First day of the rest of his life ;)

That's awesome! Same for us! Last night we were up in bed at 8:30, talking, connecting, back rubs, playing around, whatever we feel like. No pressure, every night we are relaxed, more in our bodies, and playful. This is expanding out into other parts of the day as well. Where we used to be stressed by work, busy with things that don't matter, etc.

I have totally become this way as well. It's taken a lot of mental fortitude to get used to the frustration and feeling like I need attention or release. But instead focus that on her and really dig into making her feel good. And seeking out that authenticity of desire from her and mine for her. Don't do something for me just because you feel obligated to make me happy. Do it because it's what you want to do it. And do what you want. And teasing and denial is a valid thing. Push me. Push me to focus more on you, to be a stronger and better man. Drive my sexual frustration (and thus sexual/masculine energy) to extremes and make me up my game. I'm loving it!

It's totally not what we were specifically taught growing up...though maybe indirectly in fairy tales and movies. But really shifting our focus to understand each other and play up our masculine/feminine roles is beautiful.

 

I'm no expert on relationships or dominate and submissive relationships, so...

Are his actions for real, or is he role playing? Perhaps you need to devise a hand signal to indicate he is pushing your buttons.

If he isn't permitted to role play, that changes things. Is it all a game or for real? Is he honestly having bad day? It seems like since COVID, if not before, anxiety has been endemic?

Why do you have to reward him for being nice?

About a decade ago I told a woman in her mid twenties that she allowed her male partners to get away with too much. Later I was speaking to an older male coworker, at least 30 years older than I, and related this experience and he said he had told her the same thing.

Women, I hear, tend to try to please their partners, and they can be to giving. I don't know how much of the "caregiver" is biologically ordained, and how much is learned.

 

Hi @Gloria88 , I think what the two of you are experiencing is likely normal given the background of how things have worked previously between the two of you in the past. There is likely to be a struggle during this shift and he'll likely have the tougher time adjusting given he's been so used to being in control.

I do not have much experience and have similar goals to seeing if our relationship could one day exchange this control in the way you've accepted to lead. And I know, it will be a struggle for me as well, but we have to give our KH's that space to lead, and adjust properly ourselves. Nothing sounds like it's too extreme and I can see why you're struggling. Continue to talk it through, but also making sure he's aware, that you recognize what he's asking for and he has to learn to accept it, even if it doesn't match what he had in his mind (assuming no boundaries,etc we're overstepped if previously discussed). I think yes, it will take time, but perhaps not as long as you think if handled properly.

 

acting-up at the end of a sentence seems kinda dumb at first pass, but I guess could be for any number or combination of reasons;

- 'wants' to be disciplined (again) & maybe actually enjoys it
- just can't help himself & just blurts stuff out in the moment (may regret it immediately / later)
- mad / upset about something completely separate & channeling it into this behaviour subconsciously
- has forgotten he's on punishment
- punishment too harsh; so railing against it, or has given-up all hope (f*ck it!)
- punishment too lenient (and not sufficiently de-incentivised / scared)
- testing boundaries (will you really add to it / double-down?) to find out where the line actually is
- trying to 'help' KH establish dominance in her own mind
- principled / obsessive on <specific topic> and will take a stand on <that thing> at all times every time & to Hell with the consequences


I don't know, people are complicated!

 

Sounds like your ah-ha moment! My wife's moment was when she finally realized and accepted this is all about HER and not me. Since then she has not hesitated at all

 

Sit down and decide what the rules are. Then make it clear there are no deviations. Agree that the rules can be reviewed monthly for the next 6 months. After that, you should have established the baseline. If he acts out, let him know you'll give him the keys back and he can start planning his exit strategy. Life is too short for this kind of drama! You want a man who is going to live up to his covenant commitment.

 

I love the scary vibe, but why bother with castration when chastity makes us so eager to please?

 

I apologize if you find this comment to forward, but if you'd like to see the "end game" of a happy couple, I suggest you search for a user called "clean living" as he and his wife pursued chastity. It seems to have worked out for them in later life.

Best of luck!

 

Any updates?

 

I agree. We need an update.