Complicated start

Wish.

Patience.

Words of the day!

And every other day!

 

Here we are then, another Saturday, another day when I am allowed to talk.

I have actually already had one of my Saturday conversations, I was still driving my Wife home from a meal last night as the clock clicked past midnight, and there was one thing I had been bottling up since Wednesday.

My Wife went to a function last night with the company she works for, in a city a good hours drive from where we live. When she told me what it was for and where it was I immediately offered to drive, both so that she could drink and I would relax knowing she was OK. (She is an excellent driver, I am not belittling her skills at all! I just wanted to be with her!) She accepted the offer and through work friends found a nearby bar I could sit in and wait for her. (When we got home she remarked how 'before' I would not have offered to do this, especially as my wait was nigh on four hours long! Her obvious pleasure at this made me feel really good. The fact that she has noticed a change in my attitude goes a long way to making all of this worthwhile.)

I was really tempted to ask for a 30 minute extension of my Saturday talking rights but I decided that her rule was her rule and not to push it. But as the clock on my dash went to 00:00 out came a rant! Not aimed at her, aimed at me and a stupid book I bought.

I like researching things, looking for information, better ways of doing things, so I bought 'She Comes First', a so called thinking mans guide to cunnilingus. It showed me that I have actually been doing many of its methods purely by learning through trial and error. I am really good with my tongue, my Wife pretty much always has an orgasm that way. Or at least she did until Wednesday night. (I wrote about this a few posts ago.)

The book is a list of commands about how to do cunnilingus. You HAVE to put a hand under her bottom, She HAS to have her legs this far apart, do this lick EXACTLY ten times...STOP....... carry on and so on and so on. You basically have a checklist (it would help if you could print it off and have it next to you while you go through each edict!) After ten minutes my Wife pushed me away and asked me what the heck was I doing!?

One (selfish) reason I got so angry was I realised that because I was thinking right, do this, now do this, in a minute I have to do that, I was totally unable to enter the euphoric state I usually get giving my Wife pleasure. Another (less selfish) reason was that so was she! Gah, damn stupid book. So I promised to chuck the book and go back to what I am good at.

On a side note one of the reasons I really love Germany is I sat in a bar for four hours last night, writing and playing on my iPad, drinking the occasional green tea and treating myself to Eis & Heis, a bowl of vanilla ice cream with hot cherries. Nobody batted an eyelid. On one side of me were two women drinking alkoholfrei cocktails, on the other side a couple on a date drinking wine, lost in each others eyes. Further over was a bunch of laughing women drinking tall drinks and at the bar some friendly and obviously moderately drunk British guys having some German Bier. Where in the UK can you find a place like that? In most British pubs if you ask for a coffee it would be given with a look accusing you of being a nutter, cost you a fortune and probably be horrible. This German bar had a menu just for fruit teas!

 

Not a problem @OnTheEdge , I stand (well, sit) corrected. My data is obviously out of date.

I still want to know how good the coffee is though!

 

Well, that was an eventful night.

To say my Wife got frisky would be an understatement. I have been taken upstairs and given a right good seeing to. It is obvious now that just because she said I didn't need orgasms doesn't mean I won't be getting them. It is 02:04 in the morning and she has just literally passed out after a bit of a drinking session (me on single malt whisky and her on Cointreau.) That was followed by a very in depth chat about my fantasy about seeing her have sex with another guy, and that was followed by a very passionate session in bed.

Not only was that my first release from my Holy Trainer in 9 days, my first orgasm in 2016 (and since mid December) but she managed to break through my alcohol fuelled blood stream and some numbing cream.

On top of that she told me to go down on her after I had cum. She has never, in all of the time we have been together, asked me to go anywhere near her with my tongue after I have orgasmed in her.

I have about 4 1/2 hours till the dog wakes me up.

 

Aren't they! I only wrote part of what happened yesterday as well, it was such an incredible day.

She was very much the Mistress last night. She actually said 'As your Mistress I demand you take your cage off now as I am going to want to use you later.' And she wasn't joking, she really meant it. She said it with that gleam in her eye I have written about a few times in my journal.

Saturday. The day where I am allowed to talk about Chastity and all of its linked developments. We took our dog for a damp and soggy walk, and we talked more about the week that was. My Wife has not had a chance to read our communication book. She has promised to though, so although that was one of my chosen topics there was little point discussing it until she has read it. I did tell her that I was going to offer her another Saturday in which I don't speak about Chastity as she enjoyed the recent period during my forfeit, but to do that I would need her to use the book as it would be the only way I could let her know of any serious issues.

We also discussed further the events of last week, when she had said that I don't need orgasms any more. She made her position clear that although I did not need them any more she might still demand that I have one, I just would not know. It was a fabulous conversation and I ensured her that if she did decide I was never to cum again I would do my best to follow her lead, but I would also only be able to achieve it if I wasn't denied access to her own pleasures.

The whole day was just really nice, spending time together and being in love. She took me upstairs after we got back from the gym and let me have a shower with her, nearly making me collapse in the cubicle again as she is getting so good at playing with my bottom. She demanded (not harshly, just playfully firmly) a body massage and a cunnilingus session to prove I hadn't forgotten how to do it after last Wednesdays events. I hadn't! I tried to let her calm down and start again, to see if I could give her a second orgasm, but she just isn't wired that way. She was too sensitive everywhere, even her thighs now felt my face was too much against them let alone where I was licking.

Then she decided to get squiffy in the evening, and decided I had to as well. She released me from my Holy Trainer and demanded I have a drink. We both know, from years of experience, that a few drinks are the best delay solution for me ever. I always get erect, but very rarely manage to orgasm after I have had a beer or two, or some spirits. The other thing that happens to my Wife after she drinks is she gets super honest. Her inhibition filters turn off and she can really let rip. I am pleased to say that all of my efforts recently have not gone unnoticed and her feelings for me are strong and unwavering.

As I mentioned we had a long chat about her sexual morals, how they have stopped her ever having sex with someone else. Several very interesting things came out of this conversation. One, I was able to prove to her how much it turned me on. I was telling her about how she used to flirt with a guy years ago and how it used to turn me on. While I was telling her this I got a highly aroused erection. Although I have told her about other things she has done that have fuelled this fantasy I had never told her about this guy. She was open and honest about the events and explained how she had been realy tempted, but to her she had committed herself to me, under the eyes of God and couldn't stay with me if she had an affair.

That was the point at which we discovered how very different our attitudes were towards her having extra-marital sex. I explained that what I was talking about was very much not about her having an affair. That would happen behind my back and would involve an emotional attachment between her and a lover. I still would not want her to leave me though, even though the guilt is what would make her go. All I am talking about is two people having sex with my full knowledge. I explained again how I am terrified that I would be replaced, I am not into cuckoldry at all. But how daft would it be if she did have sex, or had in the past have sex, with someone else, and then for her to leave me even though her doing that would turn me on so much and I wouldn't want her to?

We discussed in detail each of the situations where she was tempted. A few I had forgotten about over the years, but she remembered all of them. It shows how deeply rooted this feeling is in her, and I am not going to try and push her to change, it wouldn't work. She knows how I feel, and that will probably stay as it is.

 

As for the sex in the evening, it was passionate, alcohol fuelled and utterly amazing. After I came the feelings inside me were so intense I actually started weeping while still laying on her, while she caressed my face, neck and back. The alcohol and mild numbing cream I had used delayed me for a good while, but in the end weren't strong enough to stop me going over the edge. Ironically my Wife had drunk too much alcohol to follow me over as well, but she had a damn good time. If she gets over her hangover today I will suggest we have another go, while I am still unlocked, purely for her own pleasure of course

Don't drink kids, it seems like a good idea at the time, but the next day is always messy.

 

No extras today. My Wife is still feeling fragile. We did go for our Sunday swim but that has been our only out of the house excursion today. I am having a nice hot bath before shaving my bits and being locked up again. 24 hours out of my Holy Trainer has been both nice and a bit weird.

 

I am now getting into the rhythm of my Wife's desires and needs. I was struggling as during the working week She almost denies Herself any pleasure and Her reason (I have work tomorrow) made no sense and made me so annoyed/frustrated/angry. But, as we keep telling ourselves, this is all about Her, and slowly and surely I am beginning to get the hang of this.

During the week She likes foot rubs, for me to apply face masks for Her, for me to sit with Her and be quiet, to watch tv in the evening and to go to bed with a cuddle. At the weekend She lets Herself go a bit more, and although we are generally busy She always tries to make time for intimacy at some point. Her love for me is growing, visibly, as She is getting used to me being in Her life full time.

I have to remember that for over four of the last five years we were in different countries and only saw each other at the occasional weekend and during holidays. When we did get together we knew that it was for a limited time so things were never 'normal'. Now we are together full time, getting used to being in each others lives week through week, and while our relationship perhaps cannot be described as 'normal' it is improving so very much.

If I read back through my journal I can find posts in which I am obviously struggling with this weekly flow of denial. I think (ohh please let it be true) that I am now getting more trusting that my Wife is not about to give up on me, to become happy with no physical contact between us. I really hope so as this was my major struggle.

Because again, as has been so often the case since I moved to Germany, we just had an amazing, lovely, incredible weekend together. I realise that a week after She said that I didn't need orgasms any more She let me have one, but this goes to show the difference between what She said, and what I heard. She said I didn't need orgasms any more. She didn't say I wouldn't be getting them any more. She is not going to tell me how long the periods of denial will be, partly because She does not know Herself, and does not like setting limits that limit Her as well as me.

I asked Her last night why She does not ruin my orgasms occasionally so that She can then use me for Her own pleasure without worrying about whether or not I am going to cum. For some people they can stop mid session to allow the male to relax, return from the brink, but for my Wife this does not work. If we paused like this She would also not be able to carry on afterwards towards Her own orgasm. It is just the way She is, so a ruined orgasm would work better for us.

Her response to my question was She is a person who is spontaneous, She rarely knows when She is going to want to make love until it hits Her, and then She wants it, right then. Having to ruin my orgasm first would remove that spontaneity. The only answer would be for me to have ruined orgasms as a regular occurrence, just in case, but that again is very much up to Her. I get the feeling She is not ready to start administering such a controlling measure as ruined orgasms.

However we move forward I want it to continue. If it was up to me I would now not be allowed to have an orgasm until at least March, as the six week denial phase seems to work best for me. It takes about three weeks for the sexual pressure to ramp up to an appreciable level, and after five I am beginning to get to the phase where even a finger down my back is enough to make me tremble with desire. I have not yet got to a point where I start begging for some kind of release, I do not know how long that would take.

But as I have said this is about Her, not me. So we will have to see what She desires.

 

I have just been out on a long walk with my doggie, (surprisingly mild out today in NW Germany!) and I do a lot of thinking out on these walks. My doggie is an excellent listener, apart from when he taunts me mid sentence and starts to lick his balls.

Anyway, I was thinking more on what I wrote in my previous post. It occurred to me that it was very easy to write all of that two days post my most recent orgasm. It will be interesting to see how I feel in a month, or two months time if I still have not had another orgasm.

It also occurred to me that by the end of 2016 I will know exactly how many orgasms I have had and that every one I get will be far more precious than any I ever had before.

 

Another great evening.

I had dinner ready for my Wife as soon as she walked through the door. We are still eating as healthily as possible and one way to stop snacking is to have your main meal at a sensible time. I have now got down to 101.1kg, a loss of 6.15kg since 4 jan, so I am inching my way towards my first target of 100kg.

Then the gym for an hour. Then the daily admin, then the episode of NCIS. And then the shower. And then She said Give me a Massage. So I did. She didn't stop me when I started massaging and blowing on her bottom, so I carried on pleasing her. I got to feel the incredible sensation of my Wife having an orgasm around my finger. It rippled around it and was so strong a grip I wouldn't have been able to get it out had I wanted to.

After that my Wife locked me back up in my Holy Trainer. She had let me out Saturday evening so I could be used for her pleasure fully, and I had a patch of dry skin. She made the decision to give me a few days of trust before locking me up again. It actually felt weird having my penis wobbling around in my underpants so it is actually nice to be feeling contained and removed again. I was surprised She let me pleasure her unlocked like that as before chastity She would have thought I would want reciprocation. It would appear that She is cured of that worry, so mission accomplished on that point. Anyway, She had a good giggle at how much my penis was dribbling when She had finished with me!

 

My Wife had a really intense dream last night about me having an affair with a curly haired blonde woman. She described how intense the dream was, and how She was calm and resigned to the fact that I was leaving her.

It is strange how our subconscious gets into our dreams. My Wife didn't take the dream seriously, there is no way I would leave her for someone else and She knows that. So where did the dream come from? Is it linked to the really in depth conversation we had on Saturday night about my fantasies? One of the topics we discussed was how my Wife thinks of having sex with someone else as having an affair, and I said I totally disagreed. Having sex behind the partners back and building an emotional attachment to someone else is an affair. Just having sex with the full knowledge and permission of the partner, even if there is an emotional attachment, is not in my opinion an affair.

And anyway, my fantasy is not about me having sex with another woman, it is totally about her getting pleasure with another man. If anything one of my fantasies is for my Wife to have sex with a man whose wife is teasing me while we watch it happen.

In fact I have a good mind to write down my fantasy and post it to the fiction area of the mansion.

 

I don't quite know what to say.

My Wife, the woman who over the past two months has rarely sought any pleasure from me during the week, has now done exactly that last night and tonight! It got to 9 o'clock and she looked at me and with a smile asked me if I was coming up to go to bed. I didn't have to be asked twice!

Apparently I had been a good boy as her dinner was ready for her as soon as she walked through the door both days.

Needless to say I have gone to bed very happy

 

This is how I became a (insert fantasy type here) honest, its the truth, I kid you not!

Gah, why? Why make up so much rubbish? If the story reads like fiction it probably is fiction. I would actually love to read something about somebody who really was a cuckold and how they really truly feel, not some made up bs. I want to try and get my head around the differences between being cuckolded and just seeing your Wife or partner with another man? How do you cope with the emotions, what happens at 3am when your Wife is out on a date with a lover? Can you sleep? Does it change the way you see each other? How many relationships survive that sort of thing? Was it something present when you first got together?

If what you are writing is made up, put it in the damn fiction area. I would respect someone a lot more if they admitted that they were really into the idea of this stuff but were self locked and wishing that their life was a bit closer to their fantasies.

The best thing to come out of being a member of the Mansion is the realisation that I am not some kind of freak, that there are plenty of guys living in chastity, that many of the issues I have had they too have had. I really wish my Wife would join, so She could talk to some of the other Mistresses and get the same kind of support.

 

Another lovely day.

It didn't start well though. My Wife had asked me to wake her up at 09:30 and she decided to start the day with me giving her a back massage with benefits. When I got to the end game, of licking her to an orgasm, I hadn't trimmed my mustache and it scratched her pussy so bad she pushed me off and that was that! I had shaved to stop my face scratching her thighs but forgot to do my beard and mustache. Oh well. She forgave me quicker than I forgave myself.

Anyway we had a quiet day together. We walked the dog and talked about stuff in general and also chastity (It's Saturday! yay!) and I told her I had come to the point where I think I want to do this for good. I cannot imagine not being in a chastity device and don't want to stop being in her control. She was a bit shocked at first, but is happy with it.

A trip to the gym where we discovered that she has lost 3kg, or half a stone, simply by eating the same calorie controlled diet as I have. Nothing faddy at all, just counting what goes in and regularly exercising. I found out that I am 0.1kg away from my first target of 100kg, so I am super chuffed. (English for well happy.) that is 7.15kg that I have lost since Jan 4.

This evening we discussed more about Chastity. She surprised me a bit by telling me she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to be doing. If you have read this journal you will probably understand why this surprised me, as she certainly seems to be having fun. I told her that I was very happy with what She was doing and that I didn't expect her to turn into a raving sex maniac. Her 'job' is to relax, have fun, be my Keyholder, decide when and how I have an orgasm and tell me what she wants me to do.

We talked about how happy we are now we have formally acknowledged our positions and roles in our relationship. I told her how I feel and really enjoyed the way she told me to do simple tasks for her, and how She did unexpected things like the moderate feminization. I wear leggings around the house all the time now and she agreed that I need some subtle blouses and things to wear as well.

So we spent a really nice hour going through a catalogue of women's clothing that show how serious she is about this side of our journey. We aren't talking cheap clothes, these were £60 blouses, £45 trousers and even more expensive dresses. I know feminization isn't for everyone but the fact that this is definitely coming from her and not me really turns me on. She has even found a pair of PVC trousers that She wants me to wear out! Not fetish trousers, this was an ordinary, vanilla catalogue. I love the idea of sitting in a German bar with her while I am wearing them.

So I'm not being milked, getting pegged or being tied to the bed and teased until I am going crazy. It is all much gentler than that. But the most important thing is we are both very happy.

 

An interesting weekend. My Wife and I spoke yesterday about the fact that she is not sure what her 'job' is with the Male Chastity lifestyle and today it became apparent that she is not fully ok with the idea of denial. She is totally ok with denying me if I am using my tongue, but if we make love then she wants me to cum.

For the longest time it was me struggling with the concepts and requirements that would make this relationship shift work, and now it appears my Wife has some adjustments to make.

I was really pleased my Wife took me upstairs, teased me in the shower and then asked for a massage. I had been released from my device all day so I had the rare treat of an uncaged erection (which felt pretty weird, I have to say!) when she told me to make love to her I jumped at the chance and jumped her (sorry, I couldn't resist that!) I concentrated hard to please her so when she came I was close, but not close enough, which was fine by me. It is only a week since my last orgasm and I had no desire to actually have one.

The problem is my Wife was disappointed. When we have sex she likes me to cum. She said that she didn't like feeling like she was using me for her own pleasure. I told her that she was doing it by mutual consent, I actually want her to use me, please! I reminded her that I only get to the state of joining in with her orgasms after about three weeks of denial, so to cum after a week is actually a bit of a punishment.

So I have been thinking how can I convince her that she hasn't been cruel to me, in fact I want her to be cruel to me. Well, not cruel, just deny me an orgasm for an extended period of time without denying herself. She is the one who thinks it is cruel, not me.

In a nice case of synchronicity @Caged Wolf wrote his own journal earlier and covered his exact reasons for thinking exactly the same thing! So I handed my iPad to my Wife and asked her to read it. I can see we are going to have to discuss this a bit more as I think she is uncomfortable with the idea.

I am going to ask her how would she feel denying me an orgasm until my birthday, which is in May. It would be 14 weeks, just over double what I have lasted until now. I absolutely don't want her to deny herself anything, if anything I want her to demand that I do more. I want her to see exactly how I respond to such an extended period and see if she likes it. If I cannot convince her that I enjoy being denied for that long, and cannot keep her interested in denying me then I would have to please her in he way that she demands, as that is what this is all about anyway.

I would hope that I can convince her, as I am already sure that is what I want. If I do convince her then I am going to ask to be kept denied for the rest of the year, as that would again double the period of denial to seven months. I am concerned that this is influencing her in a way that I possibly shouldn't, but I don't know how else to help her get over this feeling that she is being cruel.

 

It is funny @wishful - you are not the only one who says my story is fast moving, but to me it feels like things are developing soooo slowly!

I have got used to it now, and actively look forward to weekends when I get to have more fun times with my Wife. If she is in the mood during the week I take that as an added bonus, but I certainly don't expect it.

 

I just wrote an email to my Wife. It is a bit naughty as it is very close to crossing the line of breaking her no talking apart from on a Saturday rule. But, in my defence, She did say last night about our communication book that she doesn't have to read any more than she wants to, so I should be OK. And anyway we are away on a business trip back to England next weekend, so I won't be able to talk until the Saturday after, and I didn't want to leave what I wanted to say that long.

Hi darling.

Another wonderful weekend. This is becoming a habit! And a lovely one at that.

I found our discussions about Our Arrangement very enlightening. I have been asking since we started if you had any questions for me and so far you haven't. I will always want to know how you feel about it as I am completely aware that if you are not finding it fun then you will not want to continue, so hopefully you will not get fed up with me asking that question regularly!

Anyway it was obvious from two conversations we had that you are having some issues. What is interesting to me is that right now I am in a really good place after weeks of having a hard time adjusting to the changes. I am now loving going at your pace as it draws out all sorts of denial for me, and it is also obvious that you are relaxed and enjoying yourself.

So, the first question was about your 'job' in all of this. The answer is simple. Do whatever you are comfortable with and have fun. Don't feel like you have to do anything to please me if you don't want to. If you want to do something a bit outrageous we can discuss it first or you can just do it and see how I react. I am open to anything you want to try. If you think it is potentially something I won't like we can discuss a safe word. I like the traffic light system of green, amber and red. If I like I can shout green, if I am getting a bit wary I can say amber, and if I hate then I can shout red.

The second thing was how you are uncomfortable denying me from an orgasm when we make love. I am going to write about how I feel about this in our communication book but I wanted you to read this.

http://onlyshecums.tumblr.com/post/138463595197/coin-flip-log

I follow the Only She Cums Tumblr blog primarily for their own content, not the chastity themed porn. This is an example of the wonderful blog posts the woman writes. It totally turns me on. The idea of having to earn an orgasm is something I could totally go for, and you would never have to be concerned about 'using' me for your own pleasure. I want you to do that, so very much.

Obviously my second point collides with the first. If you are ultimately unable to get comfortable doing the second thing, deny me and not worry about using me, then you cannot do it. I just want you to know that since starting and developing Our Arrangement I have never been happier with our sex life. It goes above and beyond anything we have had together. Apart from when we were on our Australia holiday! (That was fun, I was exhausted when we got back. Remember Dunk Island!!!) But that was 22 years ago, so this is a very honourable second place.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am really really really happy. I love you so much you could make me go a year without an orgasm if you wanted to.

Have I told you that I love you?

I love you.

Jas​

 

After the arguments of the previous night we had a really nice evening last night. That said my Wife did 'punish' me for being so grumpy and having a rant, when we had a shower together she told me off and didn't give my bottom a wash, which she knows I really like (it is the most intimate touching I get from her these days, so I do crave the chance of her doing it.)

Anyway, in a change to our normal routine my Wife decided that after the shower she would watch me epilate my legs rather than do it for me. I think she found it quite a turn on to make me do it for her, as the entire removal of my leg hairs is the most submissive thing I do for her. I love the feeling of being totally hers that it brings. She couldn't last though, and told me that she wanted me to lie on my front while she did the backs of my legs. For me I preferred it when she did it, as I like removing my hairs for her so much I didn't actually feel submissive doing it while she watched. I very quickly did when she did it for me though.

After that she let me massage her back before moving on to her most recent orgasm, and first for February.

As for the rest of the week and weekend we are both going on a business trip together. As I am not working at the moment my Wife has decided to take me with her. I am not sure if she is going to unlock me to go through airport security, I am torn between wanting to and not. I am not particularly worried with telling a stranger what the lump of plastic in my underwear is, but as others have said the two ways of looking at this are 1 It is unfair to force our 'kink' on someone else and 2 Airport security have seen it and done it all before. As the Holy Trainer is 99% plastic it will be interesting to see if it goes through undetected.

 

I am sat in an airport lounge after a really good weekend. I love the way you told me what you are going through @allaboutHer and yes, I am now very happy with the pace my Wife is taking things. I do have those moments where I wonder what the heck have I done but they never last for long. I also very quickly remember how 'normal' everything was BC and I have absolutely no desire to go back to that life.

You could very well be right about my Wife liking me being a bit softened up. I think she definitely likes how undemanding I have become for my own sexual release, compared to how giving.