How to deal with sub drop post orgasm.

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by MistressNicx, Apr 14, 2024.

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  1. MistressNicx
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    My sub doesn’t live close, so we only get to meet every few weeks. He is locked when we are apart, he has a key for emergencies and cleaning. At the moment that works for us. When we meet, I generally allow an orgasm, but push the length of time longer and longer.

    The problem is after, when we aren’t together the sub drop is hard. His attitude changes, he can become distant and difficult to talk to. We both have busy work and personal lives, so for me communication is key. Last time, I asked him to message regularly with a task I set him, but instead he fought against that and communicated a lot less. He said his day was busy, but I reminded him it takes two seconds to message. I feel like I am being pushed away at a time when I need him to show he’s still my submissive (I have reasons for needing him to do this and in his defence he understands that), I try to tell him subtly and then quite clearly, until we get to the point where we are falling out, which neither of us want.

    After a few days, he starts to get his submissive side back and realises that the sub drop isn’t doing either of us any good. Of course, I know I can punish him next time I see him, and I will……but any suggestions from those experienced in this would be gratefully appreciated. He said he plans on doing some research around this, I’ve suggested he joins CM, which he will tomorrow and he will read this also.

    He is a good person, we just need advice on how to get through these little blips, what both of us can do to make something very good, even better.

    I know I could continue to deny him and I know there are so many of you who are much longer term, but right now that’s not what either of us want.

    Thank you in advance you lovely lot x
     
  2. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    He has a key. You are not denying him. He is denying himself and using you for his sexual pleasure.

    You are living in a delusion.

    He isn't your sub, you are his sex toy. He can wank when he wants and you have exacrtlt zero control over it.

    My advice would be to find a real relationshp and explore that fully, relationshio first, kink after.
     
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  3. MistressNicx
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    Not quite the reply I expected. To be clear I am not his sex toy. neither am I delusional.

    Thank you for the reply all the same.
     
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  4. Mr_anonymous
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    If he's pushing back then he's not committed. I'd guess there's a good chance he's using the key timed around the push back. Then after a few days he plays the game again. Distance certainly isn't your friend here. Being you don't cohabitate how can you really know what he's doing or control the situation. Short of him choosing to fully mentally embrace it the drop will continue. He's giving you the power, you're not taking it. Be perceived as powerful he might respond.
     
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  5. MistressNicx
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    Thanks for the reply. The sub drop is only a few days. I trust him, which is important. I posted as it was a mutual conversation we had tonight, working through something that’s still new to us both. We’ve all had to start somewhere x
     
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  6. Mr_anonymous
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    Yeah it's a dance and takes time figure out. If he wants it though he'll do what you say. You can't force him anymore then he can force to hold his keys. It's a matter of finding balance for us at least and that's always evolving. It's good you're talking though, honest conversation is really the heart of it all.
     
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  7. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    I would have a long face to face talk about the sub drop.

    Try and come up with coping mechanisms that will help elevate the drop.

    Perhaps only let him orgasm when you are able to spend a couple days together. That way you could help him through it.

    As long as he orgasms, he will drop. It's how one gets through it that matters.


    Iso.
     
  8. Kiesela
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    Are you sure he's not unlocking?
     
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  9. submascpartner
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    submascpartner Active member

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    The sub drop is why my wife doesn’t really let me have orgasms anymore, the only ejaculation I get are nocturnal emissions. She wants to be able to give me orgasms occasionally but she realized the longer I go denied the harder the drop. Have you considered the possibility of not granting him an orgasm?
     
  10. MistressNicx
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    Not sure that was what I was asking advice for, but yes I am sure. I have things in place to stop him just unlocking, but didn’t need to write that here. I wanted to discuss us getting around the issues described.
     
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  11. MistressNicx
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    It’s up for discussion, l am trying to gauge what others like yourself experience. So thank you for your reply to my question, without questioning any of the backstory.
     
  12. Sexy Slave 69
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    Good morning, I believe teasing is a key attribute in shorting or reducing sub drop. Maybe an option could be after u have allowed his orgasm to tease him, bring him to the edge over and over and deny him that next orgasm and leave him hanging, wanting and then relock him until u see him again. Hope that makes sense
     
  13. MistressNicx
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    Thank you, makes loads of sense. Thank you for your response x
     
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  14. Sexy Slave 69
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    The other thing ive found drives submission as a sub is being made and forced to clean up yr cum after a full orgasm. That makes me feel very slutty afterwards and sticks in my mind for days
     
  15. Pssybtch
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    I deal with this issue a lot myself. I always want to be submissive to my wife/mistress but I lose my submissive feelings and desires and have a harder time accepting her dominating me for at least a couple days after I orgasm.

    Ruined orgasms tend to lead to much less of that drop for me, as do those from pegging. Overall though we’re just trying to move to me orgasming less and less to keep me more consistently in the submissive mindset and behavior that makes us both happier.
     
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  16. ChastEric
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    I'd like to refer to this from sub perspective, being locked by myself and supervised by a distant KH.
    There was a moment that She extended my initially agreed lockup time - from a week to 12 days. And after short moment of disagreement, I accepted the situation - and to be honest, part of me hoped that the lockup will last even longer. Maybe this leads to a clue.

    Being lokced I very much appreciate communication with my KH. So I wouldn't miss a chance to text. But maybe after an orgasm the motivation drops significantly. Again, something to think about ;)
     
  17. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    #17 IB-Chaste, Apr 15, 2024
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2024
    I can’t really give advice on this as I live with my wife so don’t have the same perspective as your partner will, however I can go off onto one of my standard ramblings and hope you find something in there that you could use or would be beneficial to your situation….

    I find the hardest part of being in my cage is when my wife isn’t present. Not that she’s at work or away on holiday or she’s left me as I’m an annoying prick. I find it tough when she’s not interested in my caged status. I guess to some degree she could be away for a week and still keep me in the zone but it would be much tougher. Just one comment, a slight brush against my groin, a smile as I tell her I’m aroused. That’s the side that keeps me entertained and happy to be caged. It takes more of these interactions when I’ve received an orgasm and they’re not received as readily in that manner. I need some more ‘umpth’ in her sexual approaches. This is hard because satisfying me nearly always satisfies her and so she’s less inclined for a few days too. It’s actually when we fall apart the most in our day to day. That’s actually why I’ve become quite accepting of the enjoyment in the sex than the ultimate climax. I won’t lie, when we are in that moment avoiding orgasm is really hard and does take away a little of the experience. It shifts the mind away from pure enjoyment.

    When I’ve had my day or so or when I’m in the denied zone completely I want to see her doing her usual routines. Watching her put her make up on and her ass hanging slightly behind her chair. Watching her breasts lift as she ties her hair up. Watching her curves shift as she shaves her legs etc etc. I want her to know I find them attractive even if she doesn’t intend them to be. She has two ways of responding to this. The first is pure acknowledgement but steadfast refusal to give me more of what I want until she wants it again. This one works for me. The second is more detrimental, she’s switched off from the cage and responds by saying ‘I’m not here for your benefit.’ It’s when she forgets that the cage drives me towards her in this manner that I feel I little disheartened. She just needs to be switched onto the fact and that in turn keeps me in that happy place.

    I don’t know how you incorporate that into a long distance scenario, but it’s all the tease I need. Knowing how sexy she can be when the time is right and witnessing that even when it’s not. Both being in tune to the fact she is my sole provider of sexual stimulation and there’s times I’m just not going to get that. It is that simple at times but staying focussed on someone else’s sexual desires is also far more complex than I just made it sound .

    There is only one person for me in the cage. Watching porn, seeing others, fantasising. Whilst caged, it all comes back to my wife. I want her and nothing else.
    When I don’t get that follow up of visual delights from my wife I find it very difficult to maintain a level arousal that’s needed for a cage to be effective. I feel bad that I’ve been aroused and she’s not in that place too or that I’ve done it without her. Like my mood is somewhat disconnected to her feelings. I’d want to be aroused by my wife rather than pushing myself to be horny again using other stimulation. I don’t mind glancing at an another persons attributes (my wife doesn’t mind either) but I imagine her and nothing more. I’d need images of her, or sexy insinuations, or something substantial to keep those untoward moments between us.

    When I’ve suffered the drop I find that commenting on it just makes it worse. I want her to use this against me, I am neglecting her more than I would usually. I don’t want that in the moment whilst I’m going through it, that’s a recipe for disaster I’m just going to find it annoying. Yes, she should understand how I’m feeling and know its not acceptable, but that should be brought up when it comes to getting back into sex mode, “you were off with me 3 days after you last came. That’s 3 days you’ll satisfy me before you get released” etc.
    I don’t want the feeling I felt in that moment to be soured by her disapproval of my following actions at the time. I want to enjoy what we just had together, not feel it as a negative.
    When she does this I switch off more than the orgasm ever created on its own.

    I like the thought of my drop (which happens so infrequently now) to be my time. Time for me to rebuild and enjoy some calm before the horny storm. Maybe that’s the way to approach this, “enjoy your satisfaction while it lasts, you earned it.”

    To keep me focussed and knowing what’s good is a great skill of my wife’s… but If I always get what I want it doesn’t work. She knows this more than she ever did before. If I’m saying we should do x, y and z and she follows up with giving me x, y and z then you know… she’s not controlling the situation. Also, if I say I want x, y and z and I get nothing I get really arsey. Yet, getting it all ultimately makes me arsey too. Damn it must be hard to be a keyholder (maybe just mine!).
    It only works if she knows what I want, gives me a little x, some y and no Z. Maybe she’ll enjoy some of her own ABCs in the mix too.

    If he’s getting what he wants every time, and it pains me to say this, I have to agree with some elements of what Jay said. He’s controlling the situation. He knows he’s locked up until he sees you, you’ll give him what he wants and then he’ll be on his merry little way. He doesn’t need you for a few days. I don’t actually know your full dynamic but if he’s directing the sexual exploits, having his expectations matched to almost perfection, it’s going to suffer bigger down sides than if you take that control away and leave him wanting more.

    It would be hard to deny him a full climax when you see him knowing it’s going to be a while before he gets it again, but you know, how would that play out?

    So maybe, know what he wants, find out. Give him a little of it… not all of it, and keep him desperate for the rest until next time. Keep him on that string. I guess that could be with an orgasm, maybe not.
    For example, If he likes blowjobs as foreplay before he’s inside you maybe it’s as simple as making him climax that way and making him want your pussy even more without allowing entry. They might be tame examples, I don’t know your dynamic but that way he’s denied without actually being denied, but he’ll know you’re in control and it will drive him crazy for the next few weeks until he sees you again… as who knows, will you allow it next time? That’s your choice but don’t dangle that carrot too long either.

    Erm. So good luck I guess. Being a keyholder is hard!


    Edit:
    After I posted this I had an idea that would work (for me anyway). On that first day or so when he’s away and he’s satisfied and perhaps not thinking about you ask him to order a new set of lingerie to be delivered to you. It will be an incredible sexual stimulant whilst thinking entirely about you and your body. Imagine the anticipation he’ll feel again from the first moment he’s finally settled.
     
  18. MistressNicx
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    We are both learning about each other, neither of us knew to the scene, so working our way through these things. Thank you for your input and insight x
     
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  19. MistressNicx
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    Thank you so much for your beautiful response and indepth insight from your perspective and how you feel it is for your wife/KH. I really appreciate you took the time to answer me,

    When he joins later, I will tell him to take time to read your responses.

    I’ve experienced the sub drop with an online sub I had a few years ago, he was gutted he’d rushed his orgasm and I was gutted I allowed him. We were able to communicate with each other so much clearer, but we’d known each other for years and were able to get through it, so different to when something is physical and face to face.
     
  20. MistressNicx
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    We are both learning about each other, neither of us knew to the scene, so working our way through these things. Thank you for your input and insight x
     
  21. ChastEric
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    Learning about each other and open, honest communication is a key factor. Even more important than the key itself :) I was in situations when I already had some chastity experience and my KH was new to this kink and willing to try - so always happy to help:)
     
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  22. WhiteKnight
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    Interesting thread and lots of good advice.
    You say that although he a key for emergency unlocking but you don't think he's using it. You don't want to go into the details and that's fine.
    Have you thought of using something like a key safe where only you have the password / combination ? There are also bluetooth versions that can be operated remotely. You could simply put the key into an envelope that you seal and it will obviously show if it has been opened or tampered with.
    Sub-drop is a different matter altogether and as far as I can tell is universal after orgasm.
    A ruined orgasm or better still a prostate-milking leaves the male still feeling horny and frustrated so the 'recovery time' is MUCH faster.
    If you're not seeing each other that often that could be a good way to keep-him-keen. Also, you can still have all the sex you want,including PIV, but just make sure he doesn't actually cum . . . that makes me desperately horny !
     
  23. MistressNicx
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    Thank you again for great advice.

    I’m looking at more secure ways to ensure he isn’t unlocking, but the way we work right now is pretty good too x
     
  24. Mr_anonymous
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    Mr_anonymous Long term member

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    Not what you want to hear but 99% chance he's unlocking having his fun. Then a few days later playing the game again when he wants. If he has a key besides trust how secure can it really be.
     
  25. Jail Bird
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    Hi Mistress,

    Sub drop is real for me too. Like you, my KH/Mistress wife hates it. Probably one of the reasons I'm only allowed so few releases.

    Anyway, sub drop is sneaks in after a submissive male cums. We think differently about our submission for a few days, like we're all manly.

    My wife started years ago two methods that reduce my sub drop down to almost zero. When she allows me to cum, She'll have me masturbate on her body, where she says to. The second I'm done pumping, I'm required to lick it all back up. No waiting. Our brain is not wired for that. I can tell you, it works. Having to make ourselves kneel and lick it up, snaps our submission back very quickly. The first time having to do that was the hardest. It seems like a fun idea until there's a small puddle of cum laying there for you to eat. She likes having it deposited on her belly button hole area, so she can watch and I have to suck and lick it out of there.

    The other trick, and she just did this to me Saturday, is to allow me to cum in my panties with her using her Wand on me. I'm required to ask permission before I cum, wait for her OK and then start pumping. She wants me on the edge having to wait for her approval. Once I stop pumping, I'm handed my cage and told to get it back on right now. That would be the other thing subs hate the most, is having to go back into our cages once we have cum. It's a sticky mess trying to get this thing back on. Again, our little brain wants to think like a normal male and not have to do that.

    This works for us and has for years.
     

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