he goes in there for the first time, the whole room screams out "fun times will ensue!"

Also I'm going to have to go and check out this marble game now!

Tatty bye!

 

Now don't I feel silly

Well this is the part where I eat my hat I suppose. Saturday night was hands down amazing! It seems that bringing in a another sub to play with gave us both the spark we needed to kick start our lives back on track and get into the swing of things again.

Given that I live with Helene and see her at her worst, I see now that I regard her through warped vision. Her natural ability and comfortable dominance blew me away, it just took a new perspective for me to realize how good she is at what she does. She managed to keep the atmosphere casual yet without leaving a shadow of a doubt who was in control. Our new friend said that she was the best dom he had ever experienced and that he had never before been afraid of a woman until that point!

Helene's style is very much her own, she has a rather motherly demeanor about her when she is playing but she will let you now when you have done something she doesn't like. Like being told not to ejaculate during the few days preceding the visit and failing to live up to the agreement. After learning of this she quite calmly and demurely proceeded to beat seven shades of shit out of his balls until he was quite sure that such an occurrence wasn't going to happen again. I swear to god I wouldn't have been able to take that much punishment and have never seen her go that far before. All I could do was watch on with a mixture of surprise, fascination, jealousy and abject horror.

Anyway we all had a wonderful evening exploring one another without really noticing how much time had passed. I thought she did a masterful job at bringing him back down again at the end gently and tenderly, by having him on all fours and slowly slipping her fingers into his bottom one at a time as she caressed his back and gave soothing encouragement. I personally love this kind of treatment and it always sends me into another world entirely where nothing exists beyond the boundaries of our immediate space.

For me, my favourite part of the evening was when I was instructed to masturbate our friend while Helene took care in causing as much pain as she could to his nipples. After catching me chuckling at this predicament she turned to me and said
"Do you have something to say Aleks? No? Well then you can put that in your mouth" :smilies_xxx10:

***​

So now that this may become a regular thing, and that we have some other people interested in visiting us in the future as well, we both have the motivation we need to make another good go at this lifestyle. Helene was very nervous about coming across as competent and so I think she tried extra hard to give him a ride he wouldn't forget. Because of this though she has certainly rekindled a fire inside herself and remembered how much she enjoys doing it.

So for now it is back in full swing. We have decked out our playroom with some new gear, we now have a large dog cage and slow cooker on the way for wax play. Permission must be sought in order to use the furniture, the house mustn't slip back into a untidy mess, back chat and disagreeing may have unwanted consequences and absolutely no cumming allowed without express permission! I hope that we can keep it up this time but the fact that we will be meeting and playing with people on a regular basis from now on fills me with confidence that we will be able to make a better go at it this time.

All in all, hurrah and huzzah!

 

Is punishment possible?

For a long while now I have gone by the notion that you cannot punish a masochist in the traditional way, and that in order to bring about/maintain discipline the dom must utilize some less colourful methods of keeping the sub in check.

The main problem with this is that it is really boring. After witnessing Helene go to town on a naughty pair of balls I've come to the conclusion that it may at least be interesting to experiment with physical punishment for unwanted behavior. Regardless of my masochistic tenancies I do have limits, and being taken beyond them may be the key to effective discipline. Since we haven't tried this out yet I am still a bit dubious as the threat physical punishment is something that pushes all my buttons. However it is possible that after I've spent an afternoon trying to retrieve my testicles from under the sofa I might feel different about the whole thing.

As the saying goes, don't knock it till you've tried it, then you're free to knock it till it's red and bleeding.

 

Poking my head back out

Hi chaps, don't know if anyone remembers me? I seem to spring back and forth from this lifestyle on a regular basis now.

Haven't been around for a few months, after my PA went all screwy I had to remove it and haven't been able to wear any kind of belt since then which in turn put to bed our D/s home situation. I have some money saved up now so have been thinking of ordering a neosteel and these thoughts have rekindled my imagination and brought me back here.

For anyone who used to read my old website (which is still there just locked....see sig), I am still pretty much the same person, still obsessing over small things, still lacking in self esteem and still evading happiness at every turn! We still live in the grotty North West and I am now a student Nurse. Hope to move to somewhere less depressing after I graduate but that's far in the future. Since I was last here I honestly haven't really done anything besides the nursing. My girlfriend/partner/dom/mistress/whatever and I joined a raiding guild on World of Warcraft and that kind of consumed our free time and then some, and I am trying to slow down with that now and try to do other things. I would go cold turkey on it but she still likes to play and still wants to play with me so I will settle with slowing down if I can.

With any luck if we can spend some real money on a proper belt and it actually fits and actually works then it might do us some good, but even if I buy one today it wont arrive for a good few months so in the meantime we will have to do without.

Seems strange having a whole room full of sex toys and equipment and just not using any of it. At the moment we just kind of throw a sheet over all of it and use the room as a spare room for guests. Don't know what my sister thinks of the full sized dog cage and I hope she hasn't opened the cupboard in that room. We seem to be operating on a don't ask don't tell policy.

Anybody else find that after a while chastity becomes the glue that holds everything together and everything else just fades away when it is removed? Or is that just us?

 

Well ordered the neosteel measuring kit so all being well we might have one in a few months.

I think I am the same as you Kris in that regard. I do seem to need chastity to keep me going. It wasn't always the case, used to do a lot of D/s before I ever entertained the notion of chastity but since starting it I learnt to rely on it

Anyway we had a revival of sorts today which was very enjoyable. Helene keeps taking breaks to do mundane things such as eating a sandwhich or looking up internet news. This is very difficult for me as it breaks me from the moment and she does it on purpose for this reason! Just something I will have to try and adapt to

 

I just spent a few hours putting my website back online. Tried to remove all traces of names and photos etc.

Can I ask a favour to people here to please have a look and tell me if the images are annomymous enough with the technique I used?

Link is in the sig

Cheers!