I'm on a situation that I have some other kinks that my girlfriend doesn't enjoy. I really like chastity and I just finished a full month without any orgasm, neither ruined. I had it last Sunday. We only have 4 months in chastity and I'm kinda worried about enjoying my other kinks. I normally masturbate while watching some videos about those kinks. I don't really want to lose that part, but also, I don't know how to fit that with my chastity. She doesn't like the idea at all, but as most of you say, this is something that should be enjoyed by both of us, not something imposed by force. What do you think about this?
If she doesn't want you to masturbate to some videos, and you want to, and you don't want her to force the matter through chastity, then it sounds like you both have some talking to do. My adviced; Suck it up and have those difficult conversations.
Those kinks fade. And you will be thankful. There is a thread going at the moment that talks about porn and chastity. Listen to Heart and Soul on Podbean
I was in a similar situation. I have several other kinks. In the past my Wife always "entertained" them. When we really made this a life style one of the first things She made clear was that She would not engage in any activities or kinks that She did not enjoy. THIS WAS HARD! She even teases me about it sometimes. Ultimately, I finally learned that a powerful Wife who completely controls my body drives me wild! I still have those attractions. At 40, I've pretty much learned my kinks are going anywhere. I don't feel like I've given them up. It just feels like I've submitted those to Her as well. They became part of this kink. She knows this. She likes this! And most importantly She leans into it! God she is amazing.
Thank you all for your comments. So, I had a conversation with my girlfriend, and since we're just starting out, she didn't take it well. I was the one who introduced her to chastity, but she was interested differently than my other fetishes. I still have more of my story to share with you, and I plan to do it soon. Here's the thing: at first, I joked around and told her that maybe I wasn't ready to continue with chastity this way. She asked me honestly if I wanted to end it like that. At that moment, I told her that, yes, it had been fun having my orgasms denied for the whole month, but I wasn't sure if I could handle another month like that. She was furious, and this time, she wasn't playing around. I was surprised because I never thought she was taking it to that level. Normally, she goes along with things I propose just for the heck of it, not because she actually enjoys them. I tried to defend my point by telling her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to give up the chance to make love with her and enjoy it whenever we want. I know that chastity has brought back a lot of her libido, but I'm also confident that our relationship was improving even before chastity, thanks to therapy. So, I don't believe chastity is the holy grail, and I think we can revive our sex life without it. But to my surprise, she didn't want me to quit. She told me it was okay, just like the books and information that I asked her to read. She said I would complain, and she needed to be strong and not give in. I was incredibly excited, but at the same time, scared and frustrated. I don't want her to think that this is the only way we can be happy. That's just my opinion, and I'm not saying it applies to everyone else. So, we had a heated discussion, and I was fed up. I told her it was okay and that I would continue. Maybe it was part of the drop. This is my first full orgasm since we started three months ago. I only had one ruined orgasm each month. So, I tried to stay calm, think about that, and carry on. A few days later, as I write these lines, I have this strong desire to please her and resist the period of denial again. So, I think that the drop hit me hard. I'm not sure how things will go in the future, but I'm definitely going to continue. Plus, when she was that furious, I didn't want to let her down. By the way, we're on the honor system. No lies, and I've respected every day of denial. I have a Holy Trainer, but I can't make it work for long periods. Still, I'm thinking of wearing it during the day for this week to see if it helps me reduce the drop. Let's see how everything goes.
Trying to continuously wear an enclosed cage is silly. No matter what you do you'll never maintain proper hygiene. I tried it, managed 31 days and when it came off I was horrified...and I had a good cleaning regime and a power shower that could clean a tank engine. An open steel/titanium cage is the way forward. More expensive, esp. for custom, but worth it if you plan to have chastity a part of your lifestyle.
@JaySaysYes, I can't even make it through the night. Recently, I sanded it down a bit because I was experiencing a burning sensation near the scrotum after 8 to 10 hours of wearing it. I noticed that there was a plastic part that was somewhat irregular, so when the cage moves, it rubs against my balls and causes this irritation. Right now, I've put the cage back on, as I mentioned this morning. We had another conversation, and I made it clear to her that one important thing for me is that she doesn't assume that chastity is the sole thing helping our relationship. We both put in incredible efforts before, and it really hurts me when that is overlooked. Now, going back to the cage issue, I have a metal one, the generic type that you can find everywhere. It's somewhat big, but when I recently used it again, the day went perfectly. No problems when using the bathroom or concerns about hygiene, even though I only wear the cage during the day for about 12 hours. I'm not sure if that's enough to cause an issue with my foreskin. My initial post here was about this. I wore it for 12 hours each day for one week, and then I noticed a persistent tanned line on my foreskin. It hasn't disappeared since then. https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/tanned-foreskin-holy-trainer-v4.51513/
JMHO...When my Wife and I started MC, I lost any and all control of my sex life. I enjoyed porn and masturbating to it. Now I have given my penis and it's control to my Wife. I really didn't know how far this would go...I do now. If you want chastity, I think you have to be all in...We have had some very interesting talks and that helps a lot...Good luck...
When I started chastity, it was because I couldn't control my addictive behavior. But a larger motivation was to have the intimacy with her I long desired.. I knew I had to give her risk control of my sexuality. Anything less including holding on to kinky behavior was cheating on her unless it is part of our mutual sexuality. She would be furious if I tried to go back. Could that be what your partner is reacting to?
I understand what you're saying. It's quite similar. Since she didn't want to explore my other kinks with me, she always felt (in her own words) that she wasn't enough. I'm quite active and passionate about my kinks, and chastity is just as important to me as the others. Maybe I don't quite fit into the "lifestyle" label, but rather see it as a vanilla game we're playing. Still, achieving one month of orgasm denial on the honor system is not something that everyone can accomplish if they view it simply as a "game." The challenging part is that she despises my other kinks, even though they don't harm anyone. She hates them simply because I enjoy them, and she can't understand why. However, thanks to chastity, I discovered that she actually enjoys the feeling of "no pressure" when it comes to performing or giving me pleasure. I have to admit that this still bothers me because I always did everything I could to ensure she enjoyed herself sexually, but she lost interest, probably due to the "responsibility" of reciprocating. So I told her that if there ever comes a day when I'm not enjoying chastity, we can take a break, return to enjoying ourselves without denial, but still maintain important aspects like no pressure if she doesn't want to please me, and pleasing her in whatever way she desires (which I have always done). If we can find a way to incorporate some of the kinks I enjoy, even if it's just as a teasing method, it would make me really happy. However, this is all new to me, and I'm trying to adapt. As I mentioned earlier, today I'm leaning towards continuing with chastity and going for another period of denial, perhaps one month or three weeks. I'm not sure how much the "drop" effect is influencing my decision. I know that some people might read this and say, "I wish I could live like that," but perhaps I'm another victim of the saying "careful what you wish for," because I never anticipated that she would consider chastity as something important. She never took other things I suggested seriously, and that's why I was "enjoying" it, always knowing that if I were to say, "let's stop," she wouldn't mind. I hope I'm explaining myself. ^^
Yes I understand. Different question but may enhance your chastity experience: does she stimulate / tease you sexually / physically frequently during your chaste time? This could really make the experience more enjoyable for both of you. My wife gets incredibly turned on from teasing me. And it helps eliminate or reduce the drop after a full orgasm if I remain denied long enough I e. 3-4 weeks. There are other benefits too.
Not as frequently as she could, maybe. She knows my weaknesses perfectly well. We've been together for 17 years, since we were teenagers. However, she sometimes lacks the initiative to explore kinky things. This "discussion" we had about me wanting to stop is the first time I've seen her confident about something related to our sex life. I remember how she used to be in the first 5 or 7 years—I knew everything she liked. But now it's difficult to bring her enjoyment during sex. It's a strange situation because she doesn't like feeling the pressure of pleasing me (hence chastity), but I'm unsure if she would now feel more pressure when it comes to teasing me. I'm not topping from the bottom, but chastity is meant for both of us—it's not just about locking and forgetting.
Agreed, it's not about locking and forgetting. The more she teases me, the more attentive, sensitive and serving I become and the more we communicate about our life together and about things that matter, especially to her. Then she feels loved and opens up to me physically and our sex life takes off. So she has a stake in teasing me and she knows it. She knows that's the kind of man I want to be and is willing to help me become that.
She also gets aroused by teasing me because of the physical and audible reaction she gets from me and then wants pleasure more herself!
looking forward to "to be continued'. I keep seeing other KH's we think are reluctant participants, and probably were at first, rather quickly "having the penny drop" (old English saying, meaning "getting it".. In this case, hey, what the heck was I thinking? I get all the sex I want when ever I want , or not, get him to do Much more work than I used to do, and win every debate or argument" hell no, I'm not giving this up!
Hi Zevon! You're saying that this is her case? I haven't updated the thread, but I can keep posting here a little more, if you want. Right now I'm 100% sure that it was the drop. I'm not gonna lie, I don't really want to give up my other kinks, but when you survive the drop, chastity override everything. I'm still really scared because this could be a never ending cycle, which means that I won't be able to enjoy my kinks anymore. Now, the teasing situation it's still a thing. I really need to be teased to be more invested on this. But I don't understand why she don't do it. It's so easy to tease me. Just a few words or a few mini actions during the day and I would be teased. It kinda frustrates me that, sometimes, I think she likes me in chastity just to keep me away from my other kinks, but she's not enjoying anything of me being submissive. As I said before, they get the "best" part of us, but we can only be happy if this is something reciprocal. Like we're both invested on our own roles.
Just having this debate with my wife about a BA order…. She doesn’t agree with weekly removal for cleaning (or anything that is obligatory) and so we’re going with the open bars. Personally, I find full enclosure a more comfortable experience, but the hygiene. Damn!
I started with a full enclosure device and it was more pleasurable to be in. But an open Titanium device can stay on as long as she wants it to, sometimes very long.
I really like the HT4 Knockoff that I have, but I have foreskin, and it's been changing color slightly to a brownish hue. I posted about it, as it seems like the skin is tanning in some areas due to the device. The device itself is extremely comfortable, and I've even sanded all the edges. I don't have any issues or discomfort with it, and my girlfriend wants me to take it off every night before sleeping. However, we're both concerned about this skin tanning situation. Some people have mentioned that it's normal and that the skin is adjusting to the device. I'm unsure about what to do. Another thing I've noticed is that the skin now has more "wrinkles," as if it has become slightly more delicate than before. I don't feel any discomfort or strange sensations, only the change in color and texture of the foreskin. Do you think it's okay to wear the HT4 every day for 12 hours straight and remove it each night before sleeping? I believe it might help with the lack of daily teasing I experience.
I haven’t experienced this, but it might be worth trying a different knock off or something. Different colour. If it changes the ‘staining’ then you know it’s the cage and not your body. I would attribute this to your flaccid state being smaller than it was before. It’s just not filling you out like it was. I think that’s what you’re describing. It’s goes away after a week or two of freedom…. But that makes chastity difficult all over again.
Could it be that this tanning would be also related with the same filling? When I'm erected, it's reduced. Of course because the skin is stretched. When is loose it looks darker.
I know what you mean. I have been down that road before. Teasing costs nothing, and neither do mind f's. We were driving to NM and asked , even badgered her about this , and ended up getting in a fight. That was the end of chastity for that trip, my choicer and we had not even arrived. I mean, I've been driving for3 days, your'e just sitting there, and you can't even do that? It's better now, but I certainly know what you mean. As I said, I have asked her several times if she wants to go back to the way things were, and each time, it is a resounding No. I know she's in charge, I know she's driving the bus, but if I wanted to have all of the downside of submitting to an FLR, and or KH, with none of the upside, I'd be our former son in law. Not for me.