Help change their Fantasy to their Reality

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Isopropylforyou, Jun 13, 2021.

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  1. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Active member

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    I have been on this site for a while and I have read somethings that have ranged from a bit far fetched to somethings that are obviously pure fantasy.

    Here at the Mansion, we often call the writer out on it or move them to the Fiction section. Then the called out the poster will vigorously defend what they wrote, which further proves that it is indeed a fantasy. Those that are for real do not care what anyone else thinks. Then it just devolves into a battle of words between everyone.

    But this does little to stop it.

    I believe we are going about solving the problem the wrong way.

    If someone is looking for a Key Holder/Mistress/Mister etc., has anyone taken then time to help this person attain their goal?

    This is a male dominated way of life that has a lot more Males interested in it, than Females.

    So how do we as a group help someone who wants to take their Fantasy and make it their Reality? To make them more attractive to someone looking for the qualities that they possess.

    We help, we offer advice, we teach. This is the way of the Mansion.

    That is what I want this thread is to be about.

    I want our members to post advice, ideas, helpful facts and practices that will teach a person the skills necessary to attract what they are looking for. Not only that, I want these people to shine and standout amongst a sea of others.

    So fellow members, what advice can you offer someone who wants to attract their opposite number in this Way of Life?

    My advice is to get yourself together.

    If the Key Holder of your dreams walked in to your home what would they see? A disgusting mess or a well cleaned and organized home?

    If you are going to serve someone, you should be well practiced and ready. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

    Be a master at cleaning your place. It should be clean and free of clutter all the time. Not just when you are expecting company.

    Are all your clothes folded and put away? Are your shirts ironed and hanging neatly?

    How is your appearance? Are you clean and presentable or disshelved and dirty? You need to present a clean and put together image. If you shave, make sure you are clean shaven and groomed accordingly. Have a beard, make sure it is well kept and clean.

    How is your weight? If you could stand to lose a few pounds, begin exercising. My advice, start taking a Martial Art. I would suggest either Kenpo (my style) or Krav Maga. Not only will this get you in shape, but also boost your convenience. If you are going to serve a Queen, shouldn't a knight be able to defend her?

    What type of diet do you follow? Having fast food for dinner is not going to win anyone over. Can you cook? If not, you need to learn. Nothing can win someone over faster than a person who can cook. It worked for me. I made my Wife Lasagna when we first started dating and she was impressed. Really impressed. Guess who now does all the cooking at home? If you need some cooking ideas, shoot me a message and I will give you some of my best and easiest ones. How impressed will your future Key Holder be if you cook them a delicious meal?

    Can you maintain a car? Do you know how to change a tire, change your own oil, change a battery? Do you really think your future Key Holder will be doing that type of maintenance? Hit YouTube and start learning or post a question here either I or someone else will help.

    The Mansion is a safe haven for a lot of us, myself included. Those with experience in this Way of Life need to help and teach others, so that it may grow.

    If we want Chastity and FLRs to become more Mainstream, then we need to start teaching and helping those who want to be in this Way of Life. That is how we will grow, that is how we can make this more Mainstream. The more people we can introduce to this, the larger our numbers will become.

    So....

    What advice do YOU have to share?

    Iso.
     
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  2. MissyB
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    Interesting post. Similar to some in the past. Good ideas seem to resurface here often.
     
  3. tomf_22033
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    Some of us have been here from the beginning of the site and have been doing these things. I don’t as much as I used to, but if you look at my post history you’ll see I make suggestions for newbies.

    If I could add on your excellent post, I’d say be yourself. But be a gentleman and be open and honest. Nothing turns people off faster than an asshole. So learn manners if you don’t have them. And finally stop looking.

    Women have a skill of knowing when we are looking. And when we are they’re not interested. But when we stop they seem to come out of the woodwork.

    Finally women aren’t kink dispensers. Read Ms Lucy’s posts on what she wants and how she sees submissives. Be like her ideal. In time kink and play will come. But be of service and don’t worry about your wants.

    Finally

    HAVE FUN

    nothing is more attractive than happy people
     
  4. true42
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    Learn to listen. Women (well, people in general, but definitely women) love when they are listened to attentively. With real respect. With real attention. With true care.

    Be kind. Not just to her, but to everyone. Do things that help others. It's a great advertisement for the kindness and empathy that she will expect from you.

    Be respectful. Don't interrupt. Show respect to people in public, especially to those whom you are not required to show respect to. Service workers. Older people you meet. Children. Be respectful.

    Encourage others. Be the encouragement that others need to make the changes that they are struggling to make. Be a positive influence. Be an encouragement.

    Be willing to learn, and to improve. Be humble, without being a doormat. Be kind, without being a wuss. Be gentle, without being weak.
     
  5. Headtrip
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    Empower her. In and out of the bedroom.

    Dont flood her with your wants but do tell her what works (when the time is appropriate).

    Its okay to tell her how sexy her control is, but it has to be her control and not her doing what you tell/ask her.

    I.e. communicate in a way that helps her find happiness by taking the reigns.

    (Part of me feels I have no right to comment here because chastity was her idea, but She has commented several times that these are the things I do that really give her confidence to lead).

    I certainly agree with some of the previous advice, even though our situation was a bit different. For sure, at least, She found me and I never pushed chastity (once I admitted a bit of desire for kink it was game on).
     
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  6. Ring45
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    This has been said before, but need to be said again thanks. Should this thread be moved to
    Introductions or Site announcements and information as a sticky.
     
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  7. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Active member

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    Thank you for the kind words.

    This thread needs to be in a place where those who need to see it, can.

    Prehaps if we had a teaching section. Filled with how to's. instructional videos and maybe one day, live chats.

    Iso.
     
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  8. taped2
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    Outstanding advice. We should all be so attuned to others and to that one special woman we love. Thank-you for this.
     
  9. HusbandX
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    Same stupid shit.

    Everything on the internet is fiction.

    Your name isn't really isopropylforu, is it? Taped2? Ring45? Headtrip? True42? MissyB? Tomf_22033?

    I guarantee mine isn't HusbandX. Not even to my wife.

    No, everyone here hides behind a false identify, perhaps a false gender, false location, false dialogue. And then there's the dismissal. That can't be real. He can't do that. She didn't say that. You're a fantasy. You don't exist. You're not real. Move to fiction. Blah, blah, blah.

    It's all fiction. Varying shades, but its' all fiction. If I tell you my employer, guaranteed it's not the actual one. If I tell you my address, it's not a real address. Birthday? You gotta be kidding. Want my social security number? Name of pets? Phone number? Get real. None of it is.

    How do I know that another poster here does something or doesn't do something? I don't. Nor do I care. Apparently it's really important to some, who repeatedly carry on about calling out the fakes. the fake-police, apparently.

    An associate once opined that there's a 50% chance of going to bed with a woman on first contact, simply by approaching her and asking, "wanna fuck?" I have no idea if that's true. I've never tried it (or have I?), but perhaps it is. Perhaps the other 50% need romance, trust, and a meaningful relationship. Perhaps not.

    Gotta be a mechanic to win that prize domme? I'm a mechanic. Doesn't make a hill of beans difference. I do a lot of other things. None of them matter much to women, or anyone else, either. Learn a martial art? Sure, checked that box. A long time ago, taught, practiced, for decades. I carry a handgun. Own a bunch of others. My wife, too. Compete. She doesn't care. Doesn't make her wet, or warm her heart. Wouldn't matter to her if I didn't do any of those things.

    Keep the place clean? I'm a slob. If I hang up a shirt, it will change something? My hair is cropped close, clean shaven (or am I?)...she doesn't care. It doesn't turn women's heads. I can unquestioningly guarantee that there's nothing about me that impresses anybody. They don't care. I don't care.

    For her birthday, I bought her a refrigerator. Very romantic. Hot stuff. Pure fantasy, fiction. I know, right?

    Now she's got a place to hang her magnets. Yippee.

    Point taken, though. Do something nice. Be nice. Unless she's not into nice. Then just be direct. Apparently it works half the time...
     
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  10. Ring45
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    @HusbandX
    Why would it be! That's down to getting doxed! Private fun life & work life don't mix well.

    I was surprised you name not Husband X
     
  11. Scovic80
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    Be open and honest with each other.
    If you find it difficult to explain things then look online for information that explains your likes. Ask them to read it and don't put pressure on them. Leave it a few days and ask if it made sense.
    Have a real heart to heart about what it does for you, how it changes you, how it makes you feel.
    How it could work for them, how it could change them and your relationship.
    If she says she'll think about it again don't push it, leave it a few days, even a week before trying to talk again.

    This is how I approached it with my wife and she agreed to try it.
    I have let her take it at her pace and now she is taking me on a new path and leading me.

    That first conversation is always the hardest if she knows nothing about it, it was for us but communication is key.
     
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  12. Chastie_MM
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    Be real. Simple. Be what you say you are and have the courage to live it.
    As for many, there are a lot of men serving their own desires through the lifestyle, fantasy or reality, oy giving what or when it suits them. That isn't true, selfless service.

    In truth, if you WANT to serve Superior Women, that's self serving too in its own way but it should end there. Make the decision to serve be your last decision.
    Every other decision should be Hers.
    That's consensual non consent.

    Personally I never say, think or act on an 'I want' if it's mine and always do if it's Hers.
     
  13. Chastie_MM
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    Tomf_22033 said. "..In time kink and play will come..... be of service and don’t worry about your wants."

    My first act for my Owner was to paint her bedroom. It felt really good to be properly of use to her. While I did that, she was having lunch with other Dominant Women from her circle. She was gracious enough to introduce me but didnt need to do that.
    I felt genuinely privileged.
     
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  14. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Fantasies? Fakes? Who cares? I don’t!

    Mainstream the lifestyle? Ugh, No!!!
     
  15. Chastie_MM
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    No-one said anything about mainstream g the lifestyle, at least I don't think so? However, on the topic, the lifestyle should be the norm surely, if you believe in it? To you as an individual, it makes no difference if the lifestyle is mainstream or not in the same way you don't care about the other stuff. All that matters is that you're living the life YOU want to live.
    Is that not true?
     
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  16. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    First, yes the OP did in the last paragraph.

    My answer to the statement "If we want to...", is no I don't.

    Normal? What is normal? No, I don't agree it should be the "norm". Many things that I enjoy are quite deliciously not in the "norm".

    I like my Kink, dark, secret and exclusive. No, I don't want to be a member of a club that anyone can join. But, you can go ahead and spread the word.

    But if you "really" believe in the life style and think it's great for everyone. Don't hide your thoughts on a Chastity Specific website. Make your case as an OP Ed in the style section of every major newspaper. Make the case for it.
     
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  17. true42
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    Who pissed in your Wheaties? :eek:
     
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  18. Chastie_MM
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    [QUOTE="enslavedbyc, post
    Everyone is different so all power to your. 'dark and secret'.

    I don't need to shout from the news stands to have my views. Their mine and every movement starts small and grows.
    Everything has its time.

    In the meantime I make my views known to those that matter in my world.
    End of really.
     
  19. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Actually, every movement starts small, some grow to reach acceptance and many are rejected. Everybody gets a vote!
     
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  20. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Active member

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    Nobody. I'm having a great day. If, however, someone urinates in my breakfast cereal, you'll be the second to know.
     
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  21. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Active member

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    You have got to be kidding me....

    I wrote this post for people to share their ideas with those that might be afraid to ask questions. To help those who's only out let for their desires is to create a fantasy world for them to secretly hide in.


    The title says help.

    Not air out your aggressions of the world.

    Not to spread you negative thoughts about what you see is wrong.

    Not as a place to explain how you jealously guard this life style because it makes you unique.

    Not a place to disagree with what is being said and then explaining why.

    This is to help those who are too afraid to ask questions because of the negative things that might be said to them.

    Which is exactly what is happening here.

    I thought, rather stupidly, that people would take the moral and emotionally evolved high ground and not contribute if they do not have anything positive to add to the conversation.

    Boy was I wrong.

    So for all those in front and all those in back...

    If you cannot say anything nice or contribute positively to this post, shut yer mouth and move on.

    I cannot believe I have to say this to grown adults......
    If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. So quit being part of the problem and move on.

    However there is one good thing to come out if this, it proves my point that this type of advice is needed. Because we have members here who are afraid of being bullied for asking questions, seeking answers and wanting help.

    I thought we were better than this.

    I was wrong.
    Disgustingly wrong.

    Isopropylforyou
     
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  22. Chastie_MM
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    You're absolutely right.
    If I've contributed to the negativity I apologise. I'm very new here and may have been a little hijacked. I should learn not to react so readily. So - I learned something from your posting.

    The idea of the thread is a very positive and giving one and I hope it provides what was intended in the end.
     
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  23. true42
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    Don't take it so hard. This is the Internet. Random shit happens.

    Your post was a good one, and you got lots of helpful responses.

     
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  24. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Okay

    1) Worst place to find a Femdom: the internet.

    2) If you're not in a relationship, the best time to tell them you think Sex should be fun, rewarding for both of you and should include an exploration of both of you fantasies, is on the 3rd, date.

    3) If you're 5 years or more into the relationship and you've known the entire time that your kinky and have a fetish but you've been too afraid to tell her. Good luck! If you are going to come clean, I would suggest that you start with, "how can I make your sex life fantastic" and what else could I do to make your life easier", and mean it.

    4) If you're more than 5 years into your relationship and you've just discovered this world. Tell her now!!! Tell her you've discovered this really cool thing that turns you on. Ask her if she would explore it with you AFTER offering to explore anything she wants to first.

    Also, totally random comment - People on high horses should always wear a helmet.
     
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  25. HusbandX
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    Not kidding in the least. My post was aimed squarely at you, brightspark. Your post was insulting. It was meant as an attack on others, and you know it. Much like "humble bragging," it was meant to say one thing, but was a passive aggressive shot in the testicles to others.

    Posts are regularly made asking for "ideas." Literally every other post, or more, asks how one convinces one's wife or significant other, or finds a nice girl on a power trip. So no, you didn't open an unheard of door to an alternate universe. You opened with a shot across the bow at others, and my post was a response to that. Don't act innocently or deny what you did. Own it.

    Yes.

    You were.

    You're still defending it. You still are wrong.

    Nobody bullied you. Grow up. You made offensive comments and were called on it. Passive aggressive bullshit. You're doing it again, too.

    It does appear that you're clearly saying that anyone who says anything contrary to you or disagrees with you, shouldn't post. Very different than your welcoming of all comers, yet more of the same of your opening message. The leopard wears its spots, but doesn't ever change them. Do you?
     
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