Explanation

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by BarryB, Jun 27, 2020.

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  1. BarryB
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    BarryB Member

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    Hello everyone,

    For the benefit of our long term marriage I recently suggested to my wife FLR. I told her that I want to be nicer to her and that I have read so many success stories about FLR. She responded by saying why need chastity to be nicer to me? And she has hesitations because she thinks it is conditional and artificial. That I want out is the cause for my better behavior.

    I don't recognize these points since this isn't my experience. My guess is that chastity as a form of surrender does something with your mind. There could also be hormonal influences. Is there someone here who could shed some light on this. Who did some research on this so that I can give a better explanation to my vanilla wife? With my thanks in advance.
     
  2. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    My situation was different than your's but my Wife & I used chastity to correct a behavior that we both felt we hurting our relationship.

    I believe your current issue is that your wife see no benefit in trying this... and by the looks of your join date.... November 4th, 2017... you have been thinking about this for a long time, and this is more of a kink/fantasy you want to try out with her...

    Just trying to shooting straight with you brother.

    I would be 100% sure if she knew your were lurking on this site since the end of 2017 it would be a hard pass for her with how you presented it to her...

    Also, she has a valid point, you shouldn't need chastity to be nicer to her...
     
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  3. BarryB
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    BarryB Member

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    Thanks for your honest reply. I agree that chastity is not necessary for me to be nice to her. Since there is big difference in sex drive between me and my wife I tend to get frustrated waiting or when she is rejecting my coming on. That is most of the times the reason behind taking it out on her.

    So since she is the love of my life I was looking for some solution for this and we have tried chastity before but now I felt it should be in a FLR setting. To give you some background info on our situation.
     
  4. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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  5. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Another site you could look at is...

    lockthecock.com

    they have a lot of articles.
     
  6. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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  7. CaramelMochaBoss
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    CaramelMochaBoss Caramel skin. Likes to be boss in bed.
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    I used to be vanilla and i did not understand bdsm at all.

    Now im domina i feel turned on by submission.

    The point im making, vanilla woman wont grasp it. She *might* warm up to the idea but it not a guarantee she will enjoy it.

    Chasity is a penis-centric activity. It translates to alot of work for the woman to put up with if she herself is not aroused by the activity.
     
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  8. CaramelMochaBoss
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    CaramelMochaBoss Caramel skin. Likes to be boss in bed.
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    A well written article can explain the experience but its not a guarantee she will like it. And people who enjoy chastity/bdsm dont necessarily need long explanations to appreciate it.

    Maybe u can ask her what she likes in bdsm and explore those things first. It will be an FLR after all.
     
  9. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    A chastity device gives her control. It is a tangible reminder of your FLR agreement.

    Control of when sex occurs, control of masturbation, control of his behavior, controlling when or if she needs to reciprocate.

    Control over not feeling guilty.

    Although a device does not guarantee control, it is almost impossible to gain control without one at the start.

    Now, for chastity to work in a FLR, you have to be willing to give up your expectations and not attach conditions and desires to the use of a chastity device. Let her learn at her own pace and develop her own form of control without undue effort.

    Are you ready?
     
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  10. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Chastity is not Femdom/FLR and Femdom/FLR is not chastity. And you can have one without the other.

    Being chaste definitely makes me feel more submissive - its a constant reminder of who controls me.

    But that ain't going to help your wife understand what you want. Yes you can do things for her, treat her like a goddess etc and you don't need to be locked for that, but with a chastity cage on, its more, a lot more. You automatically lose a lot of the macho attitudes and become more caring and considerate, its not just about the sex and kink.
     
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  11. Chazmick
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    Chazmick Active member

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    My wife isn't really very interested in keeping me caged but has commented how much nicer (mostly more affectionate) I am when locked. I feel like it's not because I want unlocked but more because she is doing this for me.

    The fact she is doing this for me makes me feel more affectionate towards her too.

    I'm sure there are deeper physiological factors too but this is my experience.
     
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  12. shannonsanders
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    shannonsanders Long term member

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    A lot of human behavior is driven by what hormones are in our bodies. We have a limited ability to manipulate our hormones. Chastity and D/s practices is one way.

    I can see your wife’s POV on this, but if you are patient and you guys try things together, she might focus on the benefits more than “why” it works.

    That being said, don’t give her reasons to think you are too dependent on it. Let her know that chastity intensifies the experience for you, but you are committed to good behavior with or without it. You don’t “need” it, it’s there to help.
     
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