Is D/S And BDSM Now Conformist

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by subbutstillaman, May 20, 2008.

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  1. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Allow me to explain this post. Let me introduce some of the younger members such as myself to the writings of Margaret Mead. She was a controversial, academic anthropologist. Her reports about the purportedly healthy attitude towards sex in South Pacific and Southeast Asian traditional cultures amply informed the 1960s sexual revolution. Mead was a champion of broadened sexual mores within a context of traditional western religious life.

    One of her writings was an extremely influential book was Sex and Temperament in Three Primitive Societies. This became a major cornerstone of the women's liberation movement, since it claimed that females are dominant in the Tchambuli (now spelled Chambri) Lake region of the Sepik basin of Papua New Guinea (in the western Pacific) without causing any special problems or social dysfunctions.

    Now my view is this, with the advent of the internet and the mass availability of information and retrieval techniques (google) it is very easy to read up on D/S and BDSM (notice i seperate the two functions).

    So we all start on an awakening journey where i would assume most people get online research the subject and stumble or head towards the acroynms and features of the fem led world. I do blame porn for the lack of understanding about female dominance as wearing pvc and rubber wielding a whip is not a 24/7 activity but alas thats the first view a man gets from our approach from a sexual point of view.

    Moving on from that when 'we' (meaning male and female) delve deeper into 'our world' we then try to conform to what we think a 'good dominant' should do and should be? WHERE IS THE FEMALE DOMINANCE and Freedom of choice here?

    To me i am seeing a pattern of one-upmanship where each person can take a bigger strap on can be more sissy than the next person stays locked up the longest etc etc.

    SO what are we all trying to achieve? where are we all trying to go? what is the ultimate goal here? how do we want to get there?

    I have some questions for the doms here (and lets have some honesty especially those that have chatted with me on MSN and Yahoo).

    1. Do women really want a docile slave that really would do whatever they want on demand with no resistance or fight?
    2. Where are you getting your ideas and structure from is it books such as Elise Sutton, forums or self generated?
    3. Is feminisation of a male really an expression of a womans bi-sexuality?
    4. Do you miss the traditional 'alpha male sterotype' sexually and if you do, do you think you could get this back with your partner?
    5. If your a cuckhold are you totally free of guilt and if your a married cuckhold do you think that breaking the vow was worth it?
    6. What are your inspirations and role-models from a femdom perspective?
    7. Do you feel that your following protocol rather than using your imagination?
    8. Do you feel that a man 'coming out' as submissive is hard for them as 'coming out' in a traditional homosexuality situation?

    Ill await the replys!
     
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  2. yorkie
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    yorkie Member

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    i obviously cant answer your questions from a Dommes point of view but i can answer a couple of points.
    my Mistress hadn't read Elise Sutton but was recently pointed in the direction of her website recently by a sub and was not overly impressed, Mistress does not follow protocol but follows her instincts as to what makes her happy.
    Mistress is bi-sexual so in feminising me it pleases her to have my male element locked in chastity for her to tease and torture while also having a slut to fuck and to please her.
     
  3. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Well, I said I would reply to this when I woke up, guess I am awake enough now LOL
    1) No, I do not prefer a docile slave, putting up a little resistance is most of the fun:)
    2) Alot is self generated, however I have learned alot through the years online, and have adopted some of what I have learned into our lifestyle.
    3) you got Me, I have no idea LOL
    4) My hubbie is a strong male, and although he is submissive to Me and our lifestyle he has no problem, when I tell him, to be My 'alpha male' for an evening.
    5)
    6) Role Models? hummm...I cant think of any, I do recieve alot of inspiration from other Dominate Women, Mistress's I chat with and posts they have written. I also get alot of inspirational ideas from all the friends I have met here and on the chastity site.
    7) I have a very vivid imagination, I dont need to follow protocal, ask My slaves LOL
    8) My hubbie had a hard time in the begining telling Me of his submissive side, and the fantasys he had in his head for years, I had no idea!! And, although it worked out fine for us, I do feel sad for all those submissive men out there that can only dream of this lifestyle because thier mates are not into it, or are strictly opposed to it. Because I have always been so Dominate, I learned very quickly, and enjoy our lifestyle, but for Women that are not Dominate, its crazy to think they are going to become Dominate by reading a book or researching online. I see this all the time on posts....How can I get my wife into this? I hate to tell them, if thier Wives read any on this subject and are opposed to it, they are most likely not going to change thier minds, however, properly introduced, they may compromise a bit.

    Hummmm.....Now I need some more coffee, I'm not used to essay questions.
    Mistress Watchful, You're the One in college, piece of cake for You!!

    Mistress Michelle
     
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  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Grrrrr @ huge post disappearing by baby sitting on the mouse! I'll get back to this when I have a little more time again...
     
  5. Constance
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    Constance Erotic Author

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    Are D/S And BDSM Now Conformist?

    In a word, darling...no.

    Now, I won't dispute the themes that crop up in fashion, check out some of the Dolce & Gabana ads in Vogue, or Heidi Klum with a crop as the spokeswoman for Jordach jeans. Want more? How about Lady Heather on CSI (a nice portrayl of that particular scene in my opinion), or Maisy, the neighborhood Domme on Desperate Housewives. And let's not forget Lucy Lui's wonderful turn in Mel Gibson's PAYBACK. There are more instances of the theme showing up in various societal media, I've only mentioned a few.

    But that's not enough to counter the opposing forces (remember those pesky Newtonian laws). Check out a copy of the monthly Adult Video News (AVN) magazine, it's the "professional journal" of the industry. Every month they list legal actions against bookstores, video stores, video producers, distributors across the nation. Check out the furor over the recent California Supreme Court ruling on same sex marriage.

    Personally, I applaud the fashion and entertainment industries for making efforts to "put it out there." But we're not there yet baby. My hope is for this next generation, those young girls and women coming into their own, hopefully with a different paradigm about who they are, what they want, and how they are going to get it.

    I write both mainstream/vanilla, under my real name and also erotic fiction. What sells the best? The erotica. Do I have my real name on it? No, darling I don't, the local community and our cul-de-sac would be aghast to know that such a writer was in their midst, shopping in their stores, walking the same sidewalks as their children, breathing the same puritan air.

    Granted, the foregoing are only my opinions, but I live with my heels in both worlds, and this is how I see it.

    Oh, and on the subject of Anthropology, I was always fascinated by the theory posited by Robert Ardrey (African Genesis) that women wore lipstick as a sexual/breeding attraction much the same as the female baboon's red ass attracted the male animal. And no, baby, you're NOT seeing my ass.

    Constance Pennington Smythe
     
  6. subbiehubbie
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    subbiehubbie hubbie in training

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    Like the other subs who have responded to this thread i am in no position to reply to the specific questions posed by subbutstillaman.

    i can provide my response to the original question he posed.

    Based on my observations of modern media and the portrayals of D/s and BDSM relationships therein, there has been a certain level of "acceptance" of the lifestyle into the mainstream.
    imho that acceptance is only based upon a network/publisher/producer's bean counters telling them that based on some focus group studies somewhere the mainstream audience is prepared to see more of the D/s lifestyle.
    What is portrayed is stereotypical, male fantasy content toned down a notch or two to make it onto prime time or the front shelves of Barnes&Noble.
    The mainstream has neither the patience or capability to confront or realistically portray what is actually occurring in our relationships.

    Great question and my answer is that we are embarking on an effort to transcend our relationships with the Women we love,adore and obey into a realm where absolute trust is the "holy grail". imho revealing the notions of D/s that reside in our minds, be we Dom or sub takes incredible inner strength as well as profound trust in our partners. When these notions are accepted and viewed as a way to continue building the relationship by both partners, they have achieved a level of communication & trust that the mainstream writers and critics can't even begin to comprehend.
     
  7. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    There's a huge difference between the porn industry portrayal of FLR etc and the reality. It's not about slaves. It's an exchange of power which is only partly sexual. It's an emotional connection between two people.
     
  8. madams-sissysub
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    I agree!
     
  9. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Don't see how those two interests fit in a 'conformist' track.
     
  10. Robbie8388
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    Robbie8388 Member

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    I'm a sub and also very femme. I have worn panties since I was a young teen. Right now there are times when my mistress allows me out of the cage and when she does I'm allowed to wear pantyhose. My mistress is not mean and does not humiliate me. She explained from the first that spankings were necessary for me to completely understand my subordinate role. I am spanked once a week and more for offenses. I'm collared and sometimes leashed especially if we go to visit her friends or to a party. Sometimes at home I am put in restraints for training and discipline, usually ankle shackles. At night when we first started I had to wear shackles to bed or was put on a 12 foot leash so I could ge to the bathroom. I'm sometimes diapered at night. For my first spankng I was told to choose the implement and I chose the strap although she has used a switch on me for punishment a couple times. For my spankings i generally am kept in the chastity cage. I have to bend over a padded bench and am restrained or not depending on what she wants. She puts a pillow under me to make it more comfortable with the cock cage when I am restrained to the bench. Some times I have to bend over a desk or a chair and for those times the cage is not a problem. Since I usually get very hard before, sometimes during and always after a spanking my cock staining against the cage can be uncomfortable. If my mistress decides I deserve relief she will uncage me and allow me to jerk off but I must do it in front of her. This makes me even hornier. After I cum she cleans me up and the cage goes back on. One of her girlfriends handcuffs her slave when she takes the cage off. Mine started doing that which I always find very exciting. I always get very hard and its especially difficult if I'm not allowed to cum which also makes it impossible to put the cage back on right away.
     
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  11. subcukold's_WIFE
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    Totally agree!! FLR and 24/7 life is not just sex, is much more and a very great connection in the couple is most important thing
     
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  12. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    There's always going to be a large portion of society that doesn't understand D/s relationships, or BDSM. No matter how we hope our lifestyles will be more mainstream, they just won't. Some people just won't accept it and others have no interest.
     
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